Blogger Nightmare
It’s the middle of the night. The wind is blowing. The moon is high. Creaking noises are sounding. Memories of comments are running through your head, and you’re thinking of emails you sent that went unanswered.
You had such hope when you started blogging. It was daytime. You were always laughing then. Now you’re just shell of yourself in despair, dejected, and broken. Your bloggo-fears have taken over with the things that go bump in the night.
Not to worry. Wait, sorry. Indeed with just a little more worry, you have the power to take those concerns beyond the blogosphere. Go for it. . . . become a mess on the floor.
The Top 10 Bloggo-Fears and How to Make Them Worse
As you read, remember, the more you buy into these the better at crippling yourself you will be. Here’s your chance to prove you’re good at something besides misspelling words and looking like a fool.
If you’re faint of heart, read no further. Jumping without a parachute and shooting yourself in the foot requires a certain sort of dedication to being a . . . hopeless blogger.
10. Fear of Looking Like a Fool Don’t go near the comment box on any blog. If you make a remark or as question, folks might find out about you. If you find you’re having trouble in this area, translate the blog into a language you don’t understand. You need this fear in your repertoire — Fear the clueless, pest that everyone knows you are.
9. Fear of Blogs See how much better every other blog is. Count the ways that you’ll never be half that good. Write the reasons. Frame them. Put them on a wall in your line of vision. Feel the fear of an undisciplined wimp who is inept when you do your best work.
8. Fear of To-Do Lists Think up at least 50 urgent things you MUST do — blog tweaks, promotion spots, blogs to read and not comment on. Don’t stop until the list could only be done by 83.479 people. (Get the math right, not 84 or 83. Be precise.) You’ve moved up a level on the fear chart. Fear how lazy and shiftless you are. [What does shiftless mean?]
7. Fear of Code Tweak your template for hours to fix minute details. Then copy and paste back to the original stylesheet, throwing your own work away. The thought that you might change the code should fill you with fear that you are an egotistical and anal-retentive rat.
6. Fear of the Numbers Check your stats. Hit refresh every 30 seconds for an hour. If your page views don’t rise by 100,000 or more between clicks. Write three posts. Publish them. Then do the whole thing again. Fear being exposed as a woeful underachiever.
5. Fear of Ideas Hunt down the perfect idea — the one that will get you on the front page of every Social Networking site. (Great ideas have nothing to do with readers.) If you don’t find that perfect idea, you are ridiculously dimwitted and slow. Fear that everyone knows what an idiot you are.
4. Fear of Relationships Link out in every sentence of every post you write. Link to anyone who has ever said “hello.” Link to rocks, trees, and statues, if you can. It will take forever, but people will notice how desperate. If you don’t link promiscuously, fear that you’re a hermit, anti-social, and a prude.
3. Fear of Saying “No” Answer all email, including spam. Always do what folks ask — buy, do, subscribe. You’ll know that you’re needed. Fear that if you don’t, those you gently refuse will call you jerk. Fear that the world will know it’s true. Then fear even more that no one would know who you are or care.
2. Fear of the Written Word Get out your dictionary and Thesaurus. Be sure you have two grammar books near. Use words so large that you can’t say or spell them. Then you’ll sure that you write unintelligible mush. Fear that you’re not only a slacker, but also a bottom-of-the-barrel writer. See every teacher you ever had finding out how much you forgot.
1. Fear of Your Personal Worth If you can’t get those 9 above right, then what the heck could you possibly be good for? All of your fears come together here. This the crown jewel. You have made it to the consummate fear of all . . . you are a worm.
On this deep, dark, dastardly night, you no longer have to be a shell of yourself in despair, dejected, and broken. You can be crippled and hopeless blogger too — melted down into unrecoverable mess. Follow this Top Ten List, and you’ll show the world what fear is really for.
On the other hand, if you would rather get out of your funk and come back to us. . . .
Definitely, positively, and for sure, surround yourself with positive people, because positive people make positive thing happen. And frankly it’s looking like you could use a few Here are a few blogs you might check out.
Make It Great! with Phil Gerbyshak
This post was part of the b5media business channel theme on fear. If you enjoyed it, would you give it stumble? Thanks!
–ME “Liz” Strauss
Other b5 business bloggers talk about fear.
