Distorted Reality
I worked my heart out for a company. I traveled extensively — living on one coast, working on the other — it’s survival was my goal. The people I worked with were the most invested minds and hearts. My job was my life. That company was meaningful — for all of us and for the customers who loved us.
Then the owners — investors — decided to sell. The folks who bought us, bought an asset for their portfolio — a portfolio being built for an IPO. The culture, the customers, the intangibles were irrelevant. In one confusing move after another meant to bolster their ailing assets, the new owners slowly killed the company that was thriving.
On my last day, 25% of the company’s staff was told “Good-bye.”
I remember having one thought driving home that afternoon.
The tribe has spoken.
Reality was distorted.
Finding Your Own Voice and Owning It
My dad told me life is survival of the fittest. Have a heart and use my mind — pay attention. On the way to school, he’d point to people we’d see. He’d tell me their stories hoping I’d learn lessons about being fit and surviving. But wisdom and experience can be hard to pass on.
Hot might not mean much until after you’ve touched the stove.
I learned a lot in the weeks after the company I loved told me to go. I learned about how people act, what they really mean, and what to do to get moving forward again. Reality didn’t take shape again in hours. It took some work and time, but the work and time were well invested. And like my dad, I’ll pass on what I can. Here’s some thoughts about how to survive a when the tribe has spoken.
- They say it isn’t personal. Of course it is. Removing people from jobs totally disrupts their lives. How much more personal can it get? Losing an income is bad enough — losing connections to the people who were friends is a jolting personal loss.
Respect that.
- No one knows what to do next. Suddenly a tribe becomes about who is and isn’t. The gone ones have a ticking clock and so much empty time. The survivors are surrounded by empty spaces where people used to work. The chasm is wide and threatening. Most humans feel and fear that danger. They do unexpected, often hurtful things, to hide that.
Forgive the fearful.
- No tribe is the only tribe. When a person spends every waking hours invested in working for something, it skews perspective. A big part of a life can seem to be a big part of the world.
Kick that tribe from the center of your universe.
- Mourn short. Live long. Recover. I had thought, “I don’t want a new puppy. I want the puppy that died.” When I looked clearly at what had happened, I realized that the poor pup had been dead for months, and we’d been pretending. I let go of thinking about what they took — because they hadn’t taken anything.
Take back your future.
- Own your part. I saw myself and my part of it with new eyes. I’d been unhappy and too attached to what had been. The new owners had a new vision. In my own way, I’d refused to be part of it.
Learn from yourself.
- Come to a conclusion. Quit surviving and start living. Live and connect. Show everyone the smile that the next tribe might earn, but no tribe will own.
Answer with your own voice.
Losing a tribe isn’t the same as losing a life.
Yesterday a woman, I so respect, told a story of how she was knocked down by something big. I know her and it won’t shake her voice. No tribe will ever own her. But not all of our friends are as determined or deadset on succeeding as she is. Some need us to help them learn how.
If you need help finding your voice, reach out to find direction and worth in the noise and confusion. If you have friends who gone because the tribe has spoken, what can we do to bring them back? How can we help them get on their path again.
We need everyone.
If you think this would help anyone you know, do them a favor and pass it on? Stumble it, Tweet it, or email it to them.
–ME “Liz” Strauss
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The trend of these forced transitions seems like they will continue to rise, touching more of the lives around us, if not directly ourselves. Your post has put me to task to call a peer who lost his employment this month, a call I’ve been subtly avoiding. Shame on me. Thanks for the kick…
“Mourn short. Live long.” I’m writing that down. I have a friend who was fired yesterday. You said all the things I want to say and didn’t have the words for. What a clear and passionate summary. Thanks Liz.
I love you so much. 🙂
Hi Liz,
Many of the folks I follow, follow you. And though I’ve seen them sing your praises many times, this is my first visit to your site. Please accept my apologies for this delay. 🙂
As with all things, I suppose, when the time is right…
My year (or so) has been a rough one, professionally, and I can look back on it and recognize that I’ve invested far too much in the losses I’ve experienced. Particularly in this age of non-existent corporate responsibility, I can finally see that, while – as you say – it was certainly personal to me, it was by no means a reflection of my value.
And that’s the trick, isn’t it? Having the fortitude to recognize that, while painful, these plot twists serve to make the book more interesting…and the outcome more rewarding.
Thank you for this post. I know when we write, we are communicating our thoughts and feelings on a topic with the hope that it will resonate, even if only with a person or two. Count this one a success.
Cheers.
On another note:
When a friend comes to you and says “I hate my job” or “I want out of my tribe”, it’s hard to encourage them to leave when so many losing their jobs.
“Stay put” I say… even though I want to tell her to search for another tribe, one that will appreciate the sacrifices she’s made and her obvious dedication and show her respect.
This market is tough… and I think it will get worse before it gets better. To those looking for a new tribe: I wish you all the best of luck!
