Liz Strauss at Successful Blog

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November 29, 2007

How to Receive a Compliment Without Being a Self-Centered Idiot

ME Liz Strauss wrote this at 5:59 am

Most Folks Have Been There

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It was a one-person project and one you fell in love with. You put your heart in it and delivered beyond expectations. The project was elegant. Every minute you worked meant every detail came together with the highest quality.

This morning you presented it to the executive team. Just now, the president of the company came up to you in front of your coworkers and said, “Congratulations, your project and your presentation were outstanding.”

Suddenly it seems as if all eyes are looking at you. What do you say?

You’re pretty sure that saying, “Damn right, it was!” is probably not the right thing.

How do you answer a compliment without denying it or looking like a self-centered idiot?

How to Receive a Compliment Without Being a Self-Centered Idiot

The idea of accepting a compliment has come up in conversations with Ann Michael, Phil Gerbyshak, and Allan Cox this week. The discussion with each of them centered on the dynamic of why people have a problem accepting a compliment and how to handle the self-conscious feeling that is often attached to the attention a compliment brings.

Handling a compliment with grace and feeling good about it is easy if you remember to do three things.

Compliment: “Your presentation was outstanding.”

  1. Don’t make it about you.
    Example of a response to avoid:
    Let me tell you about it. I was up until 3 a.m. every night this week. My computer crashed last night and my kids have the flu.

    A compliment is conversation. A speaker tells a offers a listener information about his or her opinion in the form of praise. The content of a compliment — even when it’s personal in nature such as You’re a wonderful human being. — is simply a statement of a point of view. Keep yourself out of the response.

  2. Don’t discount the speaker’s gift.
    Example of a response to avoid:
    It wasn’t much. I just threw something together.

    The speaker has offered a personal thought in your favor. To deny it or discount it is to say that the speaker has made a mistake in judgment. Value the speaker’s words in your response.

  3. Acknowledge the speaker’s words and stop there.
    Examples of a response that works:
    Thank you for saying that it means a lot to hear it from you.

    Focus on the speaker and the value of the speaker’s words. That guarantees your response will be graceful, respectful, and not about you.

That sentence in Step 3 was my default answer for the first few tries. Now I no longer freeze when I hear a compliment coming toward me. So I listen, focus, and respond even more thoughtfully. I enjoy compliments now that I no longer make them about me.

It’s not a hard habit to develop these three steps in accepting a compliment. Try them once and you’ll most likely be ready to put them to use every time. The exchange that occurs is so much more natural. It’s normal conversation without the “spotlight” glaring in our eyes.

It’s nice to let someone know that you heard and value their compliment. Sometimes it even allows you a chance to offer an authentic compliment in return.

You’re the best. Thank you for stopping by.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!


Filed under Motivation/Inspiration, Successful Blog |



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35 Comments to “How to Receive a Compliment Without Being a Self-Centered Idiot”

  1. November 29th, 2007 at 6:11 am
    Jamie Harrop said

    I often wonder why accepting a compliment is so hard compared to other conversational skills.

    I’ve never been good at accepting them. For whatever reason, I tend to freeze.

    Thanks to you, Liz, I will hopefully be able to deal with future compliments with a little grace. Thank you! :)

  2. November 29th, 2007 at 6:57 am
    Robert Hruzek said

    Here’s the classic scene from Star Wars 2: Han Solo and Princess Leia have been captured by Darth Vader, and Han is about to get himself turned into a Klondike Bar and handed over to Boba Fett the bounty hunter-

    Princess Leia: I love you.
    Han Solo: I know.

    Great example of a wrong response, don’t you think? :-D

    I think the one that gets me the most is #2 - it’s a slap in the face when a sincerely meant compliment is tossed aside as if it weren’t true. There’s no faster way to eliminate future compliments!

    A great guide on a powerful subject, Liz!

  3. November 29th, 2007 at 7:02 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Robert!
    Hans had a lot learn about social skills, didn’t he? Yep, that was a major wrong response. Too bad it’s so usual. :)

    We really are inept at understanding compliments in this culture. It’s an art of grace to know that they’re really a gift and such about the giver and deserve to be treated that way.

