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The Mic Is On: Ahoy! It's Pirate Night!!

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It’s Like Open Mic Only Different

The Mic Is On

Here’s how it works.

It’s like any rambling conversation. Don’t try to read it all. Jump in whenever you get here. Just go to the end and start talking. EVERYONE is WELCOME.
The rules are simple — be nice.

There are always first timers and new things to talk about. It’s sort of half “Cheers” part “Friends” and part video game. You don’t know how much fun it is until you try it.

We’re talking about Captain Hook, Bluebeard, Swashbucklers, and the rest. Playing pirates is always my favorite Tuesday Night Open Comments.

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Tonight it’s about playing pirates like we did when we were kids:

  • pirate ships
  • jolly roger
  • pirate treasure
  • Captain Hook

And, we’ll talk about whatever else comes up, including THE EVER POPULAR, Basil the code-writing donkey . . . and flamenco dancing (because we always get off topic, anyway.)

Oh, and bring links about pirates to share!

Many of Liz’s pirate jokes tonight came from Pirate Jokes

–ME “Liz” Strauss

Related article
What is Tuesday Open Comment Night?

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Comments

  21. So, there’s this pirate ship in the midst of a long voyage. The men have grown terribly bored. A pirate amongst them happens to know a bunch of magic tricks, and he decides to put on a magic show. His parrot, however, is quite gossipy and can’t keep it’s mouth shut.

    The pirate begins his first trick, and tha parrot gives it away by saying “rawwk, the coin is in the other hand, rawwk!”

    Frustrated, the pirate tries another trick, but again, the parrot gives it away by blurting out “rawwk, look under the table, rawwk!”

    This goes on for some time, to a point that the pirate can’t manage to perform anything spectacular to entertain the crew. His anger towards his blabbermouth parrot eventually grows so phenomenal that one night he gets very drunk and accidentally crashes the ship into some rocks.

    Sobering up the next morning, he finds himself adrift on some wreckage. The parrot, ever the attentive sidekick, happens to land next to him looking quite puzzled. It says to him:

    “Rawwk, Okay, I give up, What’d ya do with the boat?”

    Reply

  38. A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. While he is waiting for it he spots a pirate sitting in the corner of the bar. The pirate has two wooden arms and two wooden legs. Naturally curious, the man gets his drink, walks over to the pirate and asks, “Excuse me sir, I hope you don’t mind but I couldn’t help noticing that you have two wooden arms and two wooden legs. You must have been involved in some fierce sea battles?”

    The pirate looked up, paused and said, “Arrrr no… me father was a tree!”

    Reply

  43. A pirate and his parrot, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a valiant battle. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, the pirate stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a Genie came forth. This particular Genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving any thought to the matter the pirate blurted out, “Make the entire ocean into rum!” The Genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest rum ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the Genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of rum on the hull broke the stillness as the two considered their circumstances

    The parrot looked disgustedly at the pirate and after a tension-filled moment spoke: “Now yee’ve done it!! Now we’re goon to have to pee in the boat!”

    Reply

  45. So this pirate walks into a bar and sits next to a drunken wench.

    The wench looks him over and says, “Nice pirate outfit. Where’d you get your earrings?”

    The pirate says, “Arr, I bought one from the dollar store on the other side of town and I got the other from the dollar store across the street.”

    So the wench exclaims, “Wow! Not bad for a buck-an-ear!”

    Reply

  54. A pirate was standing on the crow’s nest and then he slipped and fell. He fell through the first floor, then he fell through the second floor, then he fell through the third floor and hit the bottom floor of the ship!

    The first mate comes up to him and asks “Are ye all right matey?”

    The pirate replies, “Arrr, yes… I’ve been through hardship before!”

    Reply

  55. A little boy is dressed as a pirate captain for Halloween. He knocks on the door of a house and a lady answers.

    She says “Well, well little boy, what are you supposed to be?”

    He says “I am a pirate captain”.

    She says “Well–where are your buccaneers?”

    He says “Right here under my buckin’ hat.”

    Reply

  71. Many years ago, when my children ere young and I had more energy *grin* I sewed matching pirate costumes for the entire family. I was a PTA mom running a booth at the Halloween carnival, and we got so many compliments – it was really cool!

    Reply

  91. On January 14, 2009, seven sea sailin’ Cap’n Billy the Butcher said:
    Top 10 things overheard at the dinner table that show your child is quickly becoming a pirate

    (10) “You can flog me, but I’m not eating creamed spinach.”

    (9) “I’ve buried me treasure in the mashed potatoes.”

    (8) “I’ll need another ration of grog if you expect me to eat these peas.”

    (7) “Your tuna noodle casserole would be perfect to fill cracks in the deck.”

    (6) “This chicken tastes like the parrot I was forced to eat after being marooned on an island for 30 days.”

    (5) “I wouldn’t serve brussel sprouts to even the prisoners in the brig.”

    (4) “If I eat all my food, can I plunder the neighbors before I go to bed?”

    (3) “This burger is fatty enough to grease a mast.”

    (2) “Too many vegetables – too little shark.”

    (1) “What did they do with the last cook’s body after he was hung from the yardarm?”

    Reply

  96. About the eye patch —

    A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!”
    “What do you mean?” the pirate replies, “I’m fine.”
    The bartender says, “But what about that wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”
    “Well,” says the pirate, “We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I’m fine, really.”
    “Yeah,” says the bartender, “But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands.”
    “Well,” says the pirate, “We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really.”
    “Oh,” says the bartender, “What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes.”
    “Well,” says the pirate, “One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye.”
    “So?” replied the bartender, “what happened? You couldn’t have lost an eye just from some bird shit!”
    “Well,” says the pirate, “I really wasn’t used to the hook yet.”

    Reply

  104. Oh my! If I laugh any more my sides will split!

    I have so much to catch up on, I better walk the plank myself. Delightful conversation – thank you all!

    Liz, delightfully entertaining as always! I raise my cup o’ grog to all!

    Good night and God bless.

    Reply

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