Liz Strauss at Successful Blog

Thinking, writing, business ideas … You're only a stranger once.

June 24, 2007

Bloggy Question 54: This Conversation Is NOT Bloggable

ME Liz Strauss wrote this at 7:38 pm

Can’t I Talk to Bloggers Anymore?

For those who come looking for a short, thoughtful read, a blogging life discussion, or a way to gradually ease back into the week. I offer this bloggy life question. . . .


You travel a lot and occasionally meet up with a blogger in the city where you are. The conversation and the company are always worth what little it might take to get across town to get together.

Last night was an event. This time you met not one, but three bloggers you read. Dinner was at a beautiful restaurant. Everyone sure hit it off. The conversation went from mutual blogging friends to ideas about what folks might do to improve their blogging style.

As always, pictures were taken and blogger hugs given. It seemed a perfect evening complete with the champagne toast at the end. You wrote up your experience and uploaded two photographs. Then you did some work and went to sleep before an early client meeting.

You didn’t get a chance to read the blogs of the folks you dined with until after 5pm the next day. The first was a great reminder of the fun, as was the second. The third, however, was a critique of the entire dinner. That blogger trashed the restaurant, the service, the food, you and your other new-found blogger friends. Exact quotes, taken out of context, had been and used in the blog post. The quotes were word-for-word accurate, but as they stood they sounded mean and petty, not they way they were said or intended.

The blogger who wrote the critique says that the event was fun and funny. But the remarks he makes are snarky — fully at your expense and that of the other two at dinner. You’ve never seen this sort of behavior before . . . from him or from anyone.

The post has been up for 8 hours and there are no comments.

You check your own post. Some cold “thank yous” are there — from folks not mentioned in your post, but mentioned in the quotes taken out of context in the other blogger’s recap.

How do you respond?

–ME “Liz” Strauss

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Filed under Bloggy Questions, Successful Blog | 27 Comments »




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27 Comments to “Bloggy Question 54: This Conversation Is NOT Bloggable”

  1. June 24th, 2007 at 9:20 pm
    jeff Brown said

    I’m sorry Liz, but Darth BawldGuy would show up big-time. They’d get one chance privately to come clean – on their blog.

    If they didn’t, I’d act in concert with the third blogger, and systematically cripple his original post. I’d do it in the most professional and objectively surgical way possible. By the time folks read my post and the third blogger’s post on the subject, the offender would be standing in front of Madison Square Garden with his pants around his ankles.

    Behavior like that cannot be allowed to go unchallenged. As long as my friend and I did it objectively, without taking cheap, emotional shots, our friends who thought the offending post was true, would see the real facts, and reconsider the source.

    Most people who do something like this, in my view, are attention whores, who are shocked when the attention is sharply negative in nature. I’d do my best to ensure this would be one of those cases.

    We now return you to our regular, happy go lucky BawldGuy. :)

  2. June 24th, 2007 at 9:26 pm
    ME Strauss said

    Hi DarthVader BawldGuy!
    No need to be sorry for what you’d do. It’s your authentic response and I’m thinking it might be the right one for you.

    I wouldn’t be very happy myself. And I don’t think this calls for a defense. :)

  3. June 24th, 2007 at 9:50 pm
    pelf said

    Seriously, one of the reasons I’m not actively meeting up with bloggers is because I don’t want to meet the “wrong” kind of bloggers. I’m NOT saying that they’re bad or anything. In fact, I’d rather meet up with bloggers who are “more like me”, who know what are bloggable, and what aren’t, without being reminded. I tend to avoid bloggers who criticize other bloggers openly on their blogs, and those who publish photos without consent from the other parties involved. I won’t be too happy to see a not-very-pretty picture of myself on other people’s blogs, you see..

    I think it’s important to be selective when it comes to who you’re meeting, because it is always better to “assume we’re all nice people” instead of “exchanging names calling on our respective blogs”.

  4. June 24th, 2007 at 9:52 pm
    pelf said

    OK, I just realize that I didn’t answer your question, LOL.

  5. June 24th, 2007 at 9:55 pm
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Pelf!
    Every blogger I’ve met in person has been the person that I’ve met on his or her blog. No one has been a surprise in that way. The surprise has always been how truly genuine they all are and how real our conversation is once the first word starts. :)

    This story is hypothetical. I can’t imagine it. I would be crushed.

  6. June 24th, 2007 at 10:07 pm
    jeff Brown said

    Liz, if it’s reall a hypothetical, I’ll have to quickly call off the DarthDogs of death. I thought it might have happened to you. :)

  7. June 24th, 2007 at 10:10 pm
    Jon Price said

    I would think that this is not something handled via a blog-a-fest. I would be crushed as well, but I would have to go to the third person and find out why. I’d rather be hated and know why than to be hated and not know. I can work with what I know and in knowing I think I have at least a fighting chance.

