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A List Becomes 301 Links in Story — Chapter 1

August 18, 2006 by Liz

Intro

That darn imp on my shoulder, the one who got me labeled uncool all through high school is still whispering, talking, shouting really. Now he’s nagging. Go on do it. It’s your blog. You know you want to. It will be more fun than another list. Give folks the value added. Follow your own advice. Put the YOU in what you write.

So here is a story for a Friday written to entertain, amaze, and prove to you that ideas truly are everywhere. [For those of you just tuning in, this is based on the 301 Lists that Darren Rowse’s List Group Writing Project brought together.]

Lizzie Leaves Home

Once upon a time, a little girl looked back upon her life and saw that it was filled with memories of Ducky Moments in time. Asking herself, “Where is my Ovary?” practicing How to be Charming, making a List of Hello Kitty Vehicles, and the Four most Influential British Prime Ministers, she found that these things did not fulfill her. Not even making a shrine to the Top 10 Lindsay Lohan Oops Moments could bring her up. She left like she was Falling from the Stairway to Heaven.

Her name was Listless Lizzie. She worked with Darren, the Great Writing Project Guy..

Armed only with 14 Amazing Chuck Norris Facts, she felt she had more than Seven signs that you should move to France – or stay at home.

If only Listless Lizzie had also known Seven Things Not to Do on a Plane.

But no, she knew of lists and nothing more.So she packed her lists:.

Just Visiting: Ten Tips for Being an Unforgettable Houseguest We already knew she was unforgettable.

Amusement Park Rules Rules? She thought those were for other people and listless folks don’t feel amused.

Supid Things You Can Do She brought this because she gets bored easily.

Five Ways to Make Yourself Miserable She heard misery loved company. Perhaps she’d find a friend who’d read this.

Some of the Worst Filler Songs of All Time If push came to shove she might choose death by music.

Why Starting Over is a A Good Thing Because under all, she was an optimist.

So call her Dorothy and send her to OZ , , , she’s got links to go before she gets to go home.

These and a taxi got her to the airport.

Listless Lizzie and Her Lists in Transit

She managed to make through security without many questions though she got some looks the lists she chose to carryon. In fact, young Lizzie was asked to hand over Three Reasons Why I don”t Give Good Comment, the Top Ten Janeane Garofalo Mistakes, Strategies for online reputation monitoring, and the 5 Most Trivial “How to” Searches in Search Engine. Those were considered to be international security risks. So they were kept in the airport from which she was leaving.

As she settled into her seat, the little girl, took out lists she hoped would help her when she landed before she started life as a money mogul. First she read Make People Always Remember You and How I am Going to Get What I Want. Then as the journey wore on she got distracted by what she thought of as The Top Ten Traumas of My Childhood, which morphed into 10 Things I”d Tell My Younger Self and that turned in 9 Weird Words that Amuse Me.

Just then a flight attendent walking by, stopped to ask whether she had seen the new list 5 Ways to get back in your skinny Jeans.

To which our leading lady replied, “Sugar, I never outgrew them.” Then she flashed him a big blue-eyed girlfriend grin, while handing him The Top 10 of Top 10s, 6 Steps to becoming a techie bride, Top 5 Look-a-Likes, and How to be a Movie Star and/or Cult Leader. All of those years in pubishing had made her a quick judge of what was perfect for any reader. He was like a little boy on his birthday morning.

And she went back to reading her lists for France.

France vc Allemagne: les 6 points forts de chaque pays/the 6 key points for each country She skimmed this one.

10 Ways to Improve Your Golf Game She read this one for a friend.

Top 10 Wine Myths She wanted to know if she’d heard any of them.

Getting Better with Age She had thought this was also about the wine.

Then she settled back to read “10 Rules to Live By.” She knew she would be looking for new neighbors maybe that list would help.

Now, if only she could find a list or two about making money. . .

MORE ON THAT IN CHAPTER 2————————————coming soon

–ME “Liz” Strauss

The Problem with Writing . . . 25 Things to Know BEFORE You Write for a Living
My Blogging Goal

How Evil Pronouns Cause Arguments

August 17, 2006 by Liz

Give Me Pronouns to Tick You Off

Anyone who has been in any important relationship knows that most arguments aren’t about money, broken promises, or misbehavior. They are about words. Words cause misunderstandings and broken contracts. In the end, what arguments are usually about is that what was said and what was received didn’t match up.

Certain words make this happen particularly often, nicely said they are unclear referents. Evil pronouns is what I call them.

Let me show you how they cause arguments, er misunderstandings. Evil pronouns in question below are in bold.

IT Husband: So Larry, and the dog, and I went out jogging. He got tired and was a pain to deal with for the rest of the afternoon.

ME: Who?

IT Husband: Who? What?

ME: Who got tired and was cranky?

IT Husband: You know who I mean.

ME: No, I don’t. Was it Larry or the dog?

IT Husband: You weren’t listening. Were you?

[technically he in the original sentence would refer to the dog]

Need another example?

ME: Marcy said, “All married women are single parents.” I thought it was funny. What do you think about that? Do you think it is offensive?

IT Husband: I don’t find it offensive that you thought it was funny.

ME: That’s not what I was asking.

IT Husband: Yes it was.

