Now What Do You Say?
For those who come looking for a short, thoughtful read, a blogging life discussion, or a way to gradually ease back into the week. I offer this bloggy life question. . .
A friend since childhood, your lifelong friend, is getting married in your hometown to another close friend of yours. She reads your blog and comments often. They both do, but neither one has a blog of their own. They still live in the town where you all grew up. You’ve not been back there for years.
You’re going home for the wedding and looking forward to seeing the friends you’ve not seen forever. It should be quite a party.
You step off the plane, and the bride and groom greet you with great fanfare. During the early conversation, while waiting for your bags, she drops the bomb. “I see you’ve got your laptop. We were thinking . . . it would be so cool if you live blogged the wedding. Would you do that as a wedding gift for us? Please, please, please.” You look over at the groom and he shrugs.
How do you respond?
–ME “Liz” Strauss
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So what exactly is Live Blogging? Sounds like you’d be transcribing the entire thing while it’s happening. Could be interesting.
I’ve heard of people blogging about a wedding, or even the days up to the wedding or even after the honeymoon but during?
I think you wouldn’t be able to enjoy the wedding if you were focusing on documenting the whole thing on a live blog.
Maybe bring a tape recorder… uh, that’s old school, how about an MP3 digital recorder so you can record the whole thing, then go back through the recording and compose a blog entry about the event.
Better yet, maybe a video camera so you could do screen captures to post pictures as well.
Hi Sean,
Live blogging is just what you described. That’s what makes the story so interesting. 🙂 Folks live blog conferences all of the time. It was bound to happen that someone would want every second of her wedding captured.
Now that I think about it, I’ve done live blogging at tech conferences before but didn’t realise thats what it was called.
I still think it seems a little weird for a wedding but hey, to each there own.
So you’d tell her “No?”
Well I didn’t say that 😉
I’d do it, especially if it was for a good friend.
For someone to make this request must mean they think pretty highly of your thinking and writing skills.
But, then you’d probably have no fun at the party. . .
Hmm… well hopefully the blog in question will have some cake in the sidebar 🙂 and a few of the guests could pop on over to the blog and say hi… and better yet, a live blog intermission with dancing, cake (i like cake), a little in-person social meeting with the bride and groom.
Oh yeah, I forgot it was you. There would be the grill, and the pizza, and the mustang too. 🙂
I would start with “10 reasons why this marraige wont last 6 months” and then when you find yourself immediately relieved of all blogging duties you can hit the champagne.
I think it would make it difficult to enjoy the ceremony and what benefit do you get with it being live? Probably better to post some photos later on and add descriptions to them in an online photo album.
Hi Vincent!
Welcome. Blogging a list is always a good idea.
You could follow it with How-to Make a Guest Feel Like He’s Not Really a Guest at Your Wedding. 🙂
I know one who blogged about her journey to her “last day”. If I’m not mistaken, she died early last year.
Her blog (blogspot) was a hit within a short time span (I doubt it was her intention).
A friend recommended me to read about her “dying journey” and I declined. Don’t get me wrong that I’m insensitive or uncompassionate. On the contrary, I WILL cry uncontrollably and feel so helpless for her. With that said, I find her very courageous to even want to blog about it let alone the agony of going through.
I’m sure she must have come to terms with her illness for she to share it with the world.
Hi Renee,
That I can understand. A person who wants to keep an account of her dying days has the right and the reason. Blogging offers a great way to deal with the feelings. I admire that she would work it out for herself, rather than perhaps talk to someone who wasn’t prepared to listen.
On another note, I don’t think asking a friend to skip a party to write about your wedding is the same thing.
Oops!
My bad, sorry to cut in in a wrong “agenda” 🙁
No, Renee, not bad, . . .
I think it was related and interesting. I was merely pointing out how it was a much more touching thing that the thoughts of the bride in the story. That’s all.
I did this for a friend’s son who was graduating college last Spring. After realizing that I had no clue what gift to get today’s college graduate that wouldn’t get one or both of us arrested, I decided to give him a blog with a live post from his graduation ceremony.
I’m doing the same for my niece’s wedding the end of this month. I figure it’s better than another fondue set.
The only change I recommend to your scenario, is to use an MDA rather than a laptop to type and upload the post. The size of the MDA’s keyboard is acceptable, plus it’s easier to slip into your pocket during the reception.
It’s a great gift, Scott! You’re right it is better than another “fondue set.” (fondue set??? [ 🙂 ]) It’s like a cool living photo, especially since you can put words together in a way that they actually make sense.
I gave a blog to my son for his birthday.
I think the catch in story is that the guy was planning to party.
Hi Liz,
I think it’s like so many tech related things. People who don’t do it don’t realize how involving it is. I wonder if he would have to “transcribe” the whole thing to make her happy. Or if a couple of summary posts would satisfy her?
It’s like video-taping an event — depending on how involved you get with it, you’re not really a part of it. You’re transcribing it.
Almost any answer would result in a certain amount of resentment.
