[For those of you just tuning in, this is based on the 301 Lists that Darren Rowse’s List Group Writing Project brought together. You’ll find Chapter 1 here –> A List Becomes 301 Links in Story — Chapter 1 ]

Adventures Don’t Happen Sitting

Lizzie finished her hot chocolate and talked a moment to her server. Apparently the owner was a Jerk. Lizzie wanted to help the poor girl so she gave her Ten Things You Need to Know Before you Hire an Attorney and Starting Your Own Business? Keep these things in Mind!

“Everyone’s so nice and speaking English,” Lizzie thought. Then she scanned the lists on the table. On her left she saw Pan Pacs 2006 – What to Watch For, European Honeymoon List Fun, 20 Ways to Improve Your Training for Rowers (and other Athletes), Ingredients in Chinese Five Spice, and Five Things to Do in Stockholm When it Rains. On her right was Things I learned in Honduras, 20 Drought Tolerant Australian Native Plants, A few handy EPL team facts, and 5 things to do when in Cebu.

Right-brained, creative Lizzie did the math. “Oh my,” she thought, “Only 7% of Americans have passports. “We really need to stop our national journey to be in front of the TV,” our fictional deep thinker mused as she reviewed Five Searches That Have Brought People to Couch Culture. “Just that I’m in France and not in a noisy tourist group has probably led them to decide that I’m Australian or Canadian. I think number 11 of 10 Easy Ways To Save Money In Restaurants is to leave as soon as you’re done.”

And that’s exactly what she did.

Along Came Rita . . . and Doris

In the fresh air and out on the sidewalk, Lizzie headed for Notre Dame Cathedral.

Unfortunately, she ended up in a that stereotypical, noisy group of American tourists and couldn’t quite seem to lose a lady named Rita. Rita was an incredibly thin, well-meaning real-estate seller — the kind that makes most realtors cringe or claim to be lawyers, ex-cons, or major felons . . . Worse than Rita was her friend, Doris, a burly pitbull sort of woman who was an American TV fiend.
[Read more…]

[For those of you just tuning in, this is based on the 301 Lists that Darren Rowse’s List Group Writing Project brought together. You’ll find Chapter 1 here –> A List Becomes 301 Links in Story — Chapter 1 ]

In Paris at Last

Finally, Lizzie was in the Paris Hilton. She was overjoyed to find that her room had been upgraded. That, of course, required a room tour to see what was there.

The room was so cool. It was Beyond YouTube and Google Video: 5 Great Video Sites on the Web were in the bathroom!

The desk had 10 Things You Find in Every Office. A note by the interactive television offered Ebay Scam/Hoax Avoidance Tips and 10 Everyday Items You Can Buy with E-gold.

A case in the library included the framed hotel plans and The architects Pen. The writer’s desk included a book that invited visitors to add to My Top 10 Favorite Desperate Housewives Moments. (The first entry was signed by Prince Charles.)

The bar was stocked with Sam Adams Top Ten Beers.

Lizzie grabbed a cold one and cracked it open. She sat back to contemplate. “Boy this really underscores 10 Things I hate about budget Traveling.” Then Listless Lizzie couldn’t quit laughing. I’ve landed in The Budget Travel Wishlist of Moi.

To Lizzie, camping and budget traveling always involved room service and chocolate-covered strawberries.

Memories and Hot Chocolate

Once she could breathe again, she realized a nap was in order. She’d flown all night and needed some sleep. She called up A Short List of Lists, but it was too short. Then she tried AAA list of 11 important advantages to list writing, but she couldn’t remember them all without the paperwork. So she settled on repeating the name of A List of Lists for Listing as a mantra.

By the beautiful bed, Lizzie found more reading material to calm her — 11 Ways to Improve Clarity and Start Getting Results. She thought she would meditate on that for a while and she would read 10 Ways to Improve Your Energy when she awoke from her nap.

