Blogging Is Lonely Without Someone to Talk to . . .
It started in 1993, long before there were blogs. It was named “The Endless September.” That was when AOL unleashed masses of untrained users onto the Internet. Until then, it has only been a yearly advance of college freshmen.
Before that time, such clue-lacking lusers were a small trickle every September when the college freshman hit the computers to which they got free access when they paid their college tuition. At that time, it was manageable with suggestions to lurk a while and observe how others behaved before jumping in with cluelessness, with polite, behind-the scenes education when nettiquette was breached, and with an occasional BOFH wielding a large mallet when the polite education didn’t stick.
The Endless September
I bring this up for a reason. . . . hinky un-blogger-like things have been happening around here. I see the pattern now and it seems that the Endless September is back on.
Ew, how embarrassing to wake up one day and realize that comments and trackbacks are like diamonds . . . they last.
Burned bridges and drive-by comments aren’t pretty.
Relationships, on the other hand, are what blogging’s about.
7 Great Ways to Connect with Other Bloggers While You’re Out Reading Blogs
I’d like to offer some great ways to connect with other bloggers, ways that will get you positive attention and start relationships of mutual respect.
1. Look before you speak. When you’re on a new blog look around for minute, don’t just read a post and comment. Take in a bit about the blog and the blogger. Read the comments that came before yours as well. Think about what you’d say if you were in a discussion with all of them. Folks will recognize that your comment has substance and take you and your comment more seriously.
2. Listen also. Each blog has a culture, just as each person’s home does. Certain types of behavior are acceptable in one place and not another. Notice how folks talk to the blogger and to each other. Respect the rules of the house.
3. Know you’re a visitor. Be generous of spirit. Let the blogger be the star of the show. It’s his or her house. If you see an error in print send an email, or point out incorrect information softly by saying, “you might be interested to know that they’ve found out . . .”
4. Don’t leave links without knowing or asking. Sometimes a look around will tell you whether it’s okay to do so. Even so, a link without a comment is impolite. It says, “Come to my blog. I’ve nothing to say here.”
5. Come with the mind of a learner and you’ll be well rewarded. Bloggers are helpful, friendly people who love to solve problems. Expect things and you will be easily forgotten. Value the time and experience of the blogger who helps you, and you’ll have a relationship that will last.
6. Know that being clever or teasing folks in print is a talent, be sure to use a emoticon if you’re doing it. Feelings get hurt and thoughts get misunderstood. We all think we use words the same way. We do not.
7. If you leave a comment that argues a point or asks a question, do come back. Please allow us to answer. If you don’t return, it appears that you think you know more than anyone else does. I answer those comments and wonder about the people who left them . . . what did he or she think leaving the comment would do?
PLUS ONE: Relationships are about people. We write from one side of the computer. We feel alone talking to one other on the end of a long optic fiber, but we’re not. Our bodies are in the privacy of where we choose to be, but our words are in the openness of cyberspace. People — some not even born yet — will read what we write. We can’t ever forget them.
People who read us learn things, and get to know us. Sometimes they comment and a conversation starts. Next thing you know there’s a relationship happening.
Some of those people become colleagues and friends for life. I know. I’ve already met some and plan to meet more.
–ME “Liz” Strauss
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Great post, Liz!
People should act on blogs as they would act if they were standing eye-to-eye with the blog author (as you point out – in the blog author’s home). Also, humility goes a long way in any kind of communication.
We are all accountable for what we do and how we act!
Good Morning, Ann!
Yeah people should be polite . . . wish we all were. Communication done well is a wonderful thing and so enjoyable. It’s as much fun as . . . talking to you!!!
It never ceases to amaze me how badly (rudely) some people behave online. I figure they’re the same people who get obnoxious with cell phone calls in the middle of nice restaurants…no world beyond their immediate personal space.
You’re 100% right on your first two points. I’ll lurk on a blog a month or two before venturing a comment. It’s not just about feeling out the blogger, it’s also about the people who routinely participate. Taking time to “observe the natives” makes for a better all-around experience, and a better learning experience (your #5).
