This year, 2007, has been one of learning and getting a business off the ground. Along the way, I have made my mistakes in choosing the folks I’ve worked with, and I’ve been blessed by working with folks who were heroes in every way.
But the hardest one of all I had to deal with was, by far, myself.
First, I had to learn to value what I do.
Then, I had to learn how to explain it to others.
Finally, I’m learning I have to ask them — tell them — that I need to get paid.
Sounds simple doesn’t it?
Yeah, it’s a lecture I’ve given often enough to everyone. You could probably find several versions of it right here on the pages of this very blog.
Yet, twice in the last week, I heard someone say, “I’m not giving free advice anymore” at the same time he was asking for free advice from me.
All I said was, “Yeah, I know people do the same thing to me.”
So I guess you could say that a couple of good friends sat me down. Well, they’ve been trying for a while now, but I’m a slippery character. Maybe I’m at a point where it means something, like whether I’ll keep blogging, or maybe I’m just growing up and ready to take responsibility. Or maybe it’s that I think it’s time that I build my own dream.
Whatever the case, one of them challenged me to answer the question in a blog post. This is it.
“Why do givers not ask to be paid?”
I cycled through the answers. You might be surprised with where I landed. I sure was. But, when I tested my answer, it held up. And, when I handed it back, the questioner agreed.
Is it pride?
No, I think of the givers I know. They’re not prideful people. They’d humble themselves for a cause.
Is it fear?
Not really. The real givers I know would walk through fire for the people they care about.
Is it a disdain for money?
Not a chance. Givers I know understand that money is a tool that makes it easier to give more and more generously.
So what is it then?
It’s the DNA of a giver. A giver lives generosity from the cellular level. Giving is without strings.
It’s not sensible and sure won’t pay the rent.
So how do I draw the line between the giver and the business person?
I’m asking for your advice.
–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!
I hear ya! Man! It is hard to value your knowledge. I don’t have the tricks for ya but I am learning how to ask to get paid. Their customers are paying them, why not share a little of the love eh?
I think part of the reason is that Givers don’t really appreciate the value of their gifts. Deep down they tend to not believe what they have is really that valuable. Or at least not valuable enough that someone would pay for.
But there’s another side to this, at least in my field (software development) and, I suspect, in others: giving isn’t just altruistic. It’s also personal branding & marketing & advertising. Spending much time, uncompensated (in any direct monetary sense) answering questions helped me build a reputation as an expert that ultimately led to paying gigs. Part of the trick is knowing when you’ve reached the point where you can say “that’s really more work than I can do for you for free, but I’d love to discuss how we can make this a mutually profitable business relationship.”
Bottom line — I’m happiest when I give.
It doesn’t mean that I value what I give any less, but I’m drawn to it like you described: It’s in my DNA. That being said, my best advice is to make a clear distinction between business and friendship. Make it clearer in your mind, and clearer on your blog.Some people will definitely not like it, but that’s their problem.
You’re experiencing this for a reason, as I’m sure you know, and it will force you to go to the next level, which is ultimately a good thing.
I’d be happy to talk to you anytime and provide support so that we givers can continue to give, but in a way that serves our higher selves.
For one thing, people are rather itchy about giving specific amounts when discussing payment and salary, so we go around not knowing that there are some people out there getting paid pretty good money to do what we’re doing.
Once I finally figured out that .50-$1/word was more than reasonable and even low-end for most print pubs, I started doing the math for my online work, which is just writing, after all.
Holy cow, was I giving away the farm! That led me to turn down a few blogging jobs that sounded nice but just were not paying enough for my considerable efforts.
So, let’s be more frank about money so we know what is “standard” and reasonable to ask for.
Then, let’s realize how increasingly valuable our online savvy is to businesses that want to move online. Knowledge that we think “everyone knows” is in fact gold bullion to companies who have just found Web 2.0. I’m not saying overcharge “because they can afford it,” but we should really appreciate our unique skillsets.