FEAR in Home Business – Find Every Available Resource
Investing Fear Factor: Know Your Risk Tolerance
Fear and Social Media
Freelance Writers and the Fear of Success and/or Money
FEAR and RISK – You don’t know what you don’t know.
Fear And Trembling
Symptoms of productivity phobia
Fear? Think This Is A Stretch Do You?
The four letter word that keeps us from success
Fearing the Taxman: When Not To Be Scared
More fun:
Desperado: The 7 Payoffs of Making Your Blogging Relationships Suck
65th Crayon Finds that Google Doesn’t Use Search
Internet Slang Dictionary and Translator
You are a genius-woman!
I’m sure there are more.
Fear that no-one will notice you. Fear that everyone will notice you.
Fear that people will think you sound as if you’re talking to yourself. Fear that you are in fact just talking to yourself.
Fear of not reading the right blogs in case you miss something important.
Fear of losing all your readers as soon as you celebrate a blogging milestone.
I could go on but I’m afraid it might sound like I’m talking about myself!
Joanna
Hi Joanna!
Oh how I love your additions! Yep they all need to be part. 🙂
Don’t be silly. Everyone knows you’re all about confident writing. 🙂
I love the invitation to “become a mess on the floor.” We’re there already, right? Might as well go full on into it, whine and wail and have a pity party. Why deny reality (as Byron Katie would say…).
This fear space seems to happen, at least for me, when I lose sight of my bigger vision. What do I see for myself in my blog? What do I see for others? What is the outrageously compelling thing I’m up to that will provide the backdrop for another to step into and ignite their vision?
I need another cup of coffee…
;-D
Hi Lisa!
It’s like we used to say in the world of print publishing. “Hey, that’s a piece of paper that’s not you!!”
Sure we put our hearts into our blogs, but they aren’t our lives and our indentities. 🙂
That melty thing on the floor was my favorite part too. 🙂
Seems like these fit all forms of writing.
I don’t think I’m going to be able to sleep tonight. You must be very popular around late-night campfires when it comes to telling ghost stories! Maybe it’s a good thing I’ve wet my toes with knit-blog before starting a more-serious one?
Hi Anne!
Great to see you. Yep they sure do! 🙂
This post is a treasure. These fears plagued me for years (I told myself I was too busy, and it’s true I was..but I was just using my hectic life as an excuse).
Now I’m still busy and kicking myself for not starting earlier.
Hi Deb!
Gosh I guess I’ll have to write a fun story soon so that you’ll be able to go sleep again. I’m so sorry to cut into your rest like that. 🙂
Hi Aaron!
I know what you’re talking about. Always been too myself. I think I’m going to study the law of attraction to attract some free time soon. 🙂
Ah, I see you’ve been reading my mind again, Liz! Spooky, how you can do that…
Jen!
Great to see you!
I’ve been thinking of you as well! 🙂
Wonderful as I know I’ve had many of those thoughts run through my mind! But somehow I always seem to throw myself in front of the oncoming Mack Truck…must be in the genes. I can’t help myself.
If I can figure out how to stumble this I certainly will. I still need those nice buttons on the blogs to do this. When I got to my SU account for the life of me I cannot see how to go to a place that allows me to SU a post I like. It’s just not intuitive for me or maybe I’m just too slow… 🙂
Hi Aruni!
So you know it’s up int he SU toolbar if you downloaded it. 🙂 But don’t worry. I don’t want any Mack trucks here. 🙂
I love that you came by and like what you read most of all. 🙂
Ah…thanks for the primer. I did download the tool bar. When I hit the Stumble button it took me to some other site. Just now I hit the I like it button but I didn’t get a pop-up to leave a comment. I hope that worked!
Re: the Mack truck comment. I meant that despite my fears I still throw myself out there. I can have anxiety to the pit of my stomach and yet somehow I still jump. I’ve never figured out why I have that trait…as I mentioned I think it’s in my genes. I will write a post or leave a comment and wonder as you indicated if “I suck” and then after some stress and repeating the post/comment in my head a million times I move on. It’s gotten better over time but… Now I’ve started a company where everyone says ‘what an odd idea’ so I’m facing an uphill battle yet I can’t see doing anything else at the moment.
