It’s Like Open Mic Only Different
Here’s how it works.
It’s like any rambling conversation. Don’t try to read it all. Jump in whenever you get here. Just go to the end and start talking. EVERYONE is WELCOME.
The rules are simple — be nice.
There are always first timers and new things to talk about. It’s sort of half “Cheers” part “Friends” and part video game. You don’t know how much fun it is until you try it.
GUEST HOST: AUTHOR BARRY MOLTZ on FAILURE
Tonight at Open Comments, Barry J. Moltz, author of Bounce!: Failure, Resiliency, and Confidence to Achieve Your Next Great Success, is our host. Join us as we discuss how to achieve true business confidence by letting go of both your failures and successes. It’s time to …
- Stop letting our egos brag about our successes.
- Honor our failures.
- See failure as an ingredient in success.
- Let go of the fear.
And, whatever else comes up, including THE EVER POPULAR, Basil the code-writing donkey . . . and flamenco dancing (because we always get off topic, anyway.)
Oh, and bring example links.
–ME “Liz” Strauss
image: sxc.hu
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What is Tuesday Open Comment Night?
Lot of failure out there lately. We hear it all around us from the media. Does it weigh you down?
I’ve almost given up on the media. I don’t find reading about a failure from an outside point of view to be very informative. I like personal accounts of such things. They seem rounder to me.
Is failure a prerequisite for success? Do we always learn something from failure or does it just stink sometimes? How do you move or bounce from failure?
@Liz agreed. And if you listen to the individual stories, they are not usually all about failure.
Good evening! Nice to meet you.
I know a LOT about failure *grin*
I actually did a lot of research about fear and failure for a book I wrote. I think it is at the root of many of our “problems” like procrastination.
Barry,
I just today that most of what I know I’ve learned from doing things wrong and the rest I’ve learned from watching the “natural talents.”
Hey Marti,
Do you know Barry?
Hey Liz (I know she’s in LV, but she always shows up 😉 )
Hey Barry,
No failure for me thank you very much, I prefer to look at it as a bump in the road to success. 😉
Liz taught me to look at the positive side of things.
Yes, I think we can learn from failure (if nothing else, we should learn what NOT to do). But it is uncomfortable and often hard to get past.
Hi Joe,
Got home to Chicago last night. 🙂
Thanks for the kudos. 🙂
I think that actually we can learn from failure sometimes but not all the time- sometimes it stinks. Sometimes looking to learn from failure actually keeps us stuck in that failure place.
@Joe it is interesting the words we have for failure. As they say, failure is never final
Yeah, Barry,
Like when a house burns down for no reason. That just stinks. Like the events of 9/11 that caused so many to lose their jobs.
@Joe I think we should not look at things positively or negatively, just realize that success and failure are both parts of the same cycle
Yup Liz, Sometimes when we fail we just need to cheer the darkness and feel sorry for ourselves….for 24 hours but then get unstuck and think about what to do next
Hey Liz, I knew you were here, I could feel the good vibrations in spite of the subject matter. 🙂
Yeah, Barry,
When I want to wallow in my bad feelings, I find that if I make an action it sure helps.
Speaking of failure, that’s why I disappeared last week, the electric company failed to keep the power on.
I had power for the lappy because it has batteries, but the inet went out because the modem is plugged into the wall. ;-(
Joe, you got to love the reliability of a monopoly. Bet that hand crank power got tiring
A lot of us don’t want to recognize when things go wrong … and so the things get worse.
Liz, that’s why I say in order to move past failure we need to set patient interim goals. Sometimes achieveing anything at all can give us a different perspective and then another chance at success
Yeah Liz, we have a hard time letting go of failure – hard to move on from a job, business or relationship. The idea of letting go is a tough one
So what would your advice be for a guy who’s looking to get more clients in this economy?
Right now I downloading Windows 7, so far I got 96% of 2.44 GB downloaded.