The teacher/consultant role and the need to pay such folks seems to be understood, so I plan to lean more in that direction, and try to make a decent living teaching what I know.
You’re a natural teacher and advisor, Liz, we all know that, and you should be paid accordingly.
this is a question i’ve been wondering about a lot, too – and i love what you say about givers having the giving in their DNA.
“so how do i draw the line between the giver and the business person?”
i don’t have THE answer – it’s one that flummozed me, too but why don’t collect a few posible ideas – let’s do some brainstorming:
set aside a certain number of units (hours/dollars/times we give advice/etc.) per month that we give away for free and not go over it
spend all our free time in volunteering and “free money†in charitable activities but charge everything else
give away the first unit (hours/dollars/times we give advice) for free and charge everything afterwards
use a sliding scale according to the client’s income
think about how much good we could do with the money that we ask for
charge for every single minute we work for a year and then reconsider
don’t worry about it – trust that it’ll all work out
survey other successful people in different professions (e.g. lawyers, accountants, financial advisors) and ask them how they do it
in a friendly manner, ask the person who is asking for free work why they feel they should receive it for free
write down a clear policy about what people can expect for free and what they can’t and doggedly refer people to it
Hi Jennifer!
Welcome! It’s a problem when people cast you as someone who gives free advice. I sometimes wonder why they pay their doctor and landlord, but not me. 🙂
Chris,
I know it looks that way. But the givers I know only give what they value. Sometimes they don’t look hard enough at who they give it too. I’ll agree with that, but it’s more complicated than not valuing my work or myself.
Hi Sunny,
What a giver’s response you wrote! Thank you. Drawing the line in my own mind is the first step definitely. 🙂
Wow. What a difficult, difficult question. And how much it tells us about our world. Perhaps the answer is more about us making sure those who give us something of worth know how valuable it is to us, making it easier for them to aks for an expect the rewards the deserve. We tip waiters who give us wonderful service (I’m in Australia: We only tip the good ones. 🙂 ), putting a dollar value on a something that is not concrete, so why do we not even consider paying other kinds of givers? You’re making me think about all the things I receive for free in life that i would be prepared to pay for.
That answer doesn’t help you, I guess, but I think those good friends who sat you down are very good friends. The person that comes to mind reading this, though, is Chris G. His blog is given to me freely, but as a business person, he gains from it as well. I think he’s a good example of knowing what you deserve to get back from your giving, without poisoning the pleasure of giving itself.
Hey Sheila,
I like the way you’ve tackled the problem. Must be that navy training.
Getting the teacher thing right also means knowing what folks want to learn and picking an early place in the process.
If you’re the first teacher in the door, you’ll be the one they trust to teach them all about everything.
Isabella,
You’re brilliant. That’s a blog post right there! Do you mind if I bring it forward to feature it so that folks don’t miss what you said?
Gosh the list has so many great ideas. I’d love to see where folks take it.
#4
Hi Mike!
Welcome!
Sorry you got stuck in moderation.
Oh man, do I ever agree that one of the best ways to let people know how good you are is to give your services away for free. I’m also right with you that the trick is drawing a circle around what’s free and what’s not. It’s the Baskin-Robbins taste . . . can’t be giving away the ice-cream cones. 🙂
Hi Lani!
Welcome!
Also sorry you had to wait.
That’s the key isn’t it? . . . What would we be willing to pay for, but take for granted that it’s free?
I’ve felt taken for granted. I’ve also felt greatly valued. Luckily more of the second.
But there’s this other thing, I think. We don’t want to pay our heroes, do we?
What I mean is, Superman changes when he starts to charge a fee.
Even Mother Teresa would lose something if she was asking outright for donations.
Givers are supposed to give freely.
ooh, maybe I have a hero complex.
liz, sure, please use it in whatever way you wish.
lani, i really like what you’re saying about tipping waiters. what a great comparison!
Isabella,
I feel lucky to know you. 🙂
Thanks Isabella, and I second what Liz had to say about your ideas.
