Successful Blog

Influence: He Leaves People Feeling Proud to Know Him …

by

cooltext443794242_influence1

This is Carly Simon, No Secrets
, in 1972.

His friends are more than fond of Robin
He doesn’t need to compliment them
And always as he leaves he leaves them
Feeling proud just to know him … — His Friends Are More Than Fond of Robin

Those few lines made me want to meet the guy the song was about. That description has influenced me for more than 30 years.

When I say I’m proud to know you, it unpacks to many things:

  • I respect your values.
  • I trust that you hold people around you safe.
  • I see your competence, credibility, and generosity.
  • I recognize your integrity.
  • I want to share you with my friends.
  • You make it easy to be my better self when I am with you.

Proud to know you, for me, means outstanding, shareable, and easy. Robin had the best Word of Mouth in the 70s. No wonder the lyrics also said

He’s talked about before he gets there …

We talk about what we like.

Who do know that’s talked about like that?

What makes you proud to know someone?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your business!!

Buy the ebook. Learn the art of online conversation.

I’m a proud affiliate of

What Is Trust?

by

That Was the Question

Some of you will click away before you read this — for whatever reason — we can’t invest in every message offered us or every person who brings it. For those who stay, thank you.

About a week ago, I spent time with someone I’ve known since I was 7. By the time one day had turned well into the next, we had caught up our lives and were well into our thoughts. Our friendship has lasted a life-time and we share in both silence and conversation. Picture two introverts not concerned with sharing thoughts aloud … a no-filter conversation.

In that amazing context, she looked me in the eyes to ask, “What is trust?”

That question is still with me.

Trust Is the Conversation

About a week before I sat with my life-long friend, I watched world leaders discuss how to get the world turning properly after we’ve undone so many things. Each speaker brought a message and each listener could choose whether to trust what he or she said. Trust, candor, and truth were common themes.

Trust has become the conversation. We talk about it with family, friends, business partners, clients, and journalists … online and offline. Seems reasonable that world leaders might talk about it too.

We’re defining it, outlining it, and promoting it to each other, but the how to seems less than firmly drawn. As I watch and listen I become more aware of what moves me to trust and what undermines that.

What Trust Is Not

I’ve never been one to trust or distrust power — the power of print, the power of a microphone, the power of office, the power of your signature on my paycheck. I am surprised and sometimes frightened by those who are.

Trust is a relationship not an office. It’s not situational.
Power and position get an opportunity, the same opportunity as anyone, not a better one. Politicians might even get less.

Trust is not good deeds, good looks, or the right t-shirt. Context helps, but doesn’t guarantee it. If you come in a context I trust, I listen more easily. If some way you look like me or sound like me, I might offer trust more easily. Still the trappings don’t make the real thing. My decision to trust you does.

And trust isn’t unilateral or blind. One-way trust is a handing over of power. Blind trust goes against self-preservation.

What Is Trust?

Trust is a decision, a commitment, a pact and a bond that builds and connects. Trust is shared values. Trust empowers by the questions it removes.

Trust is brave and vulnerable. Trust is not sparing my feelings. Trust is the hard truth spoken gently.

Trust is knowing and believing, giving and receiving without hesitation. Trust is not wondering whether what I say is true, whether I will follow through, whether my thoughts and feelings will change when I’m talking to someone other. Trust is knowing you are safely invested and protected.

We can lose it before we have it or find where we least expect it. Trust can be given, but not invented, stolen, or demanded.

Trust is a delicate sculpture we build through relationship, communication, thoughts, and behaviors. Once it’s shattered we can’t glue it back together. The only replacement is remaking the sculpture. Like wellness, generosity, or kindness, we’re most reminded of its value when it’s gone.

In the end trust is knowing you are the same when I’m not there … Trust is keeping promises, even the unspoken promises. Not every trust relationship is that of two life-long friends who communicate with or without words. But imagine if that were so.

Trust is a risk, venture capital. It’s a gamble with a friend, a lover, or a business. Trust is us leading and leaning on each other when the outcome isn’t clear.

9169_child_leading_blind_guitar_pla

When I don’t ask, when I’m not present, when I don’t even know that your actions might have been different,

when the reality is consistently …

I bet on you and I won.

trust is.

What is trust … to you?

–ME “Liz” Strauss

Order Anything You Put Your Mind To by Liz Strauss today!

Are You Listening? Influence and Participation Above the Noise

by

Listening Is Essential to Communication

“To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well, and is as essential to all true conversation” –Chinese Proverb

Last week, I got a chance to talk with Patrick Rooney, of the Zócalo Group in Chicago. As we discussed social media, Patrick discussed the perspective of corporate clients moving into the social media space now. He made a powerful point about how some corporate clients are slow to enter social media because they perceive bloggers as having no forgiveness for mistakes they might make. [not a direct quote]

Patrick and I talked about the digital divide that needs closing. the stereotypes in both directions: a bunch of undisciplined bloggers and social media rockstars who don’t like companies and a bunch of uptight, uppity corporate folks who think they know more than everything. We discussed opportunities to get some conversations started. I told him about the barns and bridges project. We made some plans to move things forward.

