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Self Promotion: Telling Stories for the Painfully Shy

March 14, 2007 by Liz Leave a Comment

Pleeeasse Don’t Look at Me

I was a painfully shy child. They called me “Bashful.” Pictures of me hiding my face or crying on picture day aren’t hard to find. People looking at me make me very self-conscious. Many folks find that a surprise. I write this post for everyone who is shy.

In the conversation on the last post about self-promotion, GL Hoffman said

I find the best and most engaging way is to tell a brief story that sets up your work.

Gl also left a great link to a post on talking about what you do.

I so agree with what GL says that I’m going to tell you a story about telling stories. This is the reason that most folks don’t think I’m shy.

The Story about Telling Stories

My son was also a painfully shy child. He didn’t like people looking at him. When other young children were saying “Hi!” He was a child like I had been — hiding or being uncooperative about such things. Then one day, when he was about thirteen, I noticed a change in his behavior. He had suddenly become entertaining.

That day at work I spoke to a close friend about it. “You know my son has finally found a way to deal with the world. He gets entertaining, telling stories about what he wants to say rather than actually saying it. It’s so interesting. The shift is slight, but I can see it. By doing that he makes so that people are looking at him telling a story, they’re not actually looking at him — who he is.”

My friend Peg said, “Gee, I wonder where he got that from.”

“Guilty. I don’t mind if you look at my work. I think it’s fine if you watch me teach, or speak, or explain something I know. But I sure get self-conscious if I think you are looking at me.”

That’s why GL’s advice is particularly strong.

If you’re self-conscious about self-promoting, explain what you do by telling a story. Then people will be listening to the story and seeing the storyteller in you.

It works. I’ve been doing it since I was 13 too.

–Me “Liz” Strauss

Self-Promotion: How I Learned to Stop Shooting Myself in the Foot

March 13, 2007 by Liz 31 Comments

Pleeeasse Don’t Think I’m Self-Promoting

Some rare folks are pushy and opportunistic in their self-promotion. It’s as if they don’t know when they’re spouting off that the other person is a person at all.

Most folks are the opposite. We see opportunists and we don’t want to be is taken for one of them. As a result we often shy away from any attempt to talk about what we do — fearing we’d be mistaken for the opportunists that we’re not. I used to be the poster child for thinking about self-promotion like that, and it found me getting myself tangled in knots unnecessarily. Here’s how it worked, or rather didn’t work, for me when someone asked about what I do.

My mind all triggered up, I’d be anticipating the question long before anyone asked it. Naturally, I only had part of an answer flushed out in my head. I figured I didn’t want to sound like a recording, so I’d keep the answer loose and free. The truth is I hadn’t really thought through what it was I actually did. I hadn’t made it’s message a part of who I am.

That’s the place where, like the children’s game, we all fall down.

Someone would ask me, “What do you do?”

Because I wanted to have everyone as a client, I’d be faced with this mental image of impossible dimension. In a rush, I’d hear myself thinking, “I can’t possibly say everything. What answer does this person need?”

Mind already triggered, now the barrel is loaded.

Rather than ask, “What makes you ask the question?” I moved ahead blindly trying to guess what the other person wanted to know. In the dark, listening to what I’m saying and how the other person is responding, I’d proceed to get more and more intense and self-conscious. That made me more and more unfocused in my response. My answer ended up so much high-charged mush that was impossible to follow or care about.

Bang. I shot myself in the foot.

unwittingly, I became a pushy self-promoter when that was what I was trying to avoid. Shooting myself in the foot hurts. I don’t do that anymore.

How I Learned to Stop Shooting Myself in the Foot

When I got tired of patching up holes and buying new shoes. I did some serious thinking, and here is where I got.

What was I doing trying to think someone else’s thoughts? The closest I can get to that is thinking what I think the other person might think. How silly is that?
I I need to know what I do before I can tell someone else.
My fear of self-promotion was turning me into someone else.
I picked the three things I love doing most. I wrote a sentence about each one and what my participation brought to that kind of work.

Those three sentences are what I want to do and what I do well. When someone ask me that same question now, I have those three sentences in my head. I can choose one or all and choose to elaborate on them or not.

No longer am I trying to figure out what someone wants or needs to hear. I simply answer the question with what I know is a fact. I’m relaxed and I no longer limp away from conversations that start with “What do you do?”

You don’t need three sentences. You really only need one that is uniquely you.

I know I’ve asked before, but this is a slightly different situation. Now what would your sentence be?

–Me “Liz” Strauss

Shameless Self-Promotion: What Makes It Shameless?

March 7, 2007 by Liz Leave a Comment

The Problem

I’ve been thinking self-promotion for months. Wendy, and Jessica, and I discussed it when we went to dinner in January.

