Get Closer to You
This is a series of questions, I don’t know how many. They are the ones I ask when I help folks get closer to their personal identity.
What’s one lesson that you keep bumping into and learning over and over again?
I’ll answer first to get things started.
–ME “Liz” Strauss
Check out the Work with Liz!! page in the sidebar.
Related
Branding: 5 Ways to Help You Find Out Who You Are
Questions to Get Closer to You: Question 12
Questions to Get Closer to You: Question 11
Questions to Get Closer to You: Question 10
Questions to Get Closer to Your Brand: Question 1
You’ll find the entire series of Questions to Get Closer to you on the Successful Series page.
One that seems to follow me is
People know when I’m not fully engaged.
Whether it’s that I’m feeling shy, distracted, or worried about something unrelated, if I’m not fully present folks can tell. Even the slightest disengagement makes the conversation less than it could be and lowers the trust that I feel coming back my way.
I don’t know that they consciously know. I know sometimes that I sure don’t know that I’m not fully there. But the difference shows.
It makes sense, doesn’t it? ๐
I keep learning over and over again to ask someone else their thoughts on an issue that I may struggle with for a few hours.
9 times out of 10, they can think outside the box I built myself into and see that solution as plain as day in just a few seconds.
“Trust not on your own understanding.”
I find consistency the hard part. I am a good planner, organizer, etc. and start with enthusiasm. But my consistency needs work! I quit too quickly, and then have to work myself up into starting again (writing, diets, working out, etc.) Once I start, I need to keep moving!
Despite knowing that things are better if I’m proactive, I tend to get deer-in-the-headlights syndrome coupled with ostrichish head-in-the-sand syndrome and pray bad things just go away. Each time I tackle something that intimidates or confuses or outright terrifies me, and feel such an overwhelming sense of relief, I vow to never let it get that bad again. But of course, I always do. You’d think that seeing the trap is the first step in avoiding it, but apparently not in my case, lol.
One thing which keep me learning is the up gradation of new technology and every thing around me.
But this is a question you have proposed. it really make the people to think where they are in the world?
Hi Liz
‘Taking over’ by showing the ‘student’ how it should be done instead of letting the student try it out for him/her self.
My colleague blog workshop ‘teacher’ has to slap my wrist time after time because of this!
Oh and have your read Drew’s latest post: Perfection Paralyses. Another good examples of lessons we somehow can’t seem to learn, but which – when we remind ourselves of them – show us again and again they’re not called lessons for nothing!
Karin H. (Keep It Simple Sweetheart, specailly in business)
Hi Liz. Mine is “listen to your gut instinct”. It’s one that I’ve ignored many times and each time I do it, something goes horribly wrong.
What a good question! I find it’s often easier for me to get to know more about someone else than it is to really (I mean really, really down deep)get to know myself.
So, here I am on a path of reinvestigation, and I find that Liz, as usual is asking the right (and tough) questions.
I can relate to Jesse’s response about asking others for their thoughts when struggling on an issue.
My personal twist on it is to learn to ask the RIGHT people for advice or help, which I am doing better. It can get frustrating when one asks those who are either disinterested (although it seems otherwise) or ill-informed.
Hi Jesse!
You just reminded me of another. Find out what other folks know that I don’t. Sometimes they have the answer already and I’m busy suggesting solutions they don’t need. [blush]
Hi Karin!
That’s one that folks often do because teaching makes them afraid they’ll talk down to folks. It’s so much less confusing to just do it ourselves. ๐
I’ve learned to ask questions rather than to give answers. Today I actually asked someone, “Do you want me to answer that, or do you want to?”
Hi Kristi!
Consistency used to be a bug for me too. Now I’ve planned my day around what I like to do during certain times and things are so much easier. ๐
Hi Liz
๐ I should remind myself of that more often. I promise I will (I hope, ‘cos it’s almost ingrained in my person I fear!)
Karin H.
Hi Amie!
When I get to feeling that way, I parse down what’s overwhelming. I pick one little bit I don’t mind knocking off. Having just one bit done makes coming back to the “issue” easier the next day.
