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Do Try This at Home Over the Holidays

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The Real Test of Our Social Skills

Families — fond memories, sentiments that bring us closer together. I’ve sure we’ve all got those. Unfortunately, it seems families aren’t absolved of people who aren’t a joy to the world, of incidents involving human error. Bad times, miscommunication, and conflict come along with the package family deal.

I know more than one person who has thought of starting over — electing a new family, demoting those currently in familial roles — she just doesn’t know how to tell the family she was born into.

It’s not a solution as far as I can see.

I have noticed that we often cut our new friends and new clients more slack than we do our families. Family history gets in the way of our relationships moving forward again.

It sure seems that where we have relationships — yeah even those stuck in a time warp — we might try our best social practices for connecting in positive ways when relationships aren’t happening.

Here’s a four-point plan to reconnect with people that you’ve had a history with.

  • Smile. Be joyful to see them. It’s a chance to change history. Be the change you want to see. The surprise alone often changes their demeanor.
  • Live that smile through and through. Folks we’ve had history with have put us into a content and context box. They use their experience and how we look, what we say, what we do — to recognize signs that might validate that smile. Belief and consistency in the smile through every test gives you and them a place to stand.
  • Never let ’em see you sweat. When we’re at our best we’re authentic. If they ask, tell them life is good and that you’ve decided to look at the world with a positive view. If they bring up bad events, agree that the events were bad and be glad that they’re over. If you need to point out that the happy occasion isn’t the best venue for sorting out history.
  • Make everything about everyone in the room. Be a great guest who is helpful, curious, and interested in the folks who came. Talk about what they want to talk about. It’s an afternoon with the audience who knows you better than any client ever will.

We know how to meet, interact, and build communities with our friends and customers here. What if we do that with our families too? If we let go of old stories, we might find that the curmudgeon in our family is really someone who wants to be listened to. The hardest ones to know can be holding great bits of wisdom. What if we made it a quest to get to it?

Lots of us know that our families don’t see us clearly. It seems only logical that it must be true the other way too. If we start connecting, imagine what we could be learning. We’ve got the skills and the tools.

What if we try this at home over the holidays?

Meet someone you already know this holiday season.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!

The Mic Is On: We’re Talking About Fruitcakes!

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It’s Like Open Mic Only Different

The Mic Is On

Here’s how it works.

It’s like any rambling conversation. Don’t try to read it all. Jump in whenever you get here. Just go to the end and start talking. EVERYONE is WELCOME.
The rules are simple — be nice.

There are always first timers and new things to talk about. It’s sort of half “Cheers” part “Friends” and part video game. You don’t know how much fun it is until you try it.

Who doesn’t have a theory about where they came from?

The floor is open … but this fruitcakes is sold out.

And, whatever else comes up, including THE EVER POPULAR, Basil the code-writing donkey . . . and flamenco dancing (because we always get off topic, anyway.)

Oh, and bring example links.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
image: www.classic-fruitcake.com
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The 26th Trait and Maybe the Most Imporant …

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Yesterday I wrote about 25 Traits I Admire about Social Media Folks.
Today I realize I should have made it 26 …
This last trait isn’t complicated.
So hang with me as I lay it out.

26. The social media folks I admire …
don’t take their personal value from some list — not a list that anyone makes — certainly not a list made by me.

For those of you who might wonder . . . I admire far, far more than 25 people and NONE of the people I admire use back channels to talk down other people. They respect themselves too much for that.

Thank you to everyone who took what I said in the joyful way it was intended.

Remember this, to include people isn’t the same as leaving people out.

If you know me, you know my heart.

–ME “Liz” Strauss

25 Traits Of Twitter Folks I Admire and 25 Folks Who Have Them

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Conversation, Relationship, Then Transaction

Those of us who’ve read the Cluetrain Manifesto and experience community working together have no desire to go back to a transaction-based business model ever. We see the value of working with people we know, like, and trust. And as we learn how to use the tools, we don’t lack people to connect with to get our business done.

Certain signs and characteristics seem to show in the folks who live the social media culture. Certain value and actions make people who care about having relationships and conversation before transactions easy to spot. I’ve listed 25 traits of Twitter Folks I admire.

These social media folks …

  1. don’t seek to be the center of any universe.
  2. find great conversations and get to know the people there.
  3. realize that every venue has it’s own culture and rules.
  4. do their own talking and their own listening.
  5. talk mostly about the accomplishments of others.
  6. ask intriguing questions that invite others to join the conversation.
  7. don’t worry when folks don’t respond to something they say.
  8. have time for new friends, talk to them, listen to them, read their sites and bios, ask them questions — avoid assumptions.
  9. have a different conversation with every individual and every business.
  10. take embarrassing or private conversations offline.
  11. are inclusive and encourage folks who exclude people to exclude themselves.
  12. shout out good news, help in emergencies, and celebrate with everyone.
  13. say please, thank you, and you’re welcome, and mean them.
  14. are incredibly curious about what works, what doesn’t work, seek feedback often, and look to improve what they do.
  15. study the industry and trends, watch how things occur, share information about those freely, but never break a trust.
  16. offer advice when people ask. Help whenever they can.
  17. aren’t “shameless.” Ask for help in ways that folks are proud to pitch in.
  18. are constantly connecting people and ideas in business conversations that are helpful, not hypeful.
  19. get paid to strategize business, build tactical plans, but won’t “monetize” relationships.
  20. ignore the trolls.
  21. keep their promises.
  22. can be transparent without being naked … most of us look and behave best in public with our clothes ON.
  23. listen to the hive mind, but think their own thoughts.
  24. send back channel “hellos” to friends when there’s no time to talk.
  25. understand that the Internet is public and has no eraser.

The relationships with people — social in social media — is what is changing things. It makes a business experience worth looking forward to and turns a transaction into a relationship. It’s different online because I can’t see you. When I meet folks who make that distance and darkness disappear, I respect and admire them.

Updated slightly for to replace those who’ve gone.

Of course, I admire @@chrisbrogan, @guykawasaki, @problogger and the others you already have read on every other list. I’d like to add some great social stars that you might not know yet. Here are 25 more great conversationalists I admire and learn from every day.
@LucretiaPruitt
@BethHarte
@MackCollier
@AmberCadabra
@ShannonPaul
@mark_hayward
@zaneology
@Tojosan
@AaronStrout
@nanpalmero
@hdbbstephen
@rainesmaker
@SheilaS
@DanielleSmithTV
@caroljsroth
@remarkablogger
@melissapierce
@BeckyMcCray
@jnswanson
@BawldGuy
@inspiremetoday
@jasonfalls
@northernchick
@ernohannink
@jonathanfields
@joannapaterson

I suspect you’ll enjoy their conversation as much as I do.
Feel free to add your own 25 to the list or make a list of your and link it back to here.
Great folks are worth celebrating.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!