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How to Break Out of the Appealing Black Hole of Self-Doubt

March 25, 2009 by Liz

It’s Hard to Shine in a Black Hole

I like sky. It gives me perspective. I think of the stars and how even the tiniest of them shines. It’s their nature to do that. They don’t worry or question whether the star to them is brighter, bigger, or doing something they should be doing.

It’s true. We’re made of the same stuff as stars.

When we’re true to ourselves, we shine like the stars do. We’re focused. We move with what’s inside and what’s true.

When we’re too involved in what folks are thinking and doing, it throws us off. Trying to keep up with other folks thoughts and feelings is impossible and overwhelming. It skews us. It changes our vision. We see inconsequential actions as huge events.

We put the “self” in self doubt.
That throws our whole universe into chaos.

You see, the universe isn’t meant to revolve around us.

The Black Hole

The black hole — a negative funk and flat out of energy.

We’re riding high, making dreams, and seeing the future bend to our wishes. Then something changes things. We lose a job, leave a lover, get sick, get scared, or work our way into mess and can’t find our way out. We’re disconnected from everything, including ourselves.

We try to reason, but we argue for why we’re stuck. We can name every part of the problem that’s outside of us. We close our eyes to anything that will help. We make the black hole even darker.

It’s hard to shine in a black hole.

What Makes Staying in a Black Hole So Appealing?

I know. I’ve been there. Here’s what I know –> Getting out can seem hard. Staying can seem safe. Yet, as comfortable as holing away can be — black holes don’t let the light in.

Hiding in a black hole of self-doubt, has its appeal. Black holes keep us from facing these challenges and realities …

    that folks might discount the dimensions of our devastation.
    that we own part of the situation.
    that we have control to change things.
    that we’ll have to let people watch us learning.
    we have to lay down our pain, our embarassment, and give again.

Ben Franklin said, “Things that hurt, instruct.”

And people and stars are made of the same stuff.

But hanging in black hole is stressful, boring, and unattractive. It makes us negative and unhappy. When we’re unhappy enough, those challenges won’t be such a burden. We’ll blast out all at once, because we’re hungry for direction, energy, and hope.

Blasting out of a black hole is a decision. Here’s how to execute once you find a black hole of self-doubt isn’t a place worth being.

  1. Open your eyes and tell yourself off. Let the light in. You get to decide how happy you’ll be. Own your life.

  2. Do something for someone. Be generous. Get out of the center of your universe and back into orbit. You’ll lighten up.

  3. Make promises to the person you are AND keep them. Prove your integrity to yourself. Everyone else will see that shine through.

  4. Find out what other folks can teach you. Learn why someone cares about something you find insignificant. Learn how to say what you feel.

  5. Change your mind. Quit problem thinking. Argue for solutions. Align your goals with the the people you trust.

  6. Listen with your whole being. Listen for what people are not saying. Listen to what your actions are saying. Learn to laugh when you hear yourself whine.

  7. Make a small child smile. You were a child once. You know how.

A wise person once told me that change is the only constant. If we know nothing lasts we don’t attach too tightly. We value ideas and people. When we shine, it lets others know they can shine too.

Shine like the star you are. We need your light.

How do you shine your way out of self-doubt?

–ME “Liz” Strauss

Related
The Top 10 Ways to Start Living Your Life
7 Reasons and Ways to Leave the Center of the Universe to Come Back to Us Again

Register for SOBCon09 NOW!!

Shine in a roomful of stars!

Filed Under: Motivation, Successful Blog Tagged With: bc, LinkedIn, Motivation/Inspiration

The Mic Is On and We're Talking E-Books

March 24, 2009 by Liz

It’s Like Open Mic Only Different

The Mic Is On

Here’s how it works.

It’s like any rambling conversation. Don’t try to read it all. Jump in whenever you get here. Just go to the end and start talking. EVERYONE is WELCOME.
The rules are simple — be nice.

There are always first timers and new things to talk about. It’s sort of half “Cheers” part “Friends” and part video game. You don’t know how much fun it is until you try it.

. . .

An ebook can be more important than resume in defining your career and your business. Tonight we’ll explore what it takes to get one done and out there.

  • What should you write about?
  • How long should an ebook be?
  • Where do you sell it?
  • What can you expect?
The-Secret-to-Writing-a-Successful-and-Outstanding-Blog-by-Liz-Strauss

And, whatever else comes up, including THE EVER POPULAR, Basil the code-writing donkey . . . and flamenco dancing (because we always get off topic, anyway.)

Oh, and bring example links.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
image: sxc.hu
Related article
What is Tuesday Open Comment Night?