  4. November 29th, 2007 at 7:15 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Jamie!
    I fully understand. Compliments can be overpowering. We endow them with so much subtext. We’re incredible that way.

    When I got to “Thank you for saying that.” It was such a relief. “Thank you for noticing.” came shortly after. Now I look for what was special in the thought and action behind the compliment. That does a world of good toward keeping my focus off myself. :)

  5. November 29th, 2007 at 8:08 am
    Mike said

    Hey Liz,

    Response #3 is right on. Specifics in praise and gratitude greatly enrich the experience of the receiver.

    Mike

  6. November 29th, 2007 at 8:11 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Mike,
    Thanks. I just know that it’s easier to tell someone why I appreciate what they said. :)

  7. November 29th, 2007 at 8:17 am
    Mike said

    That’s one of the things I love about you! ;-)

    Mike

    P.S. Turns out I can help Time on Tuesday. At least I hope I help…but I’ll be there at any rate.

  8. November 29th, 2007 at 8:17 am
    Mike said

    Oh, and I can help TIM as well. Doh!

  9. November 29th, 2007 at 8:49 am
    Brad Shorr said

    Fantastic topic for a post, Liz! This type of skill doesn’t come naturally to many people.

  10. November 29th, 2007 at 9:15 am
    Alina Popescu said

    Hi Liz, great choice of a topic! I also have a quite hard time with compliments and your suggestions sound great. I was not so far from your number 3 suggestion, but I always thought it was crazy of me to find compliments so difficult to receive :)

  11. November 29th, 2007 at 9:15 am
    Kusani said

    Ooh, good one.

    For the longest time, I wouldn’t take a compliment - I’d shrug it off in an awkward attempt to be modest.

    Now, however, I’ve hit the opposite - my usual response is “thank you, I appreciate that” or “thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it”. Normally with a big smile attached. =)

    Thanks for another great post, Liz!

  12. November 29th, 2007 at 9:21 am
    Scott said

    A graceful response is key. As valuable as it is to say the right words, your reply will always sound empty unless it comes from a genuine sense of humility and gratitude. Which Liz demonstrates admirably. ;-)

  13. November 29th, 2007 at 12:00 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Mike!
    As usual, the Tuesday that I’m gone will be the coolest Tuesday of all! That’ll be so great you and Tim. Next time it will be Tim and you!! :)

  14. November 29th, 2007 at 12:01 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Yeah, Brad,
    I’m sure with you on that. I know it didn’t come naturally to me, or many of the folks that I know really well.

  15. November 29th, 2007 at 12:03 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Alina!
    As you can see from the response here, you are far from the only one with a hard time finding a response that feels natural.

    I hope this helps as you think it might. :)

  16. November 29th, 2007 at 12:06 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Kusani!
    That’s the spirit! A big grin of appreciation with a word of why you’re grinning. :)

  17. November 29th, 2007 at 12:09 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Thank you, Scott,
    I so agree about the need for authenticity. That’s the main reason I suggest that a simple phrase is best . . . as we add words we start feeling aware of ourselves and feel less for what we’re saying. :)

  18. November 29th, 2007 at 2:58 pm
    Eric said

    Hi Liz! Thank you for this great post! It’s made me realize that I need to take a look at how I receive compliments.

    I’ve been one (in the past) to almost get embarassed (or maybe shy’s a better word - I don’t know). I would stumble and maybe say “Oh..Thanks.” Like you said. It was all about ME!

    I’ve realized now that it’s not about me. I’ve been working on acknowledging the compliment, and at the very least, saying “Thank you.”

    P.S. I changed the email address. Hopefully that will cause you less headache on Tuesday nights!

  19. November 29th, 2007 at 4:27 pm
    Phil Gerbyshak said

    Great post Liz, and we had a great conversation about this too.

    Change the focus from me to you, and it’s so much easier to give thanks.

    Thank YOU Liz. You are an inspirational conversationalist!

  20. November 29th, 2007 at 5:03 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Oh Gosh, Phil, you just reminded me that I forgot to load the links!!

