25 Comments to “Bloggy Question 51: I Gave Him that Idea”

1. June 10th, 2007 at 7:40 pm
   Ms. Q said

   I’d ask Marty what result he hoped to achieve by “setting the record straight.”

   I might then ask if this would make him feel better and if it did - why?

   In general I’d wonder at what caused the riff in the relationship - perhaps Steve had so much success he began to think too highly of himself and thought that he was better than Marty.

   In general I would ask questions, listen and try not to make judgments (e.g. “I had no idea that Steve was such a jerk”). I would hope that in asking questions Marty might work through whatever issue (jealousy, feelings of betrayal, whatever) and not do something he may regret in the future.

2. June 10th, 2007 at 7:43 pm
   ME Strauss said

   Hi Ms.Q,
   Yeah, I’d wonder about Marty’s motives too. Nothing done in anger tends to work out as we expect . . . does it? It’s sad that they lost a friendship over the deal.

3. June 10th, 2007 at 9:14 pm
   Chris Cree said

   As always with these questions, I’d want to know more before I dove into the middle of it.

   With that aside, I’d probably start by jacking Marty up - hold a mirror to him about his own apparent jealousy of Steve taking the spotlight for once. Sure Steve might have gotten a little puffed up with his new found notoriety.

   But it seems Marty’s got at least as big a case of swollen head syndrome.

4. June 10th, 2007 at 9:26 pm
   Jon Price said

   This one is easy. Tell Marty there is nothing worse than the exposé of one’s own sour grapes. Tell him to suck it up and move on.

5. June 10th, 2007 at 9:36 pm
   ME Strauss said

   Hi Chris!
   Certainly something is wrong. If Steve “gave” Marty the idea. One would think that he let go of the idea when he gave it. Apparently the gift wasn’t free.

6. June 10th, 2007 at 9:37 pm
   ME Strauss said

   Hi Jon,
   Sour grapes. Sounds like that’s what it could be. Who knows that’s what the fight is about for sure? We only know that Steve is regretting that he gave an idea to a friend who made out well. Maybe Marty had a date with Steve’s wife. Hmmmmmm: j/k

7. June 10th, 2007 at 10:15 pm
   Brad K. said

   I don’t believe it. Business life is full of distracting lies. ‘Why do you want to quit your job?’ Do you answer, ‘I hate the bozo’s here’, or ‘My supervisor is grossly unfair, denigrating, and so disorganized he creates 4 times the work that should have to be done’? No, ‘I found a place where I can grow in a new direction’.

   Marty likely is bitter, but there will be other, fundamental reasons that he finds Steve a problem partner. Perhaps Marty spent significant effort bringing the concept to life, and Steve refused to recognize non-bike-business contributions. Perhaps a girl is between them. Perhaps there were pre-existing contentions over time and cash flow at the bike businesses.

   I would assume I don’t know enough of the story to evaluate anything — other than to recognize that Marty is unhappy. I would wonder whether Steve feels hurt by Marty’s actions, since he lost his ‘main’ business over the split. I would probably ask Marty ‘Do you think Steve would be willing to come back to the bike shops?’, a leading question just to put the thought into Marty’s mind, for later.

8. June 10th, 2007 at 11:02 pm
   ME Strauss said

   Hi Brad,
   You seem to have a good sense of the possibilities. You’re right. There are so many reasons to explain the behaviors. Getting Marty’s attention going in another direction is a great idea.

9. June 10th, 2007 at 11:17 pm
   Carma Dutra said

   This sounds like a too familiar story that is not uncommon when one person receives more recognition than the other.

   It sounds like Marty has two bike shops now and he thinks Steve is sitting pretty. What ever he thinks, I would not fall into the trap and become his couch psychologist. Been there done that.

   I think the best thing to do is tell Marty you are sorry he and Steve are having problems then change the subject. Don’t become involved. Otherwise you may be accused of choosing sides. This could become uglier than a divorce.

   All in all it is sad but the lesson here is to always put agreements and ideas in writing between partners no matter how long you have known them. Handshakes don’t work with everyone.

10. June 11th, 2007 at 2:20 am
    irishlass said

    I wouldn’t be judgemental. I’ve been there with friends who mix business with pleasure — if the business relationship is unsatisfactory to one person the other thinks they are have no right to end it because of the friendship history. And I’ve been there myself, jealous of a friend’s success, but mainly jealous because the friend seemed to value the new friends more than me.

    I encourage people (and myself) to wait out — don’t speak in the heat of emotion. Sometimes time can smooth the edges and friendship can be reconstructed.

11. June 11th, 2007 at 4:43 am
    Mihaela Lica said

    Hmmm… I’m sure Marty still has a few good ideas in his pretty head.

    I’d say, if he wants to blog about it, let him blog about it. In Steve’s place, I’d give credit where due.

    But this is the kind of situation where the truth will not come to light so easy.

