Connecting Dots with The Idea Dude
I started this week’s column with one blinking dot… actually it was my cursor. It was waiting impatiently for me to connect this week’s dots. The blinking dot could have also been my heart, thumping in anticipation of what is to come.
Sara, over at Frugal Village would understand this, she inspired the analogy. I read her wonderful post about filling the blank page because the only reward she really wanted was to know that her voice, her one single thought could reach a total stranger. She said, I want to reach through the page and continually say I believe in you, you’re not alone, and everything will be OK.
It reminded me of JJ, who describes herself as having an addiction to blogging. She shared her joy this week. She found her voice after searching many years. The people at this party are the coolest ever! she exclaims. She comments wherever she stops because it feels good when people do that on her blog and she wanted to help others know they are not alone.
Two dots, two voices, two hearts.
Speaking of hearts . . .
Speaking of hearts, there is none larger that the one that belongs to my friend, Mike Sansone. The bear hug he gave me at SOBcon07 still lingers. Mike has been ill recently. The first thing he did on his blog was to create the biggest heart I have ever seen made up of all the logos of bloggers who wished him well throughout his adventure. To describe Mike best is to tell you what he wrote to accompany his post. . . Got better sooner, thanks to you.
What better place to speak of hearts, right here on Liz’s blog because she taught us all to never forget to connect our hearts to our heads.
And what did all this mean to me? I’m humbled… even after leading many companies and teams in my career, this master has become the apprentice.
I am thankful. And why not? Karin would tell you from her own experience, teaching and learning is the two way traffic of life. Joanna reminds us, we don’t need grammar books to write. All you need to do is identify the things you consistently do that might make you look dumb — then take responsibility for working out how to change them.
May the dots be with you!
Vern, The Idea Dude
Connecting dots at TheGoodBlogs
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Connecting Dots
Liz, what a wonderful drawing in of community you fixed for today’s “banquet.” I am very humbled,as you are, when folks connect, listen to what’s on our heart, share their hearts and become new friends. If a blog is merely an article, it does not have the real “drawing in” capacity that includes our hearts as well. 🙂
Hi Robyn,
Yeah Vern really is wonderful at finding and connecting all of us. We’re lucky to have this special out look on a conversation here. Too cool.
You’re so a part of who we are. 🙂
Best wishes to Mike for a quick recovery!
Vern, I haven’t officially said hello, so a huge ‘hello’ and welcome! Thank you for connecting the dots for us.
Liz, I’m enjoying the new connections you and Vern make possible — and easier — as I get my new ‘blog feet’ wet… Thanks for Making It Happen. 😉
Robyn, I couldn’t find the words, and you put them out there, oh, so eloquently. Nuff said.
Hi Marti!
Aren’t you just the lovely one to always be thinking of others?!! 🙂
Dar!
It’s so wonderful watching you get your “blog feet” as you call them. You’re like a flower!
Hello Dar! For me this is the best part of my week. The sum of the dots is truly greater than the whole.
Marti, thanks for you well-wishes to Mike.
Robyn, I love the idea that it’s a banquet! A terrific analogy.
Liz truly unlocked another avenue for me. I’m so thrilled to participate.
I really liked the article from Sara. Very well written and making more good points. Although my budget says I should be more frugal that is probably one thing that won’t happen, but I am still going to check the rest of the site when I find the time.
As for the article from JJ do I hesitantly have to say that this was too personal or private for me, but perhaps is it because I am used to reading in an analytical manner and have a tendency to become uncomfortable when people reveal too much about their own feelings.
For someone who reads Liz’ blog with great pleasure (although it almost also becomes too much sometimes) am I probably still too much of a head person and too little a heart person. Still I really feel that particularly Americans have a tendency to overdo it when it comes to expressing their feelings and using big words.
Do we really have to know everything people feel and what are we supposed to do with it?
When I visited the US many moons ago was I baffled as I saw my first Greeter. Her stood this elderly gentleman who asked me how I was doing and rolled out a cart for me. My reaction was to stare at him for a few seconds until I realized that all he wanted was a “fine” so he could get on with things.
Thinking about it afterwards did I come to two conclusions. Firstly does it strike me as a brilliant idea to employ elderly people in jobs that they can handle and where they fulfill a role they can be proud of. Secondly won’t that ever happen anywhere else I think. Try implementing this in Europe and the customers will agree the supermarket management finally lost it. We can grab our cart ourselves thank you and we certainly don’t need anyone who don’t want to know asking how we are.
