Liz Strauss at Successful Blog

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April 22, 2007

Bloggy Question 46: Beware of Making Noise

ME Liz Strauss wrote this at 6:26 pm

She Didn’t Believe What She Said

For those who come looking for a short, thoughtful read, a blogging life discussion, or a way to gradually ease back into the week. I offer this bloggy life question. . .


A young blogger, someone you have helped in the past, shows you a series of blog posts that she wrote. It’s a week of articles about the bad habits of bloggers. She set herself up as superior to and more informed than all other bloggers.

You ask her whether she believes what she’s written. She admits that she’s trying to “make some noise.” She hopes that her claims will go viral. It’s a sad attempt at gaining publicity and “get-rich-quick links.

You do your best, using words such as authenticity and relationships, to explain that it’s dangerous and unethical to take a stand that she doesn’t believe. She ignores your advice and publishes the first two posts.

A furious response results. People pounce hard. She is dropped from blogrolls. Bloggers talk, but they actually avoid linking to her posts.

You were ready for the heat. You figured that she’d face the fire and learn the hard way. You figured she would gain some humility and grow a bit. You thought you’d help her put things back together when she did.

The surprise was that she never did acknowledge the mistake that she made. She blamed the other bloggers for not getting her “joke.” She quit blogging instead.

It’s a year later. She just emailed you with a question about a new blog.

How do you respond?

–ME “Liz” Strauss

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Filed under Bloggy Questions, Successful Blog | 27 Comments »




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27 Comments to “Bloggy Question 46: Beware of Making Noise”

  1. April 22nd, 2007 at 7:30 pm
    Susan Cartier Liebel said

    You ask her if she has learned what she might do differently this time? Ask her if she still believes in the “controversy” approach to blog building, especially if she doesn’t believe what she writes? Ask her if she is trying to project a dishonest image instead of authenticity? Depending upon these answers you decide if she values you or is simply using you. Then decide if helping her based upon the answer to your questions makes you feel good or not. You’ll know what to do after that.

  2. April 22nd, 2007 at 7:36 pm
    Scorpia said

    So, what’s the question she asks you? That’s important to know.

  3. April 22nd, 2007 at 7:45 pm
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Susan,
    I hear you. I wonder whether she was just waiting out the “heat.” I think the first thing I’d ask would be how she feels about what happened before. If that answer didn’t come out on the side of having sorted out where she went wrong before I don’t think I’d have the time.

    It’s a question of respect. I need to know that folks respect themselves, me, and the folks that they write for — hopefully that they would put themselves last in that equation.

  4. April 22nd, 2007 at 7:46 pm
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Scorpia,
    Gosh, I hadn’t made up a question. I’d be interested in knowing what you’re thinking about.

    I was just thinking that she was testing the waters with a question.

  5. April 22nd, 2007 at 7:51 pm
    Susan Cartier Liebel said

    That’s why your questions are more important than hers.

  6. April 22nd, 2007 at 7:57 pm
    ME Strauss said

    Tell me more, Susan.

    Tell me more of what you see. You’re bringing insight to the conversation. This a rare case where I have trouble finding room to be generous — when someone couldn’t find room to apologize.

  7. April 22nd, 2007 at 8:26 pm
    Jeff Brown said

    I’d ask her what happened with her original blog – then listen very closely.

  8. April 22nd, 2007 at 8:28 pm
    Susan Cartier Liebel said

    You’re being asked to extend yourself after you have already done so, given your considered advice and then had not just your advice ignored, but the heart of what you bring to the blogosphere totally disrespected. You cannot control what she does but you can control your involvement (or lack thereof)in what she does. It’s not about apologies, it’s about integrity. If she embodies qualities that are in conflict with yours and shows no evidence that she has learned a lesson, why should you put yourself in a position to disrespect yourself. Yes, Liz, yourself. You know the old adage, fool me once…shame on you. Fool me twice…shame on me. You don’t have to extend yourself or be generous when you will be in essence disrespecting yourself and everything you stand for if you do.

  9. April 22nd, 2007 at 8:42 pm
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Jeff,
    I think I’m with you on that one. Listening is a great response in this situation, I think.

  10. April 22nd, 2007 at 8:47 pm
    ME Strauss said

    Susan,
    Integrity is the word, isn’t it?

    it’s about being able to look in the mirror and like what you see. Thanks for that, Susan. It always helps to hear someone else say what I think I might be thinking. :)

  11. April 22nd, 2007 at 10:20 pm
    Scorpia said

    It’s been a year since her big debacle. The question she asks would be a good indicator as to whether she learned from last time or not.

    By not saying what she asks, the matter is left to interpretation, and that could be wrong.

  12. April 22nd, 2007 at 10:31 pm
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Scorpia!
    Yeah, i see what you’re saying. The question could tell volumes or it could be a shallow hello. Hmmmm. I wonder what I would have made up if I were writing the story. . .

  13. April 22nd, 2007 at 11:43 pm
    Jonathan-C. Phillips said

    Liz you always come up with really good questions! You know the kinda stuff that makes people think! :)

    Well i would definitely take the time to listen to her, and would try not to go for the “i told you, remember?” or the “you should have..” answers, it usually doesn’t help much. I’d try to find out what she learned since last time, and compliment her on what i think improved since her last blog went downhill. People are way more responsive to compliments than critique, and usually if you’re to critique someone and start with a compliment, it’ll be easier to digest for that person.

