Liz Strauss at Successful Blog

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July 1, 2007

Everybody Things, Me Things, and Assumptions

ME Liz Strauss wrote this at 8:40 am

I've been thinking . . .

about everybody things.

Everybody has them — “everybody” things and “me” things. I have them, always have. They show up in spades. My “me” things — idiosyncrasies and tiny rules about what I do — in some ways define me. One can appear so strikingly that some folks make an assumption. When Liz says anything about anything she’s talking about something that applies only to her. It happens. Really.

Everybody makes assumptions about how other people think and what it means.

Funny, when folks make assumptions that I only see “me” things, it happens most often about something I know deeply. It might be how children learn to read or how people process. I know when I see a certain look, hear a certain sound of agreement — a tone that says I’m humoring you. Folks who do that can’t see me, or they would know that I hear them.

Everybody misinterprets and misunderstands. Everybody gets misinterpretted and misunderstood too.

Everybody knows when we have done our best. We know also when we’re trying to make something work because we don’t want to do it over.

Everybody just knows some things. Who knows how we know some of them? Some things we just know. We know completely, deeply them because they came in our original packaging or we’ve lived them so long they have become a part of us. The final proof sits in our hearts, our heads, and our fingers.

Whether we trust that knowing seems to be a “me” thing.

Everybody has “me” things.

I have a “me” thing that says I only buy 3-5 books at a time unless it’s a book emergency. This “me” comes from knowing how long a book will last me and how I feel about the checkout process. I won’t go through the trouble for just 1 book, but with 6 books it’s likely 2 won’t get read because my interest could change before I get to them.

Everybody has “me” things they think are everybody things.

It probably starts when we are kids. If our family eats dinner at 6pm, we think That’s the way that all families do it. As we glimplse into other lives we realize such assumptions are more like sand than concrete.

Everybody makes assumptions . . . It’s a problem. We assume.

Assumptions often turn a “me” thing into an everybody thing. When someone does our “me” thing his or her way, we figure that person is different, difficult, resistant, not so smart, unyielding, stuck, or possibily, trying to push our buttons.

Everybody seems to make occasional faulty assumptions about some “me” thing. That causes miscommunication. Then everygody has feelings. Those feelings rush to protect “me” things. The feelings are “me” things. Contrary to belief not everybody hurts over stuff like that.

If only we could know our “me” things, everybody would be better at the everybody things we do.

Of course, not everybody cares what I think. Caring is always a “me” thing — we decide that for ourselves.

What’s an everybody thing to you?

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16 Comments to “Everybody Things, Me Things, and Assumptions”

  1. July 1st, 2007 at 8:57 am
    Mike said

    Everybody is doing what they think is the right thing at the moment they do it.

    Whether it is, or whether they’ll think differently a minute later, no one can know.

  2. July 1st, 2007 at 8:59 am
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Mike,
    Everybody knows if they are fooling themselves into believing what they want to do is what they’re going to feel good about later. :)

  3. July 1st, 2007 at 9:34 am
    Karin H. said

    If our family eats dinner at 6pm, we think That’s the way that all families do it.

    ;-)
    That did it.
    Brought back a strong ‘me’ memory. It took me years not to regards ‘grown-ups’ holding hands in the street as strange, very strange people. My parents never held hands, so ‘nobody’ did. ;-)

    When I see ‘grown-ups’ whatever age holding hands now, that’s ‘me’ now: smiling to them, being happy for their so apparent happiness.

    Karin H. (Keep It Simple Sweetheart, specially in business)

  4. July 1st, 2007 at 9:38 am
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Karin!
    We construct our world by piecing together repetitive details. That, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that are all blues. Now I have a sense of what blue is. We do the same with family.

    The patterns we find could be real or just coincidence. It’s no wonder that we end up with a bunch of “me” things.

  5. July 1st, 2007 at 9:44 am
    Karin H. said

    Hi Liz

    What I like most about piecing the world together (and so the ‘me’ things) is the pieces change. I can allow the pieces to change. Then the ‘me’ moments and the ‘me’ thingies change with the ‘world’ into a new blue

    Karin H.

  6. July 1st, 2007 at 9:46 am
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Karin!
    The tricky part is knowing that the concept we have for blue is off in the first place. If we don’t know, we don’t know to fir the new pieces in. . . . :)

  7. July 1st, 2007 at 9:54 am
    Karin H. said

    Hi Liz

    But I’m getting a little better at ‘colouring between the lines’ so the ‘blue’ becomes more and more unblurred ;-)

    And hence I’m more and more able to see all the colours of the rainbow.

    But it start with the first ‘me’ pieces. Once found, the rest is bound to follow.

    Karin H.

  8. July 1st, 2007 at 9:56 am
    ME Strauss said

    Yep, gotta start with something or there’s no beginning. :)

  9. July 1st, 2007 at 12:38 pm
    zakman said

    hey Karin, Mike, Liz!

    Quote: Everybody has “me” things they think are everybody things.

    This so reminds me of “you can’t see your picture when you’re inside the frame” …

    laters guys … just wanted to drop in real quick and get my daily poison :)

  10. July 1st, 2007 at 4:38 pm
    Jan said

    When thinking about it can I not really come up with any everybody thing to be honest. I do rather think: “is this me or does everyone think or do so” just to realize that they probably don’t (although some surely do). :-)

    You should put assumptions down though. We need assumptions to live. None of us would make it through a single day without them. Assumptions, expectations and generalizations (to name a couple of similarly working concepts) can all lead to bad things, but are nonetheless absolutely critical.

    People have to base all three on their own experience as that is all they have. No one can read minds nor can you expect them to. They key to not letting what you assume, expect or generalize about turn bad is how you manage them and not least how you communicate them. Being aware of what you do and why you do it goes a long way in dealing with it.

  11. July 1st, 2007 at 6:32 pm
    GP said

    yikes this hit home (pardon the pun).. how much of what i thought i knew vis a vis how people are “supposed” to be or what they “should do” are learned from the parental units.

    It’s an ongoing wake up call to create your world newly

    gp in montana who had most excellent ride on alle.. getting ready for her next show time folks

  12. July 1st, 2007 at 7:00 pm
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Zakman!
    Glad to provide your daily fix!
    Yep we can’t see what we can’t see. :)

  13. July 1st, 2007 at 7:03 pm
    ME Strauss said

    Oh Jan,
    Great point. We do need assumptions to function. It IS all in how we manage them. Our job is to be flexible and no think our assumptions are unchangeable or golden. :) Trying to stay clear of negative assumptions until we’re sure is also healthier for our heart health and our brian chemistry. he-he. :)

  14. July 1st, 2007 at 7:04 pm
    ME Strauss said

    Hi GP!
    Aren’t we amazing and interesting creatures when we continue to keep learning? :)

  15. July 3rd, 2007 at 4:50 am
    Honman said

    If you think of “me” only without “everyone”, you will become a loneranger and a selfish person. If you think of “everyone” only except “me” then others will think that you are a silly person. So the best choice is think of “everyone” and “me”. Then you are a wise person. What do you think?

  16. July 3rd, 2007 at 7:13 am
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Honman,
    You bring up something crucial. We need to be the same, but we need to be individual. One helps us get along and one helps us lead our lives. Putting both together we can function as a person and a part of society.

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