ME: No, I used an unclear referrent. What I meant to ask was whether you thought what Marcy said was offensive.

IT Husband: But that’s not what you asked.

ME: You’re right, but it’s what I want to know. . . .

[technically that and it in the original sentence refer to what I thought]

Want one more?

IT Husband: We need to write a letter to the phone company.

ME: We?

IT Husband: Yeah. Us.

ME: You really mean me. Don’t you?

IT Husband: Well, you are the writer in the house. Are you refusing?

ME: No, I just wanted to be clear who’s really doing the work. . . .

Enough said about conversation.

How to Control Those Pronouns

You can control those evil pronouns in conversation and even more when you write. Here are two tricks to keep them in line.

Use nouns often.

Know that pronouns refer to the noun that is closest before it. So in this sentence, I came with both Ben and Jerry, but I spent all of my time with him. the pronoun him would refer to Jerry.

Of course, you can’t rely on other folks to follow that. So when you speak or write, include clues that keep the identify of your pronouns obvious. Listen for responses that might show that your conversation partner has misunderstood you. Look in your writing for opportunities to add details that make the identity of your pronouns unmistakable.

Do those things and you’ll not only communicate more clearly, but . . . you might even find that you argue less frequently. Okay about new topics then. 🙂

I’m sure you’ve been undermined at least once by evil pronouns. I can’t wait to hear what you have to say about them.

–Me “Liz” Strauss
If you think Liz can help with a problem you’re having with your business, your brand or your blog, check out the Work with Liz!! page in the sidebar.

Aliens Leave Behind the Link Leak Virus

August 16, 2006 by Liz

Chris Says He Wasn’t Abducted

So, it’s as you suspected. Successful Blog was crawling with aliens. At least it was last night when we were talking. And, as usual, the Link Leak virus hit again. The Link Leak Virus is a special strain of the indie virus with blogtipping mutations that occur in threes.

Cool links were shared.

Heh, I bet your alien didnÃ¢â¬â¢t look as scary as this
Joe’s Alien
Wendy’s Award-winning Bravery
IMDB
aliens trying to phone usÃ¢â¬Â¦
BBC Climate Change
SETI@home
If the Universe Is Teeming with AliensÃ¢â¬Â¦ Where Is Everybody? Fifty Solutions to FermiÃ¢â¬â¢s Paradox and the Problem of Extraterrestrial Life
Trisha’s interview
Where Is Basil?

Inside the Alien Conversation

Here are a few things that were said . . . [Read more…]

The Problem with Writing . . . 25 Things to Know BEFORE You Write for a Living

August 16, 2006 by Liz

Let’s Be Honest

Every morning I get up and write blog posts . Then I go do my other writing work. I’ve been writing for a living for very long time. So I feel qualified to write this post. It’s not a rant. It’s a list. It’s a set of things that folks who think they might want to write for a living ought to know before they blindly follow their dream.

The problem with writing is

that, when you start, no one will believe you are a writer.

that all writing jobs takes longer than folks think they will.

that even talent needs ideas.

that getting to a living wage takes time and boring work.

that, when you write well, the finished product looks like it was easy.

that no one cares how hard it was.

that the lifestyle isn’t glamorous.

that the pay can be less glamorous.

that you’re always interrupted in the middle of the perfect thought.

that you’ll probably have to edit your own work.

that, if you get noticed, your mistakes are very public.

that you need to personally invest and be detached.

that you’ll be critiqued by people who don’t know to say things nicely.

that you’ll be critiqued by people who don’t know what they’re talking about.

that you won’t get to follow through on all of your favorite ideas.

that some of your ideas will stink too.

that folks won’t believe their opinion can’t hurt you.

that you won’t be able to explain the thrill of finding a word you spent 3 weeks looking for.

that only other writers will ever really know what it is that you do.

that your significant other may not read anything that you write.

that being a writer can wake you up in the middle of the night.

that it can make you feel stupid.

that no one can help you do it.

that when you have finished, there’s no applause.

that you have finished, you have to do the same thing all over again.

What could possibly be worth that investment?

Writing communicates through across the world, through time, to people I have never met. It captures ideas, inventions, and information. It’s worth it to be even a tiny part of that.

Bet you could add to this list. Why do you write in spite of it?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
It seems I’m always saying “Thank you, Darren.”.

PH2: Less and Fewer — Don’t Learn to Write by TV

August 15, 2006 by Liz

TV Has It Wrong

Language is a changing thing. The changes first happen in conversation and eventually they become accepted in written language as well. That’s what happened with that old rule Don’t finish a sentence with a preposition.

Power Hits prove that not everything you see in print, hear in a song, or watch on TV are correct.

In this case, two words the mass media can’t seem to get right are less and fewer. So let’s settle that matter once and for all. [Read more…]

Myth Busting “Write as You Talk” OR How to Write Conversationally

August 14, 2006 by Liz

I Can Think Writing

My IT husband wanted to know what I knew about writing. We talked quite a while. I told him that writing is written conversation about organized thinking.

As he does often, IT man gave his response in quotable form.

I can think writing, but I don’t know how to write it.

I could have answered, “Write as you talk.” It’s well known advice, but talking isn’t at all like writing. Really. That is a myth and I’m myth busting it now. So what does it mean to write as you talk? [Read more…]