It seems so easy. All we had to was introduce them and get them talking and listening. Listening is the crucial part.

Influence and Participation Above the Noise

If you want to make a deal or a partnership, build a bridge, or solve a conflict, listening is the way in. If we don’t listen to what people believe, what they need, or what their goals are, how could we have their best interests in mind?

Listening is influence. A good listener has the power to change conduct, thought, or decisions, by encouraging discussions to go deeper, thoughts to get bigger, and people to raise their ideas above the noise.

Listening is participation. Great listeners are involved and thinking. That’s how we connect with other people’s ideas and values. Active listening helps us find the places where our minds meet and understand the places where our ideas separate. Here are just a few ways that listening enhances influence through participation.
Listening:

  • is learning
  • demonstrates respect which builds reputation
  • allows us to learn about and improve ourselves and our ability to connect with others
  • gathers information about how people perceive things, making their actions more predictable and increasing our ability to communicate in “their language.”
  • offers attention which opens channels to more information
  • collects data on which to test and build goals and strategy
  • uncovers issues and opportunities
  • invites new ideas which influence future actions
  • sparks new dialogues which lead to deeper relationships
  • allows people to get to know, like, and trust us at their own speed
  • allows us to find places where our goals align with possible partners

We talk, teach, tell people what we think and walk away feeling we’ve had an influence. Have we really? The folks we’re addressing could be ignoring every word we say and smiling while they do so.

If we want to form effective partnerships — raise barns and build bridges — we have to understand what the other guy cares about, where he or she is going and which of our goals match well alongside those. Listening tunes us in to potential partners.

Listen gives us direction and purpose in any collaboration. When we listen first, we make better choices about what we say and how we say it. Our voices become more powerful.

. . . it’s the listening that separates Social Media experts from Social Media theorists. said Brian Solis

Has social media changed the way you listen? How would you explain listening online to someone who’s new here?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!

Some Listening Resources:
Chris Brogan offers a slew of advice on how to listen.
Conversations are happening online in all kinds of places. It’s important to understand how to get in there, and how to listen where the conversations are happening. Here’s a very impartial list of places to listen and how.

Once you’re through Chris’ list, here’s a Starter List of a few more Web 2.0 Social Tools.

Some new new tools that help us tune in include:
monitter, which allows you to follow conversations by keywordyacktrack which allows you to track a single term or a url, social mention which searches across 8 web media formats

The SOBCon Influence According to BuzzLogic

by

Conversationally

BuzzLogic logo

This news from Valerie Coombs at BuzzLogic . . .

I just did an influence query on “sobcon liz strauss” and got these results.

How did we get these results?
BuzzLogic’s influence algorithm takes a dozen factors into account in determining the influence of posts and a blog overall. They include:

  • a blogger’s credibility and expertise on a specific topic over time,
  • who is linking in,
  • the quality and influence of all in-linkers and
  • the popularity of a post overall.

Congrats to Lorelle VanFossen for the most influential post in the entire sobcon conversation!

SOBCon Remembered and Recommended

See below the Top 25 right as of the close of SOBCon.

  1. Liz Strauss
  2. Lorelle – Lorelle has the single most influential post ever about SOBCON!
  3. Phil Gerbyshak
  4. Brain Based Business
  5. David Armano
  6. The Blog Herald
  7. James D Walton
  8. Timothy L Johnson
  9. Bootsnall travel community
  10. Ben Yonkavitz
  11. Joe Hauckes
  12. Tim Draayer
  13. Des Walsh
  14. Dawud Miracle
  15. Jon Gatrell
  16. Drew McLellan
  17. FutureLab blog
  18. Kent Blumberberg
  19. Geoffrey Philp
  20. Robert Hruzek
  21. Christine Kane
  22. Amy Palko
  23. problogger
  24. Mary Schmidt
  25. Adam Kayce

See the screenshot of the Social Map around Lorelle’s post. Click to see it full size.

BuzzLogic Conversation around the Most Influential Blog Post

We will continue to watch the conversation and update you on changes…. Valerie, BuzzLogic

Do you have influence? Will the SOBCon blog posts you write change this listing?

For more about BuzzLogic, visit Jeremiah’s post of Shel’s Interview with the Co-Founder. Sandra and Valerie are both in the vid.
–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!

7 Ways to a Remarkably Powerful, Personal Network of Bloggers

by

How to Make Friends with a Blogger

relationships button

Just this week someone was saying to me how surprised they were to find that bloggers are such helpful people. That got me thinking about how much all of you have been for me.

So much of what blogging has been for me is been the relationships that have started in comment box, A network of blogger friends is the hugest benefit of this hobby of communicating with everyone who stumbles upon our url. The folks we meet on our blogs are now the people with whom we’re doing business and sharing our goals.

People say that I’m a connector, here’s how those connections came about.

7 Ways to a Remarkably Powerful, Personal Network of Bloggers

If you want to meet and connect with bloggers, you have to go where bloggers hang out — blogs, blog meet ups, and social networking groups that are blogger haunts. When you get there, know a few things about what we bloggers have in common so that you’ll feel comfortable having something to talk about. Here are seven ways to connect with bloggers.

