Irresistible Beats Embarrassed Every Time
First impressions. Guess we’ve all made our share of bad ones. In my experience, bad first impressions tend to happen when I try too hard, when I focus on myself and what I want from a certain situation. Whether the occasion is personal or business, if I become about attracting attention, I end up looking like someone who wears sequins and top hat to blue jeans bar … It’s an unforgettable first impression, but not the one I wanted to leave behind.
It happens. People do it. So do big corporations. We’re even inventing new ways to do the equivalent as the noise level rises on the social web.
In a hard economy, first impressions become even more important. People have less time, fewer opportunities, and more competition. A bad first impression may not lead to a chance for a second meeting.
Unfortunately trying too hard usually too often leads to the wrong kind of attention.
Do you, does your business, leave an unforgettable first impression … of the very best kind?
How to Leave an Unforgettable First Impression
In a one-to-one market, every individual and every business is meeting customers as individuals. As the social web grows, people discuss experiences and pass their impressions far further than was ever possible. Suddenly a bad day can become an incident or a nice passing gesture can be raised to heroic. Every first impression has the possibility of being amplified.
We all want to make the positive, unforgettable first impression. That’s the one that wins us friends and business.
What makes someone unforgettable? What makes us want to go out of our way to see someone we hardly know? How do some people leave an indelible first impression so attractive that we look forward to being with them again?
What do those magnetic people and companies consistently offer?
- a curious, open, intelligent mind
Some people spark our imagination. They energize and motivate us. When we share a conversation, they literally make our brains light up with thoughts and ideas. Their kind of thinking inspires confidence and respect — in them and in us. People who are mindful and curious find solutions where other folks find problems. They don’t let small differences or ambiguities throw them. They help us find the action inside our ideas. They listen well and respond. We feel that they truly see us. - a positive, open, knowing heart
Some people love living. They don’t really have an easier life; they just look at life and business differently. Small things don’t get to be worries, so they spend time on little disagreements. When others might be a little more distant, they pull us near with positivity. They smile soon as they see us, long before we say say hello. It’s easy to say hello when we feel like we already know them. - a clear, open, meaningful purpose
Some people see the world and everyone in it with the eyes and the mind of a discoverer. When we say things, they listen for what our words mean to us. They know themselves in a real way, which makes them easy to understand and easy to be with. They offer everyone solid ground to stand on, which makes us all feel a little taller when we’re around them.
People like that are unforgettable. When we see them again, we go back to where they’re standing, even if we hardly know them. We want that unforgettable experience again. If we are able, we introduce that unforgettable person to our friends.
It works the same for companies. When companies meet customers in that unforgettable way, customers want to have that experience again. We often tell our friends about how we were treated and bring them back with us so they get the same positive experience.
You might notice that each point closes on the feeling we’re left with. Isn’t that what a first impression is? A feeling about someone or something that we’re getting to know?
People remember most how we make them feel. The most unforgettable people … of the best kind … focus their attention and care on the people around them. They know that an unforgettable positive first impression is the doorway to true communication.
What’s your recipe for a unforgettable first impression of the very best kind? What tools do you use to make that impression a reality?
–ME “Liz” Strauss
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Liz,
I’ll never forget this story about a guy named Daisaku Ikeda who heads up an international Buddhist group.
In the 1970’s he went to visit China even though the Japanese political elite was telling him not to. When asked why a religious leader would visit a country like China, he said “Because there are people there.”
When he finally arrived at the airport in China, an 11-year old girl walked up to him and asked “why did you come here?”
He replied, “I came here to see you.”
John
What a GREAT way to bring home the value of making the right kind of first impression. This immediately brought to mind the first time I met Maya Angelou (not that we’re friends or anything), but I got to shake her hand and everything – VERY COOL!
Why Maya Angelou? I met her in 1993 (think that’s right) – she was giving a talk at my school (Baylor University) and gave a talk to a select group of students (about 10 of us) in the theatre department. I remember how she kinda slapped the hands of the department for not having enough color in our department (I was the only Hispanic kid there, amongst a dept. of white students). And then she went on to talk about how wonderful colors are and spoke of how much she loved to go to the grocery store – it was actually quite wonderful to hear her speak in such close proximity…and knowing full well that she was keeping her eye on my brown self was pretty darn cool too.
Even though I knew of her works and LOVED to hear her read her poems on tape, meeting her for the first time left an impression on me that will never ever go away.
I say all that b/c the hat that Ms. Angelou wore (as she was making the rounds with various members of the press the last month) was such an eccentric and fun hat. It was the kind of hat that made everyone talk – some good and some bad.
Personally, I think her hat was a hoot – festive, rich and textured. But I think I can see those kinds of things in her hat choice and her b/c she left such a strong and positive impression on me that one day at Baylor.
A great first impression can make it ok to be a bit left of center down the road, or even make a mistake. It’s because you’ve made an emotional connection that people can reference to, time and again.
Because, in the end, that’s what really matters.
I think a smile can move mountains.
Like Karen, I believe a smile can move mountains. Kindness, being friendly, genuine, polite, caring, considerate… All those things we learned as children really do pay off. Being early never hurt either, if it’s a face-to-face meeting. 🙂
*smiles*
Michele
John,
I have a friend who does that very same thing. He’s quite popular so people are shy about taking up his time, when they try to just say “hello” he very quickly let them know he’s there to see them.
Thank you for bringing that story. I’m going try to live my own version of it.
Narciso,
What a wonderful story of Maya Angelou. I’ve often wondered what it would be like to meet her in person.
That feeling that made you find something nice about her hat is exactly my point. If folks believe in us and know our hearts, they’ll find what we do as beautiful as we are.