Our perceptive, observant sidebar bartender, money guy, JohnFTM has noticed, the same thing I have

you can’t swing a cat in the popular blogosphere without hitting a few clumsy attempts at self-promotion . . .

This situation is not just a problem for those of us who have to listen. It’s a problem for those of us who don’t know what it is about shameless self-promotion that makes it shameless, ineffective, and well, if not outright offensive, then certainly intrusive and unwelcome.

We need to know how to recognize shameless self-promotion so that we can sort it from self-promotion that serves our business. If we can’t tell the two apart, then we’ll always be afraid to talk about what we do. A business that goes undiscussed is a business that has no clients. A business with no clients is either a hobby or it doesn’t exist.

What Makes It Shameless?

Most of us need our businesses to be visible, booked with customers, and making money to pay the rent. With that in mind, we should know the traits of shameless self-promotion — so we can feel safe when we talk about what we do with prospective clients.

Here are some traits and tactics of shameless self promotion.

Shameless self-promoters focus on mentioning the business continuously, as a name dropper might mention famous people.
Every conversational response is a talking point about what the shamelessly self-promoted business can do for the listener.
A shameless self-promoter will sometimes forget to acknowledge that other information has been added to the conversation and will talk right past that information with the features of the business being promoted.
Shameless self-promoters are rarely listening for the purpose of solving the problems or meeting the needs of prospective customers. Their goal is to sell their product or service needed or not.
Shameless self-promoters can turn any topic into a sales pitch.
Shameless self-promoters live to move forward their own agenda. They invest in others only as a last resort to meet their goal.

The shameless part is the total disregard for others. In other words, Shameless Self-Promoters see only the game — not the relationship or the other person’s needs. Shameless self-promoters are focused on getting, not giving. Just now, a friend on the phone said that he had quit hanging around with a guy who became an affiliate marketer, because the guy couldn’t quit selling.

Most folks I know couldn’t shamelessly self-promote, no matter what you paid them. We’re so sensitive to shameless self promotion we don’t ever want to be seen that way. So we always stand as far from that image as we possibly can. Sadly the result is that we often choose instead the other extreme — not to talk about our work at all

I’m planning a post or two in which we can talk about how to talk about what we do without feeling like we’re shamelessly self-promoting.

What do you want me to be sure to include?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Don’t forget to sign up for SOBCon o7 to see the real deal in person, seats are limited.

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Kala, a Reader, from Sprint/Nextel Cares

July 13, 2006 by Liz 5 Comments

Thank you, Kala

This morning, Kala left a comment to the post I wrote July 11 about Sprint/Nextel.

Hello. I read your blog and am very eager to assist you. I work for Sprint Nextel and would love the opportunity to resolve this matter for you. Please e-mail me with your contact information.

I sent her the emails I had received since I’d made that post public, and within minutes I had a phone call from her.

What a charming lady! She’s not only charming, she’s also in a position to change things. Kala fixed my problem in a few seconds and acknowledged that the system was broken.

How refreshing! I’ve met a telco representative who listens and she makes good things happen for customers. Her name is Kala.

Sprint/Nextel has no idea of her value to their brand.

Thank you, Kala, for your help. Thank you, too, for being a reader.

Smiles,
Liz

How Sprint Pushes Customers Out the Door

July 11, 2006 by Liz 72 Comments

There’s Barriers, Then There’s Badly Broken

Yesterday I wanted to switch my son’s Sprint/Nextel account over to online pay. I knew the drill. I’ve done it before plenty of times on plenty of websites. I hit pay bill and enterred the data. They requested a BAN passcode. Huh? What’s that?

Under that picture was this disclaimer:

Note: The approval process can take up to 10 business days. If you have a payment due before then, please use another payment method.

I contacted Customer Care online as asked and got this reply 30 minutes later. [Read more…]

Frosted Mini-Wheats Design that Hooks Readers

July 8, 2006 by Liz 15 Comments

Quality of Life

I see the picture on a telephone book. That’s not me there. That’s not anyone I know. That’s stock photography. I can spot it from a mile away. It looks like a wallet photo. It looks like the picture that comes inside a picture frame that I bought at the office supply store — flat and cheery with no humanity behind it.

The same is true of some blogs and websites. They look expensive, but they have no heart. They don’t call to me in any way. Stuff is there, but the music for my eyes is missing. My finger clicks before I think.

Take a moment to stare at a blank wall. Then look at your blog as a stranger might. Is there something that pulls you in, a promise, a wink, a hint of relaxation or surprise? If you don’t see an emotional hook there, perhaps your blog need a makeover to get some “Frosted Mini-Wheats” design. [Read more…]