The Problem
I’ve been thinking self-promotion for months. Wendy, and Jessica, and I discussed it when we went to dinner in January.
Our perceptive, observant sidebar bartender, money guy, JohnFTM has noticed, the same thing I have
you can’t swing a cat in the popular blogosphere without hitting a few clumsy attempts at self-promotion . . .
This situation is not just a problem for those of us who have to listen. It’s a problem for those of us who don’t know what it is about shameless self-promotion that makes it shameless, ineffective, and well, if not outright offensive, then certainly intrusive and unwelcome.
We need to know how to recognize shameless self-promotion so that we can sort it from self-promotion that serves our business. If we can’t tell the two apart, then we’ll always be afraid to talk about what we do. A business that goes undiscussed is a business that has no clients. A business with no clients is either a hobby or it doesn’t exist.
What Makes It Shameless?
Most of us need our businesses to be visible, booked with customers, and making money to pay the rent. With that in mind, we should know the traits of shameless self-promotion — so we can feel safe when we talk about what we do with prospective clients.
Here are some traits and tactics of shameless self promotion.
- Shameless self-promoters focus on mentioning the business continuously, as a name dropper might mention famous people.
- Every conversational response is a talking point about what the shamelessly self-promoted business can do for the listener.
- A shameless self-promoter will sometimes forget to acknowledge that other information has been added to the conversation and will talk right past that information with the features of the business being promoted.
- Shameless self-promoters are rarely listening for the purpose of solving the problems or meeting the needs of prospective customers. Their goal is to sell their product or service needed or not.
- Shameless self-promoters can turn any topic into a sales pitch.
- Shameless self-promoters live to move forward their own agenda. They invest in others only as a last resort to meet their goal.
The shameless part is the total disregard for others. In other words, Shameless Self-Promoters see only the game — not the relationship or the other person’s needs. Shameless self-promoters are focused on getting, not giving. Just now, a friend on the phone said that he had quit hanging around with a guy who became an affiliate marketer, because the guy couldn’t quit selling.
Most folks I know couldn’t shamelessly self-promote, no matter what you paid them. We’re so sensitive to shameless self promotion we don’t ever want to be seen that way. So we always stand as far from that image as we possibly can. Sadly the result is that we often choose instead the other extreme — not to talk about our work at all
I’m planning a post or two in which we can talk about how to talk about what we do without feeling like we’re shamelessly self-promoting.
What do you want me to be sure to include?
–ME “Liz” Strauss
Don’t forget to sign up for SOBCon o7 to see the real deal in person, seats are limited.
Related
See the Brand You series on the Successful Series Page
Good afternoon Liz
It’s a ‘worrying’ topic for me – for everyone with a business heart combined with dignity I think: always worrying that we don’t talk/write/blog too much about ourselves. But as you say: if we don’t talk about our business, who’s going to pay the rent?
Last month at Dawud’s we had kind of the same discussion – which on its own was the result of another discussion.
Hi Karin!
What you say is exactly why I’m going to take this further than one discussion. We’re going deeper to flush how we might get some comfort with talking about what we do. 🙂
Looking forward to that Liz, so I can get more relaxed about having to talk about my company (me and my company, two peas in a pot) so much 😉
I am too. I’m hoping we all get involved in telling what works for us.
My aversion to self-promotion probably costs me a lot of readers but, on the other hand, I consider my blog a success as long as I’m enjoying writing for it.
Hi Brian,
We’re going to figure out how to talk about ourselves without selling. After all, we can tell our friends what do and not feel like we’re trying to get them to buy something. 🙂
Liz, I like how Heidi Miller turns the subject around. When she talks about shameless self promotion she means promoting yourself in a way that there is no shame associated with it, not just ignoring your own sense of shame resulting from your obnoxious bumbling.
Maybe you could talk about some way we can promote ourselves that won’t produce the shame? Or is that even possible?
Yes, Chris,
That’s exactly the plan. How to promote ourselves so that it feels natural to talk about what we do without self-consciousness.
First I’m going to touch on what get us all tied up in the mess that it does.
I’d love to hear more talk about successful blogging when the goal is not sales but advocacy of an idea (in my case a particular therapy approach). My blog’s purpose is to inform parents of something I get no money from. And I’m still awkward about the self-promotion idea.