Filed Under: SOB Business, Successful Blog Tagged With: bc, blog-promotion, dialogue, living-social-media, Open-Comment-Night

Be There Before the Sale

March 24, 2009 by Liz

The theme of SOBCon09 is the ROI of Relationships. To underscore the importance of relationships in business and to have a chance to make and celebrate a few while we’re doing that, I’ve opened up this series by successful and outstanding bloggers like you.

Be There Before the Sale
by Chris Brogan

Greg Cangialosi is one of the very best salesmen I know. He hasn’t sold the biggest dollar product ever (I think that would be David Bullock). He doesn’t sell thousands of accounts a day. Instead, he gets the title from me because he taught me a powerful sales technique, so powerful that Julien Smith and I wrote about him in our upcoming book, Trust Agents. He taught us to be there before the sale.

Greg was one of the very first confirmed sponsors of PodCamp, long before anyone knew that we’d have an international success story on our hands. When we called Greg, we had never run an event, didn’t really know what sponsors wanted, and had no idea how to communicate professionally about the give-and-take that is event sponsorship. Greg was kind, friendly, and supported our event. He didn’t ask for anything unreasonable in return.

Since that point, I’ve run into Greg at several events. He uses another trust agent move, be one of us, quite often as well, by hanging out at our events, by creating content and contributing to our space. He’s not some company owner; he’s a guy who spends time with us, has drinks with us, and who we know and care about.

The ROI of Relationships

Greg also gets the sales. I am personally a customer. I bought another account for my company. PodCamp co-founder Christopher S. Penn is a customer, and has sold the service to his company as well. Both of us refer Blue Sky Factory to anyone asking about email marketing. We love the service, and it’s cost-effective and all that, but most important to us, we have a relationship with Greg, and his service is the product of record for us with regards to email marketing.

Given Chris’s audience, my audience, the people who will buy Trust Agents, and all the time between now and the end of his business, Greg gets free, passionate advertising all the time from a growing legion of fans. For the price of a few beers here and there, Greg has an army.

If that’s not a return on investment, I don’t know what is.

Chris Brogan blogs at [chrisbrogan.com]. He is president of New Marketing Labs.
His twitter name is: @chrisbrogan

Register for SOBCon09 NOW!!

Hear Chris Brogan speak in person!

Filed Under: Marketing /Sales / Social Media, Successful Blog Tagged With: bc, Biz School for Bloggers, Chris-Brogan, ROI of Relationships, SOBCon09

Open Mic 7pm Chgo Time: We're Talking E-Books

March 24, 2009 by Liz

Join Us Tonight

JOIN US TONIGHT AT 7PM

What Do You Want to Be Known For?

An ebook can be more important than resume in defining your career and your business. Tonight we’ll explore what it takes to get one done and out there.

Oh, and bring example links.

The rules are simple — be nice.

Do be nice. 🙂

–ME “Liz” Strauss

Related article
What is Tuesday Open Comment Night?

Filed Under: SOB Business, Successful Blog Tagged With: bc, blog-promotion, dialogue, living-social-media, Open Comments

The Castaways of Survivor SxSW Austin: How to Find ADOS Immunity at a Huge Conference

March 23, 2009 by Liz

Off to the Island We Go

I was still a young pup when I discovered the key to conferences. It doesn’t matter what industry you’re in. They’re arranged, funded, and attended by people. People at conferences seem to fall victim to the same behaviors. By the end, the folks leaving can look like they’ve lived a season of Survivor — Take for example this recent conference: Survivor SxSW Austin.

People were off to the island of Austin. Soon enough SxSW castaways realized that their ties to home were gone. We started saying hello; finding common ground; seeing who had a SxSW badge, forming our teams. The people of the town, the people of restaurants, the people in the cars, cabs, and hallways become like so much scenery — we only interacted with them when we needed essentials — food, clothing, and shelter (well, mostly food.)

Survivor SxSW became Reality 2.0. Anticipation was high. Possibilities were higher. Intentions and expectations were everywhere. “Do everything” looked like the only option between now and home. Survival required focus and follow through in the alien environment that only a huge conference can be. The folks who came without training were at a serious disadvantage.

The 3 questions on the Survivor site were heard throughout the week.

  • Who’s most under-estimated?
  • What’s the wildest moment so far?
  • Which castaway seems most out of their element?

Who would be left standing at the end of a week?

It’s easy to feel alone. No one gets automatic immunity. You have to find your own.

The Castaways

Huge conference after huge conference the cast doesn’t seem to change. Let me introduce you to the folks I always see. They were there last year … but like a new season of Survivor, they seemed to be the same people with different names.

