[For those of you just tuning in, this is based on the 301 Lists that Darren Rowse’s List Group Writing Project brought together. You’ll find Chapter 1 here –> A List Becomes 301 Links in Story — Chapter 1 ]

On to the Cathedral

Lizzie left the restaurant. She looked both ways and made a run for it. She didn’t stop until she got to Notre Dame Cathedral. Peace and blissful quiet surrounded her. She was overtaken by the beauty and the history. For the hour that she sat there, you might have convinced our idealistic young lady that she was indeed a time traveler.

Even when she left, everything she was shrouded in new, and powerful mystery.

As Lizzie stood on the bridge looking back at the old church building, she wondered about the Mystical Power of CSS code and The A-Z of RSS.

A man in trench coat walked past her and handed her a piece of paper. “Destroy as soon as you read it” were the only words he muttered. Lizzie was grateful he was an introvert.

Still it was curious. The sun was shining. “Why the trench coat?” Lizzie thought. She viewed the piece of paper. It read 10 Indispensable (and Free) Web Resources for Students, Nine of My Favorite WordPress Plugins, 5 Ways to Improve your Affiliate Sales.

“What does that mean?” Lizzie wondered, leaning on the bridge and watching the water. Almost in answer a woman in a scarf and sunglasses, ala Jackie Onassis, stood near and said, “It means, I am the first of 10 Resources who will bring 9 Missives. You must deliver them to the address by 5 o’clock.” Then the woman walked off.

“What address==????” It was too late. She was gone, swallowed up by Japanese tourists reading aloud Top 12 Cameras of All Time: A Photo Enthusiast’s Perspctive [2006] and discussing 10 Ways to Make Your Digital Photos Last Forever.

A parade of white swans came down the water. When Lizzie looked up, the tallest, most handsome man was standing beside her. He was Pierce Brosnan crossed with Sean Connery with just a little Dennis Quaid twinkling in those eyes.

“Ah Leez,” he said. “I love your smile. Please take my hand.”

“Romance,” Lizzie thought at last. “I am Renee Russo in Paris.” Then she saw she had a List of Mouse Games in her hand and the handsome man was gone.

The third was a little girl in a blue plaid school uniform. She had a red balloon and handed Lizzie 5 games industry job interview tips.

“Do they have Star Trek Conventions in Paris?” Lizzie wondered as a Klingon walked nonchalantly to where she was standing to hand her 5 Ways to Use MySpace to Reach Your Readers. She was number 4.

Number 5 was a Darren Rowse look alike with 101 Questions… Consumer, Political, Humorous and Starbucks. He made her wish for her computer and for a nice cafe latte with raw sugar.

Six and seven came together. They were delivered by two kids on a tandem bicycle — 5 links to calorie-conscious fitness and a Q&A: Low vs. High pathogenic Avian Influenza.

The eighth resource came by carrier pigeon.

Lizzie thought, “You’ve got to be kidding.” But there was this bird flying to her with a scrolled list on its back that said, “NY Times my arse… Here is where I get my news.”

“Actually, these days carrier pigeon is probably more reliable. I hear you don’t change photos in photo shop ever,” Lizzie said aloud to the bird before it left.

The Five Questions You Should Never Ask seemed to float down from the air. Lizzie found THAT more than spooky.

So there, she stood on the bridge with 9 missives to deliver somewhere by 5 o’clock. It was now about 11:15 in the morning, and she didn’t know where or to whom . . . or even whether she should.

Walking to Romance

Lizzie started walking. Standing had gotten her in the middle of some plot. Walking might get her out of it. She was just beginning to get that Five Reasons Why Mornings Rock feeling, until a shadow feel in beside her.

