What I Learned from the Black Box
I was working for a company just outside of Boston. I was living just outside of Laguna Beach. The job was a great fit. At 13.5 hours door-to-door when the weather gods were on my side, the commute was not.
I was part of a team hell-bent on turning around a company in crisis. They had lost 10% for three years before I got there. About six months earlier, the staff had been cut from 200 people to 40. The culture was hurt. Everyone had ideas about what went wrong, but no one was sure about what to do right. The process models had fallen apart.
Itââ¬â¢s so easy to talk about negatives in a situation like that.
Because of my circumstances, I attended two executive meetings each month via telephone — a black box on the table. Iââ¬â¢d say hello to the group. Theyââ¬â¢d place the food of the day near the phone, and the meeting would start. They would forget I was there. I got to be the proverbial fly on the wall.
Three important things happened over that telephone.
- Attending the meetings via telephone raised my concentration level. It was almost like eavesdropping. I was less inclined to speak. It required crossing a barrier. I had to feel strongly to add my opinion. Instead, I listened more intently, just to imagine what was happening.
- When I did speak, Iââ¬â¢m told, all eyes went to the forgotten box on the tableââ¬âmy voice got the complete attention of the room. I wasn’t freely spouting information. So when I spoke, they listened.
- Like me at the other end, they had to ââ¬Åworkââ¬Â to hear the message. They had to rely on interpretting data through only one of their senses and so, it was information they had earned.
It was the absence of the visual that made our words so powerful. We actually heard each other better and valued each other’s words more.
The difference was that we had to listen.
The common wisdom is that we lose more when we lose the visual. In this case we gained. Learning to listen wasn’t the only lesson that I learned that day.
–ME “Liz” Strauss
If you think Liz can help with your PRM, check out the Perfect Virtual Manager on the Work with Liz!! page in the sidebar.
Related
Business Rule 4: You Know Your Truth ââ¬â Listen to Yourself
Business Rule 3: In PRM, the First Test Always Outweighs the Final
Business Rule 2: How to Do What You Want
Liz, you hit a chord there! This is what’s commonly thought to be the greatest danger of email – it’s only one-dimensional. And when people get careless or too casual with it’s use, it’s entirely possible to give the opposite impression than what you meant.
But look at fiction writers. They too only have one dimension to work with, yet reading their work takes you right into the story, and you get, not less than they meant, but much, much more.
The lesson here is to make sure we pay attention to our words, especially when the “bandwidth” is narrow.
Paying attention is the key part. Working in an environment where conference calling is part of the daily routine, too many people take to multitasking. Reading emails or having side conversations while the voices on the other end jabber and then only perking up when someone says “So Steve, what do YOU think?” doesn’t do much to enhance the communication.
I find myself too often being that person. Your post has inspired me.
…and here I thought I didn’t have a worthy New Year’s resolution this year!
HI Robert!
Now, I never would have thought to use fiction as an example, but a great example it is! Fiction communicates deep and wide.
You’re right it is about paying attention — focus.
Hey Steve!
Paying attention is a great one! Imagine what details you’ll pick up about people even what they say is boring . . . . 🙂
Morning,Liz!
I swear,I am beginning to believe there is something organic going on in the blogosphere. Maybe there is such a thing as group minds and subtle connections between folks of like mind.
Perhaps they are of like mind because of the subtle connections?
I say it because I had a similar thought in that making a point in print is easier than doing it verbally because you can concentrate on being clear. I will have to think on these things.
Hi Tim!
I do believe that folks of like mind are connected somehow. I don’t know that it’s easier to communicate in print — that might depend on who you are. I find it easier to communicate different kinds of thoughts different ways.
I’ll have to think on this too. 🙂
Hi, Liz. Oddly enough, one of the reasons I couldn’t join you last evening to talk about great places to vacation (I vote for Maui and the British Virgin Isles), is that two of my very good writing friends and I often “meet” on Tuesday evenings via phone to have a writing critique. We each take turns reading several pages of our current project while the other two listen intently and then provide feedback.
To enhance my listening, I often sit with my eyes closed. The process of both reading aloud and listening to the writing being spoken, allows us to hear and catch things we would not otherwise pick up from just reading to ourselves.
The phone can be a great tool when used well. And the sound of the human voice has its own unique power. Thanks for the thought!
Hi Paula!
Great to see you!