Liz, my answer to the question about heroes is, are they really heroes? The people I think of in relation to this are people I have an enormous amount of respect for, people I might even consider role models. But they don’t wear tights. Maybe you do have a hero complex. :).
The thing with Superman is that he has powers which aren’t human. All our real life heroes are very human and that means they had to learn all those lessons they now can teach us. That’s labour. And labour deserves payment.
Maybe if we ask ourselves how much time/effort/money we’ve put in to learning what we know, we’ll be able to see how reasonable asking for something in return is.
Allow me first, a preemptive mea culpa. The following comment is offered with good intent and respect.
That said — where to begin.
First, can we all stop holding hands and singing all 56 verses of Kumbaya for Heaven’s sake? 🙂
I offer a story to set up my thoughts on this question.
Two people are killed by gunshots in the same neighborhood one night. One, by her husband while he was cleaning his ‘unloaded’ gun. It was a tragic accident. The other was murdered by a cold blooded killer while burglarizing the home.
Question: Which neighbor is ‘more’ dead?
WHY you as a business owner chose to offer your services for free is irrelevant. The Kumbaya crowd is constantly mystified as to why they aren’t being paid, when all they ever convey to the potential end user is hugs, kisses, and ‘feel good’ moments.
I own my own business and give away plenty every year. By plenty I mean five figures of ‘free’ services. Most of this ‘giving’ has more to do with me paying forward what I was gifted decades ago than any Kumbaya DNA I may possess. (Trust me, I’ve had an MRI, and there’s no hint of the ‘K’ thing in my DNA.) 🙂
Let folks know what you do, let them know when the talkin’ is over and the payin’ begins, then go find someone to hug. 🙂
This is the business world people. Nobody gives a damn about your ‘Giver DNA’. Geez Louise Myrtle. Are you folks serious?
Liz is literally one of the smartest most talented people I’ve ever met in person. Her integrity exceeds her IQ.
As soon as she closets the whole ‘let me kiss your booboo’ thing, she’ll smoke everyone in sight. OF COURSE folks take advantage of her. You ‘Givers’ can be spotted BEFORE you hit the horizon.
As soon as Liz successfully changes the perception of those who read her, this question will answer itself.
Stop appealing to the ‘Heart of Gold’ tree huggin’, Kumbaya singin’ bunch, and you’ll have eliminated the problem. The common denominator I’ve observed with the ‘Kumbaya’ crowd is how they act stunned when asked to pay for value received.
The key word there, is ‘act’, as they know exactly what they’re doing, and are upset at being busted. Though we all know plenty of exceptions, (Liz is the perfect example) most of them are simply wannabe frauds, looking to con you out of your expertise.
This can’t be that hard, right?
Love you Liz. 🙂
here’s a different way of thinking about this. i often have a hunch we’re getting ready for a new and different economy, and it is led by people like liz. it’s an economy that places a different value on money. i know, this sounds terribly vague but i’m quite sure there’s something to it.
(oh drats, now that i said it out loud i need to do some more thinking and research about it)
and thanks for your kind words, liz and lani.
As Lorelle says, you’ve “asked the brave question.” Let’s bravely discuss it.
I think most longtime bloggers have had a blue December night at some point, though it’s popular these days to speak of social capital as if we’re all independently wealthy, swimming in VC cash, or accustomed to no sleep.
My take is that if you’re investing yourself beyond whatever value you expect, then it’s time to regroup.
What do you want? Why are you doing this?
Perhaps your goal is simply to enrich your readers. But not all of us have the luxury of being able to pour out our time without consideration for the power bill.
I know a lot of folks who are blogging because it stimulates new client relationships. The ones who are successful at this aren’t just shotgunning what they know across the web: they have specific things they do to help people engage them, directly or passively.
Aaron Wall is a good example of the latter. Great SEO guy, and he puts a lot out there for free that people can use to improve their sites. But if you want the full benefit of his expertise, you buy his book. And he makes it very easy for you to do this.