Lizzie froze in her tracks. [Read more…]

[For those of you just tuning in, this is based on the 301 Lists that Darren Rowse’s List Group Writing Project brought together. You’ll find Chapter 1 here –> A List Becomes 301 Links in Story — Chapter 1 ]

Adventures Don’t Happen Sitting

Lizzie finished her hot chocolate and talked a moment to her server. Apparently the owner was a Jerk. Lizzie wanted to help the poor girl so she gave her Ten Things You Need to Know Before you Hire an Attorney and Starting Your Own Business? Keep these things in Mind!

“Everyone’s so nice and speaking English,” Lizzie thought. Then she scanned the lists on the table. On her left she saw Pan Pacs 2006 – What to Watch For, European Honeymoon List Fun, 20 Ways to Improve Your Training for Rowers (and other Athletes), Ingredients in Chinese Five Spice, and Five Things to Do in Stockholm When it Rains. On her right was Things I learned in Honduras, 20 Drought Tolerant Australian Native Plants, A few handy EPL team facts, and 5 things to do when in Cebu.

Right-brained, creative Lizzie did the math. “Oh my,” she thought, “Only 7% of Americans have passports. “We really need to stop our national journey to be in front of the TV,” our fictional deep thinker mused as she reviewed Five Searches That Have Brought People to Couch Culture. “Just that I’m in France and not in a noisy tourist group has probably led them to decide that I’m Australian or Canadian. I think number 11 of 10 Easy Ways To Save Money In Restaurants is to leave as soon as you’re done.”

And that’s exactly what she did.

Along Came Rita . . . and Doris

In the fresh air and out on the sidewalk, Lizzie headed for Notre Dame Cathedral.

Unfortunately, she ended up in a that stereotypical, noisy group of American tourists and couldn’t quite seem to lose a lady named Rita. Rita was an incredibly thin, well-meaning real-estate seller — the kind that makes most realtors cringe or claim to be lawyers, ex-cons, or major felons . . . Worse than Rita was her friend, Doris, a burly pitbull sort of woman who was an American TV fiend.
[Read more…]

[For those of you just tuning in, this is based on the 301 Lists that Darren Rowse’s List Group Writing Project brought together. You’ll find Chapter 1 here –> A List Becomes 301 Links in Story — Chapter 1 ]

In Paris at Last

Finally, Lizzie was in the Paris Hilton. She was overjoyed to find that her room had been upgraded. That, of course, required a room tour to see what was there.

The room was so cool. It was Beyond YouTube and Google Video: 5 Great Video Sites on the Web were in the bathroom!

The desk had 10 Things You Find in Every Office. A note by the interactive television offered Ebay Scam/Hoax Avoidance Tips and 10 Everyday Items You Can Buy with E-gold.

A case in the library included the framed hotel plans and The architects Pen. The writer’s desk included a book that invited visitors to add to My Top 10 Favorite Desperate Housewives Moments. (The first entry was signed by Prince Charles.)

The bar was stocked with Sam Adams Top Ten Beers.

Lizzie grabbed a cold one and cracked it open. She sat back to contemplate. “Boy this really underscores 10 Things I hate about budget Traveling.” Then Listless Lizzie couldn’t quit laughing. I’ve landed in The Budget Travel Wishlist of Moi.

To Lizzie, camping and budget traveling always involved room service and chocolate-covered strawberries.

Memories and Hot Chocolate

Once she could breathe again, she realized a nap was in order. She’d flown all night and needed some sleep. She called up A Short List of Lists, but it was too short. Then she tried AAA list of 11 important advantages to list writing, but she couldn’t remember them all without the paperwork. So she settled on repeating the name of A List of Lists for Listing as a mantra.

By the beautiful bed, Lizzie found more reading material to calm her — 11 Ways to Improve Clarity and Start Getting Results. She thought she would meditate on that for a while and she would read 10 Ways to Improve Your Energy when she awoke from her nap.

As she was falling asleep her last thought was, “I remember Top 7 Freebies I’ve received,” she sighed. I miss that Photo Project that empowered me so. I miss Jay Leno and the other boys, who wanted to drive The Top Ten Hybrid Cars in my garage. She’d always thought those cars were the best test and trial in her plan of How to Find the Perfect Man. She thought back on 5 things I wish I knew when I bought my first motorcycle. Laughing she realized they were the same 5 things she wished she knew when she dated her first boyfriend too.

