about hesitation and strategy.
I was painfully shy as a child. If you’ve been there, then you know. Painfully shy is literally painful — it scrapes at your being. You know who you are are, but for some cloudy reason, a wall prevents you. You can’t let the world see you. All you are or all you can be stays tucked away .
It’s what today would be called Extreme Hesitation.
Yet leaders outgrow those childhood fears and walls, don’t we?
Do we?
I was faced with a situation last winter. What was awful was that — even to me — the question looked so trivial, but it had to do with what I had named “visible authenticity.” They said wear this. I said “no.” They cared more than I did. But we had agreed that I would be dressing to reflect the essence of my personality. “This” wasn’t me.
I felt painfully shy once more … I recognized the conflict, but now I was grown enough to put words to the feeling.
I knew me better than they did. Authenticity was my choice, and choosing for me was my responsibility..
I learned about owning my life.
I think of it as Extreme Strategy.
Choose your own path, but always choose wisely.
Leaders don’t need to follow, nor do they choose the road that will draw the most followers.
They don’t say “yes,” when their hearts and their feet are telling them to say “no.”
Traveling other our path is what makes being shy truly painful.
Leaders don’t hesitate in moving forward.
People who are afraid do.
Leaders don’t look for approval.
They know.
They go where their head, their heart, and their purpose compels them to go.
And people follow.
Because deeply knowing where you’re going is irresistibly attractive.
Authenticity is the key to leadership strategy. Own what you know and find the opportunities. The rest is just learning. We’ve been doing that since we started school.
Are you willing own your life?
I make connections.
Well said. If we’re talkin’ extreme here, I’d say that post is extremely refreshing! It’s all about becoming more conscious – living life more deliberately. A hard thing to do, but once you get there…it’s a far better place to be. Love this. Thanks.
Hi Lisa!
It sure makes a difference to make that first decision about what we want our lives to be about. It helps sort everything. 🙂
Thank you for sharing, Liz. It’s helpful to know that even the brightest of us can feel the echo of doubt. I, too, remember the acute pain of shyness, and though I’ve grown to own who I am, I still struggle, from time to time, with choosing what’s authentically me over what might please others.
If a client asks me to behave or dress in a way that is alien to my nature, they won’t be getting the best of me – that part will be hidden away with what lets me excel at what I do. They will get competent results, not brilliant results.
Ultimately, they won’t be truly pleased and neither will I.
Hi Lisa!
Fear is the mind killer. Hesitation loses the advantage. Pleasing others can please ourselves but often doesn’t — being true to our nature should please them too … if they’re people who want to see us grow and thrive.
We know who we are in our cells. Remembering our minds can be extreme leadership some days. 🙂
Liz,
I absolutely love who you are. Thank you for trusting us enough to show even your vulnerable side with us.
You make such a great point here in so few words. Once again, I am in awe of your writing and of your spirit.
With love and ultimate respect,
Gail
p.s. Oh yeah, and with hugs too!
Hi Gail!
I’m thrilled to see you here! Your HuffPost yesterday was fabulous. I was a curious kid just like you. I’m thrilled that your questions are working for you. 🙂
Were you? I was and to a certain extend now am still shy. Good to know I have company. 🙂
You are spot on. Leaders don’t seek for approval. Sometimes it was just automatic. Daily dose of such posts really help me get going.
Thank you.
Hi Hendry!
Happy to share where I’ve been. Even happier that you find it’s useful and that it connects together. 🙂
The good news is that it evened out; a painful “no” on one item, but you got those “nice butt” jeans.
Love ya, Liz. 🙂
And the nice “butt” jeans sure work well!
heh heh!
‘I recognized the conflict, but now I was grown enough to put words to the feeling. I knew me better than they did. Authenticity was my choice, and choosing for me was my responsibility… I learned about owning my life.’
Man. So true. So moving. So chicken n egg…(sigh)
And you know, a light-bulb’s flickering in my mind now, begging a brand new question: is “authenticity” a learned, progressive, experiential thing thing – and is it what makes it possible to find our voice, own ourselves and our ‘right’ sense of things, and ultimately our lives?
Huh. Chicken n egg fo shizzle.
