It’s Not About Thinking
Did you catch Dawud’s Monday installment in our ongoing conversation? He deftly answered What Do You Do When A Commenter Just Isn’t Hearing You? Dawud described a gracious way to respond and reminded us that we’re always talking to another person, not just words in a box. Then, he followed with a question for me — Liz, the relationship blogger.
How has your blog changed the way you think about relationships?
Ah Dawud, what a question.
The short answer is completely.
I Knew Everything about Relationships Until an Audience Came
I used to think I knew about relationships. They were an idea, involving people. I thought that relationships were a choice — take part or not. I thought they fell into neat categories like blog posts in my sidebar do — family I claim, family I don’t, friends of my heart, folks at work, folks I’ve known, . . . folks I’ve met — the fiends, the forgiven, the forgotten, and the forgettable.
I used to think I had a big heart, but obviously I was suffering from relationship myopia. It’s a common malady.
Then I got a blog.
I was already a writer. I made a blog place under a white oak on the riverbank. I prepared to write alone. A few friends would be listening — the friends of my heart. They were a handful at most. After all, how many folks want to know what I know, what I think, what I dream, what I remember, what stories I have to tell? That’s what I thought. That’s who I was.
I knew everything about relationships. I was a writer, a manager. I had been there.
Then an audience came, an audience who talked back to me.
I met a fine writer, who blogged the most marvelous stories of his past and present days. I met another who made sense of life in California . . . . and on a lonely Friday night I found someone who reveled in the glory of a weekend with a child, a poet who understood what I meant when we disagreed, and a science fiction artist/writer who virtually visited me when I wrote — I’m still inspired by them.
I met a brilliant scientist . . . moms who shared their families, an artist, a home builder, the small business guy, the crusader, the hero, the leader, the guy in charge. They didn’t fit in categories.
Someone said, “I never expected to care so much about these people who have become so dear to me.” I know exactly what she meant.
That audience, those readers, changed the way that I think and the way that I see.
I don’t think about relationships anymore. I see the people I have relationships with and the incredible differences they make. I see the changes we make in each other.
I got a blog. An audience came and changed everything. It’s still a wonder.
________________
Now a question back, Dawud.
Do you see a difference between your online relationships and those offline — beyond the obvious physical differences?
If you’re reading this, I’m not just asking Dawud the question, I’d love to hear your answer too, in the comment box below.
–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!
One2One is a cross-blog conversation. Find the answer at dawud miracle on Monday. You can see the entire One-2-One Conversation series on the Successful Series page.
In Case You Missed It: Writing 06-13-07
Reminds me of every leader’s dilema. The epiphany you have when you turn around and see people following you. You suddenly realize, “Oh God, what a piece of work I am to work on.” And so begins the lifelong quest of self improvement. Everyone should remember though, “leadership doesn’t develop in a day. It develops daily.” (John Maxwell) So if you know a leader who’s not cutting the mustard, don’t critisize, condemn or complain. (Dale Carnegie) I can guarantee that this is going on inside – and it’s often a conflict of upbringing, required change and survival in an ever changing environment. Don’t we all feel a little distracted or uncertain at times?
I do see a difference and I don’t. They are just as important to me, they can move me, make me laugh and make me think etc etc.
Here is the difference – with online I can be more open – people seem to understand more and be more open to different thoughts etc.
I also feel that I have to make more of an effort to stay in touch. Since I never see them – I have to make sure that I keep talking and listening.
Speakinng of listening – WOW that is much better with onlinne friends. (Since everything is typed).
Online friends are great – but you can’t beat the offline friends. I love them dearly…
That’s my two cents!
Hi Martin!
First of all, thanks for stopping by . . . I’ve been off with meetings and then family.
Don’t we all feel a little uncertain at times? Man, I don’t know about all of us, but I know about me . . . I sure do. Sometimes more than not. Maybe it’s the moon, maybe it’s my friends, maybe it’s just the way the wind is blowing or how life is. 🙂
Hi Brooke!
I know what you mean about seeing a difference and not. I think as a writer having an audience talk back was really powerful for me. Then too was actually meeting people who could write well.
The idea of thinking before we talk, i.e. writing our thoughts in the comment box, makes a difference too. It sort of concentrates the experience into something more, something deeper because it happens in such “thixotropic” bursts.
Liz… I remember the first time someone left a comment on my blog. I was amazed, awed and then overwhelmed when we started a conversation. Here was someone half way around the world who was interesting to listen to and interested in what I had to say… we still keep in touch. We had common interests and connected.
I didn’t expect the audience to talk back to me…!
Hi Dave!
I know. It’s something special when we write and folks actually respond . . . we didn’t really even get that kind of feed back in school. 🙂
Hi Liz, this is a topic which is very dear to me.
I have online friends that are as close to my heart as my real life friends are. Some of them I’ve met offline and it was all an amazing experience.
There are also some I shared amazing posts and comments with and then gave up blogging altogether and I have to say I still miss them.
Hi Alina!
I know what you mean. I feel the same way. One friend in particular moved across country . . . when he got there he wrote one post and never returned. I keep going back to his blog to see whether he’s there. 🙂