A Superstar Conversationalist? Who Me?
Chris Brogan, no shrinking violet, called his blog post 39,000 comments. He said it was the first thing I said. It wasn’t really. I talked about Becky McCray and Darren Rowse, and all of the people who come here. The comments were just what caught his attention.
Then in the comments to that post, Phil Gerbyshak — the all-time relationship geek, not a quiet job — named me a superstar conversationalist.
I hear my older brothers translating . . . kid, they’re saying you can’t shut up.
Seven Secrets of a Superstar Conversationalist
Writing or talking about what we know isn’t a problem for most folks. People don’t ask me how to do that. What they ask is How do you get folks to talk back?
Here are seven of my secrets.
Secret 1. Be an enthusiastic learner.
The words of folks who stand at the podium and talk down to me never sound like conversation. They sound more like a lecture. Who wants to be lectured by an expert? It’s more fun to talk to a friend who knows.
Learners, on the other hand, are magnetically attractive. They’re not intimidating. They offer a subtle invitation to participate. I know if I stick around I might find something I never knew before. Learners ask me questions they really want to know the answer to. When they get an answer, they ask more.
Secret 2 Be imperfectly human.
Don’t finish up every blog post so perfectly that I have no room to answer. Make that list with what you know, but don’t research it to death so that I can’t add to it. I want to talk to you too. Conversation always means you say something. Then I add what I know to it. We do it together.
A conversation is always started, constantly revised, and never finished. We don’t tie our conversations up with a bow and hand them in to our 8th grade teacher. Let’s not do that with our blog posts either.
Secret 3. Be an active listener.
What is a conversation if I’m talking to myself? . . . hearing voices and talking to them? Isn’t that a sign of something?
People are the most important part of any conversation. I listen with every cell. I try to crawl inside the experience they’re relating. I’ve discovered so much about the world and myself, and most of all, the folks who come to visit, by taking the time to listen and answering back. I answer and ask questions to make sure that I understood what I heard. Comments are just like real-life conversation.
Secret 4 Be an easy laugher.
Laughter makes the world turn easier. It gets the chemsitry in our brains going. We type faster and smile when we do. We connect and feel safer when we laugh together. My husband often says to me, “You’re smiling at your computer again.”
Secret 5 Be you.
I make a bad version of you. You make a bad version of me. Somehow we make a perfectly incredible versions of the unique individuals who we are.
Blog your experience. Put your head and heart in what you write. If I tell my authentic truth and myunique view, no one can argue with that. Folks can’t help but respect it — the folks I want to interact with anway.. They want to know they they can tell theirs too. It sounds counterintuitive, but the more a writer tells his or her individual experience, the more people can identify with it.
Secret 6 Be a cheerleader, a bartender, a friend, a host.
Make a place where folks can be who they are. Make it about THEM. Be glad to see them. Be proud of their accomplishments. Have faith in their endeavors. If you care about their lives, they will care too. They’ll also care about yours and each others’. That’s how communities form.
Secret 7 Be nice.
I couldn’t leave that out — could I?
It hardly takes much to be gracious. Communities and conversations really build themselves. We don’t build them. If we stop trying to control them and let people know we’re not afraid to hear what they have to say in respect and honest communication. Amazing thing can truly happen.
I know. 39,000 comments was a long time ago.
I don’t really count comments. I count friends, and who could ever have enough of them?
C’mon let’s talk!
What did you right before you read this post? It had to be more interesting than reading about me.
–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!
What a nice entry. It really brings out you true spirit. I’d call it Liz’s self portrait. π
These special human features you listed here make the best foundation for gaining trust and respect.
Liz, you are a true inspiration. π
Hi Mihael1a,
I didn’t mean to publish this until later. Goes to show you how much I like to talk! π
Liz,
We know you need to keep up with your 18 posts a day. No need to explain yourself here =)
#8 Be Lovable. That’s the true reason we keep coming back here, we love you.
Those are very helpful tips, Liz. Blogging is really helping me overcome my resistance to Secret 2. The idea of leaving a piece of writing unfinished or inconclusive used to bother me to no end. Blogs are wonderful because the conversation brings a topic to its natural conclusion (or not). Blogging takes the pressure off me to know all the answers. Have fun in Southern Cal!
I agree with Brad – I struggle with conclusions in my writing. Now I feel I have the freedom to leave them open for comments!
#9…. Be interested.. not interesting π
gp in montana
Right before this post I thought “Oh! I have 2 unread posts from Liz in my reader! I wonder what she has to say!”