Hi Laura,
We all seem to have these tape recordings in our head that say it’s wrong to talk about what we do well, except to our closest friends, who “forgive” us when we do. 🙂
But if we never let people know –especially ourselves how do we even get opportunities to grow? These are some of the questions that are hiding in what we’re not saying.
I love it – this is an awesome conversation to have.
While there are always going to be people who shamelessly self-promote in a calculated kind of way, there are many who miss opportunities to positively self-promote – because they themselves don’t recognize great self-promotion when they see it (which I think is partly the nature of good self-promotion). -j
Great point, John,
I think more folks miss the opportunities to self-promote than there are folks who shamelessly self-promote. Some of us actually see the opportunities and don’t know how to respond to them. Some try to respond and get caught in a web of mistakes and self-consciousness. Some of us realize the opportunites after they’ve passed, and think “Oh Ishould have said. . .”
All of it starts with understanding who we are and what we do, and knowing when and how it’s okay to say so. 🙂
I’d love to hear more of what you’re thinking.
SO, so important – if we don’t self-promote elegantly, we have 2 choices (like you pointed out):
1-Self Promote INelegantly
2-Don’t self promote
BOTH of those scenarios risk losing readers and credibility. The first for the obvious and not-so obvious reasons you just mentioned.
If we don’t self promote, it sends a signal to our readers that we aren’t comfortable with it – and that leads them also to question whether THEY should be comfortable with hiring you!
Hi Wendy!
Exactly if I don’t believe in me, why the heck should you? We’re hoping that I have a little more information about me than you might.
Being with you makes me more comfortable about the idea of working with you, because you can articulate your value and I can say “Oh I need that value over here in my life.”
It’s as if we can all play the great part in the play, but we don’t know how to audition to get it. We could all pass at the best college, but we’re no good at the entrance exam . . . It doesn’t have to be that way.
Liz, for me self promotion works when it is tied to my highest intention, and not directly to landing money in my pocket.
If we tie our reason for being (in business) with the clients agenda (need) then we generate conversations and relationships. The languaging in our meetings, talks, emails, blog posts, etc., then emerge as authentic expressions with complete integrity. We’re building relationships, and what we say will have the feel of an invitation. An open door.
And then…if I am in business as a mason and my intention is to create works of beauty, precision and quality, and I don’t ever ask for the work, I will have neither money in my pocket nor work that demonstrates my commitment to my bigger calling. I will have no credibility.
Woot! You got me started.
Hey Liz – I attempted shamelessly self promoting on my blog before… but I guess I failed hur. I bursted out with laughter. 😀
I guess the the line between what is shameless and what is not is like what goes between confidence and arrogance. Its a game of tact.
Hi Lisa!
Good point! When we’re in best intentions, we’re not thinking about ourselves and so talking about what do come easily, dossn’t it? It does become an invitation. How nicely you put that. 🙂
I’m glad I got you started . . . you brough some really nice insights to this conversation. Thank you. Thank you friend.
Hey Kian Ann!
Arrogance. Well said. Why didn’t I think of that? 🙂
You didn’t think of it because it is so far removed from who you are!
I like how Wendy put it, elegant self-promotion.
It seems like it comes down to a few things:
– Truly knowing what value you bring to the table
– Respecting others and the value they bring
– Being comfortable in your own skin
– Basic politeness and social skills
Hi Chris!
Thank you. What a nice thing to say. 🙂
Yep those are the key, killer combination. If you can keep those qualities in the forefront talking about what you do gets a whole lot easier.
Good topic, Liz,
Maybe one question to ask is “What–or who–are you thinking about when you sit down to blog?”
and/or, “Do you write even though you have nothing to say at the moment?” That would seem a bit narcissistic and shamelessly self-indulgent!
I started blogging to find out what I had to say. Really. And then I started sifting through the posts to see what might be useful or helpful to other people. So that’s kind of the measure now: “Will this post serve others and reflect well on my practice?”
After 30 years in business, it is still clear to me that offering something of value to others is the only way to be seen as a valuable consultant–and as a person with values.