    Also just from my vantage point, these hypothetical stories seem to be really “I have this friend of a friend…Oh no you wouldn’t know them…but anyway..” As in not so hypothetical as you would lead us to believe. Just saying, but I do find them interesting to think about. :)

  8. June 24th, 2007 at 10:15 pm
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Jon,
    Rest assured I make them up, but I do watch the people of the blogosphere and think about stuff that could realistically happen. :)

    I’ve thought about how I’d feel if this ever happened to me. I’ve wondered whether I would stop talking with and meeting up with bloggers or feel the need to say this conversation is “off the record.” Gosh I sure hope not. :)

  9. June 25th, 2007 at 12:11 am
    Yvy said

    Thanks to Pelf, I’ve found a new blog to stalk. :) I enjoy attending blogger meets and I’ve actually met a fair few of my readers, face to face. And so far, I’m happy to say that none of them turned out the way your scenario shows. I’m sure it would be very damaging and hurtful. That said, I have to agree with Pelf though, blogger who tends to blast others on their blogs, we should be wary of – cant be too sure what the next post might show or say!

  10. June 25th, 2007 at 1:42 am
    Yoav said

    Hi Everyone.

    I agree with BawldGuy. Maybe it’s because I am also hair-challenged.

    Here is how I would go about it:

    1. Get really mad
    2. Let it fester for 24 hours
    3. Take out the (metaphorical) blogging knife
    4. Stick it into the guy (metaphorically) up to the hilt
    5. Look him in the eyes and…
    6. Twist the knife

    Disclaimer: In situation like this, I usually perform steps 1,2 and then cool off. Steps 3-6 remain a fantasy (usually)

    Mua-ha-ha-ha!!!

  11. June 25th, 2007 at 3:52 am
    Alina Popescu said

    I have no idea how I’d react in such a situation. I would be really upset and disappointed, true. But what i’d do exactly, that’s a big blur. Most surely, I’d take out my blogging knife and write a very mean post then delete it just before publishing it. I’d choose the “ignore and never know anything of you” strategy, I guess.

  12. June 25th, 2007 at 3:59 am
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Yvy!
    Happy to meet you! Any friend of Pelf’s is welcome here!

    I agree about the bloggers I’ve met. They have been stand up people every one of them. I wouldn’t read the blog of a person who trashed folks even now and then. I thin there are better ways to approach ideas that need talking about. :)

  13. June 25th, 2007 at 4:02 am
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Yoav!
    I hear you! I hope that hypothetical blogger hears you and BawldGuy too. He needs to know that actions have consequences, not all of them good. I don’t stand behind violence, but I’m all for a bloggerly talking to. :)

  14. June 25th, 2007 at 4:05 am
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Alina!
    I understand why you would choose write and delete, and it’s a prudent choice in the world where there is no eraser.

    Of course, it would depend on the words that were said.

    I suspect I would find a way to write a post that set the record straight and to encourage the others that were at dinner to do the same — the snarky idiot himself being one of them.

  15. June 25th, 2007 at 4:08 am
    April Groves said

    I too, am with BawldGuy – and I have a whole bunch of hair :) …I think people behave this way because they can. And they will continue to behave this way until someone calls them on it. I do attempt to always assume the best. So, my first step is the “are-you-having-a bad-day-email?” which they will hopefully read as “have-you-lost-you’re-ever-lovin’-mind!?” and correct the trespass with no further ado.

    If that shows no progress…then I would resort to more public means. You just can’t let people run around trashing people like that.

    Which brought me to my deep thought of the day – if this happened to me, how much of it is my own fault? If it is somebody I had read for a while, would I know that they have these kinds of jump off the edge tendencies? Then why go to dinner in the first place? There are far less ticky people to dine with. Would the whole voice of his blog change after one dinner? And if it did – maybe it was bad.

    Just a thought!

  16. June 25th, 2007 at 4:08 am
    Alina Popescu said

    Liz, you could do that. Anyone could write a post to set the record straight, although it might be a bit sharp. But is it worth it? If that person has proves such a lack of understanding ans is only looking for attention, does it matter anymore if he/she gets the point or not. Is he/she really interested in understanding. I fear such an initiative would only result in a loss of time both for you and the others who attended the meeting.

  17. June 25th, 2007 at 4:16 am
    ME Strauss said

    Hi April!
    You’re up early too! :)

    If his blog showed tendencies of being this way in the past, I certainly should have, at the least, been on alert if I found myself at dinner with him. If not, I might wonder whether there were signs at dinner that he was being neglected or that she was about to snap.

    I can’t believe that the experience was back when the opinion of the others there was that it was great! We couldn’t all be deluding ourselves, but we might all have led him to feel he was being ignored. :)

  18. June 25th, 2007 at 4:20 am
    ME Strauss said

    Alina,
    Hi! I worry about the folks mentioned in the conversation taken out of context. They deserve an explanation of what happened and if they were hurt, they might also be owed a public apology.