Another amazing post, Liz! As companies have tried to do more and more with less and less, many of us have become one with our jobs instead of ourselves, making it that much harder to realize our own worth.
On the flip side, we recently had to reduce staffing at our restaurant; we should have done it long ago from a business perspective, but these are people who depend on us for food and shelter. One of the staffers whose hours were severely reduced asked the manager on the way home why we were so upset and kept apologizing. He understood we were taking the necessary steps for our own survival, and actually wondered why we hadn’t done it sooner. Maybe passionate people shouldn’t be business owners?
Many years ago, my best friend shared with me the advice her father had given to her older sister:
“You may love your job – but your job will NEVER love you back.”
My friend shared it with me because she saw that I was getting way too emotionally invested in my employer’s business.
That’s the way I see it today – my EMPLOYER’S business. However, at the time, in my eyes, part of that business was MINE. (It didn’t help that there was no “person” who owned the company but rather a rather large holding group with a board of directors. I mean, in reality – the business didn’t BELONG to any one human being.)
In some ways, that attitude made me a better employee – in other ways, it made me a detriment to the company.
“Mourn short. Live long.” That applies to more than just job losses, doesn’t it?
No shame, Richard,
No, no, shame for being human and not knowing how to cross the chasm that’s so wide and so scary between those we still are those that were.
What do you say?
You say, “I’m here and I still value you every same bit as I ever did.”
That you heard shows your heart.
Nick,
Please feel free to pass what I said. I have more if you need more words. Connecting is what I do best.
Wendy,
I show my love for you here and everywhere.
Jeb,
For every reason you say, your comment resonated with me. Glad you came. It’s a good book you’re living. I can see its value alreay.
You’re not a stranger anymore.
Charity,
I understand the dilemma you face. I hear the same stories and want to give the same response. I tell them to stay too. I tell them to find the things to learn where they are so that when the time is right to go … they’ll know even more.
Mary,
I’ve had a similar experience, but I think that passionate owners are the joy and saving grace. It’s a good thing that the folks who work with you understand and make it easier. A thank you is a blessing there.
You are a friend here always.
Kathy,
You always find that nugget inside what I’m thinking. Love what I’m doing but don’t try to own everything. Yeah. That’s it. No one owns the business. Kind of like no one really owns my blog.
Thank you, for being who you are.
Liz,
Thanks for sharing your heart and wisdom with us.
Everyone in the world is being touched by the current job climate in the US, both indirectly and directly.
I never realized just how impactful our world here is in the middle of North America until I started hearing from people I know all over the world…from Malaysia to England and so on.
We all must keep moving forward, and, when needed, turning around and helping up those who are stumbling.
Thanks for turning around, Liz.
I am a wahm, but I’ve watched close family and friends go through some very hard changes recently. I spend a lot of time checking in on and praying for them.
‘Recover, the puppy was long dead.’
How true.
Life is flow and flow comes with changes.
The life skill I am cultivating is to go with the flow and be flexible.
The puppy is always long dead and we are the last ones to know, but I am working on knowing sooner.
Donna!
Thank you. Pass it on. Let them know you still see them. Let them know that the connection isn’t broken. They want to hide. Don’t let them.
Hi Wilma,
It’s still hard to realize that my special puppy is dead. But I’ve made so many things since then, met so many people I’d never have met. I’m a lucky girl.
You two are not strangers anymore.
Liz,
I lost my job last month due to downsizing and I completely agree with you that it is personal. It makes you reassess everything and all the hours devoted and time invested for a first round K.O. It is business and although it is understandable the business should never own the soul of you and when you leave you take that with you. Thanks for the post it was a great read.
Hi Lucas,
I know. It’s personal as hell.
Even when 60 people go at the same time, you have to tell your friends, readjust your life, find a new definition of what you’re doing …
Learning about boundaries stars when we find our toes … takes us years and years to find our feet.
Thank you for telling me that I made a difference tonight.
You’re not a stranger here.
Liz – Everyone has a story of pain or rejection. You can’t live without pain. It’s as sure as night following day. It’s how we react to pain. Some people are frozen with fear. They see it as only the end. Others see it as the start of something new and exciting. It’s all a matter of how we see the glass – half empty or half full. You can’t reprogram how a person looks at life. They will see it as they see it from their life’s perspective. We can only offer help and support to those that have lost their jobs. It’s up to them to find their way. If I could say anything to those who just got the pink slip, I’d tell them that they have the power within themselves to make the best of the situation.
Your family gave you great advise. You learned how to be strong after feeling weak. We all have. We learn how to stand after falling a few times. Life has tough lessons to be learned.
Liz, I appreciate this message of compassion for those that have lost something and had to start fresh. We all have met this fate in one way or another. It makes us human.
“noone knows what to do” applies to me … with huge loss the space seems like it could swallow one whole — I too admire the woman who inspired this piece, and it’s true – her voice will not be shaken – this is an excellant post