  1. The first timer: She was glad to be there and overwhelmed that everyone knew what she didn’t — that just because you know 100 people at the same conference, it doesn’t mean you’ll see any of them. She’s was soon wishing she’d come with comfortable shoes, with a plan, with a friend to keep her company.
  2. The up and comer: He went for the win. In a few hours, everyone knew him. He was networking until the cows came home, or at least back to his hotel. You’ll know him by the number of flickr pix that you find tagged with his name. Do you have a copy of his book? Wait, he hasn’t had time to write it yet.
  3. The information junkie: Her head was in the panels. She could quote chapter and verse of the keynotes and blogged every question. Her program was worn to shreds from handling by Day 2. She exchanged cards with every speaker, but didn’t really have a conversation the entire week.
  4. The party monkeys: Each morning they built alliances on the list of parties they’d attend that evening. The next day they spoke slowly about how long the lines were. They lost their voices and their hearing by bits with each new sunrise.
  5. The rockstar: She showed up for appearances, did her gig, smiled at fans, shook their hands, and disappeared almost as quickly. She might have gotten off most easily because her unreal fame fits the unreality of the conference with a resonating rhythm.
  6. The social jockey: He decided what to do and which people to spend time with based on whether they add to his visibility. You know your star is rising if his kind spoke with you this year.
  7. The sponsors and the sponsored: They worked their butts off and hardly had time to talk. They made everything happen. When they had downtime they talked business or partied like the attendees.
  8. The camera crew: The camera crew was busy with their cameras. They are not allowed to interact while the cameras are on. They’ll experience the conference when they look through their flickr accounts.
  9. The pros: They treated the conference like a Twitter stream — taking part in what they found valuable, letting the rest go by. They did business. They attended some sessions and events. They skipped others for quality conversation. They got sleep every night. They kept their feet on ground and their thoughts in perspective.

Lots of regular folks were there too, by Day 4 they were easy to identify. They were the ones who were still awake and itching to find their own pillow. A Survivor Experience can wear on the most grounded psyches. These are the folks who disappeared from the interwebs when they got home.

How to Find ADOS Immunity at a Huge Conference

Lots of great things happen at conferences. SxSW is outstanding for what it offers –incredible opportunities to expand your network and constant input to move your thinking to new levels. You’ll meet great people and if you try, you’ll get a chance to know them. To be successful, you need to find immunity to an extreme case of ADD that someone called ADOS — AD-oooo shiny.

Five ground rules will help.

  1. Build your network before you go. Meet people via email and telephone long before you get to the “island.” Huge conferences are more valuable if you already have a connection to the people you’re going to meet. You’ll also find that more of the meetings that you plan will actually take place.
  2. Invest in a goal. That will give your conference a direction and a basis on which to make decisions about what to do next when unexpected opportunities jump in front of you.
  3. Only plan 3 – 5 things each day and be lethal about getting those done. Interruptions and opportunities to explore people, places, and conversations will be everywhere all day long. If you find you have time to do more than you planned, you’ll be ahead of the game.
  4. Make time for at least one important conversation daily. Go to lunch with smart people. Talk about smart things. A week of continuous small talk can make any person feel shallow, insecure, and a little lost.
  5. Make time for sleep. Don’t think you can do everything. No one will notice if you missed that third party on Tuesday. Everyone will notice if you look a wreck and can’t think by Day 3.

Those few strategies can help keep your balance. You’ll accomplish your goals, get a return on your investment, and learn plenty from just being there. You’ll head home a Survivor, feeling like the tribe was worth every minute you spent in their company.

What do you do to survive huge conferences?

–ME “Liz” Strauss

Register for SOBCon09 NOW!!

Work and network in a small quiet space with a dream team.

Filed Under: Marketing /Sales / Social Media, Successful Blog Tagged With: bc, conferences, LinkedIn, Marketing /Sales / Social Media, Productivity, relationships, SXSW

Thanks to Week 178 SOBs

March 21, 2009 by Liz

muddy teal strip A

Successful and Outstanding Bloggers

Let me introduce the bloggers
who have earned this official badge of achievement,

Purple SOB Button Original SOB Button Red SOB Button Purple and Blue SOB Button
and the right to call themselves
Successful Blog SOBs.

I invite them to take a badge home to display on their blogs.

muddy teal strip A






They take the conversation to their readers,
contribute great ideas, challenge us, make us better, and make our businesses stronger.

I thank all of our SOBs for thinking what we say is worth passing on.
Good conversation shared can only improve the blogging community.

Should anyone question this SOB button’s validity, send him or her to me. Thie award carries a “Liz said so” guarantee, is endorsed by Kings of the Hemispheres, Martin and Michael, and is backed by my brothers, Angelo and Pasquale.

deep purple strip

Want to become an SOB?

If you’re an SO-Wanna-B, you can see the whole list of SOBs and learn how to be one by visiting the SOB Hall of Fame– A-Z Directory . Click the link or visit the What IS an SOB?! page in the sidebar.

–ME “Liz” Strauss

Filed Under: Successful Blog Tagged With: bc, blog-promotion, Directory-of-Successful-Blogs, Successful and Outstanding Blogs

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