Another well-crafted post, Liz.
You are so on the dot…again! It’s nice to have commenters who are really responsive and who are not just passing by but really joining the conversation. That’s what it’s all about. I’ve met more than one person with whom the contact started with their first comment. Some of them I work together with now. So it actually pays as wel.. 🙂
Thanks, Whitney,
This is the post I was rehearsing this morning. I appreicate your feedback.
I’ve been amazed lately myself — drive by comments by pseudo authorities who seem to think they know everything, but show they have no experience. I think tsome folks think the interenet is like a giant college party. I want to say that I’m not a teacher and there is no “extra credit.” 🙂
Hi Sanne,
Yes, so many business relationships started with just one simple comment on a blog. Then two like minds got talking and soon enough a project was happening.
That seems to be the part some of the new folks don’t seem to be getting is that not everyone is a hobby blogger — some of us do this for a living. 🙂
I’m going to offer a different point of view.
While what you say is true on blogs like Successful Blog and many business or personal type blogs. There are other blogs out there that invite conversation (and even disagreement) about controversial subjects because they are political blogs or opinion blogs. So I think you do have to recognize what kind of blog you’re at.
But I offer a question. Say you go to a personal type blog that is usually not controversial and the author has posted that “Abortions Should be Granted to 16 Year Old Girls on Demand.” Shouldn’t I be able to comment even if I haven’t been there before? If I disagree with such a controversial statement shouldn’t I have the right to comment on how strongly I disagree?
I’m all for being nice. But isn’t the purpose of a blog to air ideas in a public forum? Wouldn’t the world be boring if everyone agreed and no one voiced opinion for fear it would hurt someones feelings?
Hi Big Roy,
I’m not trying to take your rights away and in fact, I don’t hink what you’re saying is disagreeing with what I’m saying. I think you’re a sensitive guy and would look around to see where you and what the culture is. If your words are going no where, it’s up to you whether you want to put them there.
That’s not the same as disregarding or ignoring the folks who are there, dumping a comment and running away — which IS what has happened here recently.
“Thatââ¬â¢s not the same as disregarding or ignoring the folks who are there, dumping a comment and running away ââ¬â which IS what has happened here recently.”
To me that has more to do with simple rudeness. (You know me, everything is black and white, wrong or right.)
I was thinking more in a general sense of being polite, but still being able to offer an opinion. Even if it disagrees with the author.
Yeah, Roy, if you look at what I wrote, you’ll notice most of it is about being polite and showing respect for others. In 1993, they were still calling it Netiquette. I didn’t want to use that word, but perhaps, I should have.
I’m going to offer this one more example and then quit hogging your post. I just thought it was a very interesting post.
Say 50 years ago there were personal computers. But most of the users were white because they were the only ones who could afford it. A blog espoused the idea that blacks should not be allowed to attend white schools, use white bathrooms, or sit in the front of buses. Everyone on that blog agreed with each other and had a good old time talking about their ideas.
Then I come along and tell them what idiots they are. Wouldn’t that be the right thing to do? (I know my example is to the extreme but sometimes examples have to do that.)
My point being I think we have to be careful about being too polite. There are issues that in 50 years people may look back on and ask why didn’t they speak up? Just because the crowd is going along with a certain topic on a particular blog doesn’t make it right.
I could also be making a mountain out of a mole hill.
No Roy, you are totally right. That’s how Hitler got control, because people went along with him. . . . It’s what’s wrong with “group think,”
But you would state your case with respect, not flame them. On the hand, I fully espouse acting in Rome . . . if they flame you, protect yourself. 🙂
Why does your post make me feel glad that I haven’t come across freshies? Heehee. On second thought, I think I did [someone left a link asking “me” to check his blogs]. Ah, well.
I do like getting drive-by comments esp if it’s from some *high-profile* blogger [got one a couple of days ago! woot!]. But, of course, you’re right, Liz, to list ’em etiquettes for first time visitors. It’s good to know blog courtesy.