    You are a wonder! Thanks for your confidence and motivation. :)

  21. November 29th, 2007 at 6:02 pm
    Phil Gerbyshak said

    Thanks Liz. You’re pretty darn wonderful yourself!

  22. November 29th, 2007 at 7:40 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Aw, Phil,
    I wish I was going to be in Chicago next week when you are here. I could use a Phil hug. :)

  23. November 30th, 2007 at 1:28 am
    Mark McGuinness said

    Aw shucks Liz, so nice of you to say so.

    Great post - now I’ll have someone to back me up when I tell clients to jolly well accept their compliments! (And eat their greens - can you post about that?)

  24. November 30th, 2007 at 5:16 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Aw Mark!
    I could post about eating our greens every day . . . hmmm let me think about how to do that. :)

    You’re so fun!

  25. November 30th, 2007 at 7:26 am
    ann michael said

    Hi Liz!

    I just got back to my computer after meetings and travel - and was hysterical to see that we posted about the same thing on the same day! Too funny. We have to stop hanging around each other (NOT). ;-)

    Ann

  26. November 30th, 2007 at 9:40 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Ann,
    That was more than synchronicity. I’m not sure exactly what to call it. :)

  27. November 30th, 2007 at 9:55 pm
    pelf said

    Once in a while I get compliments such as “I don’t know what to do without you” from my Supervisor, and I was almost always dumbfounded.

    But I have also learned from her, the “diplomatic” ways of accepting compliments and praises.

    And your article has just proven what works, always works :D

  28. November 30th, 2007 at 10:10 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Pelf,
    Caring about another person’s words and their ideas is always the right answer. As you already know. :)

  29. December 1st, 2007 at 10:41 am
    Freelance Writing Jobs - The Internet’s #1 Freelance Writer Community » Blog Archive » Weekend Link Love for December 1st, 2007 said

    [...] Liz Strauss talks about how to receive a compliment without being a self-centered idiot. [...]

  30. December 1st, 2007 at 4:12 pm
    Mig said

    I had to smile reading number two - you know? People tend to say that to display modesty, without understanding that, in fact, what they really do is to display false modesty and, as you say, to discount the gift of the complimenter.
    I wonder how many of us did the same mistake without really acknowledging its reality. I, for one, admit that I did it, repeatedly.
    Of course, now I know better. Too bad I didn’t have you back then to teach me, Liz! :)

  31. December 1st, 2007 at 8:07 pm
    Phil Butler said

    Liz! This is GREAT! I have always marveled at how people shun compliments in so many ways. I truly admire the beautiful things about people (and especially loved ones) and cannot really help myself from oozing compliments (genuinely).

    Many people are unsettled by them and your examples (and instruction) is exemplary. I think if someone pays you a compliment it should provoke both and introspective instant analysis and also an outward analysis (unjaded) of the intent of the person offering it.

    Gifts are not so easy to some by when we need them most - so accepting them at any time can in effect ‘fill the storeroom’ of the heart for those times when beauty or praise cannot be found. Great article Liz!

    Phil B.

  32. December 8th, 2007 at 12:10 pm
    Personal Growth Resource Roundup #7 - Evolving Times - The Law of Attraction Resource for Personal Growth said

    [...] if you’ve ever had a difficult time accepting a compliment, Liz Strauss has some good tips on How to receive a compliment without looking like an idiot! Surely an important skill to [...]

  33. December 13th, 2007 at 7:10 am
    More Outstanding Sales and Marketing Links | Word Sell, Inc. said

    [...] really like this one from Liz Strauss on how to accept a compliment. Words of wisdom most all of us can [...]

  34. December 17th, 2007 at 4:38 am
    Andrew said

    Hi Liz.

    I just found this post through a link on Word Sell Inc.

    I fully agree with your comments. In my opinion, the best thing to say when receiving a compliment is simply “Thank you,” or something similar.

    This does not discount the speakers gift, as you mention. Nor does it make it too much about yourself. It is true humility.

    I look forward to reading more of your “Successful and Outstanding” blog.

    Cheers

    Andrew

  35. June 20th, 2009 at 10:58 pm
    melissa said

    I really appreciate your post Liz. This is exactly what I was looking for when I opened my computer.

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