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Getting Comments: Seven Secrets of a Superstar Conversationalist

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A Superstar Conversationalist? Who Me?

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Chris Brogan, no shrinking violet, called his blog post 39,000 comments. He said it was the first thing I said. It wasn’t really. I talked about Becky McCray and Darren Rowse, and all of the people who come here. The comments were just what caught his attention.

Then in the comments to that post, Phil Gerbyshak — the all-time relationship geek, not a quiet job — named me a superstar conversationalist.

I hear my older brothers translating . . . kid, they’re saying you can’t shut up.

Seven Secrets of a Superstar Conversationalist

Writing or talking about what we know isn’t a problem for most folks. People don’t ask me how to do that. What they ask is How do you get folks to talk back?

Here are seven of my secrets.

    Secret 1. Be an enthusiastic learner.
    The words of folks who stand at the podium and talk down to me never sound like conversation. They sound more like a lecture. Who wants to be lectured by an expert? It’s more fun to talk to a friend who knows.

    Learners, on the other hand, are magnetically attractive. They’re not intimidating. They offer a subtle invitation to participate. I know if I stick around I might find something I never knew before. Learners ask me questions they really want to know the answer to. When they get an answer, they ask more.

    Secret 2 Be imperfectly human.
    Don’t finish up every blog post so perfectly that I have no room to answer. Make that list with what you know, but don’t research it to death so that I can’t add to it. I want to talk to you too. Conversation always means you say something. Then I add what I know to it. We do it together.

    A conversation is always started, constantly revised, and never finished. We don’t tie our conversations up with a bow and hand them in to our 8th grade teacher. Let’s not do that with our blog posts either.

    Secret 3. Be an active listener.
    What is a conversation if I’m talking to myself? . . . hearing voices and talking to them? Isn’t that a sign of something?

    People are the most important part of any conversation. I listen with every cell. I try to crawl inside the experience they’re relating. I’ve discovered so much about the world and myself, and most of all, the folks who come to visit, by taking the time to listen and answering back. I answer and ask questions to make sure that I understood what I heard. Comments are just like real-life conversation.

    Secret 4 Be an easy laugher.
    Laughter makes the world turn easier. It gets the chemsitry in our brains going. We type faster and smile when we do. We connect and feel safer when we laugh together. My husband often says to me, “You’re smiling at your computer again.”

    Secret 5 Be you.
    I make a bad version of you. You make a bad version of me. Somehow we make a perfectly incredible versions of the unique individuals who we are.

    Blog your experience. Put your head and heart in what you write. If I tell my authentic truth and myunique view, no one can argue with that. Folks can’t help but respect it — the folks I want to interact with anway.. They want to know they they can tell theirs too. It sounds counterintuitive, but the more a writer tells his or her individual experience, the more people can identify with it.

    Secret 6 Be a cheerleader, a bartender, a friend, a host.
    Make a place where folks can be who they are. Make it about THEM. Be glad to see them. Be proud of their accomplishments. Have faith in their endeavors. If you care about their lives, they will care too. They’ll also care about yours and each others’. That’s how communities form.

    Secret 7 Be nice.
    I couldn’t leave that out — could I?

It hardly takes much to be gracious. Communities and conversations really build themselves. We don’t build them. If we stop trying to control them and let people know we’re not afraid to hear what they have to say in respect and honest communication. Amazing thing can truly happen.

I know. 39,000 comments was a long time ago.

I don’t really count comments. I count friends, and who could ever have enough of them?

C’mon let’s talk!

What did you right before you read this post? It had to be more interesting than reading about me.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!

Related
10 Essential Needs of a Thriving Community

121: How a Colossal Mistake Taught Me 3 Keys of Blogging and SEO

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Boy, Was that a Bad Idea!

Lately some folks have felt defeated, wondering whether their readers have left them. Dawud tackled that question in his post, What To Do When People Aren’t Paying Attention To Your Blog? Did you see it? His advice was right on the money.

When Dawud finished his counsel, he tossed the ball back here with this question.