Come to think of it did practically every American I met ask me how I was and dumb as I was I actually thought they wanted to know. The first couple of times. I guess I got used to it after some weeks, but as still remember it that is probably not quite true.
I don’t get it. Why do some people ask complete strangers questions when they don’t want an answer and why do some insist on pouring their heart out to the same complete strangers who probably don’t want to know either.
Liz, you know where I am coming from or at least I think you do. I am not putting anyone down – just trying to understand. I can’t help wondering if that is even possible though. Sorry, Vern if this sort of derails the conversation.
Why thanks for the connections~ Much appreciated.
I happen to pour my heart out in my blog because it makes me feel good. It’s like free therapy..and I usually get wonderful and heartfelt comments from people who appreciate the honesty and reality of it…Aren’t all blogs there to pour your heart out on? Isn’t that why we do it? For another way to communicate,possibly vent and be heard…and maybe even understood.
Not all Americans ask questions that they don’t want to know the answers to. That was what my post was about…I ask questions and comment on other blogs because I actually care what people have to say. And I kind of resent the fact that I may have been bunched in with Jan’s overall perception of uncaring Americans.
I began blogging because I read wonderful Moms out there who also suffered from PPD and the loss of a mother and I felt a connection. I wanted to be connected to the women who experienced much of the same things I did…That’s why I pour my heart out in my blog…
Because there may be one woman out there suffering, and she may just bump into one of my motherless posts or a ppd rant and she may not feel so alone after that.
I know I’ve connected to women that way because they let me know how much they appreciate my honesty…
I may not be genius…But I am real and I have a heart and I feel deeply for the other people who share their ideas via the weblog.
And I will be forever grateful for that.
Hi Jan,
You didn’t derail the conversation. Connecting dots for me is like what you regard as circular communication. It is the opportunity to read and to be talked about.
Having over 2000 blogs at TheGoodBlogs, I’ve learnt not to measure what is good or not, but simply to celebrate each one. There are some that have more head than heart and vice versa. The main thing for me is that is authentic and not contrived.
I thought it was wonderful that you took time to be so comprehensive and honest.
Vern
Hi JJ,
You have a tremendous power through your blog to reach others regardless of whether they are on the same street or on different continent. It’s a beautiful voice that should never be stifled.
Vernon
Hi JJ,
I am sorry if you felt bunched in. That was not my intention. I should have split the comment up to make it clear that I changed the topic or at least the focus. It was your post being full of feelings that triggered it, but it was not about you. I would never claim that someone who I don’t know doesn’t genuinely mean what they say unless it is clear from the context of course.
As for your post I just felt like you do when you walk into a room where people are having a very personal conversation. Some may be able to just join in, but others will feel awkward and feel that they are just disturbing. I hope you see what I mean. It was not a critique of what you do or how you do it. Merely an observation about how not everyone knows how to make the most it.
There is thus no need to doubt what you do. It is clearly something you love doing and something which is giving you something in return for what you yourself give. As long as that is the case you shouldn’t let observations like mine stop you.
I just offered my honest opinion in the hope of starting a conversation and although I do think I stayed on topic without getting personal did I obviously not keep the issues adequately separated for which I apologize.
As for what I said about Americans did I never say it was all of them and I never called anyone uncaring.
The question was merely what we are supposed to do with all these feelings and how we are supposed to tell what is real and what isn’t when we come across it. The example of people asking me how I was without wanting to know was an attempt at illustrating what I meant.
Most of those I got to know was very caring indeed as we got to know each other. Only did we not always come off to a good start because of the way they greeted without meaning it. Some also went very fast from considering me a stranger to considering me a friend, which also is something less common here. Friendship does in my opinion take time to develop and is not something that happens overnight.
I guess the problem online is that you stumble into the middle of conversations, relations and communities. You do not start at the beginning, but often sometimes in the middle, which obviously changes how you deal with things. And not least how you should be dealing with it.
Another point could be that it is even easier online to use big words that you wouldn’t normally use face to face as it wouldn’t feel right. Online do you sometimes feel the need to go all out to make clear what you mean. Even if that means you actually say something which you don’t mean in the exact way that you say it.
I hope that helps explain what I am trying to explore here 🙂
Hi Jan,
What you speak of is cultural and you might be surprised to know that just as the “friendliness” changes and takes on different forms in say, for example Germany, Italy, the UK, Ireland, and Australia — all places I’ve been to, there are different “friendliness” attitudes in different regions of this vast USA too. We midwesterners, as I am, are almost puppy dog friendly sometimes. You won’t find as much of that in the more traditional New England culture, as an example.