“Yeah,” she thought. “I should write a book on that. It would be like Extended Car Warranty Do’s and Don’ts for relationships.”

But whenever the idea of the perfect man arose, so too came the 10 Things: Married or Single. One of which is 10 Steps to a Happier Mealtime with Kids, then there was What to Bring on a Roadtrip with Kids, and not to mention the stuff her friend, Georgio, called “College Planning, Suffering, and the Avarice of Ray Charles; The Top 5 Things My Kids Have Said That Still Make me Laugh.” The little girl shook her head. She thought most guys were kids themselves. She knew for sure that she was.

When Lizzie awoke she was ready for an adventure.

On her way out of the room she saw a brochure that said, “Get More Done in a Day: Do Little Things, Achieve Big Things.”

“Exactly,” she said out loud.

She left the hotel and started wandering aimlessly.

In the Coffee Bar

It was in the Coffee Bar near Maxims that Lizzie met Jean, he was 5 foot 9 inches tall. His hair and frame were both wiry. His eyes were black and fiery. There was no doubt he was both romantic and creative. Jean had “You Must be an Artist If… “ written all over him. [Read more…]

[For those of you just tuning in, this is based on the 301 Lists that Darren Rowse’s List Group Writing Project brought together. You’ll find Chapter 1 here –> A List Becomes 301 Links in Story — Chapter 1 ]

Money Flowers

As the plane landed, Lizzie heard Fred finally snoring. The sound he made made her think of Five Happy Dog Movies. Fred wasn’t such a bad guy after all. He just wasn’t one who would be on her list to share the Asian Beaches to See Before I die.

Fred was still asleep as she got off the plane, but Lizzie left him a good-bye note that wished him well and offered a few things she had up her own sleeve: 7 Personal Finance Tips, Ten Ways To Spot A Scam, 5 Secrets to Fabulous Financials, 15 Government programs we don’t need, and How to Organize Your Debts.

She’d always thought of the last title as funny. Imagine little debts all in line just like soldiers.

Our creative young lady took a minute to fold those five sheet into an origami bouquet of flowers. She took the blue satin ribbon from her hair and tied them together just so. Then she added a note that said, “Have a wonderful life, Fred.” on the back of Top 10+ ways to Save Money and Help the Environment.

Then she made Fred a wallet from Your Very, Very Best Money Saving Tips. Inside the wallet she put Fifteen easy ways to save fifteen bucks. Lizzie is good at so many things.

Listless Lizzie was brightening a bit. She was finally at her destination.

Paris!

On to Baggage

Paris. This was Paris

As Lizzie went through customs with her documents, she had the typical Lizzie response Something Funny, Something New. As our young, tired traveler stood on the airport floors waiting her turn, she wondered about slipping How Not to Lose Your Ass – Customer Satisfaction in with her passport for customs, but somehow she knew that they wouldn’t consider it a helpful gesture.from an American. So instead Lizzie concentrated on 9 Steps to Transform Stress into Strength. By the time it was her turn, she was ready to give the nice looking man at the desk advice on How to Achieve Peak Performance and 10 Tips on Leading a Balanced Life.

Needlessly to say, our young lady was smiling a most charming smile.

Her smile was so charming, in fact, that folks were noticing and the French were deciding they might make an exception for this one American. . [Read more…]

[For those of you just tuning in, this is based on the 301 Lists that Darren Rowse’s List Group Writing Project brought together. You’ll find Chapter 1 here –> A List Becomes 301 Links in Story — Chapter 1 ]

On the Airplane

Lizzie had just gotten comfortable, when as every frequent flier knows, the inevitable happened. She was interrupted by the guy sitting next to her.

