August 18, 2006
Liz published this at 2:11 pm
That darn imp on my shoulder, the one who got me labeled uncool all through high school is still whispering, talking, shouting really. Now he’s nagging. Go on do it. It’s your blog. You know you want to. It will be more fun than another list. Give folks the value added. Follow your own advice. Put the YOU in what you write.
So here is a story for a Friday written to entertain, amaze, and prove to you that ideas truly are everywhere. [For those of you just tuning in, this is based on the 301 Lists that Darren Rowse’s List Group Writing Project brought together.]
Lizzie Leaves Home
Once upon a time, a little girl looked back upon her life and saw that it was filled with memories of Ducky Moments in time. Asking herself, “Where is my Ovary?” practicing How to be Charming, making a List of Hello Kitty Vehicles, and the Four most Influential British Prime Ministers, she found that these things did not fulfill her. Not even making a shrine to the Top 10 Lindsay Lohan Oops Moments could bring her up. She left like she was Falling from the Stairway to Heaven.
Her name was Listless Lizzie. She worked with Darren, the Great Writing Project Guy..
Armed only with 14 Amazing Chuck Norris Facts, she felt she had more than Seven signs that you should move to France – or stay at home.
If only Listless Lizzie had also known Seven Things Not to Do on a Plane.
But no, she knew of lists and nothing more.So she packed her lists:.
Just Visiting: Ten Tips for Being an Unforgettable Houseguest We already knew she was unforgettable.
Amusement Park Rules Rules? She thought those were for other people and listless folks don’t feel amused.
Supid Things You Can Do She brought this because she gets bored easily.
Five Ways to Make Yourself Miserable She heard misery loved company. Perhaps she’d find a friend who’d read this.
Some of the Worst Filler Songs of All Time If push came to shove she might choose death by music.
Why Starting Over is a A Good Thing Because under all, she was an optimist.
So call her Dorothy and send her to OZ , , , she’s got links to go before she gets to go home.
These and a taxi got her to the airport.
Listless Lizzie and Her Lists in Transit
She managed to make through security without many questions though she got some looks the lists she chose to carryon. In fact, young Lizzie was asked to hand over Three Reasons Why I donâ€™t Give Good Comment, the Top Ten Janeane Garofalo Mistakes, Strategies for online reputation monitoring, and the 5 Most Trivial â€œHow toâ€ Searches in Search Engine. Those were considered to be international security risks. So they were kept in the airport from which she was leaving.
As she settled into her seat, the little girl, took out lists she hoped would help her when she landed before she started life as a money mogul. First she read Make People Always Remember You and How I am Going to Get What I Want. Then as the journey wore on she got distracted by what she thought of as The Top Ten Traumas of My Childhood, which morphed into 10 Things Iâ€™d Tell My Younger Self and that turned in 9 Weird Words that Amuse Me.
Just then a flight attendent walking by, stopped to ask whether she had seen the new list 5 Ways to get back in your skinny Jeans.
To which our leading lady replied, “Sugar, I never outgrew them.” Then she flashed him a big blue-eyed girlfriend grin, while handing him The Top 10 of Top 10â€™s, 6 Steps to becoming a techie bride, Top 5 Look-a-Likes, and How to be a Movie Star and/or Cult Leader. All of those years in pubishing had made her a quick judge of what was perfect for any reader. He was like a little boy on his birthday morning.
And she went back to reading her lists for France.
France vc Allemagne: les 6 points forts de chaque pays/the 6 key points for each country She skimmed this one.
10 Ways to Improve Your Golf Game She read this one for a friend.
Top 10 Wine Myths She wanted to know if she’d heard any of them.
Getting Better with Age She had thought this was also about the wine.
Then she settled back to read “10 Rules to Live By.” She knew she would be looking for new neighbors maybe that list would help.
Now, if only she could find a list or two about making money. . .
MORE ON THAT IN CHAPTER 2————————————coming soon
–ME “Liz” Strauss
301 Links in Story â€” Chapter 2 Lizzie Meets Fred