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Getting Comments: Seven Secrets of a Superstar Conversationalist

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A Superstar Conversationalist? Who Me?

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Chris Brogan, no shrinking violet, called his blog post 39,000 comments. He said it was the first thing I said. It wasn’t really. I talked about Becky McCray and Darren Rowse, and all of the people who come here. The comments were just what caught his attention.

Then in the comments to that post, Phil Gerbyshak — the all-time relationship geek, not a quiet job — named me a superstar conversationalist.

I hear my older brothers translating . . . kid, they’re saying you can’t shut up.

Seven Secrets of a Superstar Conversationalist

Writing or talking about what we know isn’t a problem for most folks. People don’t ask me how to do that. What they ask is How do you get folks to talk back?

Here are seven of my secrets.

    Secret 1. Be an enthusiastic learner.
    The words of folks who stand at the podium and talk down to me never sound like conversation. They sound more like a lecture. Who wants to be lectured by an expert? It’s more fun to talk to a friend who knows.

    Learners, on the other hand, are magnetically attractive. They’re not intimidating. They offer a subtle invitation to participate. I know if I stick around I might find something I never knew before. Learners ask me questions they really want to know the answer to. When they get an answer, they ask more.

    Secret 2 Be imperfectly human.
    Don’t finish up every blog post so perfectly that I have no room to answer. Make that list with what you know, but don’t research it to death so that I can’t add to it. I want to talk to you too. Conversation always means you say something. Then I add what I know to it. We do it together.

    A conversation is always started, constantly revised, and never finished. We don’t tie our conversations up with a bow and hand them in to our 8th grade teacher. Let’s not do that with our blog posts either.

    Secret 3. Be an active listener.
    What is a conversation if I’m talking to myself? . . . hearing voices and talking to them? Isn’t that a sign of something?

    People are the most important part of any conversation. I listen with every cell. I try to crawl inside the experience they’re relating. I’ve discovered so much about the world and myself, and most of all, the folks who come to visit, by taking the time to listen and answering back. I answer and ask questions to make sure that I understood what I heard. Comments are just like real-life conversation.

    Secret 4 Be an easy laugher.
    Laughter makes the world turn easier. It gets the chemsitry in our brains going. We type faster and smile when we do. We connect and feel safer when we laugh together. My husband often says to me, “You’re smiling at your computer again.”

    Secret 5 Be you.
    I make a bad version of you. You make a bad version of me. Somehow we make a perfectly incredible versions of the unique individuals who we are.

    Blog your experience. Put your head and heart in what you write. If I tell my authentic truth and myunique view, no one can argue with that. Folks can’t help but respect it — the folks I want to interact with anway.. They want to know they they can tell theirs too. It sounds counterintuitive, but the more a writer tells his or her individual experience, the more people can identify with it.

    Secret 6 Be a cheerleader, a bartender, a friend, a host.
    Make a place where folks can be who they are. Make it about THEM. Be glad to see them. Be proud of their accomplishments. Have faith in their endeavors. If you care about their lives, they will care too. They’ll also care about yours and each others’. That’s how communities form.

    Secret 7 Be nice.
    I couldn’t leave that out — could I?

It hardly takes much to be gracious. Communities and conversations really build themselves. We don’t build them. If we stop trying to control them and let people know we’re not afraid to hear what they have to say in respect and honest communication. Amazing thing can truly happen.

I know. 39,000 comments was a long time ago.

I don’t really count comments. I count friends, and who could ever have enough of them?

C’mon let’s talk!

What did you right before you read this post? It had to be more interesting than reading about me.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!

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121: How a Colossal Mistake Taught Me 3 Keys of Blogging and SEO

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Boy, Was that a Bad Idea!

Lately some folks have felt defeated, wondering whether their readers have left them. Dawud tackled that question in his post, What To Do When People Aren’t Paying Attention To Your Blog? Did you see it? His advice was right on the money.

When Dawud finished his counsel, he tossed the ball back here with this question.

What have you thought would work on your blog that bombed with your readers? And what did you learn from it?