I see Lorelle echoed your question, Liz. I’m not sure if she is looking to better leverage her influence, but her stuff is so good and so current, I think she could charge for premium content.
Then there are folks who want to hire themselves out. Readers are really busy. It’s not realistic to expect them to know of your availability if the only mention of this is a single line buried in your About page.
Become your own best client: sell yourself some ad space. Find one or more services or products to offer, build a landing page, and start running attractive display ads to get your readers there. Stop making the basic mistake of not asking for the order.
Of course, I’m talking to myself a bit here. It’s a good time of year to do this: we each get 8,760 hours in 2008. How are we going to best spend them?
Thanks for following me on Twitter, Liz. I might have otherwise missed this conversation.
Hi Lani!
I hear and don’t worry, I don’t overcount my heroes. 🙂
Though I’ll be looking in the mirror . . .
I know the value of what I’ve earned in this lifetime. I certainly respect that. I’m thinking about what makes me hold onto old behaviors. . . .
Jeff,
Your “tough love” is a pleasure this evening. Thank you for the kind words and the splash of water. I’m so smiling at you. 🙂
Wow Chris!
Welcome!
Your comment about other folks being here is in itself a helpful and faith restoring one.
Your ideas are, like Jeff’s, all about action. Action does feel better than sitting here wondering. 🙂
I know exactly where you’re coming from – my wife is a “giver” as well, often up to the point of exhausting herself.
My advice to her and to you about dealing with overzealous giving – when you give to others and don’t ask in return, you become a resource to another person. When you exchange gifts, you become a partner.
People generally like to give – there’s a joy in giving we all revel in. Certainly you can attest to the fact that you feel better giving than receiving – you have to understand that other people have that same calling as well. So you need to make an exchange to equalize the relationship. Otherwise, they come to look to you as a resource and not a friend. As a service, not a peer.
If you have people that have grown to see you as a resource instead of a peer, you need to change the relationship. Help them understand that you’re on the same level. The people that seek relationships will be excited about entering a new one. The ones that just want “free stuff” are not the people you want in your life.
If you can’t demand a return for your gift, you need to at least seek a gift from this person in the future. If you give free advice, can they aim a paying client at you? Can they leverage their expertise to help you with your own problems?
Hi Liz, it’s a tough question and not sure it’s one I have the answer to. But it does lie at the heart of the blogging thing though and I guess why Teaching Sells attracted so many of us in the door, to try and work out what you can charge for online, and how, without losing the stuff that’s good and that works about blogging. I haven’t got far enough through the course to work out the answer though:-(
I don’t really want to say this but I guess part of the issue for you must be the sheer amount of time you devote to this site. We all benefit and I don’t suppose we want you to stop, but I often wonder how it is you can live and work and make the money you deserve to make around about it.
Hope you find the answers you seek 🙂
Joanna
Hi Joanna!
Thank you. Yes, it seems it is a thought that so many of us have had, and the answer seems to lie in taking action. That was already in my plan.
I’m not giving up, at least not in the next week. 🙂
Hi Liz
I’m glad you put the button ‘Relationship’ in this post, because I think that’s where givers are going for in the first instance. And relationships can be very rewarding, profitable even – in the best meaning of the word! (As in Givers Gain)
Also glad that Joanna mentioned TS, a gentle way – not a dictate – for all of us to think about that ‘boarder’ between giving for free and giving for a fee. Because IMHO every giver already has a kind of personal boarder whom to give to for ‘free’ and whom to ask for a fee. Only with the TS course you’re forced (focussed ;-)) to clarify the boundary firstly for yourself and then consequently for others.
We’ll learn 😉
Karin H. (Keep It Simple Sweetheart, specially in business)
I have been up and down this road so many times..
My policy (and it’s written on my website) is that I expect to be paid for any solicited advice. If someone writes to me or calls me and does not immediately indicate that they understand that, I politely send them back to the site to read the conditions.
Quite a few disappear, never to be heard from again.