My kids were home today for Columbus day so we we went to buy my son’s Halloween costume and then to Chuck E Cheese. 🙂
Hi Aruni!
Columbus Day at Chuckie Cheese — you are a braver woman than I!!
To stumble a page, so that you know for the future. Click on the blue thumbs up next to the word STUMBLE to say that you “like it” or the thumb down to say that you don’t. 🙂
Ah, wow. I must admit that I am quite surprised to see ON! listed with the likes of Make It Great and Chief Happiness Officer and Think Positive and Positive Communication. That is, pleasantly surprised. What the…?
I mean, thanks for the kind words.
This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a very long time. Kudos, Maven, you are awesome. I particularly like “Go for it… become a mess on the floor.” And then… each of the ten.
XX00
You’ve been watching us again, haven’t you Liz.
I read once that being brave didn’t mean you weren’t afraid. It meant you acted in spite of your fear. That definition works pretty good for me.
Except for #10. Taking your kids out in public can go a long way toward getting rid of the fear of looking like a fool. 🙂
Hi Troy!
I can’t help myself, I find your blog to be a positive influence whenever I get there. 🙂
Yep. That’s a fact! BTW, you’re pretty awesome yourself.
You picked out my favorite line too. XXoo right back.
Hi Rick,
You do have a point about taking kids out in public or even being with them at home. They pretty much convince any grownup of our humility right out of the box. Maybe that should be my next one . . . how to get in touch with your “Inner Fool.” 🙂
Hi Liz,
I thought I was doing well because my to-do list could only be done by 82.7342 people! Oh shucks… I guess I better add some more things. 😉
I did not know about this post yesterday when I left a message on your facebook wall. We must have been on the same wave length. 🙂 Thanks for the link!
Hey Kirsten,
I have total faith in you. You’ll get that smidgen more you need to be a mess on the floor. 🙂
I’m so laughing. Don’t you love the synchronicity of the writing on the wall. :)!!!
Too funny about the writing on the wall! I love it! 🙂
You are right… I CAN do it. I’ll be sure to crank out some more things on my to-do list. Besides if I keep focused on that, I don’t have to face the other fears. 😉
Hey Kirsten!
I think the writing on thw wall is that you’re going to make it. What fun it is to be afraid of life this morning!
I think my last comment got lost in the ethers.
I am delighted that you read the writing on the wall that way! I feel better already.
Here’s to fun, fear, and a fabulous day!
Oh dear! I got a phone call.
I’ll go make sure you didn’t get eaten by the Akismet monster!!
Another thing to fear!!!
You have fearful fabulous day too!
I don’t think it was Akismet. I think it was my computer… it sort of froze up for a minute when I hit submit.
Ciao for now.
Fits writing, fits life…fits me. :o) I liked this post. I’m sure it home for many to one degree or another. If I cease to write, to blog, to intrude with my comments will I still exist?
Hi Kirsten!
That’s a relief!
Wow Liz, now I can rest in peace. I’ve had many of these fears too, and I’m not surprised you found the cure for them. Thanks for sharing the solution to many common fears.
Because really, we have nothing to fear but fear itself. And the comment box. F-E-A-R the comment box. Especially on Tuesdays 🙂
Phil,
If you see lots of folks running to your blog tonight . . . you’ll understand why. 🙂
Because I closed the comments? 🙂
Hi Liz,
Beautiful (and horrifying ;-)) post you’ve written here.. the perfect combination of a bit of fiction, a nice sense of humor and blogging tips…
But..wow.. thank you so much for including my blog! It really feels like an acknowledgement for what I’m trying to accomplish…
After all, that would be my biggest fear: not getting the positive message across the way I would like it to.
Thank you!!
Ellen
Hi Ellen!
Welcome and thank you! I don’t know that it’s so perfect, but I hopw that I knocked down a few fears for a few bloggers by writing it just the same. 🙂
You’re accomplishing what you set out to accomplish. At least I think so. 🙂
You’re not a stranger anymore.
I love this ^.^ Number 5 rang true to me though – guess I’d better get to work on it, eh?
Hi Trisha!
Glad you liked this one!
I think you’re doing well on all of them. Hmmm number 5 you say? 🙂
What a great list – thank you. You have so many wonderful articles for the newbies. I love digging in and learning more.
Thanks for all you do to help us have better blogs.