What have you thought would work on your blog that bombed with your readers? And what did you learn from it?

Oh my! Many things have bombed, and I just let them go. But those don’t make for interesting stories. For me, only one stands out as the Bomb of the Century.

How a Colossal Mistake Taught Me 3 Keys of Blogging and SEO

It’s been long enough now that no aftershocks will come from speaking of it. At the time it was noisy and I owned no small part of it. It happened just a few short weeks after I started at Successful Blog and just a few short months after I wrote my very first blog post.

I tried to do a series on SEO when I couldn’t even spell it yet.
It wasn’t pretty, but in the end, it was beautiful.

The story goes something like this:

It was the wild, early days of the blogosphere, not even the trains had arrived yet. I think there were 15 million blogs about then. Picture me in Mankato, Minnesota, straight out of “Little House on the Prairie.”

I had done a popular series on Blog Promotion and maybe I was a tiny bit pleased with myself. I decided the next week would be on SEO. I had no clue what I was doing. I asked a friend to help — a young man from the UK, a programmer, not an SEO guy. He was as new to blogging as I was. Neither of us understood what we were taking on.

I announced the series. It got some attention.

One post in the series delivered information on metatags that was totally, entirely, and unabashedly out-of-date. The musicians, the sales folks, and the kindly tech guys began gently correcting the errors via their comments. They were both gracious and gentle with their replies.

Despite their grace, it was not fun nor particularly pretty.

I apologized.

Then, I caught up with my friend, Yaro Starak, and borrowed some of his knowledge to correct the misinformation we had supplied. He was most generous.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the end.

A prominent SEO guy used us as the reason bloggers shouldn’t talk about SEO, leaving out the part where he had been invited to help.

A couple of posts went up from bloggers I still know and respect, who said, “Yep, she was wrong, but you didn’t need to shout her down like that.”

They just stood up like that.

It was about honor and community.

The prominent SEO guy and I talked offline and made peace with each other. He bought me a copy of Aaron Wall’s famous book so that I’d never find myself there again. What a beautiful resolution to the conflict!

The rest of the story is myth and legend of the wild, early blogosphere.

Sure I wish I would have been smarter, more circumspect, but I’m at the same time I’m grateful for the event. I learned these things from that colossal mistake.

  • No one will ever know enough about SEO to go it alone.
  • Conflicts are best handled without an audience.
  • If you build relationships, folks are there when you need them.

I guess, you might call the learning part a success.

Which leads me to the very next question.

What do you do when a commenter seems to misinterpret what you’re saying no matter how hard you try to explain what you mean?

If you’re reading this, I’m not just asking Dawud the question, I’d love to hear your answer too, in the comment box below.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!

One2One is a cross-blog conversation. Find the answer at dawud miracle on Monday. You can see the entire One-2-One Conversation series on the Successful Series page.
In Case You Missed It: Writing 06-13-07

Developing A Survey — 50 Reasons To Love You!

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SIMPLE SALES SERIES

Tell Me Why, Why, Why

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Ever wonder why someone is your friend? Ever think about what you have to offer? Do you just sail along wondering, or do you ask? Asking isn’t easy.

Maybe with friends it’s okay to take it on faith that we have that special “something,” that indescrible “who knows what” that gets our friends to keep coming around. But it sure doesn’t work in business.

When it comes to business, we need to understand what our customers think about us. It’s not an option in business. It’s not a “good thing to know.” It’s survival.

Knowing why our customers love us is the only way to attract more customers and grow. One great way to find out might be to send out a survey. Use the following traits to set up your own survey of traits you think are important to them and your business.

Developing A Survey– 50 Reasons To Love You!

Be sure to handwrite the opening sentences to make each request personal if you possibly can.

Hi, ______
I’d really like to know how think about (my/our) work. Could you take a minute to help us out? For each trait below would you write a letter rating? Feel free to cross out those you think don’t apply at all. Thanks!

The ratings are:

  • L= Love how you’re doing. Keep it up!
  • N = Not so in love. Could you try harder?
  • W = Would you work on this one? It would do us both a favor.