For those who come back, I may or may not charge them. It depends on how much time I spend answering them and how much I feel the answer is worth to them. If it’s all very quick and simple, I probably won’t charge.. but as we have already established that I can, it’s under my control.
I’m especially apt not to charge if the “answer” is in an article on my site. In that case, I give them a link to the article and some suggestions as to what they might have typed into search to find it themselves..
But if they come back again and it’s something they again could have found just by typing into my search box, yeah, this time I absolutely charge them – lazy s.o.b’s 🙂
Hi Bill,
Welcome. That’s wise advice you passed along to your wife and to me. I agree that everyone likes the feeling that comes from being generous.
Once again, I guess it comes down to not being so self-involved. 🙂
Hi Karin!
Thanks for pointing out the importance of that personal boundary that we have to decide to define for ourselves. It’s fully on my mind this morning.
I’m thinking of how to make a definition that will be clear enough that I won’t waver in times of kind-hearted good feelings. 🙂
Wow, that’s a strong metaphor, one I really like.
However, I’m not really sure about ‘demanding’ a return of your gift. But I do get the feeling you don’t mean it so hard factual. Partners don’t demand ROI, they freely make sure everything is reciprocated by not keeping count.
(Though one, I know, as though as Liz’s question)
Karin H.
Hi Anthony,
I’m heading over to read your policy. I think that might be a good way to make things clear to myself as well as everyone else. I like to live up to my word . . .
Oh yeah, I know those folks who’d rather take my time than do their own homework. 🙂
Hi Karin!
Change the word demand to agree and it works for me.
But that’s the beauty of being fully alive IMHO: you can’t put a definition on it, specially with kind-hearted good feelings. I rather call it ‘gut-feeling’, flexible personal boundaries. Never set in stone, too rigid, too unpersonal.
Karin H.
Well, Karin,
Sometimes when I learn a new habit, I have to start with a hard and fast rule to keep from letting myself off the hook. 🙂
Wow! Liz, excellent conversation here.
I’m obligated to weigh in on this one as its the new focus of my blog. No more writing assignments from Professor Johnson. : )
Giving. . .for me it has to do with building connections. When I give by offering advice, the only payment I expect is a “thanks for your thoughts.” When I give with my time, the only payment I expect is a “thanks for your time”. When I give with my money, the only payment I expect is a “thanks for your donation.”
I don’t expect an immediate return on my giving. But I have made a connection. The person/organization I’ve given advice/time/money to will probably not remember the advice/time/money I gave, but they will remember how I made them feel. Hopefully, its a positive feeling.
That to me is priceless.
I’ll definitely be continuing the conversation over at my blog on this one.
Thanks for all you do, Liz.
Ah, but wait Erik!
What you’re saying is that thanks is enough for what you give outside your employment. “Thanks!” instead of a paycheck?
Lorelle sent me over with her link. Interesting comments so far and I think a common theme expressed is that a ‘Giver’ is a natural state of being. Even when you are being paid at a job or for advice, the giver personality will go beyond the parameters and offer more and decline extra pay. Does this mean a giver is being taken advantage of? All depends on the perspective.
So is there a difference between a consultant and a blogger? If your blog is geared towards advice and howto then should a fee be levied to access that information? If you do charge, then how much? Think about financial newsletters and other forms of magazines. They have always charged for advice. Why not a blog?
Blogs are rapidly reaching the point of saturation and are splitting into a myriad of different formats. The Internet has always been about ‘free’ exchange of information, but big business is creating a culture where commerce is threatening that exchange. By tracking links and clicks, Google has become the largest company in the world. Why? They don’t make anything!
What Google sells is access and they make billions doing so. Google isn’t a giver by any means. So if you have a blog and you offer advice that someone needs, you should ask for payment. If not cash, than at least a link to help raise your page rank. I personally don’t have any ads on my blog, but I do promote my novel. To me, a comment left is a form of payment and I am grateful for all my readers.
@sheila
Knowing what you are worth is indeed the question.