I love conversations online or off. =)
Hey Sasha,
It’s one thing when I high profile blogger — or any experienced blogger for that matter — who knows how to do it, stops by and says “hey good stuff there! It’s another when someone you’re no reason to know who it is leaves a comment that passes judgment and you have no idea who its from or why you should listen. A stranger walking down the street might mean more.
I love conversation too. 🙂
I agree! I guess it’s a different story when there’s judgment involved. It’s a bit rude. [Thats a funny image — hearing a stranger call out something to you in passing. Heehee.]
You don’t need to tell me that last bit! I can tell by the sheer number of “relationships” you’ve developed here! Hahaha. It sure pays to be “the nice one”! 🙂
Thanks for writing this, Liz. Even for those of us who have been using the internet for a long time, we can still have times of confusion about what is the right thing to do. If I’m ever rude or hurt someone’s feelings, I hope the blogger emails me to let me know.
And what is the etiquette about using the email we enter when we leave a comment. To me, using it doesn’t feel right, but what about using it in relationship to the comments on the post – something you don’t feel would be appropriate for public view?
One thing I get hung up on is how to leave. Face to face or on the telephone, people say goodbye to one another. In email or regular mail people tend to assume the other person will reply if they have something to say. Blogs tend to be a mixture of the two. So I wonder sometimes wonder how to politely leave.
Yeah, Sasha, I’m just thinking about what that stranger of yours might be calling . 🙂
Rick,
Your questions are ones that aren’t unusual. I understand them and why you ask them. I think they all walk a find like of trust in the relationship.
I can only say how I approach it. I figure that with folks like you. I know you well enough that you know I’m not a stalker and that I won’t abuse it. If I have something to add or tell you . . . I would email you and I’ve got my email everywhere, so I expect folks will email me too.
It’s hard sometimes — Comment night being the worst — parties in the real world — to figure out when and how to leave. I guess we all just do what we do. Look for an opening and go. 🙂
You know – I really like Big Roy’s point (and your response, Liz). He’s right. Blogs are places to voice opinions and ideas and to disagree.
You can almost always do that respectfully and tactfully. In fact, you SHOULD always do it that way and if you get slammed then either retreat or try to remain calm and respond.
I can’t stand when blogs are either too “gushy” or too antagonistic. Both instances teach me nothing – and that’s why I’m here – to learn! I tend to avoid both extremes.
Good post Liz.
It adds a little more to the post I did a couple days ago titled Guide to Weblog Comments which covers some basics for commenting guidelines and things to try with respecting site owners or admins.
Re comment night – when to leave is sometimes hard for me. How to leave, no. Like a physical life party, it feels rude not to say goodbye. I was thinking more about normal posts like this. You don’t see many people say they are leaving. They just stop talking. Like you said, some kind of reply after they ask a question at least lets you know they stuck around to listen to your answer.
Yeah, Roy’s point kicked the whole discussion up a notch and I’m grateful for that. He’ and you are right on every level.
SeanRox,
I wonder if you’ve been dealing with the weird Septemberness that I’ve been seeing.
I hear you Rick, Sometimes I do wonder whether the person who asked a question is still around when I’ve finished the answer. Especially now that Akismet is eating my comments again 🙁
[Whispers to Liz] I hope he says I’m nice, too! Heehee. 🙂
During comment night, I think, should you decide to leave it, it wouldn’t be *too* hard esp when you know you didn’t “maliciously” participate. The other bloggers won’t take it the wrong way if you said you had to go, right? 🙂
For normal posts, leaving a comment, after a certain period lapsed, in reponse to a question directed to you is still acceptable I reckon. And like what was said, sending an email is an alternative. 🙂
Indeed Liz, I’ve had all kinds of weirdness with comments, which is the reason why I posted about comment guidelines.
So far since my post, people have improved, so maybe October will be a better month for all.