The Traits
Here’s how I rate working with you for the way you:

  1. move toward action
  2. adapt
  3. analyze
  4. define boundaries
  5. collaborate
  6. communicate important information verbally
  7. communicate important information in writing
  8. conceptualize
  9. connect
  10. see context
  11. are deliberate
  12. demonstrate
  13. describe
  14. design
  15. handle details
  16. develop an idea
  17. discipline
  18. empathize
  19. enjoy working
  20. explain
  21. are fair
  22. focus
  23. interact with ideas
  24. inform
  25. innovate
  26. use interpersonal skills
  27. learn
  28. manage meetings
  29. manage time
  30. manage teams
  31. manage projects
  32. market to my customers
  33. organize information
  34. organize processes
  35. have positivity
  36. are present
  37. prioritize across levels and processes
  38. problem solve
  39. productive
  40. question
  41. are responsible
  42. are rational
  43. respond
  44. research
  45. sell/persuade
  46. teach
  47. translate/interpret
  48. strategize
  49. use story
  50. have vision

Thank you for taking the time to tell me what you think. I’m listening.

Do personally sign each one.

Fifty reasons customers might love you and 50 ways to love your customers — how many have you already mastered? Could it be more than you expect?

Got more to add to the list?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Is your business stuck? Check out the Start-up Strategy Package. Work with Liz!!

Related
To follow the entire series: Liz Strauss’ Inside-Out Thinking to Building a Solid Business, see the Successful Series Page.

The Recipe for a Product Offering that Will Sell

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SIMPLE SALES SERIES

It’s No Good if It Doesn’t Sell

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We don’t decide what is a great product or service. Customers and clients do. If we what we do well is what our customers value, it will sell. In my publishing job, I said this over and over . . .

It’s not a good book, if it doesn’t sell — at a profit.

Customers decide whether our offer is better than any alternative. They let us know by how they vote with their money. Our job is to make an offer they find attractive, knowing full well that we cannot coax or coerce them to behave.

The Recipe for a Product Offering that Sells

While I was publishing, I spent a great deal of time talking to customers who used my products and to customers who did not.

Most marketers would recommend that you find out how folks are using your “stuff,” what they like, what they don’t, what they wish for, and what other “stuff” they like just as much or better. They would suggest that you especially find out why folks who aren’t using your “stuff,” aren’t using it. I did all that — but only about 10% of the time.

The other 90% of the time we talked about THEM, not about my “stuff.”

That’s how I got to my recipe for a product that sells. It’s the recipe I used when driving the strategy of the company we turned around.

  1. Talk to your ideal customers about
    • what wish they had more time to do.
    • what they wish they could learn.
    • what they wish someone would invent.
    • what problem they would love to get off their mind or off their desks.

    Listen actively to understand the outcome they prize. Find the patterns in what they say.

  2. Build a product or service that does one thing well — in less time. If you bundle more than one need, do it carefully. Less is more. Simple is elegant.

  3. Design the product or service to match customers’ sensibilities. Make it beautiful and functional, and a reflection of what they value. Adding “quality” they can’t see or don’t want is adding cost they don’t want.

  4. Price the offer at what the work is worth — what you need to make a profit and what it saves the customer.

  5. Test what you plan by asking customers who know you, who don’t know you, and who are notoriously on the opposite side of the fence.

Every bit of the development is about how the features of the product or service benefits the customer. Add to “How are WE doing?” the additional question “What drives YOU crazy?”

How do you find customer needs customers that aren’t being met? Are you your own customer? How might you use that in your favor?

I’m really interested in informal ways we get customers to talk about their experiences.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Is your business stuck? Check out the Start-up Strategy Package. Work with Liz!!

Related
To follow the entire series: Liz Strauss’ Inside-Out Thinking to Building a Solid Business, see the Successful Series Page.

Change the World: Take a Challenge

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changetheworld8

How-cool-is-this!!!
Robert Hruzek of Middle Zone Musings sent out an email to a few close friends about a series he writes monthly.

