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The Art of Giving a Gift to Someone You Know

June 3, 2007 by Liz

Can we talk about . . .

giving gifts.

I’ve been thinking about how some folks think they are other-centered, really believe they are, when they don’t quite know how to be. It shows when they buy gifts for people they care about. The gifts don’t always work out.

I have an agreement with my closest friends about giving gifts. When we see something that so perfectly suits the other we buy it and it send it no matter when. When a birthday comes and we haven’t found it, then we don’t. We like it a lot just like that.

Giving with head and heart has a full-on view of the person who will receive it.

Why do we sometimes give gifts those we love without looking?

Companies do it. Parents do it. Husbands, and wives, and lovers do it. Children do it too. Though young children do it least.

I know you know what I mean. It’s that episode of the TV show Frazier in which they try to buy Frazier’s dad a new chair. He loves that chair duct tape and all. What sort of gift separates a guy from something he loves? Who is the gift really for?

It’s the cross pen I got one year for a gift from someone who knew me for over a decade. It was engraved with the wrong initials. It wasn’t the engraver’s mistake.

It’s the shirt, or the tie, or the dress that you would never wear — that so obviously doesn’t reflect who you are.

It’s sad, because often the receiver had no request, no need, and now sees a face filled with anticipation of a joyous response and must blend gratitude with honesty.

The art of giving a gift is accomplished so easily. I don’t understand how we miss this.

A friend said to me recently, “I knew exactly what to buy, because I know her, because I love her.” His gift for her was all about her.

That is the art of giving an unconditional gift.

We have so many gifts to share and so many ways to connect.

A gift can be a kind word, a smile, and hand on a shoulder that says, “I know you. I see you. I am aware you exist.” It’s something that shows I heard you, when you didn’t know I was listening.

How do you recognize a gift from someone who knows you?

–ME “Liz’ Strauss

Related
Personal Identity: What Is Humility?

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Filed Under: Motivation, Successful Blog Tagged With: bc, gift-giving, Ive-been-thinking, unconditional-love

The Object of the Game of Life

May 25, 2007 by Liz

I've been thinking . . .

about games — pente, mahjong, chess. Cultures world over and through time have made games from stones, bones, and sticks. In the first grade classes I taught, we played ancient games and talked about how they worked. Games enjoy a rich history of offering thinking and problem solving as a form of deep and satisfying pastime and entertainment between people who share a relationship.

Of course, the commercial board game — slick, colorful, and packaged — that I played with my six cousins weren’t so . . . um. . . so meaningful. Deep down inside some were quite shallow, and they broke easily. Some were lame, and some were just plain boring.

The first thng we did when we played was go over the rules — rules. We would find the Instructions — instructions. The first item was always the Object of the Game. Even the “little kids — Nancy and Paul” figured out that’s how to know who won. We got that settled right out of the box even before we argued who’s turn it was to go first. I was long past having the rights of “company” in their house. I was a relative. (Company always goes first.)

I’m a Boomer. We grew up in a board game culture. It affected us. I see it still.

What I see, might surprise some, is that few of us care about the “Object of the Game.” As I look back, I wonder how many of us ever did. I notice so many ways of approaching life the same way we did those board games when we were kids.

Some folks play to win. They buy and sell companies. They live in a world of properties on a Monopoly board — people who work in those properties aren’t figured in.

Some folks decide early that they’ve lost. They give up, almost before they start. If they quit, they never lost.

Me? I’m the youngest by a lot of years. Maybe that’s why I never cared about winning. Maybe my gene pool is just wired that way. My outlook was more about the people who were playing alongside me. Big surprise there, I know.

I still feel that way.

If I get too far ahead, I slow down, because I don’t want things to be over too soon. For me, it’s about walking down the street side by side — it’s a road trip in between turns — not who is first to walk to the corner shop.

Sure, I like to do well, but I like to do good even more. Most of all, I care about doing things that are meaningful. Meaning is so much more when other people, by their existence, make the object of the game unimportant in comparison.

For me, it was about playing — not “how you play the game,” but actually playing. You know, having fun, enjoying the folks that were there, laughing, being who we are, and getting out from under the stuff.

Laughter is good for the brain and the soul.

It’s cool to win the day, to win a heart, to win that proposal that we’re passionately working toward . . . it’s also great to lose self-consciousness, to lose myself in a moment, to get lost in a discussion of deep and heartfelt thoughts . . .

. . . as long as I keep my head connected to my heart.

Playing doesn’t take nearly as much imagination as trying to be grownup.

The object of life is to be alive.

That’s my agenda. This weekend, I’m gonna give it a shot.

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Filed Under: Successful Blog Tagged With: bc, being-alive, Ive-been-thinking

What If We’re Supposed to Be Happy?

May 21, 2007 by Liz

Consider this

From one of my all-time favorite books.

It’s the prologue, handwritten on lined paper. Each paragraph is numbered.

24. And hearing, the Master was glad, and gave thanks and came down from the hill top humming a little mechanic’s song. And when the throng pressed him with its woes, beseeching him to heal for it and learn for it and feed it nonstop from his understanding and to entertain it with his wonders he smiled upon the multitude and said pleastantly unto them, “I quit.”

