Today It Was 309
Every morning as one of my start up routines I sift through my spam filter — to remove false positives. It’s bad enough that comments get caught there. I don’t want them to get eaten.
This spam cleaning ritual is extending my horizon.
I meeting some interesting people.
- spammers with unusual names — Best regards
- alien spammers with names I cannot pronounce — ixfwq.
- lazy spammers whose sole message is one character — 2 or x, or /
- efficient spammers who can pack what seems like 10,000 links into one message
- spammers who try flattery “Thanks, guy, for a great site!” They tend to assume I’m a guy or amigo.
- spammers who pretend to be looking for information
- spammers who lie outright, “Great site. I’m bookmarking it right now!”
- spammers who apologize “Sorry, but I need the money.”
- shy spammers who only leave links without a message
- celebrities who take to time spam me
I know where to go to find
- hotel rooms available around the world
- play poker
- learn blackjack
- win at slots
- enjoy all of the amenities of a casino online
- a range of pharmaceuticals
- a variety of physical . . um, er . . . enhancements
In another life when I change my ringtone, I’ll have to try the one that sounds like a mosquito.
Spammers can teach how to get a mortgage loan, get the best shoes, finance my car, spruce up my blog, find quotes and other useful information. I can get enrolled for a college education, learn to garden, fix my home, and get household insurance. This past two weeks lead to a whole list of prom dresses and christmas list ideas. It’s a regular spam shopping mall behind my front page.
Then there’s the porn, oh my! Please someone write a plug in with parental controls for spam catchers. I’m not sure I’m old enough to read the titles in the name lines. I know I’m not ready for Granny’s sex life, but cartoon porn! C’mon I’m a visual thinker . . . I can do without images of Mickey and Minnie at 4:30a.m.!
I imagine great uses for this technology when I think as a mother. Clean out all of that ad spam and let me leave messages for my own and my kid’s spam dash board . . . mine would be filled with my calendar. His would be gentle reminders that said . . .
- Sweeheart, clean your room.
- Darling, don’t forget that spelling test.
- Tuesday is take out the trash day. You’re so good at that!
- Excuse me, the dishes are still waiting for you in the kitchen.
- Remember, Mr. Streetwise, that gorgeous girl you’re talking to online (w00h00t!) — I know you showed me the photo –could really be a 65-year-old ugly, wrinkly online predator with one eye, a tattoo, and a taste for boys who don’t like to take out the trash or clean the kitchen.
- Hey Guy, you have a dentist appointment on Wednesday.
- Dad’s birthday is coming up. Have you decided yet what to get him?
- Honey, change your underwear.
- Ok, Mastermind, time for bed.
Now that’s spam that any mother could love.
Don’t get me wrong. I think spam is evil, but a nice girl can dream of a better day . . . can’t she? I’m still working on some sort of copywriting game using the spam ads as examples of bad advertising. If you have ideas email me. . . .
–ME “Liz” Strauss