I hate things that nag at the back of my brain too. ๐
Hi Catherine!
I was just telling someone yesterday that “your body always has details from past experience that you don’t have words for . . . listen to what it says.” Sometimes our stomach is smarter than our brain. ๐
Hi Francie!!
It’s so wonderful to see you again!
Everyone has trouble figuring out who to listen to, until they tune into themselves. When you know your own head, heart, and purpose, the rest of the universe begins to make sense.
Hi Karin!
We know you do it, because you care. ๐
@Liz: that’s my coping strategy too, for the most part. Working in spurts (whether it’s 15 minutes or an hour) on a dreaded task helps, no question. But some things still slide to the point of crisis, so this is an ongoing lesson. One lesson I need to learn but have yet not mastered (and forgotten) is how to prioritize *well*. It’s easy to mistake busy work for actually getting things done.
Gee, I’m guilty of practically every one of the examples above! ๐
My “main” one *sigh* is practicing what I preach.
This is like group therapy – cool ๐
I have a talent for seeing clearly what others need to do far better than I can steer my own ship but I think that is just a symptom of my real problem and the lesson I keep being confronted with.
My “why can’t I learn this” is I need to start just doing stuff rather than focusing on doubts and fears. I know logically it is better to try and fail than fail by not trying but tell my irrational head that ๐
When I have achieved it has been because my body has moved too fast for my brain to kick in, but when I sit down and analyze I become frozen, locked in chains made of “what if”.
#5
Hi Josh!
Great point. It’s so easy to think everyone has had the same experiences that we have. Thank you for reminding me that it just isn’t true. ๐
Hi Amie!
I call the busy work, “perceived productivity.” We feel like we’re working when we’re working on all of the wrong things. Oh yeah, I know it well enough to have named it once long ago. ๐
Aw, Robert!
You’re fabulous in every way.
Hey Chris!
Tell you irrational head that you’re wearing yourself out. Imagine what you could do with that energy to make what you’re “not working on” better. ๐
Try this as a new motto. “Do it first. THEN fret about how it turned out.”
My lesson, which doesn’t get any easier to learn after many years of learning, is that not everyone likes me, and that’s ok. I get on with most people, but every now and then I come across someone who takes a clear dislike to me for whatever reason. What I find I keep having to tell myself is that it’s ok. It’s ok for them not to like me, and it’s ok that I’m not universally liked. No matter how many reminders I give myself, I find I still need to relearn the lesson.
Hey Amy!
One thing that helped me is deciding that I probably remind them of someone else. I sure can’t help what someone did before me, or that I somehow make someone recall them. But I can understand how someone could take an instant dislike without even knowing me.
I used to fight to fix such things, but more often that not, when I got that person to see who I am, that’s when I finally looked at that person only to realize we had absolutely nothing in common. I should have left it alone from the start. ๐
I keep learning that we always have options. When we feel trapped, think there’s no way out, there are always options for us.
@liz – Good advice, I just have to convince my subconscious to follow it ๐
@amy – I think Liz might be right, but I also find a lot of the time when people find something in me that makes them annoyed it is because it reminds them of one of their own aspects. People are a mirror and we don’t always like what we see!
@Liz and Chris – I think you are both spot on! And what is so funny, is that yesterday evening I was sitting reading a magazine that had an article in it about happiness, and one of their steps towards happiness was “Accept the fact that some people won’t like you”. Isn’t that strange! Their psychologist’s take on it was “If you take everyone’s judgment to heart, you surrender your own ability to view yourself clearly.” While the rest of the magazine was crap, it was worth it just for that article! Don’t you just love these moments of synchronicity?
Hi Alina!
Remembering the options can drop our stress level and clear our thinking. You’re wise to go there. Thanks for the reminder. ๐
Hey Chris,
Tell your subconscious to “be quiet.” ๐
I love the point that people dislike others what they most dislike in themselves. ๐
Hi Amy!
I, too, love the synchronicity of the universe when it reinforces what we’re trying to remember. I’m starting to believe it’s more than mere sensitivity. ๐