Mother Earth and Michele,
I’m smiling right back at you. And I’m raising you a “Welcome” and a “Thank you” with a “My Pleasure” throw in.
Nothing is nicer than caring about the person we’re talking with. 🙂
Thanks, Liz! Your smile lit up the cyber highway just now! 🙂
*smiles*
Michele
Michele,
Come join us — we’re talking about funny t-shirts and stuff right now in the comment box.
https://www.successful-blog.com/1/the-mic-is-on-its-about-t-shirts-cards-and-bumper-stickers/
Liz-
I will never forget reading about a study done by Harvard psychologist Nalini Ambady which asserts that your first impression will be your only impression, regardless of the “accuracy” of your first assessment.
Ambady took a group of students and split them into two groups. To one group, she showed video clips which were designed to show the professor as harsh and uncaring. The 2nd group saw clips which were designed to show the professor as warm and caring. Both groups of students then took a class with that professor. At the end of the semester, students were polled. What we WANT to believe is that experiencing the professor “in person” would change the student’s perceptions.
Instead, the opposite was true. The student’s first hand experience didn’t change their perceptions of the professor. The study clearly illustrated that first impressions are actually embraced more fiercely than anyone ever suspected.
So thanks for some “tips” on how to make a great first impression – because it appears that first impressions are the ONLY impressions that matter.
Liz,
I really liked your point that “People remember most how we make them feel.”
This is directly applicable to job seekers in the interview process.
Your resume gets you in the door for the interview. So you can reasonably assume that you already likely meet their requirements. But it is the interview when they determine your “fit”. Fit is just as much a measure of personality to culture and team, as it is a measure of skills and aptitude to the position’s tasks and responsibilities.
So making a positively memorable first impression is all about giving your interviewer positive feelings about you to match the positive match you have to the actual position specs.
And your how-to list to being memorable are right on:
* A curious, open, intelligent mind
* A positive, open, knowing heart
* A clear, open, meaningful purpose
Thank you for your great post!
Mark Cummuta
(LinkedIn as MarkCummuta)
(Twitter as TriumphCIO)
Dear Liz
Killer recipe [pun] to a great first impression .
Great .
Regards .
Praise God .
Shalom .
Hi LIz,
This is a great article that is quite relevant in the present context of fierce competition and absolutely zero time and tolerance. To quote your line:
‘When we say things, they listen for what our words mean to us’.
How true it is: when we hear someone speak we hear what he or she is not speaking – the things that go in their minds. If people are harsh to us -we see there is a problem at he back of his or her mind that bogs him or her; and hence the brashness. So we smile at them.
Another line in your post: ‘They smile soon as they see us, long before we say say hello’. This is something which I want to do most of the times, but often times end up thinking how my attire is. But this goes a long way to tell the world, business or no business, we are all one big family and we make this moment happier and memorable.
And another one: ‘They help us find the action inside our ideas’
Yes, we hear so many people airing their dreams and plans, but less of them coming real. But to knock of the nags and doubts off them we sure pat and say “you can do it”, and give a suggestion if you have a good one, only.
I liked this post so well. It’s very timely of you to write this post, as I want to meet many people.
I wrote one post in my blog how interviews can be conducted, after facing several misadventurs of many interviewers.
This post of yours, sure, has a lot to give to the beleaguered businesses (in my experiences with ad agencies in India) who have spanky offices of people with scorn looks.
Thanks for post once again, and thanks to all the stories of memorable people mentioned in the comments!
Solomon
Kathy,
Don’t where my original answer to your comment disappeared to … ack!
I’ve been reading a lot about that very thing. Some call it diagnostic bias. You’re so right about how we hold onto to it. I just caught myself doing that over the silliest thing.
It’s as if we paint a picture of life in oils and don’t want to have to repaint it again. So we make the world conform to our view of it.
Scary if folks buy the wrong perception of us or meet us on the wrong day.
Hi Mark,
I so enjoyed the first conversation we had on the telephone just a few days ago. The conversation was easy as if we’d know each other for a long time.
That’s a great first impression. 🙂
Shalom,
Thank you. You always bring light with your words. 🙂
Hi Solomon,
Thank you for hearing what I was saying and for adding to it with such eloquent words. Yes, I agree. We need to put ourselves into those actions to bring each other closers and worry less about how we look to the world.
You’re onto something with that.
Dear Liz
You are always welcome .
Regards .
Praise God .
Shalom .
Liz,
I like it when I read your blog and feel like you’re writing about me. *tee hee* It means I am learning my lessons and doing it right…or at least I am in our Liz/Zane world. LOL.
Happy New Year!
Zane
@zaneology
A long time ago I was introduced to a new manager of the section I ran, he had heard that I was quite a “character “, ans wasnt going to put up with any messing about once he took over.
“So you’re the extrovert then”, was his opening line.
“No, I’m just an introvert with a big mouth” was my reply
We worked together for five more years at that place and had one of the best working relationships I’ve had in many years
If people would work on their sensibility to smile in the right moment to the right people, we can easyly banish a lot of sadness in the world.
Love this article, it really hits home in my Chamber business, I must remember a lot of my my members. It is something that I work really hard at doing to make each one feel special. When you have many it is important that each feel special.
The way to leave an indelible *bad* first impression is to be talking with someone and looking over his shoulder, scanning the room, as if to say “I’m only talking with you till someone better comes along.” A lot of people–and ones who should know better–are guilty of this faux pas.
As always, you have great advice. My challenge is to put it into action. Seems a bigger job suddenly.
I love how you mix heart and soul with the work world. It’s vital great stuff! For me, the only way to greet the world is with an open heart and the face is the place we show it. Our smiles and words either convey we want to connect, understand and be understood or…not. Thanks for this perfect reminder!