  1. Use blogrolls. Bloggers are always clicking and connecting. We know the most efficient ways to get from place or person to another. Bloggers recognize like minds quickly and value the connections when we find one. Use the blogrolls on the blogs you read to find new blogs to widen your circle.

  2. Promote bloggers who have great thoughts. The best form of connecting is to show folks what we value about them by sharing it publicly with our friends. We live on the web — a connected set of linked up urls. Link to bloggers who talk about what you’re interest in and you’ll find they’ll be interested in you. Don’t just concentrate on A-Listers. Great thinkers are writing on blogs that just started yesterday. You can help them get going.

  3. Ask for help with a problem. Bloggers are flexible and agile. We’ve picked up the latest and adapt them to our needs — sometimes in ways that the developers hadn’t imagined. When you visit new blogs check the structure as well as the content, when you have a problem connect, connect, connect with bloggers. A blogger will know how to help. A simple question in a contact box with the words “Can you point me in the direction of the answer . . .” will often start a new relationship.

  4. Do something to change the world. Bloggers love to make things better. One of the quickest ways to connect with bloggers is to design and announce a realistic, altruistic plan to improve or support a cause for someone else.

  5. Avoid the wrong side of the links. Some bloggers aren’t the sort to connect up with. Keeping an eye on our zeal to connect is always a good idea. Spam and advertorial content is all some slimy bloggers ever offer. Those connections make a network weaker.

  6. Value every second someone shares with you. Bloggers guard their time. We spend time writing great content, tweaking our blogs and talking to each other. Be authentic, be thoughtful, and be generous when you say hello that very first time. . . . and every time after.

  7. Remember the people; forget the press. A blogger’s life changes quickly over time. In a few months, we can go from being a “newbie” to being someone folks want to know. The first notice by a big search engine, the first time we show up on a top ten list, the first page ranking at Google — these are our academy awards. When it happens to you, don’t let it change who you are. People don’t change their algorithms nearly as often as Google does.

So there they are 7 ways to connect with bloggers to form a remarkably powerful personal network. What they really say is Be real and be about the folks you want to connect with. Show up as who you are from the first moment and you’ll find folks will start wanting to connect to you.

Know any other hints I should add to the list?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Would you like to work with Liz to build your network?

How to Own the Incredible Influence of a 65th Crayon

by

65th Crayon Portrait

When I was little, I used to play with crayons. They were like people to me. In some ways, crayons helped form my philosophy of life. Now sometimes I think of people as if they are crayons. For me, the metaphor works. I see — the Needy Pinks, a Bossy Blues, or the occasional Frail Gray ones.

Those folks don’t get much of my time. When they tell me what to do, I don’t really listen no matter how loudly or sweetly they speak. That’s because, at the end of the day, they’re always trying to move me to do something for them.

People who are centered on themselves are like broken crayons to me. They’re not as much fun to work or to play with. It’s kind of sad really. I don’t think that most “broken crayons” are particularly aware, or particularly selfish on purpose. They seem to be trying to hard to prove they have a right to be here.

I’ve been lucky enough to have the privilege of knowing a Shining Silver. One day I hope to be one. The Shining Silver is special in that she knows herself well, and she’s about everyone else.

It’s always a pleasure to do whatever she asks. That’s incredible influence.

In that way, she’s a 65th Crayon.

How to Own the Incredible Influence of a 65th Crayon

What’s a 65th Crayon? Why is one so influential? A 65th Crayon is someone who is one of a kind, who thinks individual thoughts. Some folks call it being out of the box. Well, of course, a 65th Crayon would be out of the box — only 64 come in the box.

You need to live seven key ideas to own the incredible influence of a 65th Crayon.

  1. A 65th Crayon is self-sharpening.
    It is, and always will be, sharp enough already.

  2. A 65th Crayon isn’t about making a mark or proving it’s smart.
    It doesn’t need to make a point, to get a point, or to point out anything.

  3. A 65th Crayon isn’t about drawing lines.
    It blends and balances other colors, coaxing out their vibrant shades.

  4. A 65th Crayon doesn’t worry about fitting in the box.
    A 65th crayon is the perfect size to fit in the whole world.

  5. A 65th Crayon is unique and thus precious like every crayon ever made.

  6. A 65th Crayon cannot hide. It’s colorful personality gives it away.

  7. A 65th Crayon may get misplaced, or shared, but it is never lost.

Influence comes from understanding that we’re all different, that we all come to our conclusions on our own. Incredible influence comes from knowing that it’s always about the other guy not me and that we all feel like the one left out of the box now and then. Turning that feeling into a good thing is a spectacular outlook to live by and model. That’s what a 65th Crayon does so well. Who isn’t attracted to that?

In the end, who do we listen to? . . . I listen to the ones who assume the rest of us crayons already know how to draw.

Are you a 65th Crayon? What other crayons have you known? Go ahead. Have some fun. Give them a a colorful name.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!