Last night, I put up a list of Women Bloggers. People have every right to question my doing that. I did too. I still am. It’s a matter of personal integrity.
I don’t speak a great deal about link lists on my blog, but it’s not hard to know my feelings about link lists that were made to boost rankings or game the system. So why did this one elicit a different response from me?
Did I cross my own line? Was I seduced by unconscious peer pressure? Was my reasoning really just a rationalization? Or was I being the complicated person I am? Humans are nothing if not complicated beings.
Too much information makes this problem bigger than I am. Yet I think it’s worth exploring, because we face dilemmas of this nature every day. What contributes to such decisions, I wonder?
Here’s what I know unequivocably.
As I begin writing, I don’t know for sure why I made the list.
I do know this. I invested close to 3 hours putting my part of the list together, despite the fact I worried about the people I would leave out. I find the list a resource because sometimes a woman’s point of view is what’s needed. Last night proved that I don’t know enough of them. Even now two blogs come to mind that I wish I had remembered to include.
When I first saw the W-List, my plan was to say “thank you and move on.” Sometime last night that plan changed. Several factors might have influenced such decisions come to be. Here are the influences and the questions those raise for me as I look back.
- Who I am as a person — I am an individual who creates my own path. I don’t feel I’ve be obstructed unfairly — Was it link love or a sell out?
- My history — I grew up with brothers in an all boys’ neighborhood. Don’t you dare say I throw like a girl — Was I honoring women or leaving out men?
- I was on the list — Was it ego or gratitude?
- New versions of the list were coming up, always with new content added by the blogger who offered it — Was it appreciation or peer pressure?
- The fact that I was surprised by the number of great blogs I had not seen before — Was it guilt or a wish to share?
Who knows what other factors might have been an unconscious part? I went back to my “Dear Emperor” post this morning. I can say I passed the test that I set.
As they say in the world of law, we might be able to prove possible motive, but we cannot ever know someone else’s intent. I’m finding now it’s not that easy even to know my own every time.
At the end of writing this . . . it’s been close to two hours and then, I’ve taken out 60% of what I wrote . . . but I know more. I state it calmly and gently here with my head and my heart.
I celebrate the women bloggers on the list. By giving to them, I take nothing from the men I esteem. I only wish I had taken the time to celebrate the men too.
As a child I knew, sometimes my parents celebrated one of their children without mentioned the other two. Yet each of one of us was always their favorite.
One lesson that I have always had trouble with is that when I’m not included it’s rarely about me. (And when I am, that’s usually not about me either.)
Sometimes is just a list.
Gosh, thanks for listening. Feel free to disagree.
As a following note: Before I leave, I’d like to mention that I don’t believe much in fate or omens, but I do enjoy delicious irony and blogger synchronicity. When I awoke I found these. Brief Case Study: Liz Strauss appreciating readers on Successful Blog through comments and through encouragement awards and Now, Make me feel important! who pointed me to The W (and M) List – Promoting Quality Bloggers