I’m really looking forward to your question and the responses.
Hi Steve!
learning how to deal with self-promotion IS about knowing our value — you’ve nailed that and about communicating it effectively. 🙂
It’s going to ge a fun exploration!
Those are all useful points. It can be a fine line between proper marketing and conceited disregard for anything but one’s own interests.
I recently put together a widget for blogs in my niche and felt really awkward about announcing it for fear of running into these issues. But I think I was worried about nothing–often shameless self-promotion can be judged by the reaction it gets and the tool has been well-received. Few people respond to the shameless variety while honest, legitimate marketing gets a response and interest from readers.
I think those of us who are very aware of it, never do it. I HATE IT, when I am at a social party, and casually ask someone what they do, to make conversation, and they say they are a realtor and shove a card in my hand.
If you are like most people, you probably already have a realtor or know someone in the business. If I want your card, I will ask for your card. – I never shove my card in someone hands unless they ask for it or express an interest in what I do.
There is usually a time and place for self-promotion. I wish people would be more aware of that. – A friend of mine always ask’s, what is the exchange? Or what can I do for you? Not, what’s in it for me?
Hi Michelle,
Often it’s the honest authentic presentation that wins the day in the end. People know when you mean to share with them something useful and when you mean to take advantage. Sometimes we get self-conscious ovethinking ourselves, don’t we?
Liz – Perhaps it’s not about two kinds of self-promotion as it is about promoting one’s self vs. promoting a valuable service or product.
I have no problem promoting my service because I know it has real value and I feel fortunate that I am able to provide it!
Hi Derrick!
There is a time and place for self-promotion — and ALWAYS is not the answer. 🙂
Give first and look out for the other person, have someone’s goals as your own would win my heart. Yours too, I bet, eh, Derrick?
How to talk about what we do without being a shameless self-promoter?
I know I sometimes think that my areas of and levels of expertise are evident to people just by example, without telling them more. How do we know when it’s time to “tell”, to elaborate as well as “show”?
I also wish we could all be more open and straightforward in introductions. Those elevator speeches that are so popular don’t always help. To me it couches their true value in ambiguity. “I help people send a clear message by means of technology.” Oh, so you’re a microphone, a cell phone salesman, an interpreter for the deaf, a programmer, or maybe a blogger? Who knows?
Hi Francie,
I think we tell people what gets us jazzed about what we do — not how we’re going to change their lives. People don’t necessarily want us to change them. 🙂
Hi Bob!
I didn’t mean to jump over you! I think it does make a difference between promoting oneself and promoting a product or a service. But in order to do the latter, I also think you have to feel comfortable in your own skin. 🙂
Hi Liz,
Do you mean that in reference to the elevator speech?
What about my first question – knowing when to elaborate more? I think that’s a good one.
Hold back too much and you miss the opportunity for notice. Step it up too soon or too “loud” initially and you’re shameless.
Hi Francie,
Sorry, I was agreeing with your reference to the downsides of elevator speeches.
Sorry to make you repeat. I took your questions as rhetorical . . . All of the issues about telling too much and too little don’t seem to happen when we’re talking to friends, do they? They happen when we’re talking to people that we don’t know and who’s approval we have made more important than our own. That’s the key.
Liz, I think a positive aspect of self-promotion is to just smile when talking to people. Sell yourself as a likeable human being and be sincere so when the question arises, “Oh, by the way what do you do for a living?” You can exchange business cards.
You can join other groups in addition to writing groups. Get involved in your community as a whole. I found this works very well.
wow… great topic folks. shameless self promotion always causes me to think “sheister” or better yet “huckster”… the plugger really could care less about you (except for your dollar). I find when I talk about the B&B as was previously said “with highest intention”, it just flows naturally .
Word of mouth takes on new meaning !:)
GP in Montana
“whoââ¬â¢s approval we have made more important than our own.”
Well, that’s true. Guess it speaks to being true to yourself. No shame in that!
Liz, you are so insightful. I’m going to think on that one while I go send a couple of “shameless self-promoting” emails. Taking that phrase literally, it’s a good thing!
Hi Karma!
Smiling and likeability are a huge part of self-promotion that too many of us don’t do enough of. A smile goes a long, long way to make a face one that I want to remember and maybe even work alongside of.
