Liz Strauss at Successful Blog

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November 20, 2008

Which Social Media Apologies Rebuild Trust?

ME Liz Strauss wrote this at 9:19 am

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Not All Apologies Are Equal

In relationships, things go wrong. Person to person or in business, mistakes and missteps can be life changing. A wrongly placed word or deed can bring in question what had gone without thought. Suddenly trust, integrity, honesty, sensitivity, authenticity and the core values that connect us are tested.

Mistakes. No human enterprise or individual gets by without making them. We might not mean them. No harm might have been intended. Yet, we’re not harmless — we can cause hurt or damage by the way we behave. How we respond when we do, is what makes a leader.

In a business relationship recently, my property was mishandled. When I asked about it — when and how it happened — the representative said something like this …

I hear you. We’re sorry it happened. We’re looking into it, but I doubt we’ll ever know the exact sequence of events. Can we move forward now?

Not all apologies are equal. I’m not the only one who wouldn’t call that an apology.

An apology that deflects attention, that says “I regret it happened,” is not an apology.
An “I’m sorry” that doesn’t own the damage done won’t rebuild trust.
An incomplete apology is a missed opportunity to build a stronger relationship by learning from what went wrong.

Apologies that Rebuild Trust, Relationships, and Reputations

Mistakes. No human enterprise or individual gets by without making them. We might not mean them. No harm might have ever been intended. The fact remains, we’re not harmless — we can cause hurt or damage by the way we behave. How we respond when we do, is what makes a leader.

Meet a mistake with trust, the mind of a learner, and a truly other-centered apology and a newer, stronger relationship can be the result. To offer a relationship-building apology, we have to show up whole and human — with our head, heart, and purpose reaching out to fix the bonds that we’ve broken.

No person has lived a life without once behaving badly. Apologies can connect us on that point. A relationship-building apology includes many parts and a whole human behind them.

Apologies are about admitting human error. If you worry about saying the wrong thing, write it down and offer a choice the other person a chance to read it or listen while you do. The point is to be human and mean what we say.

Keep the apology simple. Don’t use an apology to move other issues forward. Save other conversations for other days.

Never lose the opportunity to apologize.
Never take that opportunity away from someone.

Which Social Media Apologies Rebuild Trust?

In the online world, every mistake has a potential for magnification. Every word has millions of opportunities to be misread. The ability to apologize with grace and respect can build respect, relationships, and reputation. In a trust economy, the apology is a powerful form of communication. Simply said and complete, a sincere apology shows respect, inspires confidence, and makes a great step toward rebuilding the trust to move forward.

Here are five well known social media apologies …
Dell’s 23 Confessions
A Commitment On Edelman and Wal-Mart
JetBlue Launches Cross-Media Apology Campaign
Turner Broadcasting Apology Letter
Motrin

In your opinion, which social media apologies rebuild trust with the community?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
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14 Comments to “Which Social Media Apologies Rebuild Trust?”

  1. November 20th, 2008 at 9:54 am
    Jannie said

    I thought the Turner letter and Motrin were more of non-apologies, skirting in a ’round-about way. No trust rebuilt for me there. Edelman’s apologized but it was more than a mistake perpetrated, it was a deception, would probably not even care to rebuild my trust in them.

    I have so much more respect for someone who says “I messed up,” Dell’s and Jet Blue’s admission that they had made mistakes get points with me.

    Lord knows I mess up daily and appreciate others saying they do too.

  2. November 20th, 2008 at 9:58 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Jannie,
    Yeah, the ownership part of the apology means a lot, doesn’t it? “We got your feedback and we’re responding.” <– that doesn’t say a word about doing whether they understand what went wrong or their part in it.

    I’m so with you about deception. I walk away.

  3. November 20th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
    Greg said

    Apologies are worthless. Action is what gets my attention.

    Make it right.
    Stop doing what should not be done.
    Start doing what should be done.

    After that, I am ready to listen to “I’m sorry.”

  4. November 20th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
    Allison Reynolds said

    Great post and a subject I have been thinking about for a while.

    I believe we all want to see people take ownership of their actions because then we can also believe they will learn and improve because of them. That is why an insincere apology is doubly grating if the perpetrator cannot see the harm they have done, nor are showing any likelihood they will change for the better having learned what the consequences of their action was.

