“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!”
This week was week of the same conversation. Clients — businesses and individuals — were stuck in the noise. They had lost or never found their signal. They didn’t know who they were trying to be. I kept hearing about folks being everything for everyone, doing everything that everyone could need.
When I’d say, “So what, who, does that make you?”
The answer came back in a passel of words — mushy and undefined — unfocused and noisy. The answer was really. “We’ll be whatever, whomever they want us to be.”
They were floating without direction, changing ideas with every shiny new thing. Wandering aimlessly. What they couldn’t see is that no one else has the information, inclination, or time to do the work for them. To the rest of us they are so much noise with out signal.
We all have too much noise. Road traffic, little hassles, things that break and don’t work as they should. What we look for in the people and businesses that attract us is a clear signal of who they are and what they do. That let’s us know that we can count on them to be what they say they will be.
All winter the tiny crocus only does one thing — gather nourishment so that every spring it can show us outstanding flowers. A crocus knows what it does and it does it beautifully — without saying a thing. That strong purpose — that signal — makes the noise around crocus fade into irrelevancy. People who love crocuses know them, seek them out, and bring them home to their gardens and their fields.
Have a strong signal and rise above the noise.
What’s the one thing that you want to be known for? What’s signal sets you above the noise?
I like sky. It gives me perspective. I think of the stars and how even the tiniest of them shines. It’s their nature to do that. They don’t worry or question whether the star to them is brighter, bigger, or doing something they should be doing.
It’s true. We’re made of the same stuff as stars.
When we’re true to ourselves, we shine like the stars do. We’re focused. We move with what’s inside and what’s true.
When we’re too involved in what folks are thinking and doing, it throws us off. Trying to keep up with other folks thoughts and feelings is impossible and overwhelming. It skews us. It changes our vision. We see inconsequential actions as huge events.
We put the “self” in self doubt.
That throws our whole universe into chaos.
You see, the universe isn’t meant to revolve around us.
The Black Hole
The black hole — a negative funk and flat out of energy.
We’re riding high, making dreams, and seeing the future bend to our wishes. Then something changes things. We lose a job, leave a lover, get sick, get scared, or work our way into mess and can’t find our way out. We’re disconnected from everything, including ourselves.
We try to reason, but we argue for why we’re stuck. We can name every part of the problem that’s outside of us. We close our eyes to anything that will help. We make the black hole even darker.
It’s hard to shine in a black hole.
What Makes Staying in a Black Hole So Appealing?
I know. I’ve been there. Here’s what I know –> Getting out can seem hard. Staying can seem safe. Yet, as comfortable as holing away can be — black holes don’t let the light in.
Hiding in a black hole of self-doubt, has its appeal. Black holes keep us from facing these challenges and realities …
that folks might discount the dimensions of our devastation.
that we own part of the situation.
that we have control to change things.
that we’ll have to let people watch us learning.
we have to lay down our pain, our embarassment, and give again.
Ben Franklin said, “Things that hurt, instruct.”
And people and stars are made of the same stuff.
But hanging in black hole is stressful, boring, and unattractive. It makes us negative and unhappy. When we’re unhappy enough, those challenges won’t be such a burden. We’ll blast out all at once, because we’re hungry for direction, energy, and hope.
Blasting out of a black hole is a decision. Here’s how to execute once you find a black hole of self-doubt isn’t a place worth being.
Open your eyes and tell yourself off. Let the light in. You get to decide how happy you’ll be. Own your life.
Do something for someone. Be generous. Get out of the center of your universe and back into orbit. You’ll lighten up.
Make promises to the person you are AND keep them. Prove your integrity to yourself. Everyone else will see that shine through.
Find out what other folks can teach you. Learn why someone cares about something you find insignificant. Learn how to say what you feel.
Change your mind. Quit problem thinking. Argue for solutions. Align your goals with the the people you trust.
Listen with your whole being. Listen for what people are not saying. Listen to what your actions are saying. Learn to laugh when you hear yourself whine.
Make a small child smile. You were a child once. You know how.
A wise person once told me that change is the only constant. If we know nothing lasts we don’t attach too tightly. We value ideas and people. When we shine, it lets others know they can shine too.
When it is high tide, we climb some stairs to get from Rainbow Bay to Greenmount Beach.
On Friday as we were climbing the stairs I said to Des: “We don’t have an idea for Beach Notes this week. As we walked along the path we noticed some tourists photographing a bush turkey in a tree. Bush turkeys are usually seen scurrying around the ground, making what we call a mess, throwing dirt onto the pathway, but for them is just part of making their nest.
An idea came to mind, talk turkey: To speak frankly and get down to the basic facts of a matter.
Des often says one of the things he loves about me is my openness and honesty. He tells other people that “what you will get with Suzie is how it is: you mightn’t like it but you will always know where you stand.”
Recently I have been some conversations with myself on this exact topic. Have I been talking frankly with myself or have I been in a slight state of delusion?
Sometimes it is easier for me to “talk turkey” to an other than to myself.
Des was saying at this time of global economic anxiety, instead of trying to compete harder in the Red Oceans of existing market focus we should look for or create Blue Oceans of new opportunity.
An example from the Blue ocean strategy book is how Yellow Tail wines, from an until then little-known company Casella Wines, took the American alcoholic beverages market by storm.They did this precisely, not by competing with powerful, entrenched wine companies, but by way of a market strategy which targeted people the US wine companies had ignored or neglected.
His example of a Red Ocean (red because of blood in the water) was where so many many people selling services in the social media field target younger audiences, the growing market of baby boomers using social media is not being similarly targeted.
People will tell you that you’re not good enough. Are you going to believe them?
They’ll tell you that it can’t be done. It will take too long. It will cost too much …
too much time, too much money, too much of what you ain’t got.
Will you believe that too?
You can, you can go with what they tell you.
But why?
People will say that you don’t have the right stuff. Are you going to feel wrong?
They’ll tell you need something. It might be anything. It might everything …
a top tier degree, a fancy pedigree, a shiny something that you never saw.
Will you feel worthless too?
Look up.
Just beyond the stars is the cartwheel nebula.
Can you believe those colors are real?
But they are and they are right above us in the sky.
Folks might want to convince that the time isn’t right or you’re not good enough.
Are you going to believe them? Or Are you going to show them?
It’s a helluva lot of work to make something beautiful.
But …
People and stars are made of the same stuff.