Oh my! Many things have bombed, and I just let them go. But those don’t make for interesting stories. For me, only one stands out as the Bomb of the Century.

How a Colossal Mistake Taught Me 3 Keys of Blogging and SEO

It’s been long enough now that no aftershocks will come from speaking of it. At the time it was noisy and I owned no small part of it. It happened just a few short weeks after I started at Successful Blog and just a few short months after I wrote my very first blog post.

I tried to do a series on SEO when I couldn’t even spell it yet.
It wasn’t pretty, but in the end, it was beautiful.

The story goes something like this:

It was the wild, early days of the blogosphere, not even the trains had arrived yet. I think there were 15 million blogs about then. Picture me in Mankato, Minnesota, straight out of “Little House on the Prairie.”

I had done a popular series on Blog Promotion and maybe I was a tiny bit pleased with myself. I decided the next week would be on SEO. I had no clue what I was doing. I asked a friend to help — a young man from the UK, a programmer, not an SEO guy. He was as new to blogging as I was. Neither of us understood what we were taking on.

I announced the series. It got some attention.

One post in the series delivered information on metatags that was totally, entirely, and unabashedly out-of-date. The musicians, the sales folks, and the kindly tech guys began gently correcting the errors via their comments. They were both gracious and gentle with their replies.

Despite their grace, it was not fun nor particularly pretty.

I apologized.

Then, I caught up with my friend, Yaro Starak, and borrowed some of his knowledge to correct the misinformation we had supplied. He was most generous.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the end.

A prominent SEO guy used us as the reason bloggers shouldn’t talk about SEO, leaving out the part where he had been invited to help.

A couple of posts went up from bloggers I still know and respect, who said, “Yep, she was wrong, but you didn’t need to shout her down like that.”

They just stood up like that.

It was about honor and community.

The prominent SEO guy and I talked offline and made peace with each other. He bought me a copy of Aaron Wall’s famous book so that I’d never find myself there again. What a beautiful resolution to the conflict!

The rest of the story is myth and legend of the wild, early blogosphere.

Sure I wish I would have been smarter, more circumspect, but I’m at the same time I’m grateful for the event. I learned these things from that colossal mistake.

  • No one will ever know enough about SEO to go it alone.
  • Conflicts are best handled without an audience.
  • If you build relationships, folks are there when you need them.

I guess, you might call the learning part a success.

Which leads me to the very next question.

What do you do when a commenter seems to misinterpret what you’re saying no matter how hard you try to explain what you mean?

If you’re reading this, I’m not just asking Dawud the question, I’d love to hear your answer too, in the comment box below.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!

One2One is a cross-blog conversation. Find the answer at dawud miracle on Monday. You can see the entire One-2-One Conversation series on the Successful Series page.
In Case You Missed It: Writing 06-13-07

121: From a Blog Writer to a Conversational Dynamo

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Dynamo? Oh Wow!

Sure, Dawud, put me on the spot, why don’t you? . . .

Have you read, Dawud’s latest one-2-one post? He answers the question, Are You Having A Conversation With Your Niche Audience? and he invites you to help him come to his best answer. The conversation in the comments brings up some fabulous thinking on the subject.

Then what does he do? He asks me (and you folks reading) about how I got to be a conversational dynamo. I sort of feel like I’ve been asked to explain what a great kisser I am — whether I am one or not.

His actual question was.

What’s helped you go from just being a writer on a blog to becoming a conversational dynamo?

I won’t waste your time, I’ll pretend like he knows what he’s saying. We all know I can talk and that there are a few comments here and there on my blog. So let’s start from that premise. What makes the conversation happen here? Am I a conversational dynamo or is it smoke and mirrors?

I vote for the second.

Conversation is two or more people talking together. I can talk all I want. That doesn’t mean anyone will listen. Does it? Some days, I feel pretty sure that no one does. So what makes it special when they do?

It’s got to be more than me. Of course, it is. I can only guess at the recipe, but here goes.