As she was falling asleep her last thought was, “I remember Top 7 Freebies I’ve received,” she sighed. I miss that Photo Project that empowered me so. I miss Jay Leno and the other boys, who wanted to drive The Top Ten Hybrid Cars in my garage. She’d always thought those cars were the best test and trial in her plan of How to Find the Perfect Man. She thought back on 5 things I wish I knew when I bought my first motorcycle. Laughing she realized they were the same 5 things she wished she knew when she dated her first boyfriend too.

“Yeah,” she thought. “I should write a book on that. It would be like Extended Car Warranty Do’s and Don’ts for relationships.”

But whenever the idea of the perfect man arose, so too came the 10 Things: Married or Single. One of which is 10 Steps to a Happier Mealtime with Kids, then there was What to Bring on a Roadtrip with Kids, and not to mention the stuff her friend, Georgio, called “College Planning, Suffering, and the Avarice of Ray Charles; The Top 5 Things My Kids Have Said That Still Make me Laugh.” The little girl shook her head. She thought most guys were kids themselves. She knew for sure that she was.

When Lizzie awoke she was ready for an adventure.

On her way out of the room she saw a brochure that said, “Get More Done in a Day: Do Little Things, Achieve Big Things.”

“Exactly,” she said out loud.

She left the hotel and started wandering aimlessly.

In the Coffee Bar

It was in the Coffee Bar near Maxims that Lizzie met Jean, he was 5 foot 9 inches tall. His hair and frame were both wiry. His eyes were black and fiery. There was no doubt he was both romantic and creative. Jean had “You Must be an Artist If… “ written all over him. [Read more…]

[For those of you just tuning in, this is based on the 301 Lists that Darren Rowse’s List Group Writing Project brought together. You’ll find Chapter 1 here –> A List Becomes 301 Links in Story — Chapter 1 ]

Money Flowers

As the plane landed, Lizzie heard Fred finally snoring. The sound he made made her think of Five Happy Dog Movies. Fred wasn’t such a bad guy after all. He just wasn’t one who would be on her list to share the Asian Beaches to See Before I die.

Fred was still asleep as she got off the plane, but Lizzie left him a good-bye note that wished him well and offered a few things she had up her own sleeve: 7 Personal Finance Tips, Ten Ways To Spot A Scam, 5 Secrets to Fabulous Financials, 15 Government programs we don’t need, and How to Organize Your Debts.

She’d always thought of the last title as funny. Imagine little debts all in line just like soldiers.

Our creative young lady took a minute to fold those five sheet into an origami bouquet of flowers. She took the blue satin ribbon from her hair and tied them together just so. Then she added a note that said, “Have a wonderful life, Fred.” on the back of Top 10+ ways to Save Money and Help the Environment.

Then she made Fred a wallet from Your Very, Very Best Money Saving Tips. Inside the wallet she put Fifteen easy ways to save fifteen bucks. Lizzie is good at so many things.

Listless Lizzie was brightening a bit. She was finally at her destination.

Paris!

On to Baggage

Paris. This was Paris

As Lizzie went through customs with her documents, she had the typical Lizzie response Something Funny, Something New. As our young, tired traveler stood on the airport floors waiting her turn, she wondered about slipping How Not to Lose Your Ass – Customer Satisfaction in with her passport for customs, but somehow she knew that they wouldn’t consider it a helpful gesture.from an American. So instead Lizzie concentrated on 9 Steps to Transform Stress into Strength. By the time it was her turn, she was ready to give the nice looking man at the desk advice on How to Achieve Peak Performance and 10 Tips on Leading a Balanced Life.

Needlessly to say, our young lady was smiling a most charming smile.

Her smile was so charming, in fact, that folks were noticing and the French were deciding they might make an exception for this one American. . [Read more…]

[For those of you just tuning in, this is based on the 301 Lists that Darren Rowse’s List Group Writing Project brought together. You’ll find Chapter 1 here –> A List Becomes 301 Links in Story — Chapter 1 ]

On the Airplane

Lizzie had just gotten comfortable, when as every frequent flier knows, the inevitable happened. She was interrupted by the guy sitting next to her.