25. For a moment the multitude was stricken dumb with astonishment.

26. And he said unto them, “If a man told God that he wanted most of all to help the suffering world, no matter the price to himself, and God answered and told him what he must do, should the man do as he is told?”

27. “Of course, Master!” cried the many. “It should be pleasure for him to suffer the tortures of hell itself, should God ask it!”

28. “No matter what those tortures, no matter how difficult the task?”

29. “Honor to be hanged, glory to be nailed to a tree and burned, if so be that God has asked,” said they.

30. “And what would you do,” the Master said unto the multitude, “if God spoke directly to your face and said, ‘I COMMAND THAT YOU BE HAPPY IN THE WORLD, AL LONG AS YOU LIVE.’ What would you do then?” —Richard Bach, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah

Is it easier to be unhappy, downtrodden, beat-up and to have a low opinion of ourselves? What if we’re meant to enjoy the good things, our good friends, and to share without shame the talents that we have? Imagine the ones we haven’t explored.

We could have it all backwards. Ever thought about that?

If we admitted how good we are at doing things, how much more good could we get done?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Check out the Work with Liz!! page in the sidebar.

Filed Under: Motivation, Successful Blog Tagged With: bc, being-happy, Ive-been-thinking

Good-byes and New Beginnings

May 18, 2007 by Liz

I've been thinking . . .

A week later, in another hotel room, I type this. This time I am the one away from home. On Saturday, my son graduates from college.

“An ending,” I said on the phone a few weeks back, “and a new beginning.”

“No, it’s not,” was the only reply that he gave.

As the president of the college TV station, he’s always had a part to play at this event. The director role, that’s the part he likes this year as well.

My son is busy organizing and planning other kids’ graduation. I’ve just come to realize that’s his way of not saying good-bye.

Saying good-bye doesn’t have to be melancholy. Sometimes saying good-bye is the only way we realize how meaningful something has been.

I wrote right before I graduated from college.

That’s the way of new beginnings . . . they all seem to start from saying good-bye.

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Filed Under: Motivation Tagged With: bc, good-byes, Ive-been-thinking

On Connecting: Friends, Ideas, and Words

May 17, 2007 by Liz

I've been thinking . . .

It seems like everyone, it’s not, but it seems so. People tell me I’m a connector. That’s a good thing. Some folks offer that observation with some awe.

I see the outcomes they see that happen because of me. For them, that’s the end. For me that’s a point on a continuous timeline. I see the before and the after. I know the future of where such things go. It’s a curious thing that has been with me all of my life.

It’s the same with the people.
It’s the same with the ideas.
It’s the same with the words.

When I meet new people, unique and intriguing — as they all are. My mind finds their mind; my heart finds their heart; my hand finds their hand. We become friends. It transcends understanding because of the unconditional part. A contract is made that true friends carry tacitly.

Maybe that’s why, even now, I don’t understand, the concept of “best friend.” I don’t have a best sentence, though I’ve written many musical, meaninful ones. How could I choose one as the “best”? It would seem even more wrong to do so with people. People are so valuable, each alone. No comparison to be made there.

As with words and ideas. I find people with whom my friends make grand ideas, laughter, music, and color. I’m not sure how I know they will. Maybe it’s the size of their hearts, maybe it’s their hearts and brains working together. Either way, they sure enough do. They find each other and become living art. I watch. They smile. They talk. They become part of each other’s life.

I opened a door. They walked through. To get the credit for that is like getting the credit for making a flower bloom.

Friends, ideas, and words — the answer is always to let them be, let them go. Enjoy what they do.

Like these words, my friends stand on their own. They are not me, except for that part they will always take along.

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Filed Under: Motivation Tagged With: bc, Ive-been-thinking, lifelong-friends

When Saying “Thank You” Can Never Be Enough

May 14, 2007 by Liz

I’ve been thinking . . .

about saying “Thank you.”

It was always a problem, from the time I was wee one called “Bashful.” How do I express sincere gratitude when the words, the simple words that are available have been over used and pounded in to submission? How can I just say them, when I need their tired forms to carry the deepest meaning, yet they sound just the same as when they are tossed out frivolously by anyone with a vocabulary?

They say actions speak louder than words, but . . . sometimes words are necessary. The right words are an action in and of themselves. They take time to be chosen and arranged to convey the thought.

Here is the thought:
We, everyone of us — those who went, those who held their breath in anticipation whether they were going to attend SOBcon or not. — We all made it happen. It was a product built from our faith in each other and a focus on hard work –the details that the committee — Chris, and Lisa, Terry, and Mike worked on daily. It’s the serious work that the speakers put into the content and the passion with which they collected and delivered it with joy and generosity. It is the open hearted joy of those who could attend and the quiet support those who could not –all standing by ever ready to help. Always ready to offer their faith and passion for the event.

This was so not the worde of one — simple words cannot expand to describe or express my deep, deep gratitude for every voice, every thought, every good feeling that was a part.

So I am left with a heartfelt “Thank, you, you have changed my life.”

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Filed Under: Motivation Tagged With: bc, growing, Ive-been-thinking, thank-you

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