Bloggy Question 77: I’ll Never Get There Alone!

And Not Think About Motives

For those who come looking for a short, thoughtful read, a blogging life discussion, or a way to gradually ease back into the week. I offer this bloggy life question. . . .

A friend of yours is beginning her business. She’s got a great plan and most days she’s totally focused. But like most people, especially us on the Internet, she sometimes gets overtaken by all of the messages around him that say “do this, do that, do what I say to be successful.”

You tell her it’s merely a case of keeping at what she’s good at, being focused, and expanding on her circle of influence, but she keeps getting off track — following trends and fads without knowing why. She seems to have this perception that everyone who talks about making money actually is and that she’s years behind.

She’s got a business coach, a life coach, and you as a friend. Yet about once a month she seems off track again, saying something like “I’ll never get where I’m going. I wish I could find a good mentor.”

How do you respond?

–ME “Liz” Strauss

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  1. jen says

    first, i would hug her and tell her to be sweet to herself.

    i would emphasize to her that the person that she apsires to be… and the woman that she ultimately becomes… is the same woman that she already is…

    …that she has only to allow hollywood to serve as her reminder that money, beauty, power, suceess… do not equal happiness.

    and remind her of the success she has already achieved with loving perspective.

  2. says

    Welcome! Great to see you! So sorry we didn’t connect today!

    You’re a good friend to have patience with your colleague that way. A person I admire once told me “love the ones you can and tease the other ones out of their self-perspective.”

    We don’t realize that everyone is worried about belonging just as much as we are. :)

  3. says

    I would give her a copy of Maria Nemeth’s book The Energy of Money. It’s an amazing book full of exercises that help to define your goals and teach you how to stay on track. We all lose perspective, but when our goals are part of our deep emotional ties, it becomes much easier to realize our dreams.

  4. says

    I will tell him to improve his/her character first. It’s not about what you are doing, it’s about who you are…

    I watched Oprah once, if I’m not wrong, it’s on her 20th anniversary, and she commented on all the big and successful people, they have something in common, here is quoted from her

    That is they come to the business, knowing that it is a business, but knowing that their person-hood, who they are is more important than what they do.

    So, similarly, I ask him/her to work on his character, sometimes you have to work it alone, read books or something like that, and learn from anyone, then you will have lots of mentor.

    I will tell them to change their perception on finding a mentor…, as what I have shared here…
    Five myths about finding a mentor


  5. says

    This is something that I suffer from quite often. I am easily dazzled by the new, and frequently find myself off track. However, I’ve actually just completed a really powerful exercise in which I imagined myself a year from now, and I wrote down where I was, what I was doing and what had happened in the last 12 months. I threw in as many details as I could and I wrote it in the present tense. Much of what I wrote surprised me, but some of it was what I already knew and needed to reaffirm. It got me in touch with the only mentor who can truly centre me: myself.

  6. says

    Does she have a blog?

    If not I might suggest she writes one, and then listens to what she tells herself. The more I write the more I realise we are leaving comments and messages to ourselves, constantly, all over the place – even in comment boxes (sometimes particularly in comment boxes!)

    If she reads and learns to trust her own words she might just find she has all the answers she needs.


  7. says

    Hi Julie!
    I’ve been working with many folks on getting their businesses focused and that book sounds wonderful. So much has to do with aligning our goals as a person with our goals for our business and our life. Thank you for bringing it here for us to know about. :)

  8. says

    That’s a really powerful exercise. I see so many folks looking for answers to everything outside of themselves and then being disappointed when the answers don’t quite fit who they are. :)

  9. says

    Hi Joanna,
    Like you, I find out so much by what I write, especially in responses in the comment box. Wise folks like you say something and I reply. Then I sit back and wonder, “Where did that thought come from?” We bring the best out of each other, but I agree, the answers we need are inside us, waiting.

  10. Ria Ludy says

    I would tell her to find the joy in not being focused, especially when her mind goes to this place of “Never” and “Needing”, for that day, it is what she needs to ponder and flow through and learn from because it’s a lesson, presenting itself that she hasn’t learned yet or that she keeps ignoring.

    I would tell her to be okay with having the feelings and if a mentor really is needed and she continues to feel that way, then maybe just maybe she has no room right now for one to enter her life and will need to simplify something, somewhere.

    She won’t know though, until she flows through the feelings, thoughts and emotions that show up when she sees she is off track again instead of resisting them.

  11. says

    Thanks for coming over Liz, I believe that we can have many mentors, take it as to learn from anyone around us. Everyone has something to teach us, some are about what to do, some are about what not to do…

    Agree with you, we can decide our path, prepare yourself, “when the student is ready, the teacher will come out”. I read it somewhere, can’t remember where though.


  12. says

    Hi Ria Ludy!
    Letting the feelings get going through us is one way to work our way on past them. I’ve been doing just that this morning. When I get that way, action is the only thing that seems to work for me. :)

  13. Whoa says

    We all [got/get/will get someday] lost sight of the track we were following, of the goals we set sail for.

    There is a common trick that’s been used in street tracing… Most people think that from A to B there should be a straight line, but if A is deep in the valley and B is at the top of a mountain… it gets complicated to climb. So then you can go sideways, around the mountain, sideways on a zigzag, climb a little, then walk around.

    Say i want to trace a route for me to follow and ultimately get to B… (here comes the trick) I check every now and then my orientation, my heading. In my path i will stop by and smell the flowers, marvel at the wonders i find along the way, get some bruises and cuts from the difficult parts of the trail, find obstacles that are impossible for me to attack at the moment (so i have to find a way around).

    Every time i finish a move, I should check my heading and see my direction.

    If I do, I can get distracted (and trust me, i can get distracted oh so easily) but I know where i should head next. If I don’t even if I mess up by a couple of inches from the start, i will end up nowhere near my goals.

    What to do when you realize that maybe B is Shangri La and there is no road to get you there? You set your heading to the next goal you are willing to get accomplished. If you took the scenic route, you will have enjoyed the ride (and this is why I regret nothing, :D, but that’s for another post maybe).

  14. says

    Hi whoa!
    So much depends on how much time you have to get there and how hard the trek. As far as Shangri-la goes, my experience is that if the destination that you’re headed for starts in your heart and your head, with purpose you’ll find it. No question to me about that.

  15. says

    That is the reason why people say, “Be what you are.” Stubborn. But we may lose some valuable information form our friends. I too face this sometimes

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