This would NOT be a good time for the electric monopoly to fail! 😉
Try to find one more. Find a person that has the pain you can solve and the money to solve the pain. Don’t be afraid of the no- its almost as good as a yes, it frees you to go on to the next prospect.
Joe, you are a brave soul
I mean Brave Soul!
Sorry, Barry, fixed it for you. Figured that was what you meant. 😉
Not so brave Barry, I did a FULL system backup before doing the download and still have time to think twice and thrice before I actually install it.
Caution sometimes helps keep failure at bay.
Liz,
My quick advice to the guy who’s looking for more clients in the economy:
First, remember that more people NEED help in this economy. They need “good” help. They are looking for it.
Second, You have to be there where they are looking for “good” help.
Third, You have to create an assessment in these clients that YOU can provide that “good” help.
Fourth, You should have “accumulated” lots of proof to back up your claim that you can “provide” that good help.
Fifth, If you do get a project, you should provide a service that “will blow them away” so that they go out and tell others to come and “find” you.
Have a great evening.
Best,
Raj
The wonders of WP. BTW, I had a failure wrecking my WP web site a few weeks back and BJ had to come in a rescue me!
Liz,
My quick advice to the guy who’s looking for more clients in the economy:
First, remember that more people NEED help in this economy. They need “good” help. They are looking for it.
Second, You have to be there where they are looking for “good” help.
Third, You have to create an assessment in these clients that YOU can provide that “good” help.
Fourth, You should have “accumulated” lots of proof to back up your claim that you can “provide” that good help.
Fifth, If you do get a project, you should provide a service that “will blow them away” so that they go out and tell others to come and “find” you.
Have a great evening.
Best,
Raj
Raj!!
Welcome!
Do you know Barry? Barry, do you know Raj?
Barry, Liz:
One way to “deal” with failure for me is to stretch the time horizon. In the long run, today’s failure will look like a small setback.
It is only at that instant that a particular failure looks daunting. In a career span of 40 years or so, it would be hard to imagine a path that is “straight and upward moving.”
Have a great evening.
Best,
Raj
Hey Liz. Hey Barry.
I’m good at failure. Who wants some personal tips? 😉
Hi Raj and it helps if you get a good referral so you can build on that trust- it shortens the sell cycle
Liz,
I don’t know Barry (until now that is) but would love to get to know him.
Will look up his book soon.
Thank you Liz (as always)
Best,
Raj
Welcome Amy!
sure I’m ready for a few.
Thanks Raj and will ck your site as well.
Sorry, we had a “meatball emergency” LOL (Daughter trying to help with dinner, screaming from kitchen, “MA – help!”
No Liz, I haven”t had the pleasure of meeting Barry before. (cyber-shakes hand) Very nice to meet you!
Marti, right back at you! No meatballs tonight for me, it really was meatloaf
Ok, how brave am I?
Am I afraid of failure?
That Windows 7 download is done and is giving me the “Launch” option!
**shivers with fear of failure**
Barry,
Thank you. Will send you a note soon.
Best,
Raj
Joe, this is what risk is all about- can you handle/ recover from the failure?
Joe,
On a lighter note, use a Mac and you won’t have any fear 🙂
Cheers,
Raj
Raj, this is what my teenage son keeps begging for- a Mac
Do you think the fear of failure is greater now because of all the bad news that is coming everyday? Does the bad news create more failure?
Hi everyone,
Another thing is realizing something is a failure and moving on. Also, the thing is a failure; you aren’t a failure.
I think my biggest/bestest personal tip on how to fail would be perfectionism.
Fear of starting anything new until it’s perfect.
Fear that once I finally start it, it isn’t good enough.
Fear that fixing what is only not good enough in my own mind is too draining so I should just give up.
Fear that I’ll never be as good at the other guy who’s already doing it bigger and better.
Fear that if I tell anyone what a failure I already think I am that everyone else will agree with me (because that’s probably true.)
