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A Question of Conflict

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In Business and in Life

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When I find myself in a conflict, it’s easy for me to see both sides — my own and the other guy’s. My natural response is to be biased to the benefit of the other side. I still seem to have this a natural instinct to want to fix things in their favor.

My mind knows that’s not a great idea. To set my own position aside for theirs is wrong for me, wrong for the other guy, and wrong for the relationship.

Still my heart says, “Have some forgiveness. Take the hit. Help the guy. You know how to make things right.”

Is that generosity, arrogance, or self-defeating behavior? I’m beginning to think it might be as simple as wanting to have the conflict quickly resolved and put away.

The problem is some folks learn to rely on that response and then, I’m caught in my own bind. Every teacher knows it’s not a good thing to reinforce bad behavior. Yet, my sense of fairness says, “Why should this person act otherwise when I’ve basically taught him or her this is who I am?”

When is the “giveness” of forgiveness too valuable to “give away”?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
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Personal Identity: Forgiveness

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Can we talk about . . .

forgiveness.

I’ll take a risk and say something revealing.
All of my life, I’ve been, next to my dad, the most forgiving person.
And then I think my father had a little extra forgiveness tucked away for me.

That’s not to say. I can’t be nasty, or blind, or even selfish. I suffer from every distinctly human trait. Some more than most.

I just can’t keep an angry state. I have this overwhelming sense of hope. I can’t help but see another side besides my own.

melting heart

I don’t know that all of this giving and forgiving is a good thing. I know it’s come back to bite me. I’ve the marks to prove that’s so.

Can one person be too forgiving? My head tells me that it could be a fact.

My heart tells me “no.”
I like my heart’s answer best.

Liz's Signature

Change the World: If You Can’t Say Something Nice

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Forgive the Guy You Don’t Like

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One of the best things about growing up shy is that I became an observer. I watch people and the patterns in our behavior. Yeah, I watch myself too.

Sometimes we do this curious thing. It’s as if we have two dictionaries. One dictionary we use when we talk about people we love and people we think are good. The other we use when we talk about people who scare us, have hurt us, or for some reason we have decided are not good enough.

The first dictionary has the words forgiveness and compassion. The second does not. When we decide we don’t like someone enough, we pick up that second dictionary. We find words like righteous and noble and use them to talk about ourselves and our feelings. Our noble selves decide how other folks think, forgetting entirely that they are people who love their children too.

I think that’s why my mother said, “If you can’t say something nice . . . ”

It seems a small thing, but it’s not. Think of the difference it would make in a life if we lived by that rule.

We can change the world — just like that.
–ME “Liz” Strauss