    Are there any proofs that Marty came up with the idea? OK, he is the marketing guy, but this doesn’t mean he know everything.

    Anyone could come up with a great marketing idea. Anyone!

12. June 11th, 2007 at 5:33 am
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Carma!
    Great point about avoiding the psychologist role. It does seem a bit dangerous, especially if you want to stay friends with Steve too.

    Your advice to get a business relationship in writing is wise. Though it’s sad that such a long-term relationship requires one.

13. June 11th, 2007 at 5:36 am
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Irishlass!
    It’s nice to hear your counsel to wait out the heat of the moment. We can do things in anger or andrenaline that we would never do when we’re feeling calm and “rational.” Often the ones we hurt are ourselves — we act smaller and less than the people we really are.

    I’d like you for friend.

14. June 11th, 2007 at 5:44 am
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Mihaela,
    I hear you. I’m still stuck on why Marty so cares about the idea he “gave.”

    If Marty did indeed give Steve the idea, why begrudge him that? If I gave you an idea and you found success or you gave me and I did, I can’t imagine either of us wishing to take it back or declaring ownership.

    So many people have piles of ideas that they never execute. They talk ideas day after day. They have 1000s to my one. But they never make an idea happen.

    I often give ideas way . . . they are ones that I can’t use or don’t have time to pursue in following my own path. I would feel small trying to claim ownership of an idea that someone else them made into a success story — after all, when I had that idea I did nothing.

    What I’m saying is, does it really matter as long as Steve didn’t “take” Marty’s idea out from under him, which is not what Marty is saying. I think Marty should be quiet.

15. June 11th, 2007 at 9:18 am
    irishlass said

    thanks Liz for your friendship.

    I agree with you about idea sharing. We all are probably idea givers - that’s why we blog - we like to share. But, when I give an idea away and it becomes successful, I may want to brag a little, but mainly I feel parental pride.

16. June 11th, 2007 at 10:22 am
    Mike said

    Liz,

    I can’t add much to comment #14 besides “Bingo”! A great idea is just that: a novel arrangement of electrical charges in your head. How much is that really worth?

    One other thought. In our abundant universe, there are enough ideas and opportunities for everyone. Be happy for whoever they work out for today. They have a way of benefiting us in unexpected ways, too.

    Mike

17. June 11th, 2007 at 10:43 am
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Irishlass!
    Yeah, I know what you mean about feeling some good feelings at someone else’s success . . . I recently helped some get to bigger ideas. He’s now doing more than he ever expected. I think it’s so very cool. I’m smiling just to write about it now! Every time he tells me more I want to savor the details of what is happening for him.

18. June 11th, 2007 at 10:45 am
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Mike!
    Ideas are plentiful. I sure agree with that! Finding someone who executes and makes something happen is another thing. He gets most of the credit in my book — if only because he’s the one who stood up, put in the energy, and took the risk.

19. June 11th, 2007 at 1:46 pm
    Mihaela Lica said

    To answer your: I’m still stuck on why Marty so cares about the idea he “gave.”…

    He cares because, obviously, Steve makes money with it. Marty envies Steve’s success and his financial freedom. This has nothing to do with moral codes and what you would do. It is pure greed. He will never be quiet (if he really gave that idea) because he is blaming himself for not making a profit out of it. Do I make any sense?

20. June 11th, 2007 at 2:45 pm
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Mihaela!
    You make total sense. I just have trouble with people who think that way. I know you do too.

21. June 11th, 2007 at 5:29 pm
    Juggling Frogs said

    This is a sad scenario. If only Marty could have gotten behind Steve’s success, they both would have profited.

    Marty could have sold the his bikes as the “Wheels that make the SuperCyberCycling Tax Man turn.” He could have offered a special sale of bikes on April 15th. They could have continued to help one another.

    If Marty does decide to blog about this, he should be prepared for his audience to side with Steve. He should be prepared for Steve to blog about his own side of the story, if he chooses.

    All in all, it is a sad story, when you consider what might have been.

22. June 11th, 2007 at 8:56 pm
    ME Strauss said

    it is a sad story. I do like your scenarios of a positive outcome. And I think your prediction of what will happen if Marty does blog is on the money. People understand situations such as this one all too well and won’t have much tolerance for ranting about it. Unless of course, they’re Marty’s family.

23. June 11th, 2007 at 9:52 pm
    Juggling Frogs said

    Well, Marty’s family probably knows Steve very well, since they’ve been best friends since kindergarten. They’d probably side with Steve, too. He probably does their taxes.

24. June 11th, 2007 at 10:20 pm
    ME Strauss said

    Whoa! If Steve does their taxes, they’d better side with Steve . . . bye Marty.

25. June 17th, 2007 at 6:42 pm
    Bloggy Question 52: They Read My Diary! - Liz Strauss at Successful Blog - Thinking, writing, business ideas . . . You’re only a stranger once. said

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