Liz Strauss at Successful Blog

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April 19, 2009

Why Can’t Everyone Think Like We Do? What to Do about the People Who Disrupt Our Lives

ME Liz Strauss wrote this at 8:46 am

Why Does He Care So Much about THAT?!!

Life is going. Things are urgent, important, and vibrant. I’m in the zone, making things happen, feeling the vibe. Then it happens.

Someone points out a tiny crack. Even worse, he’s worried about it, fretting about it, suggesting extreme precautions for fixing. And I can’t believe that anyone has invested the time … to write 100 little sticky notes that say exactly the same thing when one big note would have worked; to interrupt the conversation on a heartfelt idea to point out I’ve mispronounced a word; to check whether I want to order special paper for a document that’s late.

I’m not good at reviewing the soil composition when I’m moving mountains. I’m also not good at the opposite when someone brings up the mountain when I’m analyzing the soil.

The disruption is the same.

I tend to be drawn to people who think like I do. It’s so much easier to relate to them.

Why can’t everyone think like we do?

What to Do about the People Who Disrupt Our Lives

It’s a fact. We think that people who think like we do are brilliant, easy, and wonderful. They truly are intuitive, perceptive, and world-changing leaders in every way. But you know, the ones who we need most are the people who think differently.

We call them “difficult,” because they’re challenge to understand. That’s the value of being around them.

People who think differently than we do care deeply about things we don’t even think about. Therein lies their strength.

We should celebrate the people who disrupt our lives.

  1. Start with thank you. The second that you want to say “WHAT?!!” say “Thank you for saying (seeing, asking about) that.” Whatever issue (problem, outlandish idea) someone brings, know that he or she invested time thinking about it and bringing it to your attention. Say that you know that.
  2. Value the execution that comes from commitment. People who go to unimaginable extremes to make sure something is right care more about that something than we ever will — therefore they execute it better than we ever would. Rather than being perplexed by their values, value their commitment.
  3. Change their title from obstacle to safety net. Let them be on the team. Let them in on your goals. Invite them to take care of what they do well and know they’ll have your back on that.

Innovation, progress, and safety come from brave, valuable voices different from our own. The very differences that make them valuable also make it hard to hear them.

If you believe opposites attract, maybe you should.

Ever had an irritating, interrupting difficult person save your butt? Did it change you somehow?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
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22 Comments to “Why Can’t Everyone Think Like We Do? What to Do about the People Who Disrupt Our Lives”

  1. April 19th, 2009 at 9:04 am
    Karin H said

    We should celebrate the people who disrupt our lives

    And be celebrated when we do the same ;-)

    Makes point 4, I think: how often are we ourselves guilty of interrupting someone’s flow - have you thought about that, Liz?
    (Me playing Devil’s Advocate)

    Karin H. (Keep It Simple Sweetheart, specially in business)

  2. April 19th, 2009 at 9:07 am
    Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach said

    My husband and I are quite the opposites (he’s a neat nick, I’m, well, not) and it’s worked out very well indeed.

    But business-wise…I’ll proactively put on my “I’m meant to learn SOMETHING” mode whenever I’m challenged and see if I can open my mind enough to learn what’s being conveyed. It’s much easier nowadays to do that as life has taught me that nobody (except my mom!) knows everything…but everyone knows something!

    Life….it’s always a learning experience. :)

  3. April 19th, 2009 at 9:14 am
    Janice Cartier said

    “Change their title from obstacle to safety net.”

    Liz, I love that. That grain of sand in the oyster is invaluable if we’re after pearls. Hm, running down my list of irritants right now to see if I could make that shift in thinking. LOL.

  4. April 19th, 2009 at 9:16 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Yeah, Karin!
    I think about that all of the time. Most often when I realize that I’ve behaved badly because someone has interrupted mine.

  5. April 19th, 2009 at 9:20 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Barbara!
    For me, focus is such a hyper-intense thing at times, that interruption can really throw me off my thoughts, off my game, and off my rocker.

    The transition from thought to people can be huge. The learning sometimes takes a while to sink in. Not my best asset on those days.

  6. April 19th, 2009 at 9:21 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Janice,
    I find a walk and a look at the sky are often the biggest help I can reach for at those times. Wish I were more fluent at doing that.