Joining people who do the same thing helps, but that doesn’t qualify as self-promotion, not really. 🙂
Hi GP,
Sheister, huckster . . . “couldn’t care less for you” . . . I guess you have the self-promoter nailed in that definition. Good on you GP!
The highest intention makes what we do easy to mention.
A poetic line for the friend in Montana. 🙂
Self promoting without shame . . . now Francie, that is a good thing. 🙂
What an interesting discussion, and I agree with what’s said here. Thanks Liz and commentors! As to your question?
It seems to me that a tactic which gets folks further ahead than self-promotion, is simply to support people in unique ways. How so?
In the brain based business, I like to …
1. Show brain facts behind what people already do well
2. Finish a post with a question that welcomes more discussion – rather than add answers from what we do
3. Leave people with the sense that my chief goal is support –
Self promotion is shameless and leads nowhere – but genuine support can often grow into a collaboration or a project. Better still – that support – freely given – forms the foundations of friendship or “clienship” that satisfies in mutually beneficial ways.
What do you think?
Hi Ellen,
I think that what you’re saying makes complete sense and it should be a blog post. 🙂
Oh Liz,
I love this post so very much – from the first word to the last – that I had to break from my writing and comment ASAP. Guess I’m late, again! =)
I’m not very good at self-promotion, not because I lack confidence of my services rather I hate blazing out my expertise everytime I meet someone. I’m quite subtle in my approach–sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. I’m more of the action lady–letting my actions and/or intelligent conversations do the talking.
I’m so looking forward to this series of posts! Liz, you got me so excited already before the weekend is here. 😉
Cool idea – thanks Liz. I’ll toss it around and see what comes up Love the way you nudge an idea forward and inspire others to do the same:-) Get’s the ol’ creative juices flying too.
Hi Renée!
You’re not late.:)
I am going to take my time with this one. A little exploring at the way we go about self-promotion. When it is easy and when it is not.
I prefer action to words too. But is that just because I’m avoiding the talking part? 🙂
Ah Ellen,
You don’t need me to nudge you! 🙂 You’re fooling. 🙂
Morning all (09.46am here).
Wow, ‘healthy’ converstations going on! (Read all the post thirst thing today, intriguing topic.)
The post of Dawud I linked to earlier was the reult of another post of his, about what marketing ‘gurus need to learn form bloggers.
In our business (wooden flooring) it is important to let one know we do know ‘our stuff’, but like most we don’t want to ‘spel it out’ on our website.
My mentor IMHO came up (once again ;-)) with a terrific solutions: tell everyone, also on your website, you are the acknowledge authority. I.e. others say we are, so we can say it ourselves also, not?
Written like that it feels ‘better’ and not exactly shameless self-promoting (we do have to make a living, not?)
Hi Karin!
I started to comment and then followed your link to Dawud’s blog and had to comment there. 🙂
It’s good to know when we are the acknowledged authority — it’s even better when we learn to acknowledge it ourselves.
Once I met a someone I admired in a convention center hallway and thanked her for an earlier conversation. She told me “Stop. It was an equal exchange of ideas.” I hadn’t realized that I had grown to be a leader too.
Hi Liz
Glad you ‘found’ the party over at Dawud’s 😉
Like your furhter thoughts. In fact, that makes it now easier for myself to ‘accept’ the answer someone gave me this week about being a mentor. I hadn’t realised I’m turning into one 😉
Yeah, Karin, One of the most interesting parts of life to me is that we can’t seem to keep aware of how much we ourselves grow.
You’re right my friend.
And once you do realise, it’s a bit scary (at first). Sounds like stop/start, have to ‘grow’ into my new comfort zone (richer)
Hi Karin,
What breathrough feeling it is to discover I know more than I thought! It’s fun!
You’re ahead of me then, am not that far yet. It’s still scary, not fun yet.
(Are we degressing from the original topic, or is ‘self-awareness’ the key to decent self-promotion?)
Oh Karin,
You have indeed, sussed me out. Yes, I think that self-awareness is the critical bottom line to healthy self promtion. 🙂
So we ‘digress’ a bit further then?
