about trust again.
Is trust confidence in me, confidence in you, or confidence in both of us?
Some say trust is entirely internal, and only confidence is observable. If I trust in myself, then I can trust in the world. I trust the person who stated that fact in Wikipedia. Or is it the person who edited the fact to read correctly?
Trust is influence. People who trust are easily persuaded. People who don’t trust don’t listen long enough to hear the argument.
Do I trust because I agree? Maybe.
Do I agree because I trust? I don’t think so.
My dad used to say, Only believe half of what you see and none of what you hear.”
Do I trust you because I know you? I think so.
Do I know you because I trust you? That seems so too.
If I don’t trust me, can I trust you?
It’s an interesting thought.
Liz, it’s always a great topic when we deal with internet relationships. The normal cues we use in face to face interactions are not available. We are all still learning the signs and cues of this new means of communicating.
In the end, I tend to trust someone if they consistently do what they say.
Todd,
I’m learning. Consistency is a great sorter for me too. But sometimes it’s not enough.
I think I’ll be writing tonight. 🙂
Interesting thought, Liz!
I’d say that if I don’t trust myself, some people will see through it. It took quite a while before I was confident enough in my new line of work before I was comfortable to answer the stinking phone. I did everything I could to have a couple of exchanges by e-mail first to build my confidence in the situation first.
Now that I think about your query, I think that was a wise, albeit sub-conscious, choice I was making during that period of confidence building.
Thanks for making me think!
Hi Jesse,
Confidence does telegraph itself, doesn’t it? My belief in my own ability lets folks know that I’ve had some previous success and that I keep promises to myself. It’s hard to fake quality, competence, and integrity.
You’ve earned every minute of your confidence. Bravo!
Why do people trust you? Why do people trust others? What’s at the core of trust? What drives it? What causes it?
I believe one gains trust based on keeping their word. Let’s face it, words are extremely powerful. And we all know people who misuse and abuse words. Words connect. Words divide. Words harm. Words heal. Words not backed by behavior become meaningless.
We say people have integrity when they keep their word. Integrity comes from the root word, integer, meaning wholeness. One can’t have integrity and be fractured in personality, split from the real and unreal. A person with integrity is in touch with who they are and allows people to see their wholeness. We trust the words of people with integrity.
If you don’t trust yourself, could it be because you don’t trust your own words? Could it be because you don’t believe in yourself and your words? Could it be because you’re not in touch with yourself yet? Could it be that your self awareness is low and you don’t realize the affect of your actions on others?
If you don’t trust yourself, I doubt you’ll ever trust another person.
Hi Jeff,
Keeping my word, even remembering that I gave it … those two actions seem prized some days on the Internet. I flinch when people describe themselves as ADD. I think it’s too easy to promise something now and get distracted. I know I’ve done it. I suppose everyone has. I’m working hard to stop that.
Making fewer promises to other and to myself has built my confidence and my integrity. From that I’ve gained trust in thinking I am who I say I am. That makes it so much easier to stand before others and trust that they see me.
Great points you make here. Wonder what we can do to help folks trust themselves more?
Liz, I’m slow getting back to you (comment #2). You’re right, there is no fail-safe way to tell if someone is trustworthy – even consistency is not a perfect judge. I guess that’s why we have to keep coming back to trusting ourselves. I agree with you in #6… making fewer promises but keeping the ones I make has given me confidence too.
Yeah, Todd,
I’m learning that the more I make promises to myself and keep them, the more I know how to judge other folks’ veracity. My confidence in myself also seems to telegraph to others that I’m trustworthy.
I’m sticking to being what I want to see.
Liz, it sure sounds healthy and clear to me! 🙂
Todd,
More and more, I’m thinking confidence and trust are inseperable.
hmm… seems to make sense.