  7. April 19th, 2009 at 9:23 am
    Janice Cartier said

    It’s hard to disengage when you think you’re right in the flow of the cool wonderful thing you are doing. Momentum. I think we don’t want to lose that.

  8. April 19th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
    ML said

    Hmmm… I don’t have a problem w/ engaging people who think differently, but I do have a problem w/ engaging narcissists, ie, the people equivalent of rogue states, who don’t play by the rules. In those cases, it becomes too much like hard work to co-opt them into your activities.

    In future ages, I imagine, when we know more about the brain and the nature of mental illness, everyone will praise those of us who had to live w/ narcissists in our midst and wonder how we stood it. A case of “even a saint would crack.”

  9. April 19th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
    jon said

    5. involve anticipatorially. When I address ahead of time their perspective/obsession, they may not need to shout so loud for my attention in the moment.

    And thank you.

  10. April 19th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
    Susan/Together We Flourish said

    There is this small group of women who participate on the board of a nonprofit with me. Each one amazing in her own right. Very different women with very different strengths. Very often we don’t agree. Sometimes we even get on each others nerves, but together we have made great strides with this organization. Differences really can be valuable.

  11. April 19th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Yeah Janice,
    That’s it exactly. That and I hate transitions. I hate getting into the shower and I hate getting out. :)

  12. April 19th, 2009 at 10:07 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi ML,
    I’m not sure what behaviors you’re describing. I hoping I’m not guilty, but supposing I’ve been. Sometimes my ideas get the best of my adrenalin and I just want to ride them. I lose my vision. I feel like I’ve lost sight of people when that happens.

  13. April 19th, 2009 at 10:08 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Jon,
    When I remember to look at them and not myself I do that a whole lot better. Thank you for that. :)

    You’re right we do think a lot alike. :)

  14. April 19th, 2009 at 10:10 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Susan,
    That sounds like the definition of a high-trust environment. I admire you and those women for building that together. :)

  15. April 19th, 2009 at 11:05 pm
    Melody said

    I suppose that’s the beauty of a diverse world..but I think there’s a difference from people who are blinded..and people who are realistic..

  16. April 20th, 2009 at 5:53 am
    John Haydon said

    Liz,

    I love this one: “Value the execution that comes from commitment”. Very wise!

    John

  17. April 20th, 2009 at 6:25 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Melody,
    I agree and I’m ready to throw in the folks who don’t listen or hear. But I suspect those who won’t see or hear aren’t reading this post anyway. :)

  18. April 20th, 2009 at 6:27 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi John,
    I learned that one, like I learn most things by doing it wrong. :)

  19. April 20th, 2009 at 7:36 am
    It Courses said

    I dont think like you because I am not you. If I was to think like you then the world would be rubbish, everyone thinking the same no conflict, no nerds, no reveloutions. Just stuck in the same rut. Celebrate morons who annoy.

  20. April 20th, 2009 at 11:05 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    It Courses,
    I like the way you think. :P

  21. April 20th, 2009 at 7:56 pm
    Sparky Firepants said

    This was one of the hardest concepts for me to deal with for the longes– oh, wait. Still is.

    It’s hard to unruffle your feathers after someone calls you out. The best approach for me has been exactly what you talk about here.

    First, say “Thank you.”

    Now that I can say “thanks” first (even if I’m ruffled), it has this magic effect of opening up my ears and my brain.

    Every time I’ve ever gritted my teeth and said, “rrrr.. that … bastard…” I’ve discovered the next morning that there was a nugget of truth in what they said.

  22. April 22nd, 2009 at 8:48 am
    ML said

    Hi, Liz. I’m glad you pushed me on what I mean by “narcissistic personalities.” This definition comes close: “A narcissist turns inward for gratification rather than depending on others. S/he is excessively preoccupied with issues of personal adequacy, power, and prestige.” When I’m working with such people, it’s all about them, and this can become tiresome after a while.

    But having reread your post, it seems you are talking about people who don’t have issues with being team players; it’s just that they have different preoccupations than you do. You interpret their input as “niggling,” rather than valuing it adequately.

    That’s rather different from the narcissist, whose contribution is meant to derail you.

    I hope that clarifies where I was coming from…

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