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Editorial Makeover 3 — A Simple Story

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Simple Is Lovely

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Hi Liz,

I was considering sending in a piece when you first mentioned the makeover but had forgotten about it. Since getting your reply I’ve picked out a piece and would like to submit it. The little girl in this story taught me something so I’d like to do the story justice.

Thanks in advance,

Tim

Hi Tim,
This is such a lovely story. I was inspired by the Buscaglia book, too. I also hold high respect for the perceptions of children and what they can teach us. I understand what you mean about doing this story justice. The little girl you tell about is a special one.

With those thoughts in mind, I made my edits. I worked to the spirit of the story, and that led me to alter some facts to put things in order that people might imagine them.

I removed many words to make the story simpler and more powerful. That was to underscore your respect for this young child as a teacher.

I tried to stay close to your writing voice. Only you can judge whether I succeeded at at that.

I may not have made all of the choices that you would have made, but I hope this points you in the direction you’re looking to go.

Remember, as always, this is only one way to edit it! Every editor edits differently.

Smiles,
Liz

Turn the page to look over my shoulder as I do the editorial makeover. It’s called, “A Simple Story” [Read more…]

Editorial Makeover 2: Music and Variety

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Listen in

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Okay, Liz. Here are a couple of paragraphs for you to edit. I’m excited about this opportunity, and have a really tough skin.

Blessings,

Shirley

Hi Shirley,
I don’t think you’ll be needing that thick skin. You’ve something that’s a great start. I feel like my job is to take A level work and move it to A++ work. In other words, you’ve left all of the fun part for me. 🙂

I went back to read the post that these paragraphs came from, because I had to know whether both paragraphs were talking about the same person. That wasn’t clear to me as a reader, even when I read the whole post, until I went back to your reference so I added the name of the young man in the first paragraph.

What I’ve done beyond that is change the sequence of things of the first paragraph to grab the reader more quickly. Then I added variety in sentence length and sentence type, put your thoughts into first person, changing a few words to add power to the description or music to the language. These changes were minimal edits really. I did the music part by reading it aloud several times to hear the rhythm of the words as they fell off my lips. So if you question a word change or a phrase added that’s probably what prompted it.

I also added a sentence for closure. This sentence is probably unnecessry in the actual post since you go on to other things. But as these two paragraphs standing alone. I felt the need to have an ending.

Remember, as always, this is only one way to edit it! Every editor edits differently.

Smiles,
Liz

Turn the page to look over my should as I do the editorial makeover. It’s called, “Music and Variety” [Read more…]

Editorial Makeover 1: Don’t Tell Me, Show Me

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Three Paragraphs

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Dear Liz,

What a fantastic idea! In one of my grad school classes we spent more than 30 minutes editing just a couple paragraphs. Some students found the exercise defeating and excessive, but to me it was a valuable lesson about cutting through jargon and getting to the point. Needless to say, I’m still learning.

I’m submitting three paragraphs from a recent post on my website. I’m researching Muslim immigrants in Berlin, and the following is from a recent post on language flubs. I’d be delighted if you gave my writing a makeover!

Thanks for your time and generosity!
Jim

Dear Jim,
You’ve got a great story here. I thought what might make it more fun would be to let the reader “see,” rather than just read about it. So I edited in a little dialogue to give your story more personality

Hope this helps you see the difference when you show readers what’s happening, rather than just telling us.

Remember this is just one way to do it! Every editor edits differently.

Smiles,
Liz

Turn the page for the editorial makeover. It’s called, “Don’t Tell Me, Show Me.” [Read more…]

NEW POWER WRITING FEATURE: An Editorial Makeover

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Why Powerful Writing Is Important

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One of the ways I work with clients is to help them improve their writing. It might not be fair or accurate, but people judge our ability to reason by how we express ourselves in writing.

Thinking . . . writing . . . business . . . thinking . . . we can’t separate them.

business thinking writing

Together they determine our place in society. Whether you blog, write for business, or only email, writing is critical to your future.

New Feature: An Editorial Makeover

I’m introducing a new feature — An Editorial Makeover. It’s a Content Edit — a Before and After — where you can look over my shoulder. Every editor edits differently. You won’t agree with all of my choices. That could make for great conversation.

I’m starting with a paragraph from my own work Bad Boys of Business: That’s Not “Real” Work.

Turn the page to see the first Editorial Makeover. [Read more…]