Well written post Liz, it’s stuff like this that makes it truly worthwhile coming back to your blog. Stuff that most of us Im sure think about, you put down in a friendly, easy to read post. And it really makes you think “thats what I thought too!” and its so re-affirming. Thanks.
I don’t have anything to add, but I’m commenting anyway, just to add a link…
Just kidding. This is some great advice. I’ve always considered a blog a two-way conversation, and the comments being my input. You wouldn’t just walk into someone’s house and yell “Great house. Come see mine.” and leave. But this happens all the time on blogs.
And I’m with Rick about knowing when to “step out.” Even in a regular chat space, you can give the old “I’m off to [insert excuse here]” and know that you’ve exited gracefully. Some bloggers don’t respond to comments, in the comments, so you just have your say and go. But in place like this, where a conversation can grow from a single comment, I think its more important to follow the comment thread. Services like co.comments make it easy.
Sahsa,
*whispers back* Of course, he likes. who wouldn’t? You’re the draw wherever you are.
I’m not leaving open comment night. Well sometimes, I sneak out to get myself a cold one to drink 🙂
Hey SeanRox,
I’m with you on a normal October, because then Nov. and Dec. get their own kind of weird. 🙂
Hi Techz,
Thanks for saying that. It’s good to make sense and sometimes I do that. I helps when people tell me when I do that so then I can do that again. 🙂 🙂
Hi Tony!
Thanks for leaving and coming back so seamlessly (just kidding).
It’s hard to leave any compelling conversation, but I think we understand that the others here all have life they have lead, and things they have to take care of. Usually when someone goes, I think I wish I were so graceful at that.
I think we’re all self-conscious and that others might not notice something we feel is a very big this for us. Could that be possible?
Good point. Just like email sometimes it’s hard to express things in a comment. So something seemingly minor to one may be a profound revelation to another.
Well, I’m off to walk the dog (for real 😉 )
Thanks for the comment, Tony,
Tell the dog to have a great walk!
Very interesting article Liz. While some do a “drive-by comment” (including me from time to time), I think remembering that you’re a guest in someone’s home is good policy, at least for the first time you’re visiting.
One thing that I find that I don’t know how to handle is the difference between folks like you, who comment on comments, and others like me, who usually respond off-line via e-mail unless I have something more to add to the conversation. Is there a better or worse way to do business? Conversation is more lively here, to be sure, so if that’s the goal, I’d say it’s better here. 🙂
Hey liz,
Not to nitpick, but I’ve more often heard that the endless september started in 1996. I know the aol’er thing started happening on usenet earlier, but things were not really “bad” until later.
We could just go dig through the archives in the monastery, but I don’t think I want to expose this blog’s readers to anything quite that bitter. 😉
Candice
Nah, SeptemberNet came upon us in ’93 – though at the time, I don’t think any of us truly recognized what we were looking at. Just start looking through alt.sysadmin.recovery for september ’93 and you’ll see what I mean – and what’s wrong with the level of bitterness and virulent hate for lusers of the Monastery? It’s the only way to keep sane when you’ve been admining a reasonably large system 🙂
That said, the drive-by commenters you’ve been getting lately, Liz have the fresh-plastic smell of AstroTurm(TM) about them… at least if my guess that it’s your Net Neutrality postings that attract most of them.
Ad Lib, I stand corrected. But it did start getting really bad later on. I mean, now, usenet is practically dead for discussion. Music, on the other hand, is a whole other ballgame.
(re: the monastery – I used to hang out there on occasion years ago too. I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with it, but Liz’s site is always so positive. I have a bofh ribbon from my first usenix when I was seventeen around somewhere…)
Hey Phil,
I think conversation works however it works for you and the blogger, as long as everyone’s playing by the same rules. Some comments aren’t meant for the world to see and some are more fun if they’re shared with the group.
I guess it’s my answer to every SAT question . . . “It depends.” 🙂
I can’t imagine you getting it wrong, Phil.