Fear.
Should I go on? 🙂
Raj, don’t you fear, the bigger MAC gets the more likely it is to get sick (a virus).
It is only because Windows is still over 90% market share that it is attacked all the time. 😉
P.S. I don’t watch/read the news. My failure is all self-inflicted. I’m THAT kind of special. 😉
Barry,
My $.02 – any “tough” time in the economy provides an unprecedented opportunity for people who can provide “good” help as more people will need that help.
So, if one focuses on “making it happen” rather than being glued to the bad news (most often you don’t have control on it anyway) they can avoid failure.
Best,
Raj
Glenda, a key point. Many of us “Feel like failures” Its important to make that distinction. It helps to think about other successes you have had so you realize you are not the failure
Yes, I think that scary economic times probably spook people from taking risks, but I don’t know that it “creates” more failures. A person shouldn’t feel like they failed if they are laid off from their job through no fault of their own. But they may still feel that they are somehow to blame, or feel guilty about not providing the income they once did.
Amy, I always say its okay to be afraid (unfortunately we are told not to have fear in our society). We need to figure out how to move thru the fear- like when I fly on airplanes
Joe,
I agree.
Again on a lighter note, why suffer now when you can enjoy with a Mac 😉
We can cross that hurdle when the time is right.
Cheers,
Raj
PS: I am a big fan of Mac (for all the time it’s saving) and a big fan of Bill Gates (for all the good he is doing)
Raj- I don’t think we should focus on avoiding failure. If we never fail either we play it too safe or we are not honest with ourselves
Barry, I don’t think it’s the bad news in and of itself, it is the pervasive 24/7 REPORTING and SENSATIONALIZING of the bad that causes people to fear what is going on.
Barry, I agree. “Just do it” was the best slogan ever. Nike rules for that one. Because thinking myself out of a box has never gotten me anywhere. Especially out of an airplane. I’m also afraid of heights, closed spaces, people, airline food, and really tiny restrooms. 🙂
Barry,
Totally agreed. I am of the opinion that we should dream BIG and go for it with open arms.
Sometimes we win and sometimes we learn 🙂
Cheers,
Raj
Barry, yes, the media is creating hysteria about the failed economy. Its rather depressing, if you buy into it.
Amy, I think people (including me) do feel like a failure when we get laid off…that we are having a hard time meeting our obligations.
BTW- A great business failure is Simon Cowell of American Idol- in the 80’s he actually went bankrupt and had to move in with his parents!
Yes, Amy, we need to value action…and keep moving! 🙂
Joe- unfortunately bad news sells
However we are lucky in our society because you are permitted to come back from failure – in Asian cultures, they are not so lucky. We love a comeback- look at Mickey Rourke in the Wrestler!
Barry, as a journalist from my past life, I agree that “bad news sells”
Remember some is
Constantly delivering
Negative
News
🙂
Best,
Raj
Imagine how empowered we’d be if we watched positive news 24/7.
Glenda- but they would never sell commercials!
I’ll probably become quickly unpopular for saying this, but I don’t think feeling like a failure is always a bad thing. I mean, we can’t help how we feel. Not saying anyone SHOULD feel like a failure or that it’s healthy, but I think there comes a point where we have to either A) do it anyway, or B) accept that we’re not going to do it. I’m not really a sit around and do nothing person. I’m a multi-tasker — I like to feel sorry for myself WHILE taking action. Yes, I’m crazy… but I’m never bored. 🙂
I wonder Barry, if positive news would sell commercials for heathcare facilities. 🙂
Great, a news channel without stupid ads, even better!
Amy, I don’t think you’re crazy 🙂
Glenda, Barry:
That’s true. Remember that the “agenda” for newspapers is to write whatever people will “want” to read so that they have a “large” enough circulation to get “big” enough advertisers.