Robert’s been thinking, and he’s decided to make a challenge. He said he wouldn’t mind if I shared that challenge with you. So, here’s an excerpt from that email.

Over the last couple of days I’ve posted a two-part series at Middle Zone Musings on the subject of change, and got so inspired it prompted me to do something crazy (I mean, more than usual). So, go ahead and call me crazy if you like, but here it is: I’ve decided to change the world!

OK, I can hear it now; a chorus of, “Well, that’s just crazy!” (See; told ya!) But I don’t mind; I’m still goin’ for it! But, I really need your help (sound of stampede to the door).

I don’t know about you, but I’ve always been inspired by Liz Strauss’s Change The World series of posts. It always amazed me to realize just how much a single person can change the world, given the right circumstances. So I said to myself, “Self, why don’t you change the world?” Amazingly enough, me, myself and I agreed to quit talking about it and actually do something! (After all, it’s so rare that we all agree on something! I mean, besides ice cream; ice cream is always good.)

With that audacious goal in mind, I’ve just kicked off a Special Edition of our usual monthly What I Learned From… writing project with a two part post (yesterday’s and today’s) on the topic of Change. Yes, I know it’s a bit early – usually it starts on the first Monday of every month, but this time we’re going to need a few more days.

Please do me a favor and drop by the Zone, read these posts, and consider the challenge. Then, if you’d like to change the world with me, then by all means, let’s do it!

So, what do you think? Are you up to a challenge?

Will you change the world?

You, me, Robert . . . we can change the world, just like that.

–ME “Liz” Strauss

121: From a Blog Writer to a Conversational Dynamo

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Dynamo? Oh Wow!

Sure, Dawud, put me on the spot, why don’t you? . . .

Have you read, Dawud’s latest one-2-one post? He answers the question, Are You Having A Conversation With Your Niche Audience? and he invites you to help him come to his best answer. The conversation in the comments brings up some fabulous thinking on the subject.

Then what does he do? He asks me (and you folks reading) about how I got to be a conversational dynamo. I sort of feel like I’ve been asked to explain what a great kisser I am — whether I am one or not.

His actual question was.

What’s helped you go from just being a writer on a blog to becoming a conversational dynamo?

I won’t waste your time, I’ll pretend like he knows what he’s saying. We all know I can talk and that there are a few comments here and there on my blog. So let’s start from that premise. What makes the conversation happen here? Am I a conversational dynamo or is it smoke and mirrors?

I vote for the second.

Conversation is two or more people talking together. I can talk all I want. That doesn’t mean anyone will listen. Does it? Some days, I feel pretty sure that no one does. So what makes it special when they do?

It’s got to be more than me. Of course, it is. I can only guess at the recipe, but here goes.

A Recipe to Be A Conversational Dynamo

  • Write with one part heart. Put it out there open wide and let everyone see what it is you have to say. Don’t hedge your bets. Know that some days everyone will disagree and that all days some people will not see eye to eye. Be okay with that. Like them anyway. They’ll respect you for that.
  • Then write with another part thinking mind. Offer it without fear and let folks know what you’ve learned lately about life and yourself. Don’t be stingy with your knowledge thinking that one day you’ll need to know more than someone else. People can tell when you’re holding out on them.
  • Lavish it all with room for everyone you meet to be who they are, to come in and change your ideas, and expect them to be every bit their best. Hope they expect it of you.
  • Welcome every person at the door. Call each one by name. Let every one of them know that you are glad he or she is here.
  • Then after you make all of them feel at home, stop talking and listen.
  • Stop talking and listen some more to each one individually.
  • And care about what they say with your head and your heart.

That would be my recipe for becoming a conversational dynamo, if I were to guess how.

I leave you with this question for next week.

What do you do when suddenly no one seems to be paying attention to your blog?

If you’re reading this, I’d love to hear your answer in the comment box below.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!

One2One is a cross-blog conversation. Find the answer at dawud miracle on Monday. You can see the entire One-2-One Conversation series on the Successful Series page.
In Case You Missed It: Writing 06-13-07