Liz Strauss at Successful Blog

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October 12, 2008

Shy . . . or Watching Ain’t Living

ME Liz Strauss wrote this at 9:55 pm

shy_stallion

I’ve been looking at this picture for days.
It reminds me of so many people I care about. It reminds me of when I sometimes feel that way.

It’s hard thing to be standing back and watching. It’s a faraway, lonesome thing to be feeling shy. I stop myself when I feel it happening. I lift my chin and tell myself that’s not living.

And now, I’m asking you to come out from behind. It’s not an act of courage. It’s test-driving your smile.

Come out where we can see you.
It’s not nearly as hard as a mind can imagine.
I know. I have a spectacular imagination of my own.

We get to thinking that maybe other folks have some sort of secret.
That’s why they’re there and we’re here, but that’s not how it goes.

Ain’t no handbook filled with the keys to belonging.
The world’s never seen one. Who’d write it? Who’d buy if someone did?

We’re all of the same species with our own ideas of what’s good.
Some folks thrive on believing that they make the sun rise every morning.
They fall apart when they finally find out that it ain’t so.

Some folks never worry about how the day gets going.
They’re the ones worth connecting with.

Then there’s us discounting. Turn off the minus signs and start counting instead. Someone might this minute be searching for a plus sign that only you have.

Watching ain’t living. Living is about participating in life.

Come out, I need help with this question . . .

What can I do to make it easier when my friends feel shy?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Image: http:stockvault.net
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Filed under Motivation/Inspiration, Successful Blog | 16 Comments »




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16 Comments to “Shy . . . or Watching Ain’t Living”

  1. October 12th, 2008 at 10:09 pm
    Amy Derby said

    Another lovely lizlike post. :-)

    Can’t imagine anyone feeling shy around you, Liz. Nope.

    What you said about “test-driving your smile” made me think of a little girl I’ve known a long time who doesn’t like to smile because she doesn’t like the way her smile looks. I tell her I love her smile, and she says “I know, but it’s what I think that counts.” She’s 8 years old. It’s sad. It took me two years to get her to smile without saying “I hate my smile” after she does it.

    I don’t like the way my voice sounds.

    I guess we all have our own reasons to be shy.

    I could think up a list of a thousand reasons for me to be shy if I tried hard enough. But I won’t let myself anymore, at least not for very long. Otherwise I won’t smile.

    Something a cool person told me once to help me overcome shyness: Think of people as monkeys. Sounds silly, I know, but it works (way better than picturing people in their underwear anyway). Monkeys don’t judge each other by appearance, etc. They’re just monkeys. Every time I have to speak in public (which I hate) I think of that, and it makes me less shy.

  2. October 12th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
    Todd Smith said

    Thanks, Liz. I think the easiest way to forget about being shy is to share something that’s really fascinating. We all get drawn in when we see something real, something connected to ourselves. Your posts do that for me, and I can’t help respond.

    The other thing you do, which I just started doing on my own blog because of you, is to ask an intriguing question at the end of my post (asking them to answer in the comments section). I never did that until I started reading your blog. Now I have 3 or 4 times more comments.

    Finally, you might consider getting the plugin CommentLuv http://wordpress.org/extend/plugins/commentluv/ which posts a link to the commenter’s last blog post right with the comment. It’s a great way to encourage readers to leave a post because they get a little bit of publicity, and it gives all your readers some new tempting things to read.

  3. October 12th, 2008 at 11:11 pm
    Davina said

    It really is painful to watch someone on the outside who is afraid to join in, and it’s painful to be the one who is shy. Who do you want to make it easier for? You or them?

    Trying to encourage someone out of shyness is similar to telling someone who is depressed to lighten up. It takes time, a lot of encouragement and support, and just being the friend who accepts you as you are can move mountains.

  4. October 13th, 2008 at 12:00 am
    AmyL said

    As someone who had a massive attack of shyness during her one chance to meet you at SOBCon, I am not sure of the answer to this question. Putting us into small groups definitely helped and I did make friends with some of the folks at my table.

    Ultimately though I think the responsibility to step out and make friends was mine. I agree with Davina that getting someone out of shyness isn’t easy.

  5. October 13th, 2008 at 7:46 am
    Alina Popescu said

    I guess issiont takes time, understanding and genuine passion for life to help someone out of their shy mode. There are different reasons behind being shy: from lack of confidence, to fear to having a harder time expressing one’s feelings. But great and inspiring people just like yourself can always help :)

  6. October 13th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
    Ulla said

    I consider myself as shy – especially when I think that other people can do things better than me, can express themselves better and so on. But there are fields where I think I might not be too bad, or put in other words, where I think I can contribute something, and then I lose my shyness. And every time I do so, it is a pretty nice experience for me.
    And this blog just sends out a lot of welcoming and hospitality that I have to lose my shyness – there, it’s gone! Thanks, Liz!

  7. October 13th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
    Kristina said

    When I spot a shy person at the edge of the group, I see a kindred spirit. This is a person I’m more likely to approach and strike up a conversation. And once we’re talking, the conversation naturally grows to include other people.

    More often than not though, I feel like I’m the only shy one in the room.

  8. October 13th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
    stefanie said

    Do what you just did!

    Get a visual that speaks to them.
    Tell them they’re important.
    Ask them to help you.

    I’ve been lurking here for days with no reason to contribute, and you just gave me a reason.

    I’m still shy!

  9. October 13th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Amy,
    I read your comment last night and thought about it this morning. . . . I think it’s the little weird things we cherish about each other, not the perfections — the humanities and not the vanities, so to speak.

    One of the best things about getting older is that I started to figure that some things weren’t worth worrying over. They were things only I noticed. Like the tiny crack in the tile in the kitchen that only my husband knew was there, but he showed everyone.

  10. October 13th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Todd,
    I’m glad you find those questions intriguing . . . I spend a good half hour or longer on each of them. They’re important to me. I want to connect.

  11. October 13th, 2008 at 5:56 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Davina!
    I want to make it easier for everyone! I agree that saying “Come on in. Make yourself at home.” never really worked for me. I just need to find a space where I feel comfortable. So, I’m looking for what most shy folks find as an easier way in.

  12. October 13th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi AmyL,
    Sometimes just knowing that I can talk to one person at a time makes me feel less shy. I don’t have to sort all of those people “looking.” I understand. What’s hard is leaving room for someone shy to come in without leaving it so open that it seems that we’re ignoring that person. :)

  13. October 13th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Alina,
    Sometimes just standing by someone can work. Sometimes it doesn’t. Who knows what’s a comfort to another person? A hug to me can be an unwanted touch to someone else. It can be so confusing. . . .

  14. October 13th, 2008 at 10:23 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Ulla,
    I wonder always what would make folks welcome. . . .

    A smile’s not always what a person needs to come in and stay. Sometimes it’s just a little peace and quite. Hopefully, even folks who don’t want to talk can find a little place to hang out away from the noise here.

  15. October 13th, 2008 at 10:26 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Stefani,
    Welcome!
    Thank you for your comment. You’ve made a friend.

    You’re not a stranger anymore. :)

  16. October 19th, 2008 at 9:09 am
    Lissa Boles said

    That pic’s brilliant and so’s the way you’ve used it. A thousand words…

    I call myself a socialized introvert. I’ve never been good in a noisy crowd. Put me in front of it with something I love talking about to say, I’m good. Small, intimate conversations, I’m good. Otherwise, I’m antsy and on the fringes, waiting for the polite time to make an exit.

    What makes the difference for me is real. The moment I hear or feel it, I’m there and it’s bye bye barn!

    Thanks for being real, Liz.

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