What works is “drama” and “sensationalism”
In fact, please note that only something that is “uncommon” will get a lot of attention. We don’t want to read “common” stuff, do we?
But when a story becomes very popular, there is a tendency for people to think that what is being told is “common”
Popularity won’t automatically make something that’s “uncommon” – “common” but the media makes people think that way.
Best,
Raj
Amy you are not crazy at all- Failure can be motivating. As my mentor says, when he was at bayonet training- “There are two types of soldiers- the quick and the dead”
Failure also gives us choices. It forces us to move on. When we are fired or laid off or go out of business we must move on to something else
Good point about Simon Cowell and Mickey Rourke. Society is very schizophrenic…we build up celebrities yet love to see them fail.
Yes Marti- unfortunately many of us practice schadenfreude- we take delight in watching others fail- ie reality TV or a traffic accident. We feel good its not us…
Terry Starbucker said that losing his job was the best thing that ever happened to him, because he went on to a better job that he really loves!
Marti this has happened to me and happens many times…it forces you to a new and ultimately better path many times.
Society scares me. 🙂
We have all these labels of who is supposed to do what and how. I don’t see that any of it really helps us very much.
Ok, so I might not be REALLY crazy. (No one ever lets me have a Thorazine drip. *pout*) But compared to most people, I’m certainly not normal.
People tell me “The news is depressing.”
I say “Stop watching it. I haven’t watched the news since 9/11 and so far I’ve lived.”
They look at me like I have three heads. 🙂
Amy, right on, I don’t watch the news either except I still read the morning paper. Not sure what else to do with cereal in the morning
Amy, you’d be super smart with three heads (three brains, three times the creativity *grin*) Of course I think you’re pretty smart already 🙂
I like the kid who said, “The important news finds me.”
I am a news junkie, I have cable news on in the background almost all the time. But I don’t let it get me down. Maybe that makes ME crazy – LOL
Yup, with instant communication we are so afraid we will miss something…somedays I wish I would miss more!
I like to read the cereal box. Over and over and over.
P.S. The one brain I have gives me problems enough. I’m trying to find someone to outsource it to so I can get some work done… any takers? 😀
Barry, why not just be with your cereal?; )
I just noticed I was still logged in. Sorry Liz. 🙂
Glenda. It scares me to be one with your cereal!
No worries, Amy,
You’re always welcome here. 🙂
Speaking of failure, I just did a redesign of my blog and only got 3 votes on if people like it or not.
http://workingathomeinternet.com/WP/2009/01/12/share-your-opinion-of-the-new-design-for-wahi/
Do you guys think it is a succeed or a fail?
I like it, Joe!
ah Barry, isn’t identifying your fear the first step? 😉
Joe,
I’m so glad to see you off that silver theme … you’ve outgrown it. 🙂
Hi Barry, Liz, Marti, Amy et al,
Just jumped in. Like Barry says in #86, I was afraid I’d miss the good stuff tonight! whew, still time:)
Barry, but what if it’s lucky charms? 🙂
Liz, don’t tell me that, or when I get really hyper at 3am I’ll be back here going through your spam filter. That’s what I do on my clients blogs in the middle of the night. LOL
Joe, I like the template a lot better, but the words in the banner are all scrunched up on my end. Otherwise, it looks awesome. 🙂
Joe, I can never tell if anything will succeed or not…in my opinion you have to use it for awhile and see if it succeeds for you!
Ah Amy, My lucky charms
(I clicked on your Google ads too Joe)
Glenda, I think a step is to figure out what is holding you back and if its fear, giving yourself permission to be afraid.
