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What Is a Social Media Friend?

April 1, 2009 by Liz 18 Comments

The LANGUAGE of SOCIAL MEDIA

Words have a deep effect on
how we interpret and interact with the world.
The words we use and how we define them
reveal our interests, concerns, and values.
This series explores the words of social media.

social media friend

Traditionally friend denotes a co-operative relationship that includes supportive action usually based in knowledge, respect, loyalty, and some availability in times of stress or crisis. Friendship can grow from participating in common activities, spending time in common work or study spaces, and usually involves discovering common values. A friend protects and looks out for a friend. Honesty and some degree of intimacy are hallmarks of friendship.

In any situation, the quality of “friend” depends on the reason for connecting, the situation, the longevity of the existing relationship, and the sophistication of the people in the relationship.

Linking up on a social networking site is is often called “friending,” as in Liz wants to be your friend. Those we connect with instantly become our “friends” in that network database. These can be non-personal friends, such as when two countries enter into an agreement for political purposes and international relations. Connections made to extend a network’s reach might be seen in this light.

Relationships online also rise to the level of personal friendship. The values of the social web — authenticity, honesty, transparency of purpose, and trust — make it natural for like-minded people to become friends in a real sense. Many people in social media overlook the term and hold friend to a higher meaning than a non-personal connection.

A growing number of meetings in person has added to this complex situation. In a simple, nonscientific social survey Twitter users answered this question this way. We seem to be drawn to meeting those we friend online.

What percent of all your friends are online friends only
— you’ve never met in person?

less than 20% 28 responses(43.75%)
20-40% 7 responses (10.94%)
40-60% 11 responses (17.19%)
60-80% 9 responses (14.06%)
more than 80% 9 responses (14.06%)

A totally equal distribution would be 20% in each response section.
In this 64 person group, it seems that once we cross the middle we quickly continue converting online friends into people we know in person.

Here’s how some folks define their online social media friends.

@deeped: “that X-factor in conversations – that makes you feels comfortable and interested”
@johnprew: “Perhaps its’ one who you’ve never met face to face but share your souls in what you share online and enjoy the mutual exchange.”
@sra_nelson: “I’ll usually just say they are my real friends I haven’t met in person yet.”
@debrasnider “Just as IRL, someone interesting who tells you the truth, listens to you, supports you & for whom you gladly do the same.”
@miraclady: “I have not met 90% of my commentors on my blog -less on Twitter. Still, there is such a connection. We know each other.”
@timbursch ” I think the tough part is trust. Trust that this person is who they say they are…”
@workhappynow: ” I define a friend in social media as someone who will offer help when I struggle. If he is a fair weather friend then he is cut.”

For more information see:
Princeton WorNet
Wiktionary
Friend / Friendship
Non-personal friendships
Etymology and definition of the term “community”
Friendship Network
Non-personal friendships

SEE ALSO:
What Is Social Media?
What Is Social Networking?
What IS a Social Community?

Got more to add? C’mon let’s talk.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!

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Filed Under: Marketing /Sales / Social Media, Successful Blog, Tools Tagged With: bc, friend, LinkedIn, social media vocabulary

Comments

  1. Deb Kolaras says

    March 25, 2009 at 9:45 AM

    Even before social media became all the rage, I had online friends who were part of professional online discussion groups – some of those people I’ve known for better than 10 years, and still never met, but their support and knowledge, coupled with friendship is sometimes even more powerful to me than my IRL friends. It proves that whether online or in person, when people connect authentically, the value of those relationships is invaluable in every way we as humans need them to be. The wonderful sidebar is when you DO meet them in person and find they’re every bit as fabulous as you already knew. Thanks for another uplifting post, Liz.

    Reply
  2. DaveMurr says

    March 25, 2009 at 9:48 AM

    Its safe to say that I have more friends online then I do in person. Its also safe to say that I’ve built strong relationships with these friends regardless of geographic limitations. I’ve discovered that the boundaries of friendship are not dictated to the medium in which we choose to engage – email, twitter, letter, phone, etc. True friendship has no boundaries.

    Reply
  3. ME Liz Strauss says

    March 25, 2009 at 1:35 PM

    Hey Deb and Dave

    All the way from Boston, I hear you. I think we’re all trying to figure out who and what our friends are.

    Reply
  4. Steen Seo Öhman says

    March 25, 2009 at 2:12 PM

    I have been thinking a lot about this topic lately. I’m relatively new in social media, and have been using Facebook for about one year, and Twitter for one month now.

    I started out by inviting real life friends on Facebook, then some business associates and colleagues. On Twitter I started out with people from the SEO business all over the world, some I know, others I never heard of before.

    For me Twitter is much more appealing and honest, as I can follow people, and they can follow me without pretending to be friends. I can follow people without thinking about it, and without them thinking – what a nosy guy.