“Hey! Want to hear about Keeping Sociable on Long Trips?” he said. “I’m Fred.”

“No thanks.”

“How about What to Expect When You’re Not Expecting It?”

“Busy. Sorry.”

“Yazarken Dikkat EttiÄŸim Kurallar”

“What?”

“Okay, then,” he said. ” ‘Pahk ya cah Hahvahd Yahd,’ or, Regional Linguistic Pet Peeves might interest you more.”

Listless Lizzie just turned and stared at him.

“Got your attention. Didn’t I? In your opinion, what movies are the Top 13 Black Comedies?”

“Excuse me?”

“I see you read a lot. Perhaps you’re more interested in Graphical Visualization – Making Sense Out of Data.”

“Were you at Successful Blog the night that we invited the Aliens?”

“I’m sorry,” Fred answered. “I noticed you seemed a bit listless. I was doing my best to offer some cheer. Do you need help Finding Time and Creating Balance? Do you know The Top Ten Important Aspects of a Game? Would you like me to explain Why I Tithe? Do you have a boyfriend? Do you need one?”

“No. No. Ah, no. No and no,” Lizzie said, still reading the Top 10 Reasons To Find an Event Planner for your Next Party, and not really listening.

“Then I guess you don’t need Wedding songs for the despair Generation, unless you like to prepare early.”

That’s when Lizzie went back to a list called, Seven Things Not to Do on a Plane, but there was no mention of talking to a guy named Fred. Fred was no Darren. That much was clear. She didn’t need 10 steps to improve your ESP, healing and psychic abilites to figure that out.

Fred Talks Money

Lizzie gave up on the chance for a peaceful flight. She asked Fred what he did for a living. He said he was financial advisor to Steve Forbes and Donald Trump. He offered to give her advice investments and trade deals.

“I can show you the Best Current Deals, Promotions, and Sign Up Bonuses.”

“Sure,” Lizzie thought, “Forbes and Trump — I bet he helps out Greenspan when Greenspan gets confused.”

“While you’re thinking of Alan Greenspan,” Fred interrupted.

“You read that ESP list didn’t you?”

“Let me tell ya the Top Ten Reasons to Love Digital Gold, Greenspan likes it. Sally Greenspan that is.”

“Maybe Fred is the answer to my listlessneess. I could use a challenge,” Lizzie thought. I’ll become an entrepreneur and make mounds of money.”

Our little flyer listened to Fred spout the 5 Reasons Why Every Entrepreneur Should Workout, 10 Ways to Immediately Start Saving Money, and The 10 Best Money Moves You Can Make. Soon she knew How Your Credit Card Can Earn You Money.

Lizzie started taking notes for the future.
Four Kinds of Money Making Websites You can Start By Yourself She’d hire someone to do that.
5 Ways of Marketing Salvation She’d outsource that little piece of heaven.
Non-Profit Websites Fred said to check out their business models.
Best of Small Biz Survival She’d have to remember to ask Becky what wasn’t the best about surviving?

“Hey, Lizzie. Let me tell you The 10 Things We did to Erase almost $9,000 in Credit Card Debt in Less than 6 Months, and then I’ll explain Five reasons why you should always buy in lots.

“What are you talking about? Every little kid knows about lots and lots and lots — who doesn’t want lots? Lots of money — Five things I would do if I had $20,000? Lots of chocolate — How to Gain weight without really trying (and the antitheses)? Lots of sleep — How to be a Better Sports Radio Caller? We all want lots of everything.”

Fred didn’t correct her misunderstanding. After all, he knew she wasn’t about money anyway.

“Oh Fred, you’re so silly, . . . I should have known better than to think I’d find the answer on an airplane tripl I read Manage your time by Mastering Conversation Stoppers. I’m glad I met you though. Quick tell me a story about Steve Forbes and Donald Trump. I need a nap before we land.”

But Lizzie didn’t sleep . . . she was thinking about kids, and lots, and lots, and lots, and Paris, and . . . emoticons.