A Recipe to Be A Conversational Dynamo

  • Write with one part heart. Put it out there open wide and let everyone see what it is you have to say. Don’t hedge your bets. Know that some days everyone will disagree and that all days some people will not see eye to eye. Be okay with that. Like them anyway. They’ll respect you for that.
  • Then write with another part thinking mind. Offer it without fear and let folks know what you’ve learned lately about life and yourself. Don’t be stingy with your knowledge thinking that one day you’ll need to know more than someone else. People can tell when you’re holding out on them.
  • Lavish it all with room for everyone you meet to be who they are, to come in and change your ideas, and expect them to be every bit their best. Hope they expect it of you.
  • Welcome every person at the door. Call each one by name. Let every one of them know that you are glad he or she is here.
  • Then after you make all of them feel at home, stop talking and listen.
  • Stop talking and listen some more to each one individually.
  • And care about what they say with your head and your heart.

That would be my recipe for becoming a conversational dynamo, if I were to guess how.

I leave you with this question for next week.

What do you do when suddenly no one seems to be paying attention to your blog?

If you’re reading this, I’d love to hear your answer in the comment box below.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!

One2One is a cross-blog conversation. Find the answer at dawud miracle on Monday. You can see the entire One-2-One Conversation series on the Successful Series page.
In Case You Missed It: Writing 06-13-07

121: How Do You Write Compelling Conversational Copy?

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Please Talk to Me!

Dawud, I listen to you talk about your friendship with Adam and I hear the respect you have for him and the work he does. So I know that when you say you helped him, you did more than just give him pointers. You showed up with all you are. I hear it in how you tell the story.

Then you ask me (and the folks reading)

What tips can you offer for writing quality, conversational blog posts and website copy?

Did you know that writing conversationally gets brains to tune in more closely than writing formally? It’s true. Our brains know that in conversation sooner or later they are expected to have a response or an answer. So even if what we’re reading isn’t something that is our favorite subject, we pay more attention when the writer writes in a style that is more like conversation.

The most conversational word form is a contraction. If I did not use contractions, my writing would begin to sound stilted and jerky. People do not avoid contractions when we talk. I will not be avoiding them after I finish this sentence.

Great grammar and good spelling are, of course, important too. Yet, they only make for technical quality. For truly compelling, you have to put yourself into what you’re writing. Here’s how to do that.

  1. Write a clear message first. Let the words come from your mind through your fingers, don’t stop them in your brain on the way out. You can edit them later. Get the message out first.

  2. Write with authenticity. Use your real voice. Use the voice that you think with, not the voice that you talk with. The voice that you think with is closer to your heart.

  3. Tell your own truth, exactly as you know it. Do second guess what other folks might think of it. Trying to read the minds of your readers will only dilute and unravel the power of what you’re saying. Readers who come in good faith will be able to find the place where your experience meets with their own. People are more alike than different. The genuine truth of any story resonates with humanity.

  4. Write for one reader who is a lot like you, but who hasn’t heard your story. Talk to that reader the way you would talk to a person you respect and value. Share your information with sincerity and transparency.

  5. Read aloud what you write. Listen to how it sounds. Change out any words that don’t sound like you. You know your voice and the words that you use. Keep reading it aloud until it sounds exactly like you might have said it — only better.

It’s not the most important thing to have every comma and period perfect. What makes compelling conversation is a truly interested writer who’s engaged and curious. Show up every thought and every word as important to you because someone you care about is going to read it. Your readers will know that you did.

It shows. No one can hide how much you cared or didn’t. Caring is compelling.

I leave you with this question for next week.

When you go around the Internet, what mistake do you see most often?

If you’re reading this, I’d love to hear your answer in the comment box below.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!

One2One is a cross-blog conversation. Find the answer at dawud miracle on Monday. You can see the entire One-2-One Conversation series on the Successful Series page.
In Case You Missed It: Writing 06-13-07

121: Help! I'm Lost — My Business Is Out of Control

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Wandering through the Woods

I just got done reading Dawud’s answer to my question . . . What advice would you give to a friend whose audience wasn’t his niche market group? He laid out a set of six factors that the person might consider to refocus again.