Thanks all, but it doesn’t seem anyone actually clicked on the “poll”? 😉
Joe- when I click on the poll, it says its invalid
(Thanks Marti 😉 )
Yes, Joe, I noticed the banner is like, overlaying part of itself (the bigger font is hidden under a different image)
Joe, sorry for failing to take the poll:) will head there now…
Joe, I think I broke the poll. 🙂
Took the poll – it said 100% Like It Total of 4 votes
Well Amy, Erica, Glenda, Marti, Joe and Liz et al, I got to go, my son is begging me to watch American Idol with him….on to these important things 🙂
Thanks for hosting us Barry. 🙂
Great chatting with all of you! You did great, Barry! I think I will take off as well. Hope everyone has a great evening!
But I’m not afraid to be alone with my breaky. 😉
thank you for chatting with me.
Nite Barry, good taking with you. (Oh, and did I tell you how much I liked your book?)
Good night, Barry,
Thank you for coming!
Great information!
@Barry about the poll, I think it has to do with cookies on/off/
@Marti I get the overlay if I use a reduced screen setting, I gotta fix that.
Joe,
I get “Choose a valid poll answer.” no matter what answer I choose.
all – This has been a good discussion tonight. Thanks Liz for asking Barry to host and thanks Barry for showing up.
Joe – I went and voted. Site looks good. But how come it gives me a sad face with my comment:( I gave it a thumbs up???
Erica, thanks for the comment too, I love the transportation to the content analogy. 🙂
Oh, and that wasn’t a sad face, it was the “monster” version of the gravatar, it changes for each commenter that doen’t have an avatar. 😉
Polls often fail, I wonder why that is.
Liz, most polls work using cookies, so if the user has cookies disabled, the poll will fail.
Ah Joe,
I see.
Are we ready to talk about something else?
Agreed, Liz. I know the one on my blog hasn’t done too well. I think there is something to the idea that I thought I already knew how it would turn out…not a great attitude going in to it. Must ponder this:-/
Joe, your poll doesn’t like me. 🙂
oops, I’m just too slow for this speedy convo tonight. Sure, how about we talk about cookies? The chocolate chip kind?
Oops again, are we back to polls? cookies?
I LIKE COOKIES!
Amy, see #121
Erica, I agree, I think I am going to do some Gingerbread Cookies and milk before bed tonight (only cause I don’t have any CC cookies left)
Joe, I GOT THE POLL TO WORK! I’m so excited! 😀
Okay, a fellow cookie lover! Believe it or not, Pamela’s gluten-free lemon shortbread’s are my fave if we’re talking packaged. Seriously. Even better than Pepperidge Farms:)
What’s your fave?
Cookies are a good thing.
I like homemade chocolate chip, warm, chewy, and with cold milk.
Yeah Amy! 🙂
Joe, Gingerbread cookies are tied with CC in my book in the homemade category. Alas, I must settle for the Lemon Shortbread tonight. they’re good. But still…
I love cookies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My favorites are sugar cookies, but my fam and I made some shortbread ones that Glenda recommended (Glenda are you still here?) and those were awesome too. So now I’m kinda torn.
We can also talk about icecream. 😀
Oh Liz, my mouth is watering…I can smell them baking even way out here in CA. Or is that my imagination on overtime?
Amy, Ice cream? Yikes. Now the sugar cravings are turned up to high volume! My grandma used to only eat Rum Raisin. Not easy to find anymore but it’s my fave too:)
Peppermint icecream. Now I’m hungry. 🙂
How about 2 CC cookies, warm from oven, with scoop of rich vanilla ice cream sandwiched between? Could it get any better?
Butter pecan ice cream with hot fudge.
Ice Cream? Ice Cream? I had Cherry Vanilla LAST nite, with Chocolate Syrup (Hershey’s, I’m from PA remember).
Tonight it’s COOOOKKKKEEEEESSSS!!!!
How about 2 CC cookies, warm from oven, spread with peanut butter melting between?
Joe, one of my favorite projects when I was a kid… in 5th grade we had to write letters to a company (I don’t remember why) and I chose Hershey (because I liked chocolate then) and they sent me a bunch of samples. I was SO excited and a bunch of pictures of the factory. I thought that was the coolest thing ever. I wanted to live there.