But that’s what happens in ———————–> Chapter 3.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
.

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Intro

That darn imp on my shoulder, the one who got me labeled uncool all through high school is still whispering, talking, shouting really. Now he’s nagging. Go on do it. It’s your blog. You know you want to. It will be more fun than another list. Give folks the value added. Follow your own advice. Put the YOU in what you write.

So here is a story for a Friday written to entertain, amaze, and prove to you that ideas truly are everywhere. [For those of you just tuning in, this is based on the 301 Lists that Darren Rowse’s List Group Writing Project brought together.]

Lizzie Leaves Home

Once upon a time, a little girl looked back upon her life and saw that it was filled with memories of Ducky Moments in time. Asking herself, “Where is my Ovary?” practicing How to be Charming, making a List of Hello Kitty Vehicles, and the Four most Influential British Prime Ministers, she found that these things did not fulfill her. Not even making a shrine to the Top 10 Lindsay Lohan Oops Moments could bring her up. She left like she was Falling from the Stairway to Heaven.

Her name was Listless Lizzie. She worked with Darren, the Great Writing Project Guy..

Armed only with 14 Amazing Chuck Norris Facts, she felt she had more than Seven signs that you should move to France – or stay at home.

If only Listless Lizzie had also known Seven Things Not to Do on a Plane.

But no, she knew of lists and nothing more.So she packed her lists:.

Just Visiting: Ten Tips for Being an Unforgettable Houseguest We already knew she was unforgettable.

Amusement Park Rules Rules? She thought those were for other people and listless folks don’t feel amused.

Supid Things You Can Do She brought this because she gets bored easily.

Five Ways to Make Yourself Miserable She heard misery loved company. Perhaps she’d find a friend who’d read this.

Some of the Worst Filler Songs of All Time If push came to shove she might choose death by music.

Why Starting Over is a A Good Thing Because under all, she was an optimist.

So call her Dorothy and send her to OZ , , , she’s got links to go before she gets to go home.

These and a taxi got her to the airport.

Listless Lizzie and Her Lists in Transit

She managed to make through security without many questions though she got some looks the lists she chose to carryon. In fact, young Lizzie was asked to hand over Three Reasons Why I don”t Give Good Comment, the Top Ten Janeane Garofalo Mistakes, Strategies for online reputation monitoring, and the 5 Most Trivial “How to” Searches in Search Engine. Those were considered to be international security risks. So they were kept in the airport from which she was leaving.

As she settled into her seat, the little girl, took out lists she hoped would help her when she landed before she started life as a money mogul. First she read Make People Always Remember You and How I am Going to Get What I Want. Then as the journey wore on she got distracted by what she thought of as The Top Ten Traumas of My Childhood, which morphed into 10 Things I”d Tell My Younger Self and that turned in 9 Weird Words that Amuse Me.

Just then a flight attendent walking by, stopped to ask whether she had seen the new list 5 Ways to get back in your skinny Jeans.

To which our leading lady replied, “Sugar, I never outgrew them.” Then she flashed him a big blue-eyed girlfriend grin, while handing him The Top 10 of Top 10s, 6 Steps to becoming a techie bride, Top 5 Look-a-Likes, and How to be a Movie Star and/or Cult Leader. All of those years in pubishing had made her a quick judge of what was perfect for any reader. He was like a little boy on his birthday morning.

And she went back to reading her lists for France.

France vc Allemagne: les 6 points forts de chaque pays/the 6 key points for each country She skimmed this one.

10 Ways to Improve Your Golf Game She read this one for a friend.

Top 10 Wine Myths She wanted to know if she’d heard any of them.

Getting Better with Age She had thought this was also about the wine.

Then she settled back to read “10 Rules to Live By.” She knew she would be looking for new neighbors maybe that list would help.

Now, if only she could find a list or two about making money. . .

MORE ON THAT IN CHAPTER 2————————————coming soon

–ME “Liz” Strauss

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