Pleeeasse Don’t Think I’m Self-Promoting
Some rare folks are pushy and opportunistic in their self-promotion. It’s as if they don’t know when they’re spouting off that the other person is a person at all.
Most folks are the opposite. We see opportunists and we don’t want to be is taken for one of them. As a result we often shy away from any attempt to talk about what we do — fearing we’d be mistaken for the opportunists that we’re not. I used to be the poster child for thinking about self-promotion like that, and it found me getting myself tangled in knots unnecessarily. Here’s how it worked, or rather didn’t work, for me when someone asked about what I do.
My mind all triggered up, I’d be anticipating the question long before anyone asked it. Naturally, I only had part of an answer flushed out in my head. I figured I didn’t want to sound like a recording, so I’d keep the answer loose and free. The truth is I hadn’t really thought through what it was I actually did. I hadn’t made it’s message a part of who I am.
That’s the place where, like the children’s game, we all fall down.
Someone would ask me, “What do you do?”
Because I wanted to have everyone as a client, I’d be faced with this mental image of impossible dimension. In a rush, I’d hear myself thinking, “I can’t possibly say everything. What answer does this person need?”
Mind already triggered, now the barrel is loaded.
Rather than ask, “What makes you ask the question?” I moved ahead blindly trying to guess what the other person wanted to know. In the dark, listening to what I’m saying and how the other person is responding, I’d proceed to get more and more intense and self-conscious. That made me more and more unfocused in my response. My answer ended up so much high-charged mush that was impossible to follow or care about.
Bang. I shot myself in the foot.
unwittingly, I became a pushy self-promoter when that was what I was trying to avoid. Shooting myself in the foot hurts. I don’t do that anymore.
How I Learned to Stop Shooting Myself in the Foot
When I got tired of patching up holes and buying new shoes. I did some serious thinking, and here is where I got.
- What was I doing trying to think someone else’s thoughts? The closest I can get to that is thinking what I think the other person might think. How silly is that?
- I I need to know what I do before I can tell someone else.
- My fear of self-promotion was turning me into someone else.
- I picked the three things I love doing most. I wrote a sentence about each one and what my participation brought to that kind of work.
Those three sentences are what I want to do and what I do well. When someone ask me that same question now, I have those three sentences in my head. I can choose one or all and choose to elaborate on them or not.
No longer am I trying to figure out what someone wants or needs to hear. I simply answer the question with what I know is a fact. I’m relaxed and I no longer limp away from conversations that start with “What do you do?”
You don’t need three sentences. You really only need one that is uniquely you.
I know I’ve asked before, but this is a slightly different situation. Now what would your sentence be?
–Me “Liz” Strauss
Related
Self Promotion: A Winning Answer Every Time ââ¬â Why is That?
Shameless Self-Promotion: What Makes It Shameless?
I still struggle with this. I don’t have a great answer, but I know I need one.
Usually I mutter something incomprehensible that makes me look silly and ask the question right back.
I better think of something soon though…
Hey Ben,
It’s reasonable that you would be feeling that way when you’re in a start up situation. I can help you find that sentence. It usually takes about 20-30 minutes of listening to you talk. You know what you do . . . it’s finding the words that gets hard. 🙂
This post is very timely for me, Liz. Self-promotion is something I’ve not done and need to learn. Time to get to work on those sentences.
You have just explained my entire life. Thanks for the clarity..I will now attempt formulate a 3 sentence explanation of my loves and enjoy completely, the tidiness of it all. I really loathe it when I walk all over my words.
Anyway, thanks. (anymore cudos and I would be shooting myself in the foot again…I am good at that too).
Hi Carolyn, there were two other posts last week I don’t know whether you saw them. 🙂
Hi Lynn!
Welcome. Well I had to have lived it to write about it. I know exactly how you’re feeling. 🙂
Liz?
Self Promotion and Shameless Self-Promotion? No, didn’t see them yet, but I won’t be able to say that in an hour (or so — depending on tonight’s conversation). 🙂
Yep,
Those are the ones. I’m doing a bit of series.
As a young child I was taught not to talk about myself. That was considered bragging. I guess that impression has lasted a long time because I still suffer bouts of tounge tiedness with self-promotion.