That’s it exactly, Katiebird. She’s made herself the center of the universe. She hasn’t stopped to think what she could be asking . . . there’s no easier answer as soon as that happens.
Also Liz, does it seem like it was a whim? She sees the guy and thinks “blogging, cool!”
But she doesn’t really care. If she did, wouldn’t she have asked about it months before? And maybe done some blogging herself about the events that lead up to it?
After doing some more thinking about it, I think I’d say that it would be too disruptive and take too much attention from her and the groom. And refuse to get drawn into any more discussion.
Now, aren’t you the smart one, KB, puting her in the center of the discussion. That’s the way to make the thing work! Too disruptive and calling too much attention away from her on her special day. What a great solution. I want you on my team!
(preening)
I know I’d love to be on your team. In fact, I like to think I am.
Of course you are!
My wife catered a wedding for friends of ours as our gift to them. She volunteered and I gladly helped out. Needless to say, she missed most of the reception, but it was worth it to her. This was something with plenty of notice, though, that a lot of planning went into.
In your case, I would probably say no. I get off the plane, ready for the wedding. I have plans made. I already have a gift! This is the same as her saying, “Hmm. Jeff’s a photographer. Honey, let’s just ask Jeff to photograph the wedding after he gets here.”
Rick — That sounds good too. You could say, “Darn! I wish we’d talked about this earlier. I’ve already brought a gift and I don’t have everything I need to do it right. Maybe at your next wedding?”
(I’m kidding about that last question)
Exactly, Rick. It’s a little over-enthusiastic. (How’s that for a euphemism? 🙂 ) It also puts Jeff, the photographer, or the young blogger in the story in an uncomfortable position. Not a very nice way to treat a friend, I don’t think.
Well, Katie, if you go up to comment 9, and see what Vincent was going to blog. Your last question actually fits right in.
It made me laugh out loud. 🙂
In today’s world your last question probably isn’t a joke, Katiebird, so yeah, tell her I’d be glad to do it at her next wedding. 🙂 That would fit right in with the lack of thought leading to the request, even though the bride probably does think it would be cool.
I like your approach of putting it back on the taking attention away from the bride.
I’ll be kind (?), Liz, and just call it thoughtless.
Liz (It made me laugh too), I must have been channelling Vincent. I read his comment earlier, but thought I forgot it.
Hopefully, she’s just swept up in the moment and thinking that the whole world turns around this wedding. Hey, it could happen to the best of spirits, especially if she has certain forces behind her. 🙂
So I’ll forgive her . . . and we’ll hope that they live happily ever after — without a live blogged version of the wedding. 🙂
Rick,
Lately, I’ve been thinking about “thoughtlessness.” And that a lot of selfishness gets excused as simple thoughtlessness.
But I think that when we start seeing patterns of thoughtlessness that tends to impact on other people in a consistently negative way — it should be labled selfishness. I don’t mean that in a harsh way. Just that we should be more matter of fact about it.
Because the selfish get away with that stuff too often.
(But still, on her wedding, I’d soften it to her face)
I understand what you’re saying. By it’s very definition thoughtlessness — not thinking of others — is selfish.
As Liz said, thoughtlessness is by definition selfish, in a negative way. You’re thinking of yourself, and not the other person. If she really is a long-time friend that you’ve stayed connected with over all these years, you know each other pretty well and can be honest with each other, so why soften it? “Mary, that’s pretty rude. You should have asked me before I got you this beautiful fondue set.”
Oh Rick,
You got her a fondue set? So did i! As did Scott! We can have two cheese and chocolate fondue tonight, while they’re on their honeymoon!
Rick, I’d soften it because of my fear of Bridezilla and to protect my own good time. I’d of spent a fair amount of money on travel/hotel/gift and to trash it for the satisfaction of calling her on her behaviour — well, I just wouldn’t do it.
Until later.
Now-a-days with these Gift-lists do people still end up with 3 fondue sets? I mean unless they really want 3 fondue sets?
I got her a set of napkins and placemats. Forest Green.
You can never have too many fondue sets!
Uh oh! You said the c word. Now I’m going to be fantasizing about being in Hershey, PA and eating fresh strawberries and pineapple with chocolate fondue. 🙂
Oh so sorry, all of that fondue talk “set” me off. 🙂 (2/3 of a pun = pu)
Oh, this has been fun — Thank you Liz & Rick (and Vincent and everyone else I missed by not getting here earlier).
Goodnight and I hope to see you tomorrow.
Do you think maybe the real reason grooms aren’t supposed to see the bride on their wedding day is so they don’t see Bridezilla and decide marriage can wait?
I think you’re more considerate of other people than I am, Katiebird.
Good night, Katiebird. And goodnight to you, Liz. It’s time for me to be off, too.
Good night, Katie.
Aw, Rick, I think you are very considerate.
Even 3/3 of a pun is spelled pu, Liz, but that doesn’t make them any less fun.
Good night, Rick.