Closing my eyes helps me listen too. In fact sometimes I can’t make eye contact when I want to listen to someone talk to me because I get distracted by their eyes. (Other times their eyes add to the information.)
That black box was powerful the entire time I was commuting. I only wish I had learned how to use the same invisibility cloak when I finally moved there and was always in the room. 🙂
Half way through my first cup this morning and need to concentrate on listening. 🙂
Listening with laser-like focus to the black box is much easier when you know you’ve finally hired the right person. Multi-tasking simply isn’t an option.
Hi Jeff!
Thanks the words of support. Great clients deserve great attention. 🙂
Liz,
Your post today about the telephone is fabulous, and it is the main reason why coaching is so powerful on the telephone, which I’m sure you’ve discovered as well.
I don’t have the distractions of what they’re wearing, how their lips move when they talk, etc. Ironically, I can “hear” what their body is saying and doing more succinctly on the phone, and pick up cues and coaching inroads with greater effectiveness. I’ve even had clients tell me “how did you know I was doing [this or that]?”
I had a voice teacher once who said “what goes on with the body, goes on with the voice, goes on with your life. Listen and speak with your whole body, and you’ll find your whole voice, your whole life.”
Great subject, near and dear.
And in the case of blogging, Liz, the commuication is just as important. Are we really listening to what others say or are we really waiting for a “pause” so we can jump in with something. Listening indeed takes many forms, but your point about concentration and focus is so right on.
Hi Lisa!
What a great quote your voice teacher gave you! I found a whole way of listening by working over the telephone. It really is a distinct skill that requires practice, but it has a high pay off. 🙂
Robyn – ouch! I don’t know how many times I’ve read a post that I just HAD to comment about, and did – only to find that if I’d just read a little farther…
Actually, that’s what’s fun about your Open Mic nights, Liz. No need to wait, lots of conversations going on at the same time. Fun!
Speaking of communicating, I’m starting a series of thoughts based on the Heath brothers’ new book, Made to Stick. Today I’m looking at the first principle of “sticky ideas” – simplicity – and asking people to contribute their thoughts.
Y’all drop by if you’re interested. I’ll fire up the grill!
Thanks, Robert, for letting us know.
Hi Robyn,
Not quite sure what’s going on with my comments today. . . .
Concentration is sometimes easier when we “have to” listen — that’s what the “black box” did in that situation. All of us were forced to pay closer attention than we might have. 🙂
Hi Liz,
Great post, as always. Just had to add my two cents. Sometimes the visual is too distracting. I like phone calls.
Sandy
Hi Sandy,
I know what you mean. I get distracted by the visual too. It sounds silly, but there’s so much too look at. 😛 On the phone, I listen with my eyes too.
You are a model listener, Liz, and it shows by the way you hear and respond to the heart of issues. Thanks for the great story!
It left me wondering… What medium of communication do you like best and why?
Oh Ellen!
What great question! I scanned back through my memories and I found this:
Of course,it depends . . . but I like one-on-one conversations a whole lot. Kitchen tables, wine glasses in a quiet place, walking outside at night, driving in my two-seater car . . . telephone calls are nice.
I love the comment box.
Presentations are fun! I like to be entertaining.
Your turn. 🙂
Gottcha Liz – Cool- and I sure share the same likes!
Fun enough for a fun trackback over at http://www.brainbasedbusiness.com to nudge your good ideas further! I see your setting here – and they warm the cockles on a blustery NY storm!
You guys are awesome, I can see myself in alot of these posts… Proving once again, you can listen as well as you hear… I find also when I’m on the phone… i have to focus on “be here now with nothing added”.
I find both in biz and listening to what training tool my horse instructor(s) is attempting to impart, to listen and visualize simultaneously (if that makes sense).
Off topic, Liz – Laguna Beach? our office once upon a time was in Dana Point 🙂
Off here in a little while to ride the range .. and listen ! 🙂 Think “full and upright” thoughts !
GP in Montana
Hi Ellen,’
Thanks for sharing your trackback and the lovely post. I agree that all forms of communication have their benefits — especially when you like the person at the other end of the conversation! 🙂
Hi GP,
I like that “be there with nothing added.” What a great way to keep on focus. I listen out and visualize inward. That helps me to internalize what I’m hearing, almost to “try it on for size.”
Dana Point — huh! We could have met for drinks at the Ritz!
Full and upright thoughts are good thoughts! 🙂