Successful Blog

How to Break Out of the Appealing Black Hole of Self-Doubt

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It’s Hard to Shine in a Black Hole

I like sky. It gives me perspective. I think of the stars and how even the tiniest of them shines. It’s their nature to do that. They don’t worry or question whether the star to them is brighter, bigger, or doing something they should be doing.

It’s true. We’re made of the same stuff as stars.

When we’re true to ourselves, we shine like the stars do. We’re focused. We move with what’s inside and what’s true.

When we’re too involved in what folks are thinking and doing, it throws us off. Trying to keep up with other folks thoughts and feelings is impossible and overwhelming. It skews us. It changes our vision. We see inconsequential actions as huge events.

We put the “self” in self doubt.
That throws our whole universe into chaos.

You see, the universe isn’t meant to revolve around us.

The Black Hole

The black hole — a negative funk and flat out of energy.

We’re riding high, making dreams, and seeing the future bend to our wishes. Then something changes things. We lose a job, leave a lover, get sick, get scared, or work our way into mess and can’t find our way out. We’re disconnected from everything, including ourselves.

We try to reason, but we argue for why we’re stuck. We can name every part of the problem that’s outside of us. We close our eyes to anything that will help. We make the black hole even darker.

It’s hard to shine in a black hole.

What Makes Staying in a Black Hole So Appealing?

I know. I’ve been there. Here’s what I know –> Getting out can seem hard. Staying can seem safe. Yet, as comfortable as holing away can be — black holes don’t let the light in.

Hiding in a black hole of self-doubt, has its appeal. Black holes keep us from facing these challenges and realities …

    that folks might discount the dimensions of our devastation.
    that we own part of the situation.
    that we have control to change things.
    that we’ll have to let people watch us learning.
    we have to lay down our pain, our embarassment, and give again.

Ben Franklin said, “Things that hurt, instruct.”

And people and stars are made of the same stuff.

But hanging in black hole is stressful, boring, and unattractive. It makes us negative and unhappy. When we’re unhappy enough, those challenges won’t be such a burden. We’ll blast out all at once, because we’re hungry for direction, energy, and hope.

Blasting out of a black hole is a decision. Here’s how to execute once you find a black hole of self-doubt isn’t a place worth being.

  1. Open your eyes and tell yourself off. Let the light in. You get to decide how happy you’ll be. Own your life.
  2. Do something for someone. Be generous. Get out of the center of your universe and back into orbit. You’ll lighten up.
  3. Make promises to the person you are AND keep them. Prove your integrity to yourself. Everyone else will see that shine through.
  4. Find out what other folks can teach you. Learn why someone cares about something you find insignificant. Learn how to say what you feel.
  5. Change your mind. Quit problem thinking. Argue for solutions. Align your goals with the the people you trust.
  6. Listen with your whole being. Listen for what people are not saying. Listen to what your actions are saying. Learn to laugh when you hear yourself whine.
  7. Make a small child smile. You were a child once. You know how.

A wise person once told me that change is the only constant. If we know nothing lasts we don’t attach too tightly. We value ideas and people. When we shine, it lets others know they can shine too.

Shine like the star you are. We need your light.

How do you shine your way out of self-doubt?

–ME “Liz” Strauss

Related
The Top 10 Ways to Start Living Your Life
7 Reasons and Ways to Leave the Center of the Universe to Come Back to Us Again

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Shine in a roomful of stars!

Are You Going to Believe Them? Or Are You Going to Show Them?

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People will tell you that you’re not good enough. Are you going to believe them?
They’ll tell you that it can’t be done. It will take too long. It will cost too much …
too much time, too much money, too much of what you ain’t got.
Will you believe that too?

You can, you can go with what they tell you.
But why?

People will say that you don’t have the right stuff. Are you going to feel wrong?
They’ll tell you need something. It might be anything. It might everything …
a top tier degree, a fancy pedigree, a shiny something that you never saw.
Will you feel worthless too?

Look up.
Just beyond the stars is the cartwheel nebula.
Can you believe those colors are real?
But they are and they are right above us in the sky.

Folks might want to convince that the time isn’t right or you’re not good enough.
Are you going to believe them? Or Are you going to show them?

It’s a helluva lot of work to make something beautiful.
But …
People and stars are made of the same stuff.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
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What Do You Do Because Sometimes You Know How?

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This morning I had my morning all laid out. I knew exactly what I was to get done. I was ready prepared and willing, until I turned computer and Tweetdeck served up this short note.

3 things that stop me from doing… “Over Coffee…”
(http://twitthis.com/8ln6i4) Inspired by @lizstrauss

Who would I be not to see something like that? What I found were thoughts that started like this …
I love to write and doodle. So why don’t I do more of it? What am I afraid of? And how do I stop the fears and get going again?

And my head and my heart answer, “Yeah, I know. I get those feelings too.”
I read that post. Then I read the next — the one with the beautiful painted in drawing, the one I only wish or dream I could make myself.
Who would I be not to respond?

