emoms-at-home Archives - Successful Blog

Self Promotion: Telling Stories for the Painfully Shy

March 14, 2007 by Liz

Pleeeasse Don’t Look at Me

I was a painfully shy child. They called me “Bashful.” Pictures of me hiding my face or crying on picture day aren’t hard to find. People looking at me make me very self-conscious. Many folks find that a surprise. I write this post for everyone who is shy.

In the conversation on the last post about self-promotion, GL Hoffman said

I find the best and most engaging way is to tell a brief story that sets up your work.

Gl also left a great link to a post on talking about what you do.

I so agree with what GL says that I’m going to tell you a story about telling stories. This is the reason that most folks don’t think I’m shy.

The Story about Telling Stories

My son was also a painfully shy child. He didn’t like people looking at him. When other young children were saying “Hi!” He was a child like I had been — hiding or being uncooperative about such things. Then one day, when he was about thirteen, I noticed a change in his behavior. He had suddenly become entertaining.

That day at work I spoke to a close friend about it. “You know my son has finally found a way to deal with the world. He gets entertaining, telling stories about what he wants to say rather than actually saying it. It’s so interesting. The shift is slight, but I can see it. By doing that he makes so that people are looking at him telling a story, they’re not actually looking at him — who he is.”

My friend Peg said, “Gee, I wonder where he got that from.”

“Guilty. I don’t mind if you look at my work. I think it’s fine if you watch me teach, or speak, or explain something I know. But I sure get self-conscious if I think you are looking at me.”

That’s why GL’s advice is particularly strong.

If you’re self-conscious about self-promoting, explain what you do by telling a story. Then people will be listening to the story and seeing the storyteller in you.

It works. I’ve been doing it since I was 13 too.

–Me “Liz” Strauss

Self-Promotion: How I Learned to Stop Shooting Myself in the Foot

March 13, 2007 by Liz

Pleeeasse Don’t Think I’m Self-Promoting

Some rare folks are pushy and opportunistic in their self-promotion. It’s as if they don’t know when they’re spouting off that the other person is a person at all.

Most folks are the opposite. We see opportunists and we don’t want to be is taken for one of them. As a result we often shy away from any attempt to talk about what we do — fearing we’d be mistaken for the opportunists that we’re not. I used to be the poster child for thinking about self-promotion like that, and it found me getting myself tangled in knots unnecessarily. Here’s how it worked, or rather didn’t work, for me when someone asked about what I do.

My mind all triggered up, I’d be anticipating the question long before anyone asked it. Naturally, I only had part of an answer flushed out in my head. I figured I didn’t want to sound like a recording, so I’d keep the answer loose and free. The truth is I hadn’t really thought through what it was I actually did. I hadn’t made it’s message a part of who I am.

That’s the place where, like the children’s game, we all fall down.

Someone would ask me, “What do you do?”

Because I wanted to have everyone as a client, I’d be faced with this mental image of impossible dimension. In a rush, I’d hear myself thinking, “I can’t possibly say everything. What answer does this person need?”

Mind already triggered, now the barrel is loaded.

Rather than ask, “What makes you ask the question?” I moved ahead blindly trying to guess what the other person wanted to know. In the dark, listening to what I’m saying and how the other person is responding, I’d proceed to get more and more intense and self-conscious. That made me more and more unfocused in my response. My answer ended up so much high-charged mush that was impossible to follow or care about.

Bang. I shot myself in the foot.

unwittingly, I became a pushy self-promoter when that was what I was trying to avoid. Shooting myself in the foot hurts. I don’t do that anymore.

How I Learned to Stop Shooting Myself in the Foot

When I got tired of patching up holes and buying new shoes. I did some serious thinking, and here is where I got.

What was I doing trying to think someone else’s thoughts? The closest I can get to that is thinking what I think the other person might think. How silly is that?
I I need to know what I do before I can tell someone else.
My fear of self-promotion was turning me into someone else.
I picked the three things I love doing most. I wrote a sentence about each one and what my participation brought to that kind of work.

Those three sentences are what I want to do and what I do well. When someone ask me that same question now, I have those three sentences in my head. I can choose one or all and choose to elaborate on them or not.

No longer am I trying to figure out what someone wants or needs to hear. I simply answer the question with what I know is a fact. I’m relaxed and I no longer limp away from conversations that start with “What do you do?”

You don’t need three sentences. You really only need one that is uniquely you.

I know I’ve asked before, but this is a slightly different situation. Now what would your sentence be?

–Me “Liz” Strauss

Shameless Self-Promotion: What Makes It Shameless?

March 7, 2007 by Liz

The Problem

I’ve been thinking self-promotion for months. Wendy, and Jessica, and I discussed it when we went to dinner in January.

Our perceptive, observant sidebar bartender, money guy, JohnFTM has noticed, the same thing I have

you can’t swing a cat in the popular blogosphere without hitting a few clumsy attempts at self-promotion . . .

