“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.” –Abraham Lincoln
Oh, how true it is!
How often do we find ourselves in that same situation? Or, if you are too uncomfortable to admit it yourself, how often have you seen someone else there?
I’m not sure what I’ve got. But I want something different.
I suspect a massive percentage of our problems in this world can be traced back to that simple state of discontentment.
The Mess We’re In
Have you ever taken a job knowing it wasn’t a good fit for you, but you so desperately wanted to escape the job you were in that you made the switch anyway?
How’d it work out?
If you’re like me, not so good.
How many wars have been fought because “I don’t like this dirt I’ve got here. I want your dirt!”?
And what about the state of our families? Now I’m not going to stand sit here and pretend that all marriages are salvageable.
Knowing that, however, doesn’t negate the fact that a huge number of marriages fall apart because one person (or maybe even both) are simply suffering from that “Lincoln Syndrome” above.
We say to ourselves, “I want out” often enough and loud enough eventually we’ll find ourselves out one way or another.
Funny how that seems to work. The thing we focus our attention on has this uncanny way of actually happening. Gotta say I don’t understand that. But I don’t have to understand it to know it’s true. (I’ve seen it in action!)
What Can We Do?
Wanna know how to escape from this “Lincoln Syndrome”? How to take the cure, as my father in law would say?
How do we learn to be content?
Well for starters we gotta change the way we think. As long as we let those thoughts of discontent continue occupy space in our brains we aren’t going to see any change.
It requires a two step process:
1. Stop letting our minds dwell on the junk – Don’t continue to keep repeating those same destructive tapes in your mind over and over again. When we have that discontented thought, we’ve got to push it away from us.
But that’s only half the battle. If we try to push the counter productive thought aside without replacing it, it will rush back in before you know it. And it will bring a bunch of its ugly-thought friends with it. Therefore we have to be sure to do step two of the process.
2. Focus our attention on something positive, encouraging, uplifting – Put something different in the place of the thought we are getting rid of. As long as we are shifting our focus, we might as well put out thoughts to work for us rather than against us, don’t you think?
One simple way to make this work is to think about things we are grateful for. It’s really hard to be grateful and bitter at the same time. But get specific. We can’t just think “I am sooooo grateful for [insert frustration here].”
Get down and dirty with it.
Think about what specifically we can find to be truly grateful in the person (or situation). It might go something like this:
Man my wife is driving me nuts! Oh wait… That’s stinking thinking… Um… Let’s see… She made a great dinner last night. In fact, she is a wonderful cook. And I get lots of great meals too. Not like Bubba down the street. Heh. They go out to eat almost every night. Man I’m glad my wife cooks so well. I’m so lucky to be married so someone like her.
So it sounds a little silly. Trust me you will probably feel silly trying it too at first. It isn’t natural.
But oh, is it worth it!
But that’s just the Way I C it.
P.S. And it’s not at all about a woman in the kitchen, that was just an example. Pick whatever fits your situation. Sheesh!
–Chris Cree, SuccessCREEations.
The old cliche that The Grass is Always Greener tends to rear its ugly head more often than before.
I agree with Chris Cree at SuccessCREEations that the more we find to be grateful for the more good things will come our way.
Hey Karma. I’m grateful you agree with me! 😉
Seriously, though, too often it is easier to look to changing external things rather than addressing our own internal issues.
Hi Cris. Yes, it is impossible to be bitter and positive at the same time.
I’ve read all the positive thinking books, listened to the tapes and attended motivational speeches. None of that prevented ugly, negative thoughts from popping in my head…..Until I began to practice the principles. Bite by bite.
Wanting what someone else has does not mean they have something better than me or you. It may mean that the person wanting it is so miserable that they can’t stand to see anyone else be content.
Negative thoughts are just one of those things in life we have to acknowledge exists, but we do not have to be caught up in them.
Chris, once I was in that position. I didn’t stay there because I began to follow a dream…and now I’m very content. Perhaps the problem comes more in the staying and complaining and, not having the guts to take a risk.
This ‘feeling’ must be in the ‘air’ I think.
Chris, great and recognisable post, makes me even more aware that I should count my blessings every day.
Karma, The idea of controling my thoughts is one that has been slow for me to get a grasp of. At first it seemed impossible.
Robyn, Guts. Yep. I agree. Change is risky. Or maybe it just seems risky? Hmm….
Karin, I think you may be on to something. 😉
😉
Well Chris, I was more thinking about this to be honest.
Chris,
Very nicely written. It’s easy to forget that every experience we ever have happens exclusively in our own minds (where we have varying – but real – power to shape them)!
Mike
I find the biggest barrier to the success of the “be grateful for what you have” solution is that people quickly stop doing it.
When you visit a hospital and see terminally ill patients, it is easy to be grateful to just be alive.
When you avoid a potentially horrific car accident by a split second, you suddenly become grateful to still be doing something as simple as driving down the road.
The truth of the matter is that the grass is NEVER greener on the other side, because our entire lives are happy or sad based on our perception of the grass that we already have.
Gratitude rocks. Great post, Chris!
Karin, As long as we are on the subject, I saw The Ultimate Gift over the weekend. It is definitely a must see. And judging on the number of folks who weren’t in the theater it won’t be around long either. Shame too. It is powerful.
Everyone of us should see it.
Thanks Aaron. Interesting idea about the grass never being greener elsewhere. I’ll have to think about that for a bit…
Chris, just looked at the site. Is it in the same gest as ‘becoming a peble in the pond of goodwill’? (as I like to call it = you receive an act of goodwill and you pass it on, even to strangers?)
I believe strongly in ‘being good’/doing good. It’s been discussed here and on other blogs also recently about givers gain.
But sometimes we do need little (strong) reminders of who are giving to us 😉
Not really. It’s more about what it takes to make it in this world and what really holds value vs what most of us think is valuable.
They use great characters to weave a tale that demonstrates what things truly matter and how attending to those things will help each of us to get more out of this life.
I thought the acting and the cinematography were top notch. Made me think for days. Actually I’m still thinking about it.
Chris, thank you for this gift (am still reading on the website about the 12 items (gifts) and it is very interesting, just what I needed this week
Well if you can’t give it away you never really had it in the first place, eh?
😉