Hey Candice,
I did my looking (can’t really call it research) through Google Blog Search I wanted something to frame the concept for people who’d never heard of it.
I’m sure you know WAY more about it than I do — if 1996 is your experience, I’m going with that. Thanks for the update — so kindly put I might add! 🙂
Actually, the drive-bys and rude comments haven’t really been on the net neutrality stuff . . . they’ve been newbies leaving smart remarks eslewhere. You can they’re newbies by the tone and know-it-all approach to the way they lay down their ideas. For example:check out this commenter who decides that the link story was linkbaiting and promoted a lack of community on this blog. He then excuses himself by saying he’s grumpy. He never came back for answer.
I know linking to That Site makes you break out in crayons all over, but here’s a little more on the Eternal September including some interesting links that are external to Them 😛
Hi AdLib!
I don’t mind linking to them really . . . and I find the concept and reality of this September thing fascinating. People are such an interesting species. We think we’re so clever and we behave in such predictable ways. 🙂
Well, enough lurking .. I think I will have to say 100% I’m in agreement with Big Roy .. I don’t want to “think” about it or “look around” .. I’m sure all who knows me can pretty much agree that if I feel like commenting about ANYTHING – I will .. and, as you know – it never hurts to ask so I often do that even if it might humiliate me! 🙂 So, I will say 6 out of 7 on your list 🙂
As for Maxpower.ca .. honestly, I think it’s the opposite of what you think (comment #42). I didn’t think that was rude at all, and in fact pretty sure it was a compliment in its own way. I think another Canadian just figured you out my friend 🙂 I mean .. aren’t we all trying to paint a pretty picture of a blogging community while at the same time exploiting it to enhance link reputation?
Hi HART!
If that last sentence is indeed the case, then I’m a LOT more clueless than I thought, because if that story was linkbait, I’d guess the end count of outgoing links was somewhere near 340 and the incoming was closer 10 . . . not to mention the 120 hours it took to write the story.
That makes an idiot trying to paint a pretty picture . . . .
Well, I was one of the 10 incoming links .. and I hope the others that received the trackbacks are looking for their opportunities to give it back..I certainly recognized that it must have taken how long you took to write that.
By the way .. what’s the topic for tonight? I’ve missed last two weeks and finally will be free to drop by.
You’re so fun, HART!
I didn’t do it for the links! I did to see what the story might end up being about. 🙂
I don’t know I was trying to think about a topic . . . what do you think about CARS!!!
I can chat about anything really hehe .. Cars (automobiles) The Cars (rock band), Cars (2006) (the movie) .. Your House! I’m just the guy that slips in unnoticed that sits at the end of the bar, and fits in. That is, until closing or they ask me to leave.
Yep, I’m think that’s what it will be. It only gets us started and gives us something to fall back anyway . . .
Liz, are you reading my mind or what? I’m being visited lately by an interesting commenter of late. She’s not a September wonder but instead one of those people who seems to feel it’s her role to “critique”.
I don’t like to shot down comments but ya know . . . it’s getting old. I feel for you.
Hi Susan,
Some folks feel that the world can’t turn without them. Some folks are feeling the change of seasons happening. Some folks just don’t know what to do these days.
We’ll just have good time and be nice to all of them. 🙂
PS – Liz, your “drive by comments by pseudo authorities who seem to think they know everything” comment is right on. They wish!
PPS – On the other hand, I find many fascinating blogs just by reading your comments.
Yeah, Susan,
I’m really lucky that so many smart, cool people stop by here. I get to discover and read their blogs that way too. 🙂
Thank you. and now, please, talk about email. Emails are also like diamonds and they stay around longer than a paper trail… sigh.
I’ve also eventually met people (in person) who I met via a weblogs. The relationship was already a good one and we worked together, as a team, just as we had online.
Hi Mary,
I spoke about email not too very long ago. Does this help?
https://www.successful-blog.com/1/10-1-things-to-make-me-love-your-business-email/
Hiya Liz!
Love you’re blog. You’ve got such a great hearty approach to all you do… I love it.