This situation is not just a problem for those of us who have to listen. It’s a problem for those of us who don’t know what it is about shameless self-promotion that makes it shameless, ineffective, and well, if not outright offensive, then certainly intrusive and unwelcome.

We need to know how to recognize shameless self-promotion so that we can sort it from self-promotion that serves our business. If we can’t tell the two apart, then we’ll always be afraid to talk about what we do. A business that goes undiscussed is a business that has no clients. A business with no clients is either a hobby or it doesn’t exist.

What Makes It Shameless?

Most of us need our businesses to be visible, booked with customers, and making money to pay the rent. With that in mind, we should know the traits of shameless self-promotion — so we can feel safe when we talk about what we do with prospective clients.

Here are some traits and tactics of shameless self promotion.

Shameless self-promoters focus on mentioning the business continuously, as a name dropper might mention famous people.
Every conversational response is a talking point about what the shamelessly self-promoted business can do for the listener.
A shameless self-promoter will sometimes forget to acknowledge that other information has been added to the conversation and will talk right past that information with the features of the business being promoted.
Shameless self-promoters are rarely listening for the purpose of solving the problems or meeting the needs of prospective customers. Their goal is to sell their product or service needed or not.
Shameless self-promoters can turn any topic into a sales pitch.
Shameless self-promoters live to move forward their own agenda. They invest in others only as a last resort to meet their goal.

The shameless part is the total disregard for others. In other words, Shameless Self-Promoters see only the game — not the relationship or the other person’s needs. Shameless self-promoters are focused on getting, not giving. Just now, a friend on the phone said that he had quit hanging around with a guy who became an affiliate marketer, because the guy couldn’t quit selling.

Most folks I know couldn’t shamelessly self-promote, no matter what you paid them. We’re so sensitive to shameless self promotion we don’t ever want to be seen that way. So we always stand as far from that image as we possibly can. Sadly the result is that we often choose instead the other extreme — not to talk about our work at all

I’m planning a post or two in which we can talk about how to talk about what we do without feeling like we’re shamelessly self-promoting.

What do you want me to be sure to include?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Don’t forget to sign up for SOBCon o7 to see the real deal in person, seats are limited.

Related
See the Brand You series on the Successful Series Page

13.4 Glenda Watson Hyatt, the person I met

March 1, 2007 by Liz

See What Is Right

Through this week, Glenda and I had a conversation, really, not an interview. She was open, authentic, and transparent in sharing the stories of her life and her publishing achievements. If were in my old job, I would have tried to find a way to talk Glenda into coming to work for me as work-at-home writer.

Glenda and I had a conversational interview — one question at time. I sent her a conversational email that ended with a question. She added to the conversation when she retuned the answer to the question. When the answer email arrived, I responded to the conversation and sent an additional question.

One exception to the one question at a time rule occurred.

Thinking Glenda might want to know I was going to ask this final question, I sent it early along with another, stating it would the the last of the questions.

I should have known that Glenda wouldn’t need time with this — that she would have the answer.

Here’s that question and here’s Glenda’s reply.

I’m sure that, as a woman with a significant disability, you find folks often focus on the wrong things when they meet you. . . . But then, I feel that sort of thing happens to me too. . . . If you could tell the whole world something once, have them believe you and understand, what would you tell them?

Despite my speech impairment, I am not deaf. I can hear just fine. And I am not cognitively impaired. I am an intelligent woman and I understand you, as long as you are speaking English.

Despite my cerebral palsy and my jerky movements, I have the same needs, wants, dreams and desires as anyone, as any woman. I do not consider myself courageous or brave for simply living my life and following my dreams. After all, what else am I suppose to do with my life? Other peopleÃ¢â¬â¢s misperceptions and assumptions are what limit me, not my so-called disability.

Look beyond what is wrong with me and see what is right. You may be pleasantly surprised.

Thanks Liz for conversing with me in this way. IÃ¢â¬â¢m curious to see how it turns out.

You just explained the reasons I’m so glad to have met you. Thank you so much. I’m honored to call my friend..

–ME “Liz” Strauss

13.3 Glenda Watson Hyatt, Learning to Write

February 28, 2007 by Liz

A Life Changed by a Book

Yesterday, Glenda and I talked about what it felt like to become a published author. She shared the experience of touching her books for the very first time. Her description makes it easy to imagine how it must have been — one more example of Glenda’s skill as a writerr and storyteller.

Glenda’s accomplishment and that thrill of achievement are a future that many people reach for. Yet Glenda became a published author following a distinctly different path from the usual road. I wondered about that path and asked Glenda these questions.

How did you learn to write? How did you learn to type out the characters? How did you learn to find your clear, authentic musical voice?

Please allow me to share this except from IÃ¢â¬â¢ll Do It Myself about learning to print in Grade One in the Special Education class:

Ã¢â¬ÅBecause getting to the chalkboard was difficult for most of us once we were placed in our seats, we each had an 18-inch square piece of chalkboard at our desks for practicing our printing. It was also easier to work on a horizontal surface rather than a vertical one. Initially, my printing was wobbly scribbles. With practice and extreme concentration, I controlled my jerky movements enough to make my letters almost legible more of the time. I also kept a chalk eraser handy, though inadvertently an uncontrollable movement erased a good letter. In frustration, I did the letter again.