Years ago a certain person would call me every now and then. I don’t think he realized that he had called me before; he was probably just going through some list of programmer types he had found on the web.
Anyway, he’d always have a project which he would describe and then ask if I were interested and would like to give an estimate.
Well, first of all, I don’t give estimates. I work by the hour only, no exceptions. We’d argue about that for a bit and then he’d usually give up and say “So OK, what do you want per hour?”. This was in the mid 80’s to early 90’s so I probably would have said something in the $75.00 to $95.00 per hour range.
He’d always laugh. 🙂
I remember that so well. The condescending chuckle: “You can’t get that much money for this. Listen to me, I’m an expert at this stuff: the most you could possibly charge is..”
And then he’d name some very low figure – may $35.00 an hour.
I bet that ploy worked with plenty of people.
In my case, I already had plenty of work at the rate I quoted, so I certainly wasn’t going to sell my time for less – and more importantly, I knew darn well that I COULD get that rate.
So it was my turn to laugh, and he’d badger me more, and I’d laugh more, and eventually he’d hang up and I wouldn’t hear from him for another year or two..
Know what the going rate is. Laugh when someone tries to buy you for less.
““Thanks!†instead of a paycheck?”
Then it comes down to how you are tracking your connections and comments. How many of them are leading to a direct paid engagement? How many of them lead to a connection with another person/organization with a paid engagement? I would guess the majority of comments are, for a lack of better word, your version of a loss leader. But its the conversations and discussions that lead to the paid consultations.
Draw the line (different for every person/encounter) where you decide to continue the conversation in the blog using comments or take it “offline” and strike up the conversation via email and discuss payment/contract.
Liz, great timing on this post for me, thanks for bringing the subject up. I know I give away more than I should, and more importantly more than I have to. I’m afraid I don’t have much to add to the discussion but I’m enjoying it and learning from it, thank you!
Hi Brian!
Welcome and thank you for adding so much insight and experience to this dialogue. 🙂
I might be the changes around us that make me nervous. Google behaving as if it’s the king of content, rather than the other way around, doesn’t seem right.
I sure agree with your view of blogging and readers. Readers are the heart and soul of a blog. 🙂
Hi Anthony,
That is so vital, knowing what the work and your experience is worth. I like the idea that you don’t quote estimates. It makes life a whole lot easier and less complicated that way I’m sure.
Hi Erik,
Great advice. I think I want you on my team, making sure I do exactly that. 😉
Hi Annie!
Welcome!
Thanks for stopping by to say so. It’s a good thing to know that other folks have similar thoughts. 🙂
This post confirmed my intention of putting a tipjar on my website in 2008. I’ve blogged about it at http://www.absoblogginlutely.net/mtblogarchive/009204.php Although I don’t expect to get paid it would be nice if people donated when they get helped by a posting on my website – especially if it has solved them several hours of time or brought their computer back from the dead.
In the US people have no problem tipping at various service shops so why should they have no problems in tipping someone on the internet who fixes their computer problem (at way less than the geeksquad would charge)
Hi Andy,
Welcome!
I’m thrilled that the conversation here has moved you to a decision you feel good about. I hope your readers live up to your faith in them. Your work deserves a response. 🙂
I wish I had a few hours, a warm mug of something, lived closer and could invite the whole gang here over to keep up this conversation. It’s so been on my own mind lately I feel like I’m reading a transcript of my inner self-talk.
But I’ll just grab one “slender thread” as Robert Johnson calls them, and add this to the mix: As a new blogger, the Tip Jar thing on blogs just baffles me. It’s as if the blogger is saying, “if YOU think this is good or helpful, drop in a tip.” I just don’t like to leave it that open to opinion…it almost feels like begging to me. I’d rather DECLARE that my stuff is good and charge bundles for it.
So how about some free stuff on one blog (“Hey, this is a taste of what I offer, if you want more, head over to this membership blog over here where I charge for even more great stuff.” I guess that’s what drew me to TS but I am truthfully not wired DNA-wise to want to follow through with it all by myself.