I am learning just to be honest and not go into too much detail unless people ask. I tell people now I have started a new business. When they ask what and I say freelance writing, they just say good for you and that’s that. At that time anyway.
Hi Carma Dutra!
Welcome. I know lots of folks who fear bragging if they say the slightest word.
Choose a sentence that says a little more. I write answers to people’s marketing questions. or I write in fewer words what people are trying to say.
Those sentences will get people to ask you more about what you do. Then maybe even hire you.
I need some tips in self promotion. I am afraid of bragging if I talk about all my accomplishments and fear that the other person will not be impressed if I say too less.
Hi Anita!
Welcome. look for the sentence that you can call a fact. It will have no emotional wrap around it. Phrase it as a solution about what you do. I make books for kids so that they can learn to read. I write press releases for companies that don’t know how to talk about their products efficiently.
This series is the hotness.:) I need to think about this one for a while. -j
John,
I’ll be interested in seeing where you take it. After all, it’s just what I used to do in my head.
Hi all, good morning
Carma, you’ve the same experience as I have (bragging etc).
Isn’t it strange then, as I found out, that once you’re in business the world is turned upside down in every marketing book you read: now you have to brag!
It’s not easy to ‘forget’ what is almost ingrained in young years: don’t brag. And it can take a while to feel ‘comfortable’ with the idea that bragging now – as business, free-lancer etc – is considered a proper marketing tool 😉
Strange world!
Hi Karin,
Well said, as usual. It does get a bit easier,when we can remove it from feeling like we’re talking about ourselves and instead feel like we’re talking about what we do instead.
I have a large self-conscious streak. I get distracted when people are looking at me. But I don’t mind at all if I’m talking about my work and not about myself. Go figure. 🙂
Just about when you wrote your blog I was writing how I stop shooting myself in the foot. Like Liz I’d got to the rule of three.
Used to write them down on a visiting card.
Great advice I’ll pass on to some students who have to ‘pitch’ for work.
Hi Tudor,
Welcme!
Are you the guy I met in the ER having a bullet removed? 🙂
Having an idea of the facts of our work going into any situation really does a lot to keep our “hormones” in check and our words in the right order. 🙂
Tough questions. You’re a master at asking those tough but important questions, Liz.
What do I do? Man, I’ll be thinking about that for a while.
Off the top of my head, I’d say I work hard to connect professionals with other on the Web. That’s just one aspect of my life though … hmmm, need some time to mull it over!
Great conversations. I find the best and most engaging way is to tell a brief story that sets up your work. The story can be very simple, and then I do this, then this, etc…but should contain a bit of a mystery…and the last point, is to provide a solution as the last and final step. I find that saying three sentences might communicate what it is you do, but it does not get the desired result or action.
My two cents….gl http://blogs.jobdig.com/wwds
Hi Easton,
Believe me I have the same question to answer and it took me a long time to get to my own. I find it much easier to help someone else get there. 🙂
Hi GL
Welcome! A story is a great way to get around the problem. It’s a particularly useful one to me.
In the end I think that you’re up level from this interim step. I agree with your two cents.
I had to walk before I could run. 😛
Thanks for your comment. You’re not a stranger here anymore. 🙂
This is a great article. I still agonize when someone asks me what I do and I usually mumble something about being a writer, or even worse, I say “I run a self-help website.” 😉
Hi Scott!
I know. It takes a while to get clear on what to say. It might be fun in your case to say something like, “I help folks find their marbles.” 🙂
Wow, great post with a doozy question.
I finished this post trying to think of a sentence or three, but after reading the comments, I much prefer the story option! What a great idea…
I imagine it would be like friendly gossip— passing on something great that happened to someone else, and including that I facilitated it. If someone asked me today “What do you do?” I’d have said:
“Well today I talked with microbusiness owners about a successful woman solopreneur who has built her business from the $80,000 to $2,000,000 in annual revenue in 7 years, and the income streams she used to do that. Some of my readers were skeptical, but many were excited by the possibilities, especially because her business is online.
Now how would you guess she does it?”
Wow. That felt GOOD.
THAT, Crystal, is some elevator pitch!!