I should totally log back in so I can edit my typos in my comments. LOL
Yikes! With all this yummy banter I have “failed” to get my dinner together and it’s already 7pm. So I bid all you sweet cookies g’nite and am headed down to kitchen where a steak and broccoli dinner has my name on it…Unless I eat dessert first now:) – Ciao
Amy,
that is one advantage.
🙂
Liz, the disadvantage being that when I’m logged into any blog I’m very tempted to go through the spam filter. OCD OCD OCD.
🙂
Nite Erica, Steak is ALWAYS a good thing to prepare for a dessert of CC Cookies with peanut butter filling and Cherry Vanilla Ice Cream with Hershey’s syrup on top with a BIG glass of milk on the side! 🙂
Good night Erica.
Is today a holiday or something?
Hi Liz & all,
I’m here way too late, but failure and I are best buddies so after reading the 756 comments I just had to comment.
Failing constantly over the course of a life means even the tiniest successes are easy to spot… and celebrate.
It also gives you a really good sense of humor.
Regards,
Kelly
#150
Yeah, It’s I’m back home with my own pillow day!!
Kelly, so THAT’S why we’re so funny! 😉
Kelly,
That only works if you’re willing to let it. Glad you are!
Liz, that’s a good holiday. 🙂
Amy,
That and the Irish, for me. Black humor, dont’cha know.
We Irish ROCK at failure.
My dad was Irish.
See? There you go.
I’m not sure if he counted as funny… he mostly stole other people’s jokes. Like the Gallagher bit:
“What’s the point of having ‘on’ and ‘off’ written on the light switch? When it’s on, you see it’s on. When it’s off, you can’t see to read.”
His own jokes were more like holding the door for every person who came through the restaurant (for like ten minutes) and saying “Right this way! The regular doorman couldn’t make it today.”
Sigh.
I need sleep.
Amy,
You’re doing fine!
Mm, tired, me too. Hope you caught up from yesterday. I sort of did.
Huge Irish family. They weren’t the “tell jokes” kind of funny, they were (are) the “tell story of this awful thing that happened and have people roaring with laughter” kind of funny. Which is definitely where I got it from.
I’m just a regular mix-up the words kind of funny. Oh and weird. 🙂
Well, if I have “it”…
I’m off to sleep. Wish I’d gotten round earlier to be a bit more useful, Liz. I really enjoyed reading all the commentary tonight!
Liz, you’re not weird. But you’re funny. 🙂
Kelly, I SO haven’t caught up on sleep from yesterday. That’s why I’m talking to myself and cackling about nothing. Good night. 🙂
It’s past 9:30. It’s okay if we say good-night now. 🙂
[whispers] I was waiting if Joe came back with a poem.
I’m extra-special OCD when I’m extra-extra sleep deprived.
But I’m subscribed now so I’ll get it in my email. 🙂
From failure we could all learn
That learning is a process
Side to side and turn to turn
When we do not on our own succeed
Failure is not the one to blame
It is the lack of learning, indeed
Mistakes are made from time to time
Overcoming them is never easy
Learning from them becomes sublime
The reward is overcoming adversity
And learning what is right
Even if it’s from the streets of the city
Kids of all ages will likely agree
The ultimate finish of a great day
Is a treat of cookies and milk topped with Hershey.
Burma Shave
Nite Liz
Nite All
I’m late to the dance tonight, but a quick comment on failures.
I teach teenagers voice and acting at a children’s theatre company in Minneapolis. They always want to hear about the successes from the years I spent on stage. But I emphatically tell them – again and again and again – that it’s the failures over the years (10 times that of the successes)…the setbacks, when I learned the most and experienced the most growth as both an artist and as a person.
One learns the most by constantly looking up and making the next journey rather than looking down while sitting next to your planted flag.
Good night, Joe,
Sleepy Swell!
CGabriel,
Thank you for those words. 😉