Which leaves me pondering how I will proceed myself in 2008. I truly wish I could offer more here…
Liz, not quoting estimates can be tough.. a lot of people don’t like it, but I stick to my guns.
Not all businesses can do that. For one thing, you have to be damn good at what you do and damn confident of that. You have to accept that some people just will not do business with you on those terms. It may also be the case that 99.99% of your competition WILL offer quotes or “not to exceed” estimates.
But the important thing to remember is that it’s YOUR choice. You own your business, you determine what you are selling and how you are selling it. It’s YOUR choice, not theirs.
Now admittedly, some business models are doomed to failure. You may not be able to “have it your way” 100%. But.. the closer you can come, the happier you will be, and that’s true even if you leave some money on the table because of it.
Hi Erica!
I’m not a build a mountain by myself person either. Over the past two months I’ve been giving this whole thing plenty of thought.
This week I’m announcing my own personal answer — it draws from who I am and where I come from and plays out what I do best.
I agree about the tip jar, especially since so many of my readers are return readers. I think premium content might be the way to go for you. But I would build it all into one blog.
Hi Anthony,
I can see where some folks would have issues with no estimates. Maybe I’m folling myself but I think I have a reputation — for fairness and authenticity — to leverage. So maybe they might take a risk on that fact alone. 🙂
I agree it’s my choice. Boy it’s fun talking with you again!
@Liz — Thanks Liz. Truly wasn’t looking for “free” input…I hope you know that. I look forward to hearing your announcement and seeing where you go from here. Happy 2008.
Hi Erica!
No worries. I was just talking to you, a friend on my blog. 🙂
I’m enjoying putting my life plan together. 🙂
Hi, Liz! 🙂
Wow, excellent question! I confess, I’m one of the Givers, lol. I have no answers for you on the ‘why.’ I’ve discovered, though, that sometimes it’s easier to ask for what you deserve if you know the ‘how.’
Here are some *how’s* I came up in an article I wrote a while back:
(excerpt, Kind Ways To Say No, Or Be Paid)
To Decline A Project That’s A Poor Fit For You…
4. Oh, I know someone who would be a great fit for you. I’ll look up her contact information for you right now (or get back to you with that info…).
To Be Fairly Compensated For Your Time…
5. Why yes, I do that kind of work. You’ll find my price list at (yoursite.com) Or, would you prefer I fax the price list to you? Let me write your fax number down.
6. Sure. I’d be happy to do that. Hold on and I’ll grab my price list for you. You can think about it, and get back to me at your convenience.
7. I’m glad you thought of me. Let’s set up a time to discuss this. Once I know what the project will entail, I can let you know the fee for my services.
I’ve found these create the rules or boundaries from the get-go. And if they really value your help, they’ll be back, rules intact. Of course, some will move on…
Hope this helps, my friend.
Hi Dar,
You are indeed a friend. I smile every time I see your name here. 🙂
Those ideas are a grace to my blog. Thank you for bringing them. Thank you for being the fabulous one that you are.
Forgive me if I repeat–I only read the first 25 comments–but I went through this with the speaking involved years ago in promoting my print books. It was hard to ask for money–or higher honorariums. Then I landed in the “single mother” world with three daughters to support, and it changed everything. When the income was actually needed for rent and food, I turned out to be gutsier than I imagined in getting higher fees and negotiating contracts and turning down freebies (beyond the set number of speeches I did for free each year). Being broke can have an amazing effect on helping a person decide when to ask for payment for services rendered. (An interesting result: I began to be treated with a lot more respect in the professional world and offered better speech opportunities with higher pay–without asking! People tend to appreciate what they pay for.)
if you are a willing giver, then the issue of being paid or compensate in cash or in kind, shouldn’t have raised.
Hi Kristi!
Thank you for sharing your story. Sometimes we have to face our foundations to know that we stand on concrete. Once we do, like you, no one can knock us over.
I’m ready to do that now.
Hi,Liz. Fascinating conversation. Familiar ground for many of us it seems.