Because Sometimes I Know How

Every writer gets stuck for words.
Every writer gets caught up
or lost looking for an idea to explore.
Every writer has an ego that pushes words out
and a critic that tears them down.
We all have time that we hope
and fear that will never write again.
If only I could draw and paint a lady so lovely,
But I write I write instead
because sometimes I know how.

What do you do because sometimes you know how?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Image: Barbara Hartsock
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It's Easy — Go On Try It!

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I've been thinking . . .

about being down and lifting up.

Look at that flower facing the sun.

It’s a flower. It catches the sunrise, the sunset. It gets nutrients from the ground.
It’s beautiful. You and I didn’t do that. No piece of code made that happen.

No guy or lady driving in traffic to get to some desk made those petals.
No argument over words on a page, no conversation about behavior made that light on that color.

Because bringing each other down isn’t what we were meant for.

When we stop to breathe, when we look at the light around us, we know we were meant to lift each other up.

What are you doing right now in this moment to raise someone higher?
Not only is it easy, it feels good. Go on try it.

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The Importance of a Compass … to Going or Staying Anywhere

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When Your Only Transportation Is a Bike

Steve Goodman wrote a song, “City of New Orleans.” I can’t hear it without thinking about the Rock Island tracks that went to Chicago alongside my dad’s saloon.

Behind my dad’s saloon was narrow leanto right next to the railroad tracks. By “right next to” I mean not more than fifteen feet away.

I can’t fully describe it to you. I only saw the inside once when I was a very little girl. It made me curious. I remember thinking “It seems like my hideout in my closet.” My hideout was magical. I didn’t realize that for a grownup this probably wasn’t.

It was made of some grayed-out wood, laminate — cheap stuff — shaped like a shoe box. It had holes I could see through — all the way to the gas station across the tracks. Inside was a cot, a table, a chair, a dirt floor. The door on the shack flapped in the wind and only had a weird wood thing that turned on a nail to hold it closed, kind of like what you find in a bad bar’s bathroom stall.

The man who live there, they called him “Seewall,” walked tall. He was always smiling. I see him at my dad’s saloon. Sometimes he’d be moving a mop. Sometimes he’d be running errands. Sometimes he’d be carrying boxes. Sometimes he’d be talking to me like Donald Duck and making me laugh. As shy as I was, as much as he owned the space he walked in, we were friends.

He’d given up riding the rails. His only transportation was a simple wide-tired bike. It had a basket for carrying bags and stuff. No bell or brakes or anything that cool bikes had. Every night a 10pm as a ritual, he would pedal around the saloon and take down the stairs in the floor behind the bar. It was safe there. To me it seemed like that bike had one home and he had another.

Most importantly, he was happy.

I was almost six feet tall and the man who lived in shack by the tracks was long gone, before I found out from my younger, older brother that his real name was something like Sewell Southward Sebastian Fleming, the Third. It’s a name that sounds like he had something before the Great American Depression. Some might say that the man lost everything.

He always acted as if he found it.

Guess a shack by the rails might mean something different to a guy who took on life as a true hobo. He always had access to his freedom. But he never went. He talked to me once about a compass. I never asked where his was. I just knew that he had one.

Have you found your compass? He said you need one if you’re going or staying anywhere.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
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Whoa! Could You Stop for 1 Second? Or Are You a Work Snob?

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You’re Not Doing Yourself or Anyone Else Any Favors

Hey, I know you’re busy, gotta get a lot of things done. But whoa!

But, could you stop for 1 second? It’s barely that –> . <-- long. Just stop. Don't do anything, before you read on.

–> . <--

If you don’t stop once in a while, you’re not doing yourself or anyone else any favors.

About Things Humanly Possible

When I first got into publishing, I was an adrenaline junkie. I loved getting things done. I prided myself on being able to find more seconds in an hour than anyone could. I could arrange, rearrange, multi-tier, multi-task, and multi-delegate the same page to multiple people while I was doing multiplication for multiple project quotations in my head. I could spin 23 plates on sticks and watch 18 fishing poles in the river, while I was juggling 6 balls in the air and talking on telephone. I even said things like, “I want to be known as the person who can do the impossible.”

It all embarrasses me now.

Because more isn’t more. Not one of those things got my full attention. I was good, they all got B work or better. But none them got my best. And in the end, they got the best of me instead.

When I finally got a job, where they wouldn’t let me do that, I learned the value, the fun, and the excitement of going deep and doing quality work. Less really is more. That’s when I found out what I was really capable of. That’s when I did the work that I’m still proud of, the work that lasted.

So if you’re

  • tossing off emails
  • overbooking meetings
  • missing details
  • forgetting things
  • Twittering while you’re talking on the phone
  • thinking you can do more in the same time than anyone

You might be what I was — a work snob — I thought I was better than the rest.
A work snob because every human can only do what’s humanly possible — even if they do it well. Slow down just enough to show folks how damn good you really are. Take a rest.

What are you doing to keep the human in you around?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!