How Does One Mediate from a Blog?

Dr. Tammy Lenski is an author, coach/consultant, teacher/trainer, mediator, and runs her practice both in the 3-d World and in the blogosphere. We talked about challenges, issues, and wishes her practice brings her.

Hi, Tammy! What do you find is your biggest business challenge as a mediator?

Conflict is uncomfortable and scary and preferably avoided by a lot of people. Even the word makes some people cringe. As a mediator and coach, I get to see the truly life-changing transformations that take place when a person steps up to her most difficult conversations with the support of someone who knows how to navigate these conversations effectively. But people who haven’t tried that have no real basis on which to really understand how they can transform their lives. Every time a client says to me, “You just changed my life,” I tell them to go out and tell that to 10 people they know!

What are the most important issues in your work?

I see people disempowering themselves every time they blame the other person for the conflict. When we blame the other person and tell ourselves they need to change or fix what they caused, we hand all our power to them. And if they don’t think it’s their fault (they usually don’t), then we’re stuck because we’ve made it their job to fix it. There are such straightforward ways to get beyond the blame game and I’d love to see more people doing them—from our country’s leaders down to the people at our own dinner tables.

What do you wish for?

I wish for a culture where people don’t wait until conflict’s really entrenched and stuck before they think about asking for some help. I wish for the telephone call that begins, “A co-worker (or spouse, etc.) and I have gotten into a bit of a difficult place with each other and before it gets really messy, I thought I’d get some guidance…” At the risk of sounding trite, world peace begins with every individual.

One last thing before we go, what advice would have for folks starting out?

Find your voice. Figure out what’s unique about you and be bold and tenacious in bringing that to the world.

That Tammy Lenski, she knows how to have a conversation. Doesn’t she? I can’t help but learn when I listen to her.

–ME “Liz” Strauss

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How Does One Mediate from a Blog?

Dr. Tammy Lenski helps folks sort out a dispute and converse constructively, even when they’re frustrated. That’s her role as mediator — part coach, part strategist — in helping people solve communication problems. Tammy began blogging early in her business. Let’s take a look at what she has to say about it.

Welcome back, Tammy! About blogging, how and why did you bring your business to blogging?

I heard of blogging years ago when it first began, created a Blogger account, and put up a few posts. Back then it was mostly teenagers writing about their lives and I just couldn’t figure out how to get my clients interested, so I dropped it. Then, a couple years later, I read about the ways that blogging platforms can serve as content management systems. That got my attention, because I had hundreds of e-zine articles I was trying to manage effectively on a standard website—way too much work. So, I got a WordPress account, started educating myself about blogs (the idea of business blogging had been born by then and was in its earliest stages), and jumped in. I got to write about things that interest my clients, had an easy way to manage lots of articles on my site, and could interact with and learn from my readers.

What’s been the biggest surprise about bringing your business to blogging?

How easy it’s been to create real connections with people—like you—via the digital world. Though I was creating web pages and using email very early on in the development of those technologies, I was skeptical about real relationships being possible via the web. I thought that only happened with weird people who sat alone in their apartments at 2 a.m.!

Next the challenges and important issues of a mediation business.

–ME “Liz” Strauss

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How Did You Get that First Client?

I first met Tammy Lenksi last April when she commented on a post I wrote. I liked her right away because, she taught me something new and useful, and did so in a cheerful and inviting way.

I suppose that makes sense. Tammy is an expert at conversations that other folks might find uncomfortable. She’s Dr. Tammy Lenski of I Can’t Say That! She shows people how to have tough conversations that build relationships with confidence and finesse.

Over the time since that first comment, Tammy and I have shared emails and gotten to know each other. She’s told me about her thriving practice as a mediator, personal coach/consultant, teacher/trainer, author, and speaker. I had the pleasure to interview her recently and over the next few days, I’ll be sharing what she said. The first topic I wanted to know about was how someone gets a practice like Tammy’s going.

Hi Tammy. I suppose everyone’s first question is . . . what do you do — what is the BIG IDEA of your business?

I help people talk out their differences and build stronger relationships in the process. I do this in three ways: As a mediator, I help pairs and groups work through and resolve disputes at work and home. As a coach and consultant, I help women prepare for and learn how to navigate the conversations that matter most. And as a teacher and trainer, I help people learn how to engage difficult conversations successfully on their own.

My guess is that the second most asked question would be . . . how did you get to be a coach and conversation mediator and strategist?

Mediators, people who step into the middle of other people’s disputes, have to be both strategists and coaches. We have to be able to figure out the best strategy for sorting out a dispute and we often need to be able to coach people in staying focused on goals and conversing constructively, even when they’re frustrated. I was a career coach many years ago, when I was first out of grad school, but it’s really my mediation work that brought me to the kind of coaching I do now—people started asking me for individual help in instances where they didn’t need a mediator but still needed a sounding board, advisor, guide and ally.

How did you connect with your first client?

I had worked in senior leadership in higher education for years, so the day I formed my business I called five college presidents and deans I knew. I told them what I was now doing and asked, “Do you see some ways I can be helpful to your institution right now?” Two of them said yes. It was my very first lesson in marketing: You’ve got to ask.

So that’s how Tammy came to start her business. She asked and was ready when people came to her. She told me that being prepared, letting folks know what we do, and asking for business are the key — that she counsels other consultants to do just that almost daily.

Do you have questions for Tammy about what she does or how she got started? I know she’s more than happy to answer them. After all, conversation is a big part of her business.

Next, we’ll explore how blogging fits it to make her practice both personal and virtual.

–ME “Liz” Strauss

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