Self-awareness is bottom-line (end of) or key (start of) to healthy self-promotion?
I think you can’t see/have one without the other. ‘Bragging’ is shameless promotion, by persons mostly doubting their own ability (so they speak out loud to silence their doubt or to silence well meant critisism?)
From self-awareness comes the need to give your ‘talent’/knowledge and this happens mostly in the form of self-promotion?
Asked more questions than answered any of them I think, sorry 😉
Your questions are really self-explnatory and they make me realize that it’s time to put up today’s post.
Oh Liz, you’re after my heart, aren’t you…
My question is, if they’re rarely listening for problems to solve, how can they really help? Do they even want to help? Or are they just trying to take you money?
I like to consider myself a partner with my clients. I care if they succeed or not. So my own business goals are in helping my clients reach their business goals. If they’re successful, so am I. And, it just so happens that they’re grateful as well.
Great topic. As a new kid on the block, with a new service, I am constantly thinking about how to fullfill the the stated purpose of my blog and promote my businees. But not shamelessly! I have never promoted myself, so I’m pleased this discussion is taking place. I have learned so much on here, Liz. Thank you.
Sigh and smile, Ah Dawud,
How can they help? Do they want to help? No I don’t think helping is on their agenda, promotion of their business is . . . getting more cusotmers who will spend more money is.
I like your partnership model bdtter. 🙂
Hi Dave!
Imagine that, you care about the guys who read you. Maybe that’s why they care back. 🙂
Morning all. (well, almost noon here ;-))
As said before I like Dawud’s take on promotion. And his ‘partner’ consideration.
My accountant (where my mentor orginates from) has the following text on their ‘Our Philosophy – Why we are different’ Page:
“Itââ¬â¢s simple really – we love it when clients say ââ¬Åthank youââ¬Â and express their gratitude for what weââ¬â¢ve done ââ¬â but they will only do so when weââ¬â¢ve done an outstanding job and added real value.”
(And if this reeks of ‘other-promotion, so be it, they deserve it ;-))
Hi Karin!
Yeah, I agree other people are the center of whether promotion is acceptable or forced.
So great to see you )and to hear from your mentor.) 🙂
Liz,
My trackback does not seem to be working. I referred to your post in:
A Contribution to the Discussion of Selfless Marketing
“This post is a part of an ongoing discussion that started on Liz Straussââ¬â¢ Successful Blog. In her post, Liz wrote:
Most folks I know couldnââ¬â¢t shamelessly self-promote, no matter what you paid them. Weââ¬â¢re so sensitive to shameless self promotion we donââ¬â¢t ever want to be seen that way. So we always stand as far from that image as we possibly can. Sadly the result is that we often choose instead the other extreme ââ¬â not to talk about our work at all…”
Liz, my trackback is not working for some reason.
The post on my site related to and inspired by this topic is at:
A contribution to the Discussion of Selfless Marketing
“This post is a part of an ongoing discussion that started on Liz Straussââ¬â¢ Successful Blog. In her post, Liz wrote:
Most folks I know couldnââ¬â¢t shamelessly self-promote, no matter what you paid them. Weââ¬â¢re so sensitive to shameless self promotion we donââ¬â¢t ever want to be seen that way…
Hi Tariq,
Thanks for the hand delivery of your trackback. 🙂
Liz,
You are welcome. Thanks for your original post!
Big grin. Thank you again.
“A business that goes undiscussed is a business that has no clients. A business with no clients is either a hobby or it doesnââ¬â¢t exist.”
I don’t normally comment after there have been so many (well, unless it’s open mic night), but this is hitting a chord. I don’t discuss what I’d like my business to be (pretty much along the line of freelance, with a few static gigs). Evidently, that means my blog is a hobby and my business doesn’t exist YET. Must change that image.
Hi Carolyn,
So glad to see that word YET. 😉
Liz –
I’m not great at closing deals, but I am good at keeping relationships strong and any business I’ve raised comes out of that.
I feel like its more important for friends and potential clients to know what I’m interested in, what I’m knowledgeable about, and what I’m passionate about. Then, they can start to see where there might be a fit and how we might work together effectively.
John B
Hahahahahha right on!