It is such a seductive idea -that we can reinvent ourselves while making the connections in our lives more fruitful.
Congrats on your news – whatever it turns out to be.
Hi kher Cheng Guan!
Welcome!
So where does the willing giver find money to pay the rent . . . that’s the question that is here.
It means you know how to be a mensch http://blog.guykawasaki.com/2006/02/how_to_be_a_men.html
Here in the netherlands more people are working on a basis of giving. We do the stuff we love to do for and with the people whom it’s most fun or exciting or challenging to do it with / for. Sometimes they value our work and express that with asking me to send them an invoice. Sometimes they connect me to people that help me in realizing my dreams. Sometimes I get information that brings me closer to my goals. Either way what grows are my ideas, my knowledge, my experience, my network and my reputation.
In Holland the media are picking this up as a movement, a new way of working / entrepreneuring. The big question is indeed: how do you explain this to the people you ‘work’ for?
I like to tell people that if they want to reward me, they can give what they have too much of, or what they have easy access to. So I work for banks and insurance companies every once in a while, because what they have in abundance is money. And that keeps my motor running (so far).
Anyhoooo. I don’t have the answer. Since I’m highly visible in my network and people question me about this a lot, I’m working hard on a good blogpost about it. But it’s not easy! You’ve helped me with it though, with this blogpost. THANX
Hi Sonne!
What a lovely network you seem to be a part of. It’s a worth ethic that has to grow wonderful ideas. I’m sure that you are a good part of the reason it works so well.
Thank you for letting us know some ways we can align our beings with our work. 🙂
This question really strikes a chord with me, as one of my New Year’s resolutions is to stop working for free.
I’ve seen this topic covered in a few places, and there seems to be a group of people who say never to work for free since you are devaluing yourself and your trade.
Then there are others who note that working for free (or on the very lowest end of the pay scale) helped them get where they are today.
I wish I had the answer for you, but I’ll tell you what I’m doing. I’m going to tell everybody that I’m focusing on growing my business, and I need to be compensated for anything that takes time away from that.
I’ll accept cash, checks and maybe barter (only if it’s something I really would have used anyway).
I’m going with the sentiment (which I see echoed in some of the comments above) that you have to act like a pro if you want to be treated like one.
Sociologists have observed two motivations for gift-giving. First, to inspire reciprocation; second, to establish a dominant social position where reciprocation would be impossible (e.g., due to financial inequity). Both are embedded in human culture at the cellular level; they are time-tested and effective.
I would suggest that there is no need, and probably no benefit to drawing a line between the giver and the business person. Either can choose to behave themselves in an ethical or not-so-ethical manner. Robert Middleton’s book contains some helpful advice on this issue (search my blog for details 😉 ).
Hi chris!
If you follow through to today’s post. I think you might find that I got close . . . It was something I’m fairly sure reading book wouldn’t have done for me. I had to walk this road and do this thinking on my own.
I agree with all you said, though it’s argued that it is possible to be totally altruistic. I’m not sure I agree with that. I do stand back a bit to say that I think that one can override the need for reciprocation and learn to live unconditionally.
You know when you find five bucks and you feel like, “MAN, this is AWESOME!”? That’s the feeling I want people to get, so I give everything away. I’m going broke in the process, but I always think that if you give people something, they’ll remember it and something good will come of it later.
That’s the hope, anyway. 🙂
Hi Jon!
I sure know about the feeling that you describe. I used to be the same way. I sure hope you’ll consider the course that I opened today at Connection Central. Email me if you want to know more.
You don’t have to give up or give away your generosity to get paid. 🙂
It took me forever to figure that out. 🙂
Hi there! I know this is somewhat off-topic however I had to ask.
Does operating a well-established blog such as yours take a massive amount work?
I’m brand new to running a blog however I do write in my journal everyday. I’d
like to start a blog so I can easily share my experience and feelings online.
Please let me know if you have any suggestions or tips for new aspiring bloggers.
Appreciate it!