Overall, we place a value on a certain kind of “small talk” that you apparently do not. Your comment seems to imply that your way is right. That might be the problem. 🙂
I realize that my open writing can make folks feel it’s too much at times. Do you realize that your distance makes folks uncomfortable too? 🙂
Vern, I’m honoured to be listed among stories of joy and connections. I’m also glad you ‘picked’ that particular one. Your email mentioned inspiration – funny enough it was a conversation that inspired my post 😉 So connecting dots all over again.
Jan, being a ‘foreigner’ myself, a stereotyped ‘reluctant northerner’ to many here in the UK it is your own self (northerner or not, ‘reluctant’ or not) that makes the real connections. Don’t change to be more understood, just open up to the selves of others as they will open up to your self and rejoice.
Karin H. (Keep It Simple Sweetheart, specially in business)
G’morning Karin!
What wise words those are! I just said in a conversation on the telephone last night that I want lots of space to be myself so I offer the same to everyone else. 🙂
I’m learning too, Liz. I’m learning too
Karin H.
Hi Karin!
The trick seems to be in the “not doing,” not in the doing. 🙂
Ok, thanks for the advice, much appreciated!
I’ll start doing the not doing then 😉
Karin H.
Once again, Karin!
You made my morning! 🙂
🙂 (Having lunch at the moment – my Monday treat: Scottish pastry and sausage roll, nice hot from the local butcher)
On the way over to the butcher I met three other ‘business’ people – a grocer, a hairdresser and a B&B owner. Connections in smiles and little chit-chat. Great way to start an afternoon.
Karin H.
Oh Karin!
That food sounds wonderful. I’m drooling! Would you send some over in the dumbwaiter next to the comment box?
. . . a grocer, a hairdresser and a B&B owner were in a boat. The grocer said . . . 😉
On its way up!
breakfast, anyone?
Karin H.
I only wish . . . 🙂
I was not aware that my distance made people uncomfortable. Actually would I argue that it is not a distance that I bring into it, but an actual distance in time and space. We may be conversing on the page site or the same page even, but does that cut every distance short?
I am aware that I opened a can of worms and perhaps I both overdid it and didn’t make myself clear enough. I find it great that you can overcome distances, that you can feel connected and that you can open up online even if you cannot outside the Internet.
The initial point merely was that sometimes it becomes too much and that it makes some of us uncomfortable. I guess I could just have closed the site and moved on, but I wanted to give my input as well.
I don’t see whats wrong with thinking something is too much sometimes though. I am sure you feel the same about other things. It was also a try at getting a discussion going about whether the closeness is real or if the same distance and solitude is there again as soon as you turn off the computer.
Perhaps I tried too much or perhaps it doesn’t make sense or even matter. Excuse me for trying to bring it up. As or my distance am I still wondering what you mean. Is it what I say or how I say it?
Hi Jan,
That’s just it. 🙂
There’s not a thing wrong with thinking something is too much. You know what’s right for you. I’m just hoping you understand that some of us need more and there’s an opposite side to every coin. 🙂
Jan, Isn’t that why dialog is important? we see each other more clearly and maybe even understand ourselves a little bit more.
I think you’re agreeing with the beauty of sharing through blogs but perhaps you’re uncomfortable with the level of intimacy or emotional intensity of some blogs.
It took a long time for me to put my face on my blog and when I did, I wondered why I took so long.
Vern
Actually it was not so much the sides of the coin that interested me. It was what separates them.
In essence what I was trying to get at was, now that I am finally sorting my thoughts properly, that conversations are ongoing and communities already exist when you drop into them and this causes problems sometimes.
It was actually as simple as that I think. You and I may come from separate side of the coin, but we have still managed to find each other on more occasions I think. If however the sides are too far apart I find it hard to bridge the two.
That my personal experience was that bridging my side and that which is full of openly expressed deep emotions may say more about me than about anyone else, but I am sure you appreciate what I mean nonetheless.
Jan,
That’s what’s great around here. We appreciate your thoughts even when they’re not the same as ours. We want you here when you want to come. 🙂
Vern, that is true and hence did I not think twice about posting here about it because I knew that although things might derail somewhat it would never be taken the wrong way.
Liz can attest to my hesitance about revealing myself in other ways that in my writing that isn’t very personal either although I pretty write as I think and speak.
I finally wrote a little something about myself as Valeria Maltoni convinced me to, but not much and the picture is still under consideration although more people have said I really should put one up.
Starting to wonder why I keep something back is probably the first step towards a more whole online self I guess 🙂