  5. November 20th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
    Links for November 19th through November 20th » the metafictional blues said

    [...] Which Social Media Apologies Rebuild Trust? - Today has been a bounty of great reminders and thoughts. Another important communication skill: the art of the apology. What are your rules of thumb for saying "sorry"? [...]

  6. November 20th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
    Nicole Hamilton said

    It’s funny that you post this today, after I spent the last couple of days going through this myself. What I realized last night, and as I was reading your post, is that, as human beings we understand and can often relate to how another person is feeling (disappointment, let down, upset, hurt), but does that really mean we understand what happened to make someone feel the way they do, take the action that they took etc.? As I was thinking about it, I found that we often associate the loss or disappointment of another individual with the end result (usually the action they took) without really thinking about why one led to another or even understanding where the problem came from to begin with. This inevitably leads to the same problem occurring over and over again, and in turn, never getting resolved.

    So a statement of regret, followed by ownership, should also be accompanied by a clear understanding/statement that addresses why the hurt or damage was caused. This is tougher to do, because we have to understand more than just a feeling we can already relate to, but evaluate the process/events that took place in the interim. Even more, we must also address a solution to the problem that ensures it will not happen again in the future.

    A sorry is not a sincere sorry without a clear understanding of what the problem is and why it happened and coming up with a solution that gets to the root of the problem, not just a short term fix to change a feeling/reaction.

    Thanks for a great post.

  7. November 20th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
    Richard Reeve said

    The main thing about adopting the amends posture is a willingness to listen to the aggrieved. It “can” be an amazing learning opportunity. If the organization making the apology simply seems to be attempting to control the situation ie: damage control, then the opportunity is already lost.

    The importance of these tools for organizations in the social media space is linked to the willingness to make mistakes. In such a fluid environment, it’s bound to happen.

  8. November 20th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
    Mother Earth aka Karen Hanrahan said

    not all apologies are created equal…i couldn’t agree more. My least favorite apology are what i call automatic, words with nothing attached, nothing meaning you just don’t feel they give a hoot…

    when my daughter says sorry mommy, it’s something i feel all the way to my toes…to me that’s how a meaningful apology should feel

    from a company …when they make a mistake ? Do we feel it ?

    In my business I try and do something more than just say I am sorry.

    the motrin thing? I am not really feeling the love…is it just me?

    great thoughts shared here Liz

  9. November 20th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
    alan p said

    In Game Theory there is the concept of Weak vs Strong signalling - its strong if it costs the signaller something to do it.

    So, when looking at apologies you need to be looking for something that costs the signaller - the more the cost, the more honest the intention.

    Or, in old money:

    “Actions speak louder than words”

  10. November 20th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
    Susan Mazza said

    When I read an apology from a company I am especially listening for whether they actually learned something from the mistake or whether they are just trying to justify or explain it away.

    The next time I have a client who needs to make an apology I think I will send them to this post - really well done.

  11. November 20th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
    links for 2008-11-20 | Company K Media said

    [...] Which Social Media Apologies Rebuild Trust? - Liz Strauss at Successful Blog - Thinking, writing, bu… (tags: communications reputationmanagement PR marketing branding) [...]

  12. November 20th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    I’ve been sitting here trying to find a way to respond to these comments.

    It’s heartening to think that we’re all listening to each other.

    We all can only give what we have to give to any situation. On the same wavelength, I hear everyone who commented saying that we long for actions that show the understanding of the humanity we all bring. It’s hard when we make mistakes or when we’re faced with forgiving them.

  13. November 22nd, 2008 at 10:17 am
    HART (1-800-HART) said

    I think I would agree with the “let’s move forward” not really being an apology - instead of “how can we fix this” being part of it. However, I once saw on twitter (i think Sep/2008) someone else goofed up and apologized that way ‘instantly’ on twitter - and was attacked. I recall it took about a week before they wrote a blog post apologizing for the tweet - instead of what the problem was.

    I mean, at the time it just seemed they were sincere in addressing people’s concerns before waiting for their press department to come up with a suitable apology.

    Sometimes, these social media prevents us from doing something this is needed sometimes - to quote the infamous words of wisdom from Meatloaf - Let me sleep on it
    Baby, baby let me sleep on it… Let me sleep on it .. And I’ll give you my answer in the morning

  14. November 24th, 2008 at 6:04 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Hart!
    I can agree. Apologizing to a “crowd” of people isn’t the same thing. I didn’t see the example you write about, but it’s the not listening and not hearing that makes it all seem so possible.

    Sad isn’t it?

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