Let Me Think about That . . .
Life is a never-ending series of choices and decisions. Do I get up now or wait another minute? Do I sign this contract or hope for a better offer? Do I buy a new desk or upgrade my computer?
Some choices are fun . . . Where do I take my friends when they come to visit?
Some decisions are not so . . . Do I uproot my family or give up the great job in another city?
The fun ones speed up our thinking with endless possibilities. The not so fun ones mire us in thoughts of dead-end alleys. Sometimes, we forget that we have options about how we consider and respond to choices and decisions.
The Dilemma of Logic and Emotion
It’s almost impossible to find a child who doesn’t like to solve a puzzle or a riddle. Children usually find choices fun too — when the choices are simple or they can choose again. Decisions are a little trickier, because decisions cut off other options. Most adults don’t like big decisions any more than children do.
It’s the cutting off other options that often finds us in a dilemma. No answer seems the right one. Or worse, no answer even looks a glimmer better than another.
Our brains are made to sort information, make choices, and come to decisions. No decision is particularly frightful when we face it with raw logic. But logic alone omits a good part of what makes us human. We need our hearts and our personal goals to get to a grounded, well-rounded decision.
The issue is that our logic can be at odds with our intuition and emotion.
How to Have Positivity and Confidence Making Tough Decisions
A great decision is made from what we bring to the situation. We can’t change our views in response to every decision, but we can check our own and other folks’ views. If we open ourselves to test our thinking, a tough decision process can be one of positivity and confidence. Try approaching your next tough call in these ways.
- Logic and Emotion Chart
Make a two-column chart. Label the columns, Head and Heart. Above the labels, write the decision you’re facing. Spend at least 15 minutes listing logical reasons in the Head column. List both the boldly important factors and the random, minor reasons. — Don’t value your items. — Write them all down. Do the same for the Heart column. Make each list as long as you possibly can.
When you look them over, notice which list you tried to make longer. (It will show itself by the number of minor reasons listed there.) That’s your subconscious saying what you want to do.
- An Internal Board of Directors.
Each of these people would approach the question from a different viewpoint. Write 1-3 things each of them would see that you haven’t yet considered.
- A scientist.
- A mathematician or musician.
- An explorer or geographer.
- An artist.
- A teacher.
- A writer.
- A politician.
What new ideas did you find in their points of view?
These approaches to tough decisions help us stand outside our thinking. In the chart of Logic and Emotion, we weigh our head and heart, but we also see our intuitive or experiential bias. Revealing that subconscious bias can help us sort more quickly than the information on the list itself. When we consult our Internal Board of Directors, we open our minds to new ideas and new views.
Those new ideas and new views offer a wealth of contingencies and possibilities. The decision made from them will be grounded and well-thought. We can move forward with positive confidence about what we’ll do.
How do you get through tough decisions with confidence?
–ME “Liz” Strauss
Need help sorting decisions? Click on the Work with Liz!! page in the sidebar.
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This is such a timely post for me, Liz. In the past, I’ve made plenty of difficult decisions, but for some reason I’ve become stuck. I’ve got to the point now where I feel like I actually can’t make a decision just in case it’s the wrong one. So the current situation just continues. I’m absolutely going to try out your suggestion here. Thank you so much for it!
Hi Amy,
Decisions can easily get us stuck, especially when we spent so much of our lives in the nebulous time of the Internet.
Getting outside our thinking — any way we can — really helps make the process easier.
Hi Liz, I added one — ROCKSTAR! 🙂
Seriously, this couldn’t have come at a better time for me. You must be psychic!
One thing I would add:
Once you have reached your decision and acted, don’t second guess it. I cannot stand people who waffle. Be like Caesar at the Rubicon: the die is cast.
Hi Ria!
I was trying to cover all of the kinds of thinking we do. But a ROCKSTAR is definitely a great addition.
Thanks! We need each other! 🙂
Hi Tony!
If someone is going to second guess, After all of this rigorous work, I don’t suppose there’s hope that confidence is in the cards. 🙂
Great point. Hold to your guns and ride!!
On the most important decisions, the best thing I can do once I’ve “made the decision” is to find that quite place in my mind and concentrate on it. This may sound trite, but in that quiet time I can hear my gut say yes or no.
It’s my experience that its not about confidence in making a decision but confidence in acting on it. Most of us have that internal voice that lets us know if instincts are going against what we’re saying or doing.
@Tony: I think the wafflers of the world are the ones either too scared to listen to that inner voice or in too big of a hurry to consider their decision before acting on it.
Hi Sam!
Reflection, finding a quiet place in my mind, is how I tap into my intuition to find out what the words in my head aren’t saying. I do that too. 🙂
Good point you make about the confidence needing to be associated with following through. I agree that internally we carry a barometer of our inner truth.
Hi Liz, what fab ideas, thank you!
I’ve been meaning to call over and thank you for your excellent tips and advice, since recently signing up for your RSS feed.
Having read Darren Rowse’s lovely post this morning, today seems a good day to let you know you’re much appreciated!
It was lovely to see you in my list of followers on Twitter, I’m so glad I finally plucked up the courage to sign up. It was so much easier than I thought it would be!
:o)
Hi Diane!
Thanks for stopping by to say that! I’m wishing I had more time to spend with folks on Twitter. I keep trying to get over there and IM’s and SOBCon keep pulling me back to my desktop!
So I’m delighted to see you here!
it is a very timely post for me too. Only last week I wrote a post asking my readers to share their experience with going solo and being your own boss vs. working for someone else. This is the decision that I have to make right now. I’ve started with PROs and CONs, then one of my readers has pointed to this post of yours and a different approach to thinking about making a decision. I’ll definitely try it. Thanks a lot, Liz.
P.S. Your individual responses to every commenter on your blog are something out of this blogworld. You’re the proof that no blogger should ever have an excuse of not having time to respond to all comments on his blog.
Hi Inspirationbit!
How could I not respond to that!
It’s a thorough decision we’re going for. I’m not one for discipline in that sort of thinking that’s why I come up so many creative models. 🙂
Some decisions are made just because you feel it’s the better option. It’s hard to show positivity with all decision making, I guess…some actions just don’t lend itself to it. But yes, putting a positive slant on something does help give you great self-belief that you’re doing the right thing