I think Secret 6, Be a cheerleader, a bartender, a friend, a host stands out to me the most as YOU. That’s why I love coming here every day and why you’re one of my favorite people in the blogosphere–you make me feel special! I always say that, but it’s so true I had to say it again π
Knowing now that the number is probably like 75,000 or something, I just wanted to say that your post really motivated me to think on this further, and I’m grateful to know you.
I bet you’d make a great person to show businesses how to communicate and drive value from such.
I’m committing to increasing #4 by an order of magnitude (if that’s possible)! LOL
Oh, and right before I read this post I was debugging stock industry ranking algorithms. Fun, huh?
Wow! You guys. I sure am glad you found this useful!
Alex, the love goes both ways!
Hey Brad, Yeah. It took me a while to get used to not finishing things out too, but once I did. I learned so much more. And it is more fun!!
Hi Nathania, Just because we blog, doesn’t mean we know the conclusion to everything. . . . let’s let our world of the Internet help us.
GP! You never need many words to get the message perfectly! Yeah!! I like your #9!
Lauren Marie, Thank you. I look forward to having you around here too. π
Mr. Brogan, You are best recommendation a lady could ask for. π
Oh Mike! That magnitude of laughing with will be so much fun!!!
From your post: “My husband often says to me, Γ’β¬ΕYouΓ’β¬β’re smiling at your computer again.Γ’β¬Β
That made me laugh, very funny! :o)
Great tips.
HI Liz
He really does say that to me all of the time! Glad it made you laugh!
My first comment here!
My favorite commentors on my site are the ones that make me laugh. Some of them do it with regularity.
When I laugh out loud for real, lol seems so inadequate. I often send an email, “You made me laugh out loud for real. Well done.”
I think I could improve on leaving my posts unfinished. Like Brad above, it’s counterintuitive for me, but I’ll make the effort.
You got it right, there, Liz! You’re the best blogging bartender! I’ll take a Mojito, or whatever you happen to be serving up tonight! π
For all the negative’s that are implied about folks who are attached to their computers blogging all day, I am finding the blogosphere rather warm and fuzzy – the human part, the head and heart part, the having a personal view has been wonderfully well rec’d – who knew?? Besides I did leave my computer several times today – so there!!
Mother Earth
http://www.bestwellnessconsultant.com
A mojito for you Sully! no problem! π
Ah Mother Earth,
It’s not about computer time. It’s about the love. End of story. π
In the computer or out. π
Hey Checkc #15,
My husband sure notices when someone makes me laugh . . . wich is often. He’ll often ask. Other times he’ll just shake his head and know better. . . .
Conversation always has us throwing the ball back to each other. Instead of trying to tie things up, why not talk about what you’re most cuious about on the subject? Sometimes that works for me. π
I do feel at home here. You have a unique way of encouraging people to be themselves and show that true core to the world. Even if I have a different opinion, you are not the type to shut people up without looking at the problem from all possible perspectives. And I agree with the Be Lovable reason π
Hi Alina!
Thanks! I like people and I like to keep them around. we’re pretty fascinating and easy to learn things from. π
Thanks for saying that. π
Thanks Liz.
Do you use any special comment responder plugin that would make responding to comments easier?
Better Comments Manager is a great wordpress plugin that lets you edit and reply to comments from the admin screen.
Hey, you just gave away the secret sauce! π
but that’s just so like you.
It’s awesome. This is something we should read everyday before we blog.
Vern
Hi Sully!
I am my own comment responder. π That’s why my responder is sometimes slow. π
Oh Vernon,
I didn’t say anything you’ve not already proven you know. π
π You’re very good Liz. Behind every great woman is a great man. Sounds like your husband is very supportive. That helps a lot!
Hi Sully!
Thanks! My husband lives with me . . . so he does have that slight sanity problem. π
What a great list. Every time I catch myself thinking “I wish I was more like so and so”, I’ll think of #5
p.s. I don’t think your Becky link works at the top of the post
Hi Michaelle!
Yeah, I need to remind myself of stuff like that all of the time too.
Thanks for letting me know about Becky’s link. That www. can make a real difference! π
Right before this post, I read another article by you Liz, plus the comments. As you always say, at least half the show is in the comments. You keep us talking about EVERYTHING, including Y-O-U!
Superstar!
Hey Phil,
You and I belong in a room complimenting each other. π
You’re no wallflower, yourself. π
Gosh! It’s so hard to be an easy laughter! =D