I posted earlier on the relational side of blogging and how relationship-building as at the heart of what the blogosphere is all about.
Only later did I find this piece of yours.
So better late than never, but I’ve linked to it!
My post is here:
http://www.alistercameron.com/2007/01/24/the-real-reason-nobody-reads-your-blog/
Take care,
– Alister
Good day! I just googled my way here by typing the words on the search engine box, “connect with other bloggers.” And presto, here I am!
I’d just read your article and I must say it’s very informative for me as the newest blogger in cyberspace. Beyond my passion for writing, I wish to connect with more people around the world.
Moreover, your timely assistance is more than a coincidence. Thank you. “)
Hi Free Thinker,
Hope you’re coming to the party on this blog tomorrow. You’ll be able to connect to many other bloggers then. 🙂
I especially like what you have to say about people not interpreting words the same way. Lots of times our words can come across in a tone that we don’t intend! Nice article.
Hi Tricia!
Welcome and thanks!
It’s good to take a little time to look at all the ways folks hear us while we’re listening.
You’re not a stranger anymore. 🙂
No. 3 resonates with me. I bite my tongue whenever I see some errors. But if the error occurs in the headline of the post I don’t hesitate to email the author. Or send him a DM in Twitter if he/she is a friend or online buddy.
I don’t point it out in the comment section. If there’s no contact form, then it’s unfortunate for the both of us. But I move on. A thing like that may not after all kill his chances at connecting with his readers, after all. It’s just one post.
The last one I should work on. I have not thought about it in that light. Thank you, that’s particularly helpful.
These are some ethical ways to comment properly. It’s funny how many times we overlooked (or maybe just me)comments as another way to bond, or even a networking tool. Anything that creates a communication between the 2 human beings, is where the relationship started.
Whether we like to end it good or bad? Liz, I think you’ve given us some thought provoking points to ponder over this. Thank you.
@wchingya
Social Media/Blogging
A really great post. I am constantly looking for ways to connect with other bloggers, and will take all the useful info I can get! Thanks so much!
Thanks for all the good tips. I do a lot of this already and I think it has really helped me build a good network as well as being fun!
Come with the mind of a learner and youâll be well rewarded.
Thats a great line…I write about the beginners mind often…its an ancient Buddhist concept and I love how you worked it in, no muss,no fuss. 🙂
Hey Dino!
I believe that when we understand that others know things we don’t, we learn faster and and learn more. I have much to learn about Buddhist concepts, but what I know I agree with. 🙂
You have made 7 very interesting points. But here’s what bothers me a lot… whenever I search for the thing I am looking for (like new phones, cameras) I am bound to find great blogs and possibly very reputable sites. What bothers me is what am I going to comment to make it useful? I want to ask a question but looking at the number of posts already submitted…86 here…I feel a little timid and don’t ask or comment.
I want an opinion from the Author in particular. Other commentors do help each other but are they qualified more than the Author. No offense to other commentors here, but we only ask if its worth asking.
I’ve already asked what I wanted to, and I’d be waiting for the reply.
Regards,
K.K. Sonakiya
I like that tag line to get people to comment! Does it work though? relationships matter a lot these days I have a feeling the email is becoming more like the hand written letter these days, more and more people on social media so are all the bloggers. it’s where people can interact with each other rather than an email. I used to get lots of email from friends now hardly any more social media messages.
In many cases I only comment on a post when I am planning to comeback and read other posts. Just as you mentioned, I am evaluating the blog before I knock on their door.
Great point, Deb,
I find I do the same. We only have time for so many relationships and conversations. I like to be fully present in those I start. Sounds like you do too.
Thanks for the tips Liz. I’ve been looking for a concise guide to commenting on other blogs.
Now I for once decided to leave a comment on such an enlightening post. Ive been a regular reader of your blog Liz, you really opened my eyes about the importance and guide to commenting! THX. Am not scared anymore 🙂 And I’m defintely coming back later!