    So with that said, i would answer her questions, and help her out (and i will make damn sure she knows what that means!) and i’d also make sure she understands that my time is something i value a lot, and i don’t want to waste it. If it’s cool, i’m ok with helping her out. ;)

  14. April 23rd, 2007 at 1:24 am
    D said

    I think this is a little too open ended. If it was a technical type question I’d answer ot point her to an answer. If it was something about trying to get back into her former community’s “good graces” I think I’d respond along the lines of:

    “You are my friend and you always have been. To insure that you always will be in the future let’s just leave blogging out of the picture.”

  15. April 23rd, 2007 at 5:21 am
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Jonathan,
    You are a generous one! Listening, hearing her out, will tell a lot about where she is now. It’s nice to think that you would give her another chance. I’m also glad to hear that you don’t give yourself away too easily. You’re a thoughtful man. I want you on my team. :)

  16. April 23rd, 2007 at 8:35 am
    ME Strauss said

    Hi D.
    Welcome!
    I think I’d probably do the same about the technical question. I’m not sure I’d go so far as to call her a friend — she lost my respect when she didn’t apologize. So I suppose I would say something like, “You know blogging and the two of us just don’t seem to agree.” :)

  17. April 23rd, 2007 at 9:35 am
    Scorpia said

    See Liz, that’s why you need to know the question. As D posted, this situation is open-ended, and there is more than one possibility here.

    In the past year, she may have matured enough to want to blog responsibly. Or, she may just have been waiting for the heat to die down before starting up again, and without having learned her lesson.

    Which is it? Unless you know the question, there’s no way to tell, or even get a hint. It’s not always wise to answer the present through the screen of the past.

  18. April 23rd, 2007 at 10:00 am
    ME Strauss said

    Yep Scorpia,
    I see exactly what you mean. She could be just pushing her way back in or she could be actually trying to learn. A second chance in my book would have to be earned.

    Gotcha! :)

  19. April 23rd, 2007 at 11:13 am
    Kelley said

    Being a not-so-famous blogger… If I gave her my best advice and she didn’t take it, that would have made me upset, but in the end it was her choice to make. Now, if this young blogger comes back wanting more advice, do I shun her because I feel used, or am I gracious enough to consider her position and learn more about the situation? However – you called her actions “unethical.” I can’t assist someone in continuing, or restarting unethical behavior. I think I’d have to be convinced of a change of heart.

  20. April 23rd, 2007 at 2:13 pm
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Kelley,
    I’m going to try this comment again, it got lost once . . .

    I agree, no one has to follow my advice either. My problem is that I have trouble respecting someone who can’t own what she did that caused a problem. . . . and then blames others by saying they misunderstood.

    You are gracious in hoping for a “change of heart.” That’s not only a lovely thought, that’s a lovely way to say it. :)

  21. April 26th, 2007 at 10:07 pm
    Bloggy Question 47: Take It to the Edge - Liz Strauss at Successful Blog - Thinking, writing, business ideas . . . You’re only a stranger once. said

    [...] articles Bloggy Question 46: Beware of Making Noise Bloggy Question 45: Take a Long Look Bloggy Question 44: Stay Out of My Life! Bloggy Question 43: [...]

  22. April 29th, 2007 at 5:27 pm
    Whoa said

    Here’s the thing… What happens to a police officer with no ethics? or a reporter? or a doctor? or a lawyer? or a teacher?

    Do they get second chances?

    I think it’s a good thing you did not come up with a question because that does not leave room for a response other than: “Sorry”

  23. April 29th, 2007 at 5:55 pm
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Whoa!
    Sometimes I bet they do get second changes. The question is whether they should. I never learned to make lines or boundaries. I only have one that’s very close to me, but when a person goes past it the respect that came freely needs to be earned back. That’s just the way my dad taught me. It makes sense in my world view.

    Ethics are real examples of character in action, just as politeness a real example of respect.

    Thanks, Whoa, for checking with your point of view. It’s great to see you. :)

  24. April 29th, 2007 at 11:16 pm
    Whoa said

    Ethics are the foundation of who we are. And you know what happens when you have no foundation, right?

    I love your philosophy “The respect that came freely needs to be earned back”.

  25. April 29th, 2007 at 11:21 pm
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Whoa!
    Send her back to build their foundation on concrete because the sand has surely shifted. :)

    Thanks. Earned back is something I had to learn. I am a forgiveness junkie. :)

  26. June 14th, 2007 at 5:56 pm
    robotii said

    Respond with humbleness and willingness to accept her as who she is, no matter how many mistakes she makes. Above all be willing to listen (or read) with the intent to understand. Then you will realize that you too can learn something from her, as well as teaching.

    If it becomes too much too handle, and you’re still not being listened to, then I would say there’s not much point in carrying on talking.

    The very fact that she is coming back to you is because you are someone she can trust, and your opinion is important to her. Ultimately what she does is up to her, no matter what you might say to her.

  27. June 14th, 2007 at 7:06 pm
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Robotii!
    You are a loving, giving person. That is a generous choice you offer. It humbles me to think of other options in the face of what you’ve said.

    Thank you.

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