At the end of his article, Dawud left me (and you) with a question.

So Liz, what would you suggest my friend do if they looked around and found themselves lost with their business?

Being lost is not a fun thing. I get that way on a regular basis, so I ought to know.

Whether we’re walking through the woods by the river in my old hometown, or navigating the issues of a business that seems out of control, getting lost is a real situation that we can only deny for so long. Walking in circles doesn’t get us anywhere.

If your friend is stuck, the first I would do is introduce myself and ask him to sit down. Then we’d take a moment to breathe.

I’d let him know that I’m on his side and that no one stays lost for long. He’d get a few minutes to tell me about his journey.

Only a few minutes. . . . no point in spending time talking about what isn’t working, at least not while we’re still lost.

If it’s possible, I get your friend out of his usual work environment. The best would be to get outside where there is sky and trees. Figuring out how to unbundle and unburden chaos is so much easier when we’re not surrounded by human-made things. As a second choice any neutral ground will do.

Then I’d ask, “Who are you What do you love doing? Who loves what you love to do?” My guess is that he’d probably try to tell me why he’s not doing it. I’m kind of relentless at times like that — I wouldn’t let him talk about how he got lost.

You can’t get “unlost” until you know where you are and where you want to go.

Some folks take longer than other folks, but we’d talk until I understood what his answers to those three questions are. All along the conversation, I’d keep checking to make sure that I was hearing what he said.

When we agreed that we both had a clear picture of who he is, what he loves doing, and who loves what he does, then we’d return to the state of his business now.

With the first part decided, the second part becomes easier. Hold up the business to day to see how it’s not doing what we’ve just defined. Then carve the path to bring reality back in line with the definition.

That’s how I’d start to help your friend who is lost.

Many paths lead out of the woods. How would you help a business friend who is lost?

And Dawud, I’ll leave you with this question for next week.

What do you do when your business is going well and close friend’s is not?

If you’re reading this, I’d love to hear your answer too.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!

One2One is a cross-blog conversation. Find the answer at dawud miracle on Monday. You can see the entire One-2-One Conversation series on the Successful Series page.

121: How Do You Use Social Media to Stay Customer Centered?

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Customers Inside Everything

I just got done reading Dawud’s answer to my question . . . What do you want from your business when it grows up? Isn’t he the most amazing?

At the end of his article, Dawud left me (and you) with a question.

How can social media/blogging help businesses stay customer-centered?

You’ve probably noticed that Dawud has uncanny timing.

Here I sit alone in a room just outside of D.C. I’ve spent the past two days and will spend the next two thinking about products, marketing, and customers. I’m launching a new project soon. Questions like this one from Dawud are high and heavy on my mind.

How do I use Social Media to Stay Customer Centered? Not very well actually. But I know a few folks who do it really well. I’ve been watching and listening. Hopefully, I’m picking up a few things. . . . Here’s what I see.

Rodney Rumford commented on Robert Scoble’s video. Rodney’s customers are Facebook citizens. He’s listening to everything they say and responding.

Jeff posted a link about homerooms and social media. Jeff’s post prompted some feedback that added some insights to Jeff’s thoughts on the subject.

Over on Twitter, Chris Brogan asks questions and invites experts to call him.

Folks all over Facebook, LinkedIn, Pownce, and StumbleUpon are asking and answering questions on discussion boards and in personal messages.

You get the idea.

I suppose that there are vast customer groups for whom it would be less than useful to gather information from Social Media. Customers who don’t blog aren’t likely to be well-portrayed or accurately described by a medum on which they don’t participate, (as much as we might think they need to, if that’s our opinion.)

At this moment, I’m still learning. I’m a little shy about social events, even those that are only virtual ones. If you’re not, I’d appreciate any help you offer.

While I stand by the wine and cheese watching, I’ll leave you with this question.

What advice would you give to a friend whose audience wasn’t his niche market group?

If you’re reading this, I’d love to hear your answer too.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!

One2One is a cross-blog conversation. Find the answer at dawud miracle on Monday. You can see the entire One-2-One Conversation series on the Successful Series page.