    Setting the record straight isn’t about him. It’s about setting the record straight for the folks he trashed and talked about. :)

  19. June 25th, 2007 at 5:59 am
    Alina Popescu said

    You are partly right. Some clarification might be needed. But what if he/she starts a trashing never-ending series? Would you start after the first reply? Would you continue? You would still have to turn to ignoring that blogger sooner or later…That’s why I’d choose sooner. See I had this experience with someone commenting and sending me emails. he was twisting everything I or other bloggers ever said, making it look stupid, out of place, etc. I tried explaining a few time, making him see the real deal and protecting my virtual friends. And I got into a continuous argument. When I started ignoring him, it all stopped. For a while…So I don’t know which approach is the best anymore. None seems to have permanent results :D A doze of hoping and praying might help!

  20. June 25th, 2007 at 6:07 am
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Alina,
    I’m quite certain that I would write a dcoument that made it clear that I was setting the record straight one time only. Then no more. I too have been baited by twisted prose that led me to attempt in good faith to restate what happened.

    The person in question used what I wrote as a springboard for more twisting. But I feel sure and secure in the faith that readers who go there can reader to decide for themselves what I am saying. :)

    Those trolly bloggers need their attention, but I don’t need to listen or respond, except when I may have had a part in the cause of their idiocy. :)

  21. June 25th, 2007 at 8:07 am
    Roberta said

    Hmmmm..I think I would be so upset about this one, that I’d get mad, stew on it for a bit, then I’d email the unhappy party and ask what is going on. I’d let this person know that I had no indication the night before that he wasn’t having such a great time, or would take things out of context. I would say that it was unfair how he presented me and my views and opinions like that and how he’d taken everything out of context.

    If the guilt trip idea didn’t work, I’d comment on his page that I had no clue that he was so negative and let his readers know that the others had a fabulous time. If nothing came from that, I’d whip up a post to set the record straight…with no link to the offending party’s blog and just point out that the others had nothing but good things to say and everyone appeared to be having a good time.

    If you get nasty in a public forum, people assume you’re nasty all of the time. If he’s the only one getting negative, then he looks like the bad guy.

  22. June 25th, 2007 at 8:10 am
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Roberta!
    Your choice to stage your actions to give him chances to respond along the way is nice. It gives him a place to stand to make his own decisions. Should he continue to stay on the side of being “nasty,” the idea of leaving him out there alone is great. I agree the nasty voice that is alone wears the suit of the bad guy. :)

  23. June 25th, 2007 at 9:21 am
    Brad K. said

    On my blog I would mention the Snarky Dude post, link to it, and state calmly, ‘SnarkyDude seems to remember the evening well, with many accurate quotes. I recall the evening as pleasant and rewarding. The excerpts SnarkyDude recalls sounded different somehow, last night.’

    And go on. I think I would email SnarkyDude, mention my new post, and reiterate that I felt the evening had gone differently.

    I have no reason to think SnarkyDude is deliberately trying to sabotage anything, so I imagine his post reflects his feelings. Since I enjoyed the evening, I have no reason to express any angst or anger over how the others feel about the event. We are each entitled to our own feelings. Perhaps at some time SnarkyDude will say or blog something that explains the mystery, but until then has become someone I will treat with caution, as I apparently don’t understand how to communicate with him. Not a lack of trust, exactly, but at the least a bobble in communicating.

    Happy Monday!

  24. June 25th, 2007 at 9:29 am
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Brad!
    Happy Monday!
    I particularly like your phrasing “sounded different somehou, last night.” Tactful and direct.

    Your route seems a logical one of caution. You’re right, there’s no reason to suppose for sure that Dude is out to sabotage anything. He could be just having a bad day or medical problems.

    Thanks for adding some perspective to the situation. :)

  25. June 25th, 2007 at 11:51 am
    Kathy said

    Way back in my days as an advertising account executive, I was taught by my mentor that “when you stir crap (not the exact term she used), it smells even worse!”

    In an effort to “reduce” the odor from that particularly offensive post, I’d refrain from commenting, especially since the comment action was reported to be low.

    If I did feel compelled to comment, it would be along the lines of “Wow! Now I know what it feels like to be quoted out of context. Check out my version of the event here….”

  26. June 25th, 2007 at 11:54 am
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Kathy!
    I’ve done that! Mine was, “Thank you! I needed that! Gosh, it’s been just too long since I’ve been called inconsequential!”

    It works wonders. :)

  27. July 1st, 2007 at 7:24 pm
    Bloggy Question 55: It’s My Vacation! - Liz Strauss at Successful Blog - Thinking, writing, business ideas . . . You’re only a stranger once. said

    [...] articles Bloggy Question 54: This Conversation Is NOT Bloggable Bloggy Question 53: What Kind of Home Is One Blog You Read? Bloggy Question 52: They Read My [...]

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