February 18, 2009
How’s Your Relationship with Yourself?
ME Liz Strauss wrote this at 1:15 pm
Communicating with Yourself
by Karl Staib
To get yourself to the next level of your career, the most important development is to be able to communicate with yourself so honestly and effectively that every choice improves your life.
Wow! Every choice?
Yes, every choice can add or subtract to or from your career.
I’ve made many mistakes with my career, but one thing I pride myself on is the fact that I never settled for less than what I really wanted. I wanted a career in teaching and I found it. I wanted a creative career I landed it. I wanted a people interactive career and I got it.
They all built on each other and helped me get to where I wanted.
I’ve found a job that requires teaching, creativity and interactivity. These are the tools that have aided me in my present career. Is this the end?
Probably not.
I’m ok with not knowing whether of not this is my final destination. That’s what honesty does for you. Chances are, you won’t ever see the complete picture. There is no way of seeing the whole picture from just one set of eyes. But you can add to the picture, step back and effectively pick your next direction.
Think of your career as a giant scroll that can never be erased, but the most important part is the last sentence. It’s this sentence that is the present you. Hopefully the happy you. If you aren’t happy then keep improving your story.
Never Stop
You must keep adding to the “story” that is your career. We all have so much potential to change the world. We can do this only through work. What? I can change the world in many other ways. I ask you to name me one way in which you can make change without putting in a little work?
You can’t.
You need to create motion to generate change.
Without action it’s just thoughts.
The number one reason why people are happy at their jobs is because what they produce resonates with their soul. They believe so wholeheartedly that they are doing good that it lifts them to a level of happiness that sets their hearts on fire.
I watched an animal show that highlighted Steve Irwin’s (Crocodile Hunter) pet hospital. One employee sleeps in her office to care for the injured Koala bears. She is so dedicated to saving these animals that she will forgo sleep to feed a Koala every two hours.
Finding this fire is not easy. For 99% of us this takes many years, but that means never settling for second best or third best. We need to keep adding layers that build our career foundation. With each layer we gain more perspective, strength and intelligence, which allows us to communicate with ourselves more honestly and effectively.
So ask yourself: What could I be doing to add to my personal development?
My two favorite methods are:
Meditation/Contemplation
Just sitting in a quiet room and answering the question, “What work am I doing now that I enjoy? And what could I be doing to add to my career?”
There are many methods that can help you build on your present career or switch to a new one. You can try anything, from volunteering at a local organization to creating an event that involves the community.
When you give yourself questions to answer, you can avoid the loop of thoughts that prevent you from fulfilling your vision of your “dream career.”
Asking Friends
Your friends are a treasure chest of information. They have formulated many ideas of who you are and why they like you.
Ask your friends, “What are my best talents?” and “Do you think I’m using them to my advantage?”
Don’t take these answers personally. Some responses might hurt your feelings. You are doing this to grow, so you must accept the idea that the situation might be a wee bit uncomfortable, but a valuable experience.
What other methods have you used to listen to your soul’s career needs?
What jobs have you had that you didn’t like, but later you understood how they helped build your career?
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13 Comments to “How’s Your Relationship with Yourself?”





Steve Olson said
Our culture jokes about how only crazy people talk to themselves. I believe it’s crazy not to talk to yourself
John Michael Cannon said
Hey Karl,
Thank you for this post.
Three things have enabled my own self development concerning work.
1) - Introspection: Figuring out who I am, what my strengths are, and what I want.
2) - Researching what is possible.
3) - Taking risks to achieve/learn what I want inspite what others think of me or my ideas.
For me, asking friends hasn’t worked too well because nobody thinks like I do or believes in me like I do. I’ve found that many are crabs in a bucket.
This post got me thinking about how I communicate to myself. Thank you for helping me become aware of my process.
Karl Staib - Work Happy Now said
@ Steve, yes, we need to talk to ourselves more often. There is a dialog going on within ourselves that can teach us sooooo much if we just listen. The only way to do this is to slow down and take the time to find out what’s going on with us.
I love when Liz writes prose because she’s taking the time to listen to herself and share with us.
Shawna R. B. Atteberry said
Thank you Karl. My relationship with myself is not great right now. I need to stop and listen to myself instead of the critics. Great post. Thanks.
John Michael Cannon said
Karl,
Thought I’d comment again… I’m more interactive than the typical commenter. I hope Liz doesn’t mind.
I really like the book, “What To Say When You Talk To Yourself” by Shad Helmstetter.
One way I listen to myself is to hear what it is that I’m telling myself that might not be true. Then, I look for a more true and more empowering thought to replace that negative belief with.
I would give an example but this is already my second comment : )
But the book, The Power of Full Engagement, pgs. 159 - 160 gives a good example of using positive, empowering thoughts concerning work.
Any thoughts about this?
David Atkinson said
Hi Karl,
My relationship with myself is pretty cool as I am always finding ways to improve myself. One of many ways that I use is Wing Chun and Tai Chi.
Thank for an awesome post.
David.
Rob D. said
Newbie here. Great stuff. I see some work I need with my relationship with myself. Great blog!
Karl Staib - Work Happy Now said
@John - I’m a big believer of listening so intently that we see through the lies that we tell ourselves. I’ve told myself so many lies so I could believe a story that wasn’t quite true. When we understand what habits we keep falling back on we can avoid this pitfall.
For example I tell myself that a co-worker doesn’t like me because I ask too many questions.
That answer might not be completely true. If I’m just trying to find out more details there is nothing wrong with asking questions. Maybe it’s not me who has the problem, but the person who takes my questions the wrong way.
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Kevin Boon said
Definitely a good post… nothing wrong with meditation contemplation and the inner search. I would add moving your life in the direction you want with small steps is a good approach. Sometimes going too fast towards our passion can be overwhelming.
Kevin
Karl Staib - Work Happy Now said
@Kevin - I agree. Too fast too soon is overwhelming. I know I grow impatient because I haven’t been able to quit my job and work on my blog and speaking career full time. But looking back on everything I realize that I wasn’t ready 6 months ago. I’m getting closer and I’m getting more excited every single day.
diabetes man said
thanks …very useful posting, I often find the hard situation about my relationships especially in my office..
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