compliments Archives - Successful Blog

Most Folks Have Been There

It was a one-person project and one you fell in love with. You put your heart in it and delivered beyond expectations. The project was elegant. Every minute you worked meant every detail came together with the highest quality.

This morning you presented it to the executive team. Just now, the president of the company came up to you in front of your coworkers and said, “Congratulations, your project and your presentation were outstanding.”

Suddenly it seems as if all eyes are looking at you. What do you say?

You’re pretty sure that saying, “Damn right, it was!” is probably not the right thing.

How do you answer a compliment without denying it or looking like a self-centered idiot?

How to Receive a Compliment Without Being a Self-Centered Idiot

The idea of accepting a compliment has come up in conversations with Ann Michael, Phil Gerbyshak, and Allan Cox this week. The discussion with each of them centered on the dynamic of why people have a problem accepting a compliment and how to handle the self-conscious feeling that is often attached to the attention a compliment brings.

Receiving a compliment with grace and feeling good about it is easy if you remember to do three things.

Compliment: “Your presentation was outstanding.”

Don’t make it about you.
Example of a response to avoid:
Let me tell you about it. I was up until 3 a.m. every night this week. My computer crashed last night and my kids have the flu.

A compliment is conversation. A speaker tells a offers a listener information about his or her opinion in the form of praise. The content of a compliment — even when it’s personal in nature such as You’re a wonderful human being. — is simply a statement of a point of view. Keep yourself out of the response.
Don’t discount the speaker’s gift.
Example of a response to avoid:
It wasn’t much. I just threw something together.

The speaker has offered a personal thought in your favor. To deny it or discount it is to say that the speaker has made a mistake in judgment. Value the speaker’s words in your response.
Acknowledge the speaker’s words and stop there.
Examples of a response that works:
Thank you for saying that it means a lot to hear it from you.

Focus on the speaker and the value of the speaker’s words. That guarantees your response will be graceful, respectful, and not about you.

That sentence in Step 3 was my default answer for the first few tries. Now I no longer freeze when I hear a compliment coming toward me. So I listen, focus, and respond even more thoughtfully. I enjoy compliments now that I no longer make them about me.

It’s not a hard habit to develop these three steps in receiving a compliment. Try them once and you’ll most likely be ready to put them to use every time. The exchange that occurs is so much more natural. It’s normal conversation without the “spotlight” glaring in our eyes.

It’s nice to let someone know that you heard and value their compliment. Sometimes it even allows you a chance to offer an authentic compliment in return.

You’re irresistible. Thank you for stopping by.
–ME “Liz” Strauss

Buy the Insider’s Guide to Online Conversation.

Say “Thank You”

Something goes right or something goes wrong. Someone says something about it. That something is a compliment or an apology. Oh. Compliments and apologies are so . . . um, er . . . direct. The words, the thoughts come straight at us. It’s almost natural to move out of the way.

“Oh that, it was nothing,” is not an unusual response.

Or maybe it’s the other way around. Something goes right or something goes wrong. We need to say something. We try to apologize or give say how touched we were by an action, but the words come out wrong.

Apologies and compliments can feel unnatural, if no one has shown us how. Even when we mean to be gracious, we can deny or discount ourselves and the person on the other side of the conversation. From what I see, that’s what most often happens.

“This old thing?”

Whether giving or receiving, if head and heart are together and focused on the other person, we’ll get it right.

Love means never having to say you’re sorry, but that’s a rule to give by, not to live by — that’s only part of the story. Love also means telling a person how you feel and letting that person say what he or she needs to.

No matter how embarassing, love listens when people tell us how it feels to have made a hurtful mistake or to have received a kindness.

Sometimes I need to know that you’ve heard how sorry I am. It helps me heal.

Receiving or giving, it’s about listening. It’s about the other person. How could it not be and still be authentic? It’s not so hard to do. One simple thought changes everything. A real person meant what was just said. I need to show respect for that. That one thought can generate so many responses.

I’m sorry. I behaved badly. . . . I am so happy for you. . . . Wow! Thank you, I work hard, and that means a lot. . . . I hear you. . . . I understand.

It took me decades to realize that compliments and apologies weren’t about me. It only took minutes to find a new way of responding.

We can change the world — just like that.
–ME “Liz” Strauss