Hi Lissa!
Thank you for honororing what I said.
You ask an important question there about authenticity. I read once that we’re all born authentic then we spend the rest of our lives trying to back to that authenticity again. I think that may be so. 🙂
Great post!:) Follows along the “Person-Centered” ideology, where folks are encouraged to identify and follow their personal goals. When working properly, people’s supports enhance ability for individuals to achieve their personal wishes. Unfortunately, sometimes-the desires of others shadow what the individual is trying to accomplish. Guess it’s then up to the individual to assert themselves as needed. A task that would be more challenging for a follower.
I can relate to having “shyness tendencies”, and work toward maintaining the assertive stance.
Thanks for the post! 🙂
Hi Holly,
I’m not sure I fully understand what you’re saying. I think I hear you saying that if we all follow our goals in a good way, it will end up helping to all help each other out. Is that right?
I just know that trying to be “other” than who I am hasn’t ever worked out well for me.
Good post. Very true.
It can be very difficult to be confident enough to be all you can be. Especially if you’re the kind of person who doesn’t want to come across as being brash or abrasive.
If you believe you’re right go for it!
Hi Mike!
Your point was a difficult lesson for me to figure out. It involved learnng to keep my head and heart always wired together. I do that better when I remember that the universe wasn’t meant to have me at that the center. heh heh
I’m with you on going for what’s right for you. 🙂
For me shyness is equal to having a heart that has been hurt and has been hiding.
To be authentic requires a heart that dares to speak up and that can override the mind that behaves like a protective parent that wants to keep the heart safe. Once I knew that the heart is the best guide to live by, I am doing everything to strenghten it. My shyness is disappearing more and more as I don’t need a protective mind now my heart can say, I am alright, do not stop me, I don’t fear hurt no longer.
Liz, your comments on leadership and authenticity are truly inspiring. Such a simple statement as “Leaders don’t look for approval” speaks directly to the problem with social media today. As we build our online identities and brands, let us remember, like you do, who we are and who we were—real people with real ambitions, unafraid, committed, authentic…ourselves.
Thanks Frank for saying that.
Let’s remember who we are. It’s the relationships that have made business work since long before people came to this side of the Atlantic. When we put ourselves out fronts, it’s as off balance as leading with the tools.
Life is all lessons. I’m glad you have found the wisdom you need to know. We all have our uniqueness, but only the great and the brave ones grow to be on top.
We all have our chance. I’m glad you made a good choice.
Hi Walter!
Thank you for the kind support. I see long way to go before I get where I am going, but I’m sure feeling like I have the strength and determination to make the journey. .
It’s nice to know you’re with me in spirit. 🙂
AWESOME post Liz!!!
I especially love, “Leaders don’t choose the road with the most followers”.
However, the term you used here that really connected with me was: “visible authenticity”
Boy – if that term doesn’t sum up the social media experience – I don’t know what does!
Amazingly awesome – as always.
Hi Kathy!
If we’re not there, we’re not there. End of story. Eh?
thank you for being here. heh heh
Liz,
This “Leaders don’t look for approval.
They know.”
This is the secret to more than leading, or shyness…or blogging. I think this maybe an important secret to a sort inner-peace. I’ve thought a lot about that very thing and it’s that grasping for ‘did I do it right? Did I, huh?’ and knowing that you did but needing to hear someone say you did is so corrosive.
So damaging. And the, Yes, you did a good job, never feels as good as knowing you did and NOT having to hear it.
Just found you and glad this was the very first post I read.
Tracy
Hi Crazy Suburban Mom,
I used to think if I didn’t retell the story, it hadn’t happened, not really. Sort of the same thing. Reality only happens when other people say it does.
Now I know when I know and that’s enough. How awesome to think this was the first post you read. I’m thrilled at that idea. 🙂
Wow! Great post! True leaders don’t care if people follow or not. The thing is people do follow a true leader! You are so right, that KNOWING is irresistible!
I love the butt jeans as well!
Liz, you rock!
Hi Angela,
I walked home tonight thinking “What if I lived my own life, oot this life I’ve been leading?” That’s a huge wondeful question. Thank you for giving me that one!! You rock!