You’re right about puns. Both ways. 🙂
(pulling my head out of nightgown to answer)
Rick, That would actually make sense — protect the wedding investment by not letting the groom see the bitch bride until it’s too late.
And really, I’m not more considerate, I’m sure of that. I simply can’t stand confrontations at parties. Especially at parties I expect to enjoy.
(As the oldest of eight pretty passionate kids, I haven’t been to too many family parties that didn’t have at least one hideous blow-up, however)
Despite all of that, Katiebird, you’re still considerate. 🙂
Firstly, I would have to say that just being asked by the bride to “live-blog” the wedding shows that she truly is not your friend, and I would get quite insulted if someone asked me. Then – you are not an invited guest, you are now hired help. Thanks – but no thanks.
Secondly, from experience, I wouldn’t recommend live blogging. But – if someone can take videos of all aspects of the wedding and the crowd and friends and relatives and the moments, and well wishes – that’s worth keeping stuff like that online and can even be posted at a later date. Let’s face it – those who count – are already at the wedding. Those who count but couldn’t make it – it would be nice if they could see what they missed and the celebration.
Thirdly .. don’t listen to me – because in 2002 (before blogging) I was updating my site with everything we were doing .. a “timeline” … right up to the day of our wedding. And, after our honeymoon most of the recaps and some unofficial pictures were online. Even today – I’ve got over a thousand pictures of our wedding, almost 500 MB of videos of our wedding, and even transcripts of our wedding ceremony with pictures and our wedding vows online. Now, I won’t post the links because it can’t possibly be interesting to anybody except a relative and my ego. We had a handfasting ceremony. I still get hits probably from those who ‘borrow’ the transcript for their own vows. Maybe.
Liz, great discussion as always – and a great topic that many of us can relate to. It’s a bit like accepting an invitation to a dinner party and then finding out there was a big sale coming to the table before you swallow the last cup of coffee.
The invitation should have come with your announcement in the mail. That way – you knew ahead what was asked.
An invitation at the last minute was unfair and a bit uncomfortable for all. I’d say no politely and suggest that it would have been possible with warning ahead so plans could be made to do it well.
Another suggestion – there is often a person in the crowd who wants to use a talent in such a case and that person should be given the chance. What do you think?
Hi HART,
He may have been invited as a guest to begin with, but his status changed the second she asked the live blogging question. I agree with you that’s when he moved into the category of becoming part of the help — and, as we have yet to point out, without compensation.
In your case, it was you doing all of the tracking of your wedding, and say what you will, I find that romantic. You’re right. I’m not going to ask you to leave the link here, because other folks’ weddking are like baseball games — you “have to be there to enjoy them ” events and even then you have to know all of the players and their records for the “game” to have any real meaning. (How’s that for a metaphor?)
As far as the question of live blogging vs. video, I think this young bride just wanted to be the first “coolest” kid on the block.
Hi Ellen,
I don’t know that the bride didn’t have this “brainstorm” the night before when she and her groom were reading Mr. Tough Luck’s blog. After all, they did read it and were all supposed to be friends. So the possibility that the idea had just struck her (too bad it wasn’t baseball bat instead — Did I just say that? Must be those gremlins inside my computer.) and she found it sooooo fascinating that in her spoiled-brat world she couldn’t see anything wrong with it happening.
It is possible that he would be the only blogger or that the very reason she wants HIM is because of their close past relationship. (Kind of like Will you be the surrogate father to our baby? ) In that case, another blogger, even if there is one would never do. (Read here: I don’t want a new puppy. I want the one who died. )
It would be worth trying though, because if her motive is totally ego — ( Think of it, hubby, we’ll alway be able to say we were the first with a live blogged wedding. ) then any person with a keyboard would do, and he could post the blogs later. Heck, they could hire someone from Kelly girls to type everything he or she sees and he could turn THAT into a blog post. 🙂
I think your idea of finding someone in the crowd, Ellen, is a good one. It might be too late, though, by the time the crowd starts forming.
“Are you for real?”
Key words for this question: “lifelong friend” and “step off the plane”
If this was 2 men, and I mean real men, and one dude said that to his best friend from the 3rd grade, there’d be some ‘words.’ You just don’t do that to friends of that sort, and people in today’s world just don’t even see that any more.
Thanks Jesse,
I wondered why no one said that. I’m thinking I would have looked at my friend and said something like that myself.
Ah, NO!
On the other hand, I have no experience, because my friends would never ask.
I guess this is like being a D.J., but for blogs? Just serve up some pictures and commentary on the wedding?
This might make sense if the blogger was known internationally or in the blogging community and did not have many local guests to invite to the wedding.
Sounds like an interesting concept. However, you might become the “wedding blogger.” Not sure I would want to be typecast in that role.
The other question that comes to mind… Why might people want *strangers* involved in such a personal event. I sometimes worry about sharing too many personal details (like about my kids) to the public blogging world.
Perverts and God-fearing people all seem to share this same space.
Mike
What good point, Mike.
Why make your wedding a bloggable event to start with? That might be the place to begin the conversation. Whoa! I never thought of that!