“Hey! Want to hear about Keeping Sociable on Long Trips?” he said. “I’m Fred.”

“No thanks.”

“How about What to Expect When You’re Not Expecting It?”

“Busy. Sorry.”

“Yazarken Dikkat EttiÄŸim Kurallar”

“What?”

“Okay, then,” he said. ” ‘Pahk ya cah Hahvahd Yahd,’ or, Regional Linguistic Pet Peeves might interest you more.”

Listless Lizzie just turned and stared at him.

“Got your attention. Didn’t I? In your opinion, what movies are the Top 13 Black Comedies?”

“Excuse me?”

“I see you read a lot. Perhaps you’re more interested in Graphical Visualization – Making Sense Out of Data.”

“Were you at Successful Blog the night that we invited the Aliens?”

“I’m sorry,” Fred answered. “I noticed you seemed a bit listless. I was doing my best to offer some cheer. Do you need help Finding Time and Creating Balance? Do you know The Top Ten Important Aspects of a Game? Would you like me to explain Why I Tithe? Do you have a boyfriend? Do you need one?”

“No. No. Ah, no. No and no,” Lizzie said, still reading the Top 10 Reasons To Find an Event Planner for your Next Party, and not really listening.

“Then I guess you don’t need Wedding songs for the despair Generation, unless you like to prepare early.”

That’s when Lizzie went back to a list called, Seven Things Not to Do on a Plane, but there was no mention of talking to a guy named Fred. Fred was no Darren. That much was clear. She didn’t need 10 steps to improve your ESP, healing and psychic abilites to figure that out.

Fred Talks Money

Lizzie gave up on the chance for a peaceful flight. She asked Fred what he did for a living. He said he was financial advisor to Steve Forbes and Donald Trump. He offered to give her advice investments and trade deals.

“I can show you the Best Current Deals, Promotions, and Sign Up Bonuses.”

“Sure,” Lizzie thought, “Forbes and Trump — I bet he helps out Greenspan when Greenspan gets confused.”

“While you’re thinking of Alan Greenspan,” Fred interrupted.

“You read that ESP list didn’t you?”

“Let me tell ya the Top Ten Reasons to Love Digital Gold, Greenspan likes it. Sally Greenspan that is.”

“Maybe Fred is the answer to my listlessneess. I could use a challenge,” Lizzie thought. I’ll become an entrepreneur and make mounds of money.”

Our little flyer listened to Fred spout the 5 Reasons Why Every Entrepreneur Should Workout, 10 Ways to Immediately Start Saving Money, and The 10 Best Money Moves You Can Make. Soon she knew How Your Credit Card Can Earn You Money.

Lizzie started taking notes for the future.
Four Kinds of Money Making Websites You can Start By Yourself She’d hire someone to do that.
5 Ways of Marketing Salvation She’d outsource that little piece of heaven.
Non-Profit Websites Fred said to check out their business models.
Best of Small Biz Survival She’d have to remember to ask Becky what wasn’t the best about surviving?

“Hey, Lizzie. Let me tell you The 10 Things We did to Erase almost $9,000 in Credit Card Debt in Less than 6 Months, and then I’ll explain Five reasons why you should always buy in lots.

“What are you talking about? Every little kid knows about lots and lots and lots — who doesn’t want lots? Lots of money — Five things I would do if I had $20,000? Lots of chocolate — How to Gain weight without really trying (and the antitheses)? Lots of sleep — How to be a Better Sports Radio Caller? We all want lots of everything.”

Fred didn’t correct her misunderstanding. After all, he knew she wasn’t about money anyway.

“Oh Fred, you’re so silly, . . . I should have known better than to think I’d find the answer on an airplane tripl I read Manage your time by Mastering Conversation Stoppers. I’m glad I met you though. Quick tell me a story about Steve Forbes and Donald Trump. I need a nap before we land.”

But Lizzie didn’t sleep . . . she was thinking about kids, and lots, and lots, and lots, and Paris, and . . . emoticons.

But that’s what happens in ———————–> Chapter 3.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
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