Although learning to print, and then to write, were important steps in learning to read, it was evident that printing would not be efficient. It took too much energy and was too time-consuming to keep up with my work, and that would only worsen through the grades. Learning to use a typewriter was a necessity.

An electric Smith Corona typewriter was placed at the back of the room, which a few of us shared. When it was time to do typewriter work, Mrs. Rutherford dragged me in my desk chair over to the typewriter table and then dragged me back to my desk when I was done. Then it was the next studentÃ¢â¬â¢s turn. A while later, perhaps once funding became available, we each had a typewriter at a second desk beside us. We simply dragged the typewriter back and forth as we needed it. It was much easier, especially on Mrs. RutherfordÃ¢â¬â¢s back.

As I have only one somewhat functioning hand, I only typed with one hand, my left hand. While typing, I steadied my hand on the typewriter hood to give myself some control over the spastic movements and used my thumb to hit the keys, causing my wrist to be in a dropped-wrist position. This concerned the adults, particularly the physio and OT [occupational therapist]. Although this was decades before repetitive strain injury and carpal tunnel syndrome had been invented, they were concerned that the dropped-wrist position would cause damage over the long-term.

They decided a splint with a stick to hit the keys was needed to keep my wrist in a good position. With this contraption snuggly Velcro strapped to my arm, I was expected to have enough arm control to steady my hand mid-air, without resting it on anything, and to accurately hit the keys. And this was less frustrating than printing with a pencil? After a few days, the splint ended up in the back of my desk drawer, and I resumed typing with my left thumb, my hand in its compromising position. I type the same way today, as nothing else feels as natural. For a non-verbal individual who relies on written communication, my left thumb is my most valued body part.Ã¢â¬Â

I have always enjoyed writing; that is my means of communication and expression. I fondly remember our Creative Writing sessions after Friday morning recess in the Special Ed class. In the regular Grade Seven class, as a replacement assignment if there was something I couldnÃ¢â¬â¢t do, the teacher had me pick one moment or incident and write as much as I could about it by describing all of my five senses. The idea was to expand that one moment in time as much as possible and to include as many details as I could remember. I still use that technique if IÃ¢â¬â¢m stuck while writing.

Once I got my first computer in university, my writing improved because rewriting and revising were easier. I no longer had to type a rough copy and then a good copy or mess around with that darn correction paper. I love when the words just flow through me; that when I am in my groove and truly using my gift.

Gosh, Glenda, that’s a story. Thank you.

–ME “Liz” Strauss

13.2 Glenda Watson Hyatt, published author

February 27, 2007 by Liz

A Life Changed by a Book

Yesterday, Glenda gave us glimpse into the business she began as a web accessibility specialist, Soaring Eagle Communications, and she shared her feelings about a future filled with possibilities.

Our conversation, at that point, had turned to the how the act of writing a book had an effect on Glenda’s life.

Glenda, as a publisher, I know that the book we start is hardly ever the book that gets written.

What was the most unexpected thing you found while writing your book? How did the book change? How did the book change you?

When I first began writing the book several years ago, I envisioned a collection of short stories and memories from my life. I then found myself filling in the gaps between the memories. The book evolved into my autobiography, or, at least, the first installment! The book cover also changed, thanks to Nancy Cleary of Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing. I had designed a simplistic cover, which she turned into something amazingly beautiful. I was emotional the first time I saw it.

Once I started telling people that I was writing a book, I was surprised by the support and encouragement that I received, even from people I did not know. One such person is Debbie Fierst, of Logical Imagination . who generously volunteered to edit my manuscript. I was also surprised by the number of people who would like to write a book, but havenÃ¢â¬â¢t made it happen for a variety of reasons.

My book IÃ¢â¬â¢ll Do It Myself confirmed to me that I am a bona fide writer and that writing is my gift, which I am meant to use and to share with others. I sense my book will continue to change me by opening new doors for me, and by taking my business/career and my life in a whole new direction.

I remember the feeling of seeing my words in print for the first time. How did you experience that feeling? Where were you when you opened the first copy of your book? What was the feeling and thoughts you had at that time? Have you captured them to call them up later?

Since I self-published, the boxes of books were delivered to my home on December 5th. I anxiously awaited their delivery until they finally arrived mid-afternoon. I was trembling with excitement and anticipation while the delivery man wheeled in the boxes in two loads. When I opened the first box and saw my book for the first time, a wave of emotions came over me. Thirty years of dreaming, preparing, researching, visualizing and writing became real in that moment. I had done it! My dream became reality in that moment. I had written and self-published my book. And they were beautiful! There were a few happy tears. I can only imagine that it is similar to giving birth and holding your baby for the first time. I captured the moment on my other blog.

Thank you, Glenda! I can identify with those moments. You made them real for everyone. That’s a writer’s gift.

See you tomorrow with another question.

–ME “Liz” Strauss