    Reply
  5. Geoff Livingston says

    March 25, 2009 at 3:46 PM

    I have many more friends online, and I have no idea who most of them are. I don’t get it, but I am grateful (I guess),and hope I add value for these people. I wouldn’t call them real friends though.

    Reply
  6. Suzie Cheel says

    March 26, 2009 at 5:58 AM

    I have so many online friends that are very special to me and today I made one new best friend. Like you Liz I know when i meet my online friends offline the conversation just flows as you already know maybe more about one another than real friend . maybe that dependss on how open you are with your online friends.

    Reply
  7. ME Liz Strauss says

    March 26, 2009 at 8:12 AM

    Hi Steen,
    I think one of the values of social media is that it’s getting a huge number of people to think about what relationships mean in their businesses and in their lives. We get to talk about ideas, push them around, and find out what we truly believe.

    Other folks just use the tools … we see that too. 🙂

    Reply
  8. ME Liz Strauss says

    March 26, 2009 at 8:13 AM

    Geoff,
    Without these online tools, I never would have met you. That’s something to me. My life is richer because I know this brilliant, maverick social media guy from D.C.

    Reply
  9. Tim Bursch says

    March 26, 2009 at 8:16 AM

    I think social media friends can become real friends. Just like meeting someone in person you chat, then get to know each other more, start hanging out, build trust, and share your life. That can happen online too. It seems like lots of the social media stuff is about belonging and connecting. Everyone wants to be known.

    Reply
  10. Lisa Hickey says

    April 1, 2009 at 7:56 AM

    Thanks Liz,
    This topic is fascinating to me, and thank you for your thoughtful take on it. It’s interesting to think that the values of the social web itself — “authenticity, honesty, transparency of purpose, and trust” are what can help create more and deeper friendships than ever before. I don’t think it’s so much that we need to meet people “in real life” to become friends with them, but rather that multiple points of contact across the web allow us to share interests and values in a way that was never before possible.

    Reply
  11. Kristin T. (@kt_writes) says

    April 1, 2009 at 9:57 AM

    I have been thinking about this so much, lately–I’m so glad to see your post!

    Just last week, when I was in New York, I met in person someone I have been interacting with on Twitter for almost a year. In the post I wrote about it, “A modern day pen-pal reunion,” I started with this sentence: “Last night, I finally got to meet one of my good friends for the first time.”

    She fit the category “good friend” even before we met. When we sat down together, it was as natural as anything, and felt like we were picking up where we left off. The added benefit of being together was the sharing of food and drink, and being able to look into one another’s faces as we talked. Those things didn’t make our friendship “real,” but they did somehow consecrate it.

    Reply
  12. ME Liz Strauss says

    April 1, 2009 at 5:15 PM

    Beautifully described, Tim.
    That’s just how it works for me, too. I love this sentence … Everyone wants to be known.

    Don’t you think that we learn a lot about ourselves by learning about the people we meet and how we respond them?

    Reply
  13. ME Liz Strauss says

    April 1, 2009 at 5:18 PM

    Hi Lisa!
    Welcome!
    In some ways I think the connections happen more quickly online, because the small talk is gone. If you stop to talk with me, we already have things in common.

    I think we’re learning how to read the spaces and understand the letters the way we read body language in person. Don’t find that the longer you’re online the easier it is to spot a friend?

    Reply
  14. ME Liz Strauss says

    April 1, 2009 at 5:21 PM

    Hi Kristen!
    It was like that at the first SOBCon. A hundred of us, most of whom had never met in person but knew each other so well online were all in one room. It was electric. Everyone turned into magnets for the weekend. We were so busy talking the weekend flew by.

    Reply
  15. Mark J Carter says

    April 3, 2009 at 9:08 AM

    Thanks Liz,

    It seems like social media creates connections which then become OPPORTUNITIES to create friends, which is what many people who responded seemed to think also.

    The tough part (for me at least) when getting neck deep in social media is controlling the professional ADD and overload of new “friends”.

    Try to connect with like minds online and when you find a genuine common ground–fuse the connection on the phone or better yet offline and help that person.

    Reply
  16. Lennie Rose says

    April 3, 2009 at 9:30 AM

    I’m so glad you brought this up. The definition seems to vary with age groups or am I crazy? With the rules unwritten, newbies are finding their way. Some people are connections, others real friends, and others are hawking their wares. I’m doing it too and trying to figure it out – so thanks for framing it. It is needed.

    Reply
  17. Steen Seo Öhman says

    April 5, 2009 at 8:56 AM

    The networking on Twitter is great, never seen anything as viral and potent. I’m relatively new to Twitter and already have 200-300 people following me, and I follow more than 300.

    I try to limit my network a little, and font follow people outside my business area. I really don’t se the idea of following or being followed by 5000 people without connection